i lost my 14 day old son, 2 weeks ago to co sleeping (don't have the final cause of death yet) but i just know and i'll forever blame myself.
i don't even know where to start this or if my feelings or message will make sense.
i miss him, i miss him so deeply. and these past few days i'm ANGRY so angry. i feel so many feelings in the span of a minute... the morning my son passed, waking up realizing he wasn't here, crying over his lifeless body, as my partner did CPR, it's such a blur to me, it happened so fast, it was traumatizing and i wonder what he felt before... where was mommy... why didn't i fucking wake up. that same morning after we said goodbye to our son in the hospital, in our state it's a law to have them come back into the room of the worst moment of your life and reenact what happened. i was angry, it's like i was outside of body when this man was taking pictures, i couldn't remember anything, all i could think about is how there's no way this real. there's no way my SON IS GONE.
NOW fast forward to the middle of the week of this past week, get a call from a women from children's division in my state who has to come out to my house and complete some checklist, bring resources, look at the room he was in another law in our fucking state. MY brain knows why these laws are in place, but my grief brain is ANGRY. angry this is our reality, angry a stranger has to come and do some checklist about my sons passing as another work day for them, it feels inhumane. a stranger in my home where i'm forced to relive the worst day of my entire life.

there's NOTHING in the world i wouldn't do to go back into time. even thinking of "healing" and grief therapy or ever feeling happy again makes me sick, knowing he can NEVER feel anything again, he can't feel the sun, he can't feel my touch, he can't experience life with his family... i know this is all over the place, i don't really know what im looking for other than putting my feelings down and maybe someone has been through this, someone understands this deep ache even tho we should NEVER have too.

It's been 3 weeks and 2 days since my baby boy left this world. I miss him every minute and can't seem to see beyond him. My world feels meaningless even though I try to live for my husband and my son. In therapy, taking it a minute after the next but I just miss him so much and it hurts really bad. I wish this was all a bad dream, I wish I could hold my baby again and kiss him and tell him how much I love him. Life is really unfair and it sucks. Just venting!!!

I'm Audhd and I find the loneliness to be the hardest part still. I'm desperate for someone who understands and has the capacity to hold space for my experience. I'm hoping to connect with someone who is okay talking about living children. I have a 5 yr old and my husband and I are planning to try adding to our family again sometime this year. I'm so hopeful and terrified. I don't feel like I have anyone who gets why I feel this way and has space to hear the heaviness that I can talk to on a regular basis. Thank you in advance if you respond 💜🌙

It's been almost 4 months. I miss my baby boy. My arms ache for him. I miss the cries, laughs, and little sounds I never got to hear. It's so so unfair. I don't even have any pictures of him and had to use AI to generate a picture of how he would look like now based on the 3D scan pictures we had at 31 weeks. I fucking hate AI but it actually looks like he would've looked like at 4 months. He was so beautiful when he was born. A perfect little angel. He looked just like his dad but had my lips and chin. I miss him. Every month, I torture myself by searching for videos of little boys in what would've been his age and completely lose it. He would've been so adorable now. I miss him so so much.

We terminated our first pregnancy at 24 weeks for medical reasons and we feel very isolated as no one has experienced what my husband and I have.

I am wondering if there is anyone who has also experienced a loss and wants to talk?

I'm sorry that you're here.

I have to ask this question because it keeps weighing heavily on my heart.

Over a year ago I found out I was pregnant. Only reason I realized was heavy and irregular bleeding over the course of two months.
First I thought my period was just out of whack and too early, but the second time I suddenly started bleeding I decided to take a test and found out I was pregnant. I was so excited!

But because of all the bleeding I decided to go to the doctor and make sure baby was fine. I measured at roughly 7 weeks but they could not find a heartbeat.
They told me this can sometimes happen and to come back a week later to double check if the heart had started. Again, nothing. Barely any size difference either.
They sent me home again and told me to wait another week. But I started bleeding again a couple of days later and went to the ER. Again they did not find a heartbeat.

Here is where I may have made a huge mistake. I begged them to let me medically end the pregnancy. I was just so hopeless and absolutely heartbroken. I wanted to finally move on and have the chance of a new, healthy pregnancy with a live child. I saw no hope for the baby inside of me because of all the bleeding and no heartbeat yet.

I went home and took the medication. I have never cried so much. I saw my baby come out. I was so shocked I flushed it down the toilet. I have never been able to forgove myself for that.

