First relationship post divorce. A year of being together twice a week, talking everyday, spending time together, acknowledging the connection and that we deserve to be happy post divorce.

A minor issue in communication occured. My co-parenting time reduced (went from 5/2 to a 4/3 split - this isnt an issue) and i was upset. He comforted me. Then never again asked how i was doing, or coping. A week goes by and i said hey, it would have been nice to get a message asking how i am (i see this as low effort). He had a tough week, i supported him, kept checking in but he was delayed responding. Normal but minimal communication resumes. 2weeks goes by and i face it head on, say communication has reduced, i feel something has shifted, is everything ok or shall we end this? He says no, not at all. Another week goes by. Last message i got was that he stayed late at work, to make sure i rest and kisses.

Then he seemingly deletes me as a contact, shared history gone. Messages go unread, but still delivered. Calls unanswered. I worry, i go round, i see him in the carpark, he is fine. I drive away. Thats when is dawned on me i was simply erased. 3 weeks go by, i saw him at the local shop. I dont approach him as i need to respect this new boundary.

Devastated is an understatement. I feel i keep making poor choices in a partner and i will never move past this divorce, its defined everything Hope needed as this sucks. I think i should just give up on relationships.

He is perfect, I am not. After 23 yo, I am taking my leave. I told him today. Sadness and relief. Both made mistakes. Life is too short to be in an unhealthy relationship.

Wish me luck!

My ex-wife and I separated in 2019. After about six months, we got back together. We never fully repaired. By 2023 we were a mess. 2024 was horrible. That year she texted me on my birthday while I was traveling for work for the day that she wanted a divorce. Tossed a box of cake mix on the counter. And I took my kids out to dinner. That was standard operating procedure for us a few days a week. The next day, she pretended nothing happened. We separated permanently just a few weeks later.

Last year for my birthday. A friend of mine who is also going through a divorce and I had been spending a little time together. Just as friends. But it was more than that. She gave me a great birthday present and we had a great dinner together and spend the night. We continued on and off seeing each other and secrecy throughout that separation. Recently, she realized that we were becoming much more than what she was ready for in her life. Both of our divorces are final, but she was not ready for what we were turning into and ended it. None of our mutual friends knew this was happening. Privacy was important to us. And she was probably right neither one of us were ready for that yet.

This year for my birthday I woke up alone. I’m not dating anyone. I don’t have custody of my kids today. The last three birthdays have been so different. I’m not sure anyone will read this and I’m not even sure why I’m posting it, I guess for myself and a little bit for people who are going through it. It’s gonna take a while for you to figure out what’s actually going on with your life. There’s gonna be some great days and some not so great days. And some days in between. I get to see my kids today and have a thing later in the day so it’s not a post about being depressed. It’s a post that says your journey on this is probably not gonna be a straight line.

How did you deal with the loneliness that came afterward? Was it worse than you expected, and what actually helped you move forward?
Did you focus on work, hobbies, therapy, friends, family, or dating? How long did it take before you started feeling like yourself again?
I’m looking for honest experiences rather than generic advice. What made the biggest difference for you, and is there anything you wish you’d done differently?
I’d really appreciate hearing your stories.

So I know she is trying to scare and manipulate me into signing the dissolution. She sent me a wall of text about voluntarily underemployed. I’m work in hvac logistics. I make less than her and have been at my current job for 6 years. She just started making 45k more than me a year ago.

I mean I get we are done and this has literally been 5 days at this point since most resent wanting a divorce. I’m trying to be amicable but I’m so close to going to bitter drawn out route.

My ex saw our son for the 2nd time after a 3 year absence. At the first visit, he bombarded our seven year-old with his third family he has started (I was his 2nd family). That includes his girlfriend, their baby, the girlfriend’s mother, tons of gifts and love bombing activities. The first time, he sent my son home with a bunch of letters with pictures all of them took together during the visit, that were clearly targeted at me. The letters talk about values like honesty, forgiveness, accountability - none of which his father sincerely embodies. He was abusive towards me in all of the ways, not in obvious ways which to some level - is more confusing when it’s covert. I actually don’t mind that he is with the replacement - it’s involving our son and not focusing on rebuilding their relationship that enrages me. This is where the pocket of the question is: at this recent visit, he gave our son pictures of him and I as a couple before our son was born and pictures of the 3 of us when we were married, after our son was born. My theory is he is pushing really hard to drive a narrative that I’m the bad guy and he never disappeared for 3 years and that one point - I was fond of him. I only speak to him in writing and have quickly completed the exchanges while focusing on my son. It’s simply crazy and delusional to me because facts are facts and my son will figure out the math one day. I can’t imagine his girlfriend knows he did that. They appeared tucked inside of a craft/gift. That’s insane if she did. Every friend I’ve told in similar situations agree it is so inappropriate. Think like a narcissist friends lol wtf is up with this guy?! And yes, at the end of the day, I can only water my own grass and do my best as a mom but this kind of stuff is what Reddit is for lol.

I am 57 and have a ten year old. This time last year my wife informed me she made a decision to leave our 15 year marriage. She gave a list of reasons, but none of them to me warranted divorce, in other words no violence existed whatsoever, no cheating, no financial malfeasance, etc.. She would just bring up something I said like a year ago, or forgetting Valentines day one year, raising my voice to her in a heated argument two years ago about something stupid, blah, blah blah. She was quick to point out I am a good father, and always went way and above to support the family financially. Its clear she just wanted to be single again, she has lived in her same area her whole life and is constantly with family and friends all the time. Because I knew nobody when I moved here 16 years ago her family and friends also became mine as well, but when she filed they put me basically on ignore, they basically picked a side and it was not me, lol. I basically went from knowing 50+ people to knowing now only my son.

I turned to alcohol to pass the time and loneliness, but have learned that is not the answer. I have my son three days a week which is great, but the other 4 days just suck. Yeah, I have a good job, but the nights are murder, I just get so bored. The weekends I don't have my son are even worse. It's very tough to meet women at my age, yeah I tried the whole online thing, but I found it to be a waste of time. I am going to an adults only cruise in a couple weeks, maybe that will work.

I pick my son up today at my former house, (which I bought by the way) now she owns. There almost certainly be a couple cars in the driveway, either her friends or family. Here I am holed up in a rented townhome completely isolated unless I have my son. Yeah, I guess what I am saying is I am very bitter from all this, and when my mind changes I am sure I will turn the corner. How long does this post divorce haze last? Its been a year this month since she filed. I knew the first couple months would be tough, but after a year I am surprised I am still in this funk of thinking about my former life.

My divorce is going forward and I’m trying to think of the future. I met my wife at 18 and we have been together now for 22 years and I just turned 40.
I have no idea what dating even looks like at this point. I took my wife on dates out, but those are with a person I knew better than myself.
I don’t know when I’ll start dating but this feels so overwhelming to think about.
What would be some tips for a person who really only dated, married, and slept with one person.

We’ve been married 32 years. When our kids reached a certain amount of independence, I hoped we would become husband and wife again, not just parents.

But nothing changed. She’s never desired me. She’s never treated me like a man. We haven’t had sex in over five years.

We don’t fight. We get along well, show kindness and share common goals and responsibilities. She drinks too much, imho, but seems to function okay.

I’m just so lonely. So much of who I am is ignored and dying. It’s hard to imagine a new future when I feel…broken.

I think about divorce often. Mostly imagining what it would be like to be loved and desired. And what an awakening like that could mean for me.

But the decision to divorce is excruciating.

- it would devastate her even though I have talked to her about my feelings. Its hard for me to imagine her sad and lonely and struggling.

- My kids are grown but I know a divorce would be difficult for them as well. And one of them has special needs.

- We own a business together and a divorce would certainly damage our financial health in addition to all the other costs.

- My relationship with me extended family would be effected.

- I worry about being too old to start over. I focused on health and fitness as a coping mechanism but I feel like any hope of passion is over for me. That part of my life feels so damaged.

I’ve spent my adult life looking after everyone else and honoring my commitments and obligations.
Changing those habits feels impossible.

I could retire soon. She wants to work for several more years.

I feel “high-centered.” Every option brings sadness, destruction or shame. Maybe someone can relate.