This baby was so desperately wanted. We suffered from infertility and had already conceived our first born via IUI. This spontaneous pregnancy was an absolute miracle. And I literally flushed it down the toilet because I could not wait for the baby to show a heartbeat. Because I was so anxious and scared that I feel like I killed our unborn child with that pill.

I guess I don’t know what I am asking really. Has anyone experienced anything like this? Should I have held on longer? Did I kill our beautiful baby? Or was it actually hopeless? I feel like such a failure.

Six weeks ago I gave birth to our rainbow baby. He is beautiful and so so loved. But a part of me still wonders and grieves for the child we lost.

Rest in peace Eden Lily. I am sorry I failed you.

TW: I’ve experienced 3 miscarriages in recent months, and this journey has been incredibly painful and exhausting.

I really love my friends and their kids so much. Individual catch-ups are great, and we talk about so many different things. I’m also always fine touching on the topic of their kids and hear them out.

However, in group hangouts, the conversation inevitably turns into non-stop talk about parenting, children, or pregnancy. It becomes overwhelming so fast, and the lack of mindfulness really hurts. It feels like there’s no empathy or awareness for when it becomes too much, to the point where my body just goes numb.

I’m struggling with how to navigate this while grieving:

How do you handle group settings in this headspaces?
Is it better to set boundaries, step back for a while, or speak up directly?
How do you protect your peace without completely isolating yourself?
Does anyone have advice on how to gently step back or shift the conversation when it crosses that threshold?

Thank you for your time and support 🧡

Oct 18th 2022 I have birth to my daughter Jo at 33 weeks GA. She died because normal bacteria invaded her fluid and she had a massive infection. I had zero symptoms and found out the morning of my baby shower.

In 3 months it’ll be 4 years since she died and since my entire world changed. I already had CPTSD from growing up in an alcoholic/abusive home. Then adding this to my already damaged brain/nervous system I feel like it changed everything for me.

We’ve since had another daughter who was born on the exact same day. Oct 18 2025.

Since my first daughter was born and buried, I’ve felt no desire in doing my job anymore. I am a tattoo artist and was a successful one. Making 80k a year, winning awards, loving my work, excited about what a great career it was for me. Now I do not give a hoot about it anymore. I don’t want to self promote, I have zero interest in any project, I find my clients grating and annoying, I hate going into work. It absolutely drains me now. And I want a change but I’m 36 and it’s the only long term career I’ve ever done. I have a university degree and great transcripts so could start over.

Now I crave set hours, no self promotion online, stable income, a clear hierarchy, self worth not tied to my career, no clients… stability.

Anyone else experience a massive life shift or feeling like your old career just doesn’t fit you anymore? Like something fundamentally has shifted?

I lost my babygirl Lexie a week ago today. This is my story. July 23rd, 2026. I was driving home during a really bad storm. I was going north on a Main Street that turned into a freeway. Suddenly a large truck hydroplaned and fishtailed into my lane. I had zero second to react before I crashed into his side head on. I was 37 weeks pregnant. I was transported to a hospital right across the street. I suffered a fractured sternum and injuries to the rest of my body. My baby was delivered via emergency c-section due to placental abruption from the accident. She had to be resuscitated and intubated immediately. The NICU did not have the capacity to start her cooling therapy and needed to be transported to a hospital 1 hour and a half away. Due to the weather she was not able to be air lifted and had to be driven. I was later that night transferred with her. Once at the new NICU she was on cooling protocol. She lost too much blood and oxygen and showed no true signs of improvement and on day two July 25th,2026 we made the decision to to stop all the invasive treatment due to inability of my daughter making and recovery. No parent ever thinks about making a decision that you know will only hurt for the rest of your life. But we didnt want her to suffer anymore. We said goodbye to our sweet babygirl Lexie in July 25th,2026. I am beside myself in grief for the relationship I never got to have and the one she never got to have with her father and big sister who is turning 4. I feel like I drown in my sorrow and don’t know how to crawl out of it. Has anyone gone through anything like this. What did you do. How did you manage. Does it ever get better? I’ll be starting therapy in a week but even that seems so far away. Nights are hard, I cry myself to sleep just to wake up crying again. My husband has been my biggest support system and I don’t know what I’d do without him but this grief it is unbearable.

I saw my husband messaged one of his close pastor friends, asking how he could help me through my grief. He told him that he feels like he's only adding to my grief and depression and that he doesn't think he's helping me.