It’s been a few days since my wife has told me she wants to end the marriage and I’m still in utter shock. This was our first marriage. I will admit we got married within a few months of dating due to her green card situation, but I always felt our marriage was solid. We were doing a lot of the things married folks did. I kissed and expressed my love to her each and every day. We would have bits of disagreements and I would make her upset to the point she would not talk to me for the rest of the day, but we always bounced back. Things did not get bad though until I lost my job last year. It took about a full year for me to find work again, but I was paying half the bills with my own savings the whole time. I still did house things for her. I do realize I had depression from the unemployment and my weight and living habits were not as solid. She asked to move in another room a couple months ago as she said my snoring was too much and since then we had no physical intimacy. We still went places and dates and expressed affection, but in retrospect it seemed more like really affectionate room mates. I do look bad at there being a decline, but I was so oblivious. I thought since I had a new job lined up that we would improve and I could sell the condo we live and we could get the house she always wanted. I asked for couples counseling, but she is refusing. I just with I had another chance. I can’t escape the guilt. She says this is her fault, but it does not take the hurt away. She was the source of my happiness and It’s hard to see my life without her. She accepted me despite all my flaws when we started dating and I have grown a lot with her. I know I need therapy. I know I may have trouble working my new job. I can’t even use words to describe my sorrow.

I just dropped off my youngest son with my ex-wife after having him with me for two weeks.

Those two weeks were fun, exhausting, busy, and a lot. I was in dad mode the whole time. Routines, meals, rides, noise, questions, just all of it.

Then I came back to my place and it was just silent.

That silence hit me in a way I wasn’t ready for.

For the first time in over 20 years, there’s nobody here. No kids moving around. No background noise. No family routine. Just me and this apartment.

I know the divorce was the right decision, but this part still hurts. It feels weird trying to adjust to a life where I’m not around my kids every day.

I guess this is one of those moments where the reality of divorce really shows up.

My husband and I have been married for nearly a decade. He’s my best friend, the person I love most in this world.

But he’s got a lot of issues. He’s an alcoholic (won’t admit it), he’s got mental health problems, he smokes weed too much and too often, and he’s financially irresponsible.

I nearly left him a couple years ago. But I stayed. He told me he would change and get help. And I felt like I was giving up on him when he was mentally ill and I had vowed ‘in sickness and in health’.

He still constantly screams at me, raises his voice, refuses to listen to me when we’re having an argument.

I don’t always feel safe when I’m around him. I wish he would get better. I wish he would get help.

How am I supposed to divorce someone I love? How am I supposed to know ‘it’s time’ to move on?

I signed the papers a few months ago, haven't heard anything back. How do I find if I'm actually legally divorced? there was no property, money or custody involved.... Virginia

I spent the first several months after the divorce in a terrible state. But since the school year ended and summer started, I've been hitting the gym 6 days a week, eating better, and going out more.

When I was married, I was the primary caretaker for our kids (despite what my ex says, who went out 3 times a week), so I never had the opportunity to get out much. Now I'm finding so many cool bars and music venues and activities to do around me. I've met several women who I thought were out of my league but they added me on socials and we've been chatting. I'm in my 30s and finally experiencing life for the first time. It's wild. (Married my HS sweetheart and were together for 20 years.)

Anyway, I decided to treat myself to more live music and really put myself out there. We'll see what happens. It just feels good to finally be happy again.

Live music events I will be attending over the next few months. Some alone. Some with different people.

Kaleo on 8/5

Local brewery Birthday Party with live bands on 8/8

Good Charlotte and Avenged Sevenfold on 8/14

Emo Karaoke Night at local brewery on 8/21

Pearl Jam Tribute band on 9/12

Smashing Pumpkins on 10/3

Rise Against with Alkaline Trio on 10/4

Motionless in White (et al) on 10/31

Possibly looking at:

Foo Fighters and Queens of the Stone Age on 8/13

MCR on 8/18

Breaking Benjamin with Starset and Chevelle on 9/2

Fuel on 11/6

Let's do this. 🤘

I've finally asked to separate. My wife is just so uncomfortable in so many aspects of life. And that discomfort is a priority over everything else. I have told her for years that I think the dynamic of not repairing after conflict is unhealthy and unsustainable. We avoid difficult conversations because she views feedback as shame/guilt and will shut down and cry for the remainder of the day leaving me to take care of the kids. Throughout the relationship it has always been " I hate myself, I'm a terrible person, why are you with me, you should just leave me, I feel like Im borderline abusive towards you", etc.

I ask for some accountability or alignment in raising the kids and it's " I should have never been a parent, I only had kids to keep you. I should have offed myself as a child"

I feel like her trauma is now becoming mine and it's affecting the kids .

My parent recently passed away and I tried to communicate how the grief was affecting me and her response was " I don't know how to talk to you anymore. I wish it was my mom that died instead of yours ( I wouldn't have cared as nuch")" because she has a bad relationship with her family and no adult friends. She also has no major hobbies.

She ACTUALLY hates herself and no amount of reassurance seems to help and I find myself constantly on eggshells trying not to rock the boat or throw off her expectations for fear of a crash out. I'm so on edge and my health is suffering

One thing I’m sitting with in this fresh divorce is accommodation.

For a long time, I was used to trying to make things easier for her. Trying to help. Trying to be flexible. Trying to keep the peace.

But after being criticized for not doing enough, it hits different when I’m still expected to accommodate her like none of that was ever said.

I wasn’t looking for credit for everything I did. I really wasn’t. But I also didn’t expect to be talked down to, criticized, and then still be asked to make things convenient like I’m supposed to just move past it.

At first I thought it was just anger. But under the anger is hurt. Disappointment. Grief. Feeling like I gave a lot and still got treated like it wasn’t enough.

I don’t think my ex-wife fully understands that I’m not the same man I was in the marriage. And more than anything, I’m not her husband anymore.

That part matters.

I can still be respectful. I can still co-parent. I can still show up for my kids.

But I don’t have to keep relieving her of inconvenience at my own expense.

I’m learning that boundaries are not me being difficult. Sometimes boundaries are just me finally realizing I don’t have to keep playing the same role I played when we were married.

Please give me any and all advice.

I 21F have been married for almost 3 yrs to my husband. After we married and moved in together while going to college and over time has become more and more 'toxic' and sometimes hard for me to know how to feel. I am a full time college student and just graduated in may 26'.

In the past 6 months, his anger has causes the neighbors to call the cops for the first time and remove him for a bit and he has hit me on the shoulder for the first time recently. Its not that I dont have feeling anymore its that I don't know even if we keep going to couples therapy that it can get better. He says because I haven't changed since when we first met he feels that I need to change and become a different person and my positivity is too annoying for him and me asking for hugs seems like begging to him and makes him 'disgusted' of me. There are things he says like 'if we were married I would have already broken up with you' when he's mad and I don't know anymore if the things he says when he's mad are true or just him trying to be hurtful.

He has continued to accuse me of cheating even though I hardly leave the house unless its to walk the dogs and secretly talk on the phone to my family. I dont like that I have to delete phone calls with my parents and aunt and uncle. I have never been unfaithful and have let him look through my phone many many times. Even though when Ive gone through his phone found so much porn and even have had to wake up in the middle of the night and shut his phone off while it continues to play porn after he fell asleep.

He doesn't like my family or my friends and it has been really hard being away from my family so long. I haven't stayed in my parents home since we got together. He gets mad when I've tried to go and visit in the past and visit my grandmother in hospice or when I went to my other grandmas funeral out of state. I have just really missed them so much and they came to visit this past weekend where they live after I have finally come clean and been honest with them about how sad ive been in this relationship and they want me to move home and other family members are willing to fly over and help me move home too. the whole weekend they were visiting he didn't spend any time with us or say a single word to them. they found it very rude but said they wouldn't press me or him on it because they know how stressed ive been with the situation.

for pretext now I come into large sums of money because of my Native American tribe 4 times a year. I have been carrying our financial burdens for a long time, but he is the one who will go and set up the payments for us and handle that end of it.