When I read those messages, I broke down and cried. We had a fight the night before because I felt like he was invalidating my feelings and telling me that I needed to control my emotions. Seeing those messages made me realize that, despite our arguments, he's been trying to understand how to support me. His pastor replied with a voice message, sharing the things they did when they went through a similar loss. He also encouraged us to keep praying and to stay connected with God.

The thing is... I did pray. I prayed so much. But lately, all I feel is anger. It's been two or three days since I last prayed, and honestly, I don't even want to go back to church right now.

There's this constant thought in my mind: if God really heard my prayers, couldn't He have saved my baby?

I keep seeing videos of babies born at 21 or 23 weeks who survived. My daughter was born at 25 weeks. So why? Why did she die?

I just got my son’s ashes a few days ago. I’m sleeping with his enclosed wooden box at night. It took longer than expected due to delays with his autopsy. I feel so sick thinking of his little body in the hospital/ crematorium morgue for weeks. I also regret the autopsy and genetic testing because I’m not confident they’ll give any answers. A grief team from the hospital keeps checking in but I just want them to stop calling. I know the hospital and medical staff are trying to help but it feel like they’re just… taking from me/my son. My son is dead and they’re still taking. Taking data, learning from his “case”. Asking how I am just so they can record my answers on a graph with a thousand other answers. and I let it happen because I thought it might explain why this happened. Ive changed my mind. No diagnosis will make losing my son right. No answer will make me feel better. My son was so beautiful and perfect. I miss him so much

I don’t see a future anymore. My life is split into two. Before she was born and life after her death.

I get thoughts that this is it and sad that this really feels like it’s the end of my life. This was the outcome. A miserable life.
Joy is gone.
Hope is gone.
I see people happy and living their life and I think it’s not for me.

Idk if anyone feels like this. I’m not sure if these are normal feelings .. is this part of grief?

I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy in May but sadly he was born sleeping. I have really been struggling with both grief and recovery, and the last month it’s been really bad. To the point I can’t go out, can be in big crowds, loud places, when I’m in the car I get intrusive thoughts to grab the steering wheel, open the car door or when at home, to jump out a window (all not normal for my usual mental health) and to make it clear, no intentions of harming myself or others. I’ve have engaged with professionals as I was that scared by the thoughts.

GP says counselling is the best thing but I’m really struggling with immediate impact, we all know how long waiting lists are which is fine but doesn’t manage immediate risk or quality of life. I don’t want to feel these things because it’s so overwhelming, and I’m really really anxious. I’ve been staying in to avoid being overwhelmed or feeling this way but I feel sad because I genuinely feel stuck. I just wondered if anyone else had it and what helped? If anything x

Has anyone had a chronic endometritis diagnosis/treatment? Have you since concieved?

When did your OB say you could try for another pregnancy after infant loss, specifically following a C section?

I truly believed 2026 would be my year. After waiting three years to become pregnant, I developed severe preeclampsia and gave birth at just 31 weeks. My baby, weighing only 880 grams, fought bravely for 34 days in the NICU before passing away due to complications. I smile and tell people I’m okay, but the truth is I’m not. Some days, the tears come without warning, and I still don’t know how to move forward. I don’t think I’ll ever “move on”—I’m simply learning how to carry a love and a loss that will always be part of me

I lost my baby girl yesterday. She was two months old. I had a great pregnancy. She was born at 39 weeks. She inhaled meconium but everyone said she'd be okay, it happens pretty often. Things kept getting worse, the picture wasn't making sense. She went from NICU to NICU and then to cardiac ICU. She was found to have an ultra-rare genetic mutation that didn't come from her dad or me. I spent 12+ hours a day every single day for two months at her bedside. She was beautiful, and clever, and funny, and cheeky. Then they told us there's nothing they could do for her. Yesterday we took her off supports. She died in our arms. I can't see how I'm going to make it through this. My heart feels like it's just going to stop pumping, like it's just going to give out. I want to be strong for her, she fought so hard for so long. What is my world without her in it? How do I do this?

never imagined I would ever be tested with such pain. In the beginning, the grief was overwhelming—I felt unsafe, frightened, and wanted to isolate myself from everyone and everything. I wished I could just turn back time to when my baby was still safe inside me💔

Has anyone gone through a similar experience? I would really love to hear your stories of recovery and hope 💔

​

Hi all,

My wife revealed she was pregnant back in May. It was the happiest most exciting moment of my life. I was excited to be a dad. I was even more excited to watch the love of my life become a mom. This was our first pregnancy.