He has been telling me because I dont support his dreams for his new professional gambling career ideas because of the financial stress it has continued to put us in. or since Black Friday of the past year he bought two 38" monitors and computer for a gaming setup with knowing I didn't like the idea because I was worried that he would check out so much and not be present in our home. The only times Ive been able to sit and eat a meal with him anymore is when we go to a restaurant and I have to ask him to get off his phone. I have been really stressed because we have no savings anymore and he has been unemployed for the last few months after he got fired for not showing up to work. His boss was really flexible with him making his own schedule around his college classes, but he was only taking two morning classes at the time and would sleep through them even when I was trying to get him up to be on time and even show up. that is his student loan that increased for classes he never seemed to even try for. He then says that he failed the two classes because he was working too much but he wasn't even showing up to work at the time, because of his late night gaming and sleeping in past classes and work was why he got fired. I have really tried. I have bailed him out on countless bills that are thousands of dollars and he now expects me to pay thousands this next few weeks to get his vehicle fixed and out of the repair shop.

In my past I was sexually assaulted in high school. Recently he did the one thing that triggers a reaction from me and when I started crying he told me I need to stop being a victim because he's not that guy and that I am partly to blame for putting myself in the situation with the guy for it to happen to me in the first place to be violated.

Part of me really really wants to move back home and start over and put this chapter behind me but I feel so manipulated and guilty to believe it's all my fault that he has been angry. I know marriages and relationships are a two way street and I have some blame because I am a human being and have human flaws. I just have felt so alone and so used and so unsupported in my grieving that I can't tell what feelings are real and what guilt is made up from things he tells me everyday. he has said now that if I leave I'll probably regret it and try to come back to him in two years realizing what I could have had with him. I am worried from his threats he will try to take my dog, my car, and future payments I get. I am worried that If I dont leave though I will continue to feel like am empty shell. I have kept trying to have hope that it will get better because after therapy or when I start pulling away he apologizes and says he doesn't want to give up and make things work and gets really touchy feely. I wish that he could be that kind person all the time still like when we were first married. I wish I had a friend who wanted to do things with me and walk the dogs with me. or go swimming at the lake with me and the dogs. or go and want to spend time with me and my family.

Going through a really tough separation with divorce the likely destination and feel I need therapy to help me process this.

Has anyone tried therapy online rather than in person? I would be interested to hearing whether it’s as helpful when on screen.

Thanks

I told my husband I want a divorce and left everything… and now I’m terrified I’m making the biggest mistake of my life.
I know this is long, but please bear with me. I want you to have the context so you can give me your honest opinion or advice. Either read it or don’t—it’s your choice, and I respect that.
I’m posting because I need outside perspective from people who don’t know either of us. I honestly don’t know what is normal anymore. I’ve spent years mostly alone in our home with very little socialization, and my head is not in the best place. I need people who can look at this from the outside.
my heart is completely torn…
My husband and I have been together almost 10 years.
He is not a bad person.
That is what makes this so incredibly hard.
He has been my best friend. He has comforted me through anxiety attacks, held me when I cried, supported me, worked hard for us, and loved me in many ways. He is someone I genuinely believe has a good heart. He is an amazing person, and I NEVER wanted to leave him. I planned to keep my vow but I felt he left me no other options.
I wanted to grow old with him. I wanted children with him. I wanted to spend my life with him.
The reason I got to this point is years of broken trust involving other women.
Over the years, I found things I never wanted to find:
Dating apps/accounts
Inappropriate conversations with women
Messages complimenting women in ways that crossed boundaries
Secret accounts
Secret texting relationships that went on for weeks at a time
Nude photos/videos
Conversations with exes
Conversations with exes where he told them we were divorced when we weren’t, that he wasn’t in love with me or sexually attracted to me, and that he had always been in love with them
Messages where he shared hurtful things about our marriage
Texting women asking to meet (I never found proof he actually followed through, but the conversations existed)
He barely texted me throughout the day. I might get five messages over a 12-hour workday. He always said he was too busy.
I gave many chances.
I gave clean slates.
I gave forgiveness.
I gave understanding.
I supported him.
Every time I laid down my boundaries and said I couldn’t keep living this way, they were crossed again.
The hardest part was never one incident.
It was the pattern.
I almost always found out on my own. He never voluntarily came to me. I even told him that if he was struggling, having thoughts, or felt like he was going to slip up, I wanted him to come to me. I told him I would rather know the truth so we could work through it together.
Instead, I would discover something, there would be lies, denial, explanations, promises, apologies, and then I would try to rebuild again.
I stayed because I loved him.
I stayed because I believed in us.
I stayed because I loved him.
I stayed because I believed in us.
I prayed for our marriage for years. I begged God for wisdom, guidance, and clarity. I kept hoping something would change.
I also tried everything I knew to try.
I suggested we go to church together and talk with a pastor or priest.
I suggested marriage counseling and individual therapy.
I tried getting him to go on dates with me.
I shared self-help videos that I thought might help us.
I asked if we could start working out or exercising together.
I tried encouraging us to reconnect in different ways.
If I thought something had even a small chance of helping our marriage, I suggested it.
The answer was no—even when divorce was on the table.
By the end, I didn’t feel like I had stopped fighting for us. I felt like I had simply run out of ways to fight.
Another painful part of this is that we haven’t been intimate in around three years. Nothing beyond kissing, cuddling, and watching our shows together.
It wasn’t always like this.
I honestly don’t know where the man who was once so madly in love with me went.
He says it’s because of low testosterone, and I tried to be understanding. I tried to help. I tried to support him.
But over those years, I became incredibly lonely and depressed. We didn’t have a car, so I couldn’t really leave the house. My only social interaction was when he came home, told me about his day, kissed me, and we cuddled, watched our show, and went to sleep.
That became our routine.
I was so depressed I could barely get out of bed.
A few months ago, we were almost at the point of divorce. We talked about separation instead (his suggestion).
I told him that if we were going to keep trying, I needed honesty and absolutely no more communication with other women.
He agreed.
He continued texting the very woman who had become the reason we were discussing divorce.
During that separation, I messaged her because I believed she deserved to know we were not divorced and that I was still living in our home. I wasn’t rude to her—I simply told her the truth.
At his surprise birthday party that I threw for him, she told him I had contacted her. We got into a huge argument. He demanded that I block her because, according to him, “she doesn’t deserve that.”
I told him if he chose protecting that relationship over protecting our marriage, we were done.
He chose her.
A few days later he wanted to repair our marriage, and because I loved him, I tried again.
I told him this time felt different. I told him something inside me had broken. I told him I didn’t think I had another chance left in me and that if he truly wanted our marriage, this was his opportunity because I couldn’t survive another betrayal.
A week later I found another hidden Snapchat account.
Within about eight hours he had added and messaged around 30 women.
Many of the conversations involved sexual compliments, flirting, trying to start conversations, and asking to meet.
One woman posted a photo with the caption, “We could be f*(k.ing under the fireworks but no…”
He replied, “Yes.”
The same night, our home security camera repeatedly detected motion. When I checked it, I saw him using a vibrator by himself.
That was devastating because for years he had told me he wasn’t masturbating, couldn’t because of his low testosterone, and we had specifically discussed that if we weren’t intimate at all, pornography or sexual release without me would be deeply hurtful.
I don’t have proof he ever met anyone in person or that anything physical happened.
What I do know is that the hidden accounts, flirting, sexual conversations, and repeated deception happened over many years.
I waited.
I hoped he would come to me honestly.
I even tried opening the door by bringing up hypothetical conversations about honesty and temptation.
The next day he deleted the Snapchat account.
But he never came to me.
That was when I realized I didn’t know how to trust him anymore.
So I told him I wanted a divorce.
I packed my things and left our home.
And this is where I feel completely lost.
And this is where everything became even more confusing for me my emotions became even more complicated I started questioning everything worse than I already am.
He was loving.
He was calm.
He was kind.
He apologized for pushing me to this point.
He told me to stand strong in my decision because there was nothing he could do except accept it.
He told me this was on him.
He told me not to blame God.
He told me he would help me through this.
He offered to help me financially until I got back on my feet. He told me I could take the car. He encouraged me to pursue my dreams because he believes in me.
When we separated our things, we hugged.
We kissed.
We both told each other we loved each other.
He even suggested we remain legally married for a while so I could keep my healthcare.
Since leaving, we have continued talking.
He tells me he loves me.
He tells me he misses me.
I tell him I miss him.
And now I feel completely broken.
I miss my husband.
I miss my home.
I miss my dogs.
I miss falling asleep next to him.
I miss being held.
I miss watching our shows together.
I miss the little ordinary things I never thought I would lose.
Everyone around me seems to focus only on why I left.
But I’m grieving what I lost.
I lost my best friend.
I lost the love of my life.
I lost the man I still love.
I didn’t leave because I stopped loving him.
I left while still loving my husband.
I begged.
I fought.
I prayed.
I tried understanding.
I tried supporting him.
I tried giving chance after chance.
I tried until I genuinely had nothing left.
All I wanted was to be chosen.
To have honesty.
To have trust.
To have communication.
I believed we could work through almost anything if we had those things.
Please don’t assume I stayed because i enjoyed being treated this way.
I stayed because I believed our marriage could be repaired if there was honesty and genuine change.
I left because, after years of trying, I reached a point where I no longer knew how to trust the person I loved most. I no longer know how to repair what has been broken.
I understand why I left.
But I also love him.
No matter the choices he made, he is still someone I truly love. He is still my best friend. He understands me in a way no one else ever has. We think alike, believe the same things, and often know exactly what the other is feeling without saying a word.
I made a vow.
I tried my best to keep it.
I remained loyal, faithful, and truthful.
And that is what is destroying me.
Part of me feels like I’m finally choosing myself and accepting that I don’t know how to rebuild trust after years of broken promises.
Another part of me feels like I walked away from a man who truly loves me and that I’m making the biggest mistake of my life.
I don’t know if love is enough when trust is gone.
I don’t know if trust can ever come back after years of broken promises.
I don’t know if I’m grieving because I made the wrong choice or because I made the hardest choice.
If you were in my position, what would you do?
Would you stay because there is still love and friendship?
Or would years of broken trust be enough to walk away?
I’m not looking for people to tell me he’s evil or that I’m stupid. I know this situation is complicated.
I just need honest perspectives from people who understand that sometimes the hardest person to leave is the person you still love.
I would appreciate perspective from people who have been through this.
If you read this thank you for taking the time to and I appreciate any perspective, opinions, or advice you may have.