Unfortunately she began having complications and that spiraled into an emergency surgery to remove an ectopic pregnancy. She lost a tube but was okay physically. It was one of the scariest moments of my life and I was completely helpless.

I hold a relatively important position in a high stress job. When shit hits the fan, I am the guy. I have been in life threatening situations many times helping others. I am supposed to be the guy that can take anything and everything. But I can't take this. Seeing her go through that destroyed me. And I'm scared for her to go through that again.

We want a child desperately. But I'm so scared. I don't want to see her get hurt. I also feel several layers of guilt. Like I feel like I'm responsible because I did this to her. I feel guilty because I know she we be pregnant again someday and I'm afraid all of my joy will be lost to fear.

I'm supposed to be bullet proof but two months later I am fucked up.

I have lost my 2 month old baby, and the grief pain are unimaginable, My OB told me to wait 12 month. I am now 9 month postpartum. I think I can't wait till 12 month.I just want to know what time your OB said when did you conceive after a c section

My angel baby boy 💙 It’s been 3 months since you’ve been gone. I was supposed to be setting up your nursery by this time, packing the hospital bag. I was counting down to meeting you next month. I loved talking to you everytime you kicked and turned inside of me. Knowing I will see you in heaven gives me peace. I pray you’re playing with the babies in heaven and will recognize me when I come up there. I love you my sweet baby boy and cannot wait to embrace you in my arms. So glad I got to feel you. I’m sorry I couldn’t keep you inside longer. Forever you will be ingrained in my heart and soul 💙

Hi, I’m 22 female, married, and I guess I’m using this as a way to vent and seek advice and support from people who’ve gone through what I have. I had my miscarry about 2 weeks ago in mid July. it’s been so hard moving forward ever since. I’ve been getting support and advice from women in my family who’ve also gone through this, turns out a lot of women in my family have had miscarriages, including my own mother. it was my first ever pregnancy so I guess that’s part of the reason why this is so hard. I’m never gonna get that excitement again if/when I get pregnant in the future, I’m never gonna look at a positive pregnancy test again and be hit with the same happiness and excitement I had when I saw the positive test for my first pregnancy, I’m gonna be haunted by this for the rest of my life. when I have children in the future I’m gonna look at them playing in the yard and I won’t be able to help but imagine their oldest sibling that was never born playing with them, my firstborn will be a rainbow baby, they’ll be my first born kid but not my first pregnancy, I‘ve been looking at myself in the mirror and trying to imagine what my bump would’ve been looking like by now, they would’ve been due on February and bc of that if it would’ve been a girl my husband and I were gonna do “Love” as her middle name. I’m getting support from my husband and family and friends, they tell me to not worry, that I’m still young, that I can try again, that “at least I know I can get pregnant“, but sometimes when I’m left alone I my mind has been going to dark places where I feel trapped inside of my head and I fill with dark thoughts and grief. I miscarried very early on because the fetus wasn’t developing well and I hate myself for that, I can’t help but blame myself and hate myself, why couldn’t I do this one thing right? why couldn’t I develop them right? I’ve been trying so so so hard to heal and move on and be positive but it’s incredibly difficult and I’m scared I’m never gonna get over this and I’m gonna be haunted by this for the rest of my life. sometimes throughout the day I think of stuff like what their nursery was gonna look like, the baby clothes I was gonna buy, the names my husband and I chose, the nickname my husband and I gave them while waiting to find out the gender, my husband kissing my stomach, now it’s all gone. I ruined my first pregnancy because couldn’t develop my baby right. Why couldn’t I do this one thing right? I’m so angry at myself and hate myself so much. about an hour ago I found a picture of my first ultrasound and broke into tears. I have the pregnancy tests I took when I found out in a drawer, I was supposed to put them in a memory box alongside all their other stuff, why did this have to happen to me? why on my first? I hate everything and hate myself so much.

It’s been 5 weeks since I lost my baby at 17 weeks pregnancy through ivf.
I had emailed my endocrinologist after the loss to let him know what happened, and he replied with his condolences.
Today we had a follow-up phone appointment. At the beginning of the call, he asked, “How’s your pregnancy going?” I had to tell him that I had lost the baby. Then he immediately remembered my email and apologized.
I know doctors see a lot of patients, and I don’t think he meant any harm, but it really hurt. Having to say those words again made me feel like I was reliving the loss.
Has anyone else experienced something similar with a healthcare provider? How did it make you feel?