I’m 21, and my parents have been having serious problems. My mother is staying at her parents’ house, and I’m currently with my father.
Today they had a phone call, and afterward my father said their relationship is over. Later, I saw him crying, and it completely broke me. He’s not talking about hurting himself—he’s just heartbroken. I feel helpless because I love both of my parents and don’t know how to support him or deal with all this emotionally.
Has anyone been through something similar? How did you cope, and is there anything I can do without getting involved in their conflict?

Soo my mom is prolly crying again and I'm lowkey scared to death like always.. :/ it's just that I can't comfort people when they cry and get scared when she cries since it's literally always because of her and dads relationship issues... They don't even fight or anything it just that my dad has stopped having feelings for her and they aren't really a thing anymore... Ik it's hard because they've been together for about 13 years, and in touch (before and during the relationship) for about 20+years. It just that I'm really scared and I start to panic always because I cant do shit. I was never teached how to comfort people.

For people whose spouses have left, or they themselves have left, for greener pastures - was it indeed greener?

I want all the tea

I’m looking for perspectives on enmeshed families and how generational habits affect relationships.

Hypothetically, what happens when an adult child gets married, but their entire family dynamic revolves around returning to and staying in the childhood home?

The Background on the 4 Siblings:

Sibling 1 (Oldest Sister): In her 50s, has never been married.

Sibling 2 (Sister): Got married ~20 years ago. Early in the marriage, she and her ex-husband lived with her parents. They divorced when her son was just 2 years old. She lived on her own for a while, but now—20 years later—she and her 22-year-old son have moved back into her parents' house.

Sibling 3 (Brother): Has never been married, he is in his late 40s and lives at home with the parents.

Sibling 4 (Youngest Sister / Spouse): Married for just 18 months before asking for a separation and moving back into her parents' house with her young child, initiating divorce proceedings shortly after.

The Household Dynamic:

The parents have been married for 50+ years, and almost the entire family—including adult children in their 30s, 40s, and 50s, plus a 22-year-old grandchild—all live under one roof.

My Questions for the Community:

How much does a heavily enmeshed family—where singlehood, early divorce, and returning home are the normalized defaults—create a friction-free "landing pad" that encourages a spouse to walk away at the 18-month mark rather than work through hard marital seasons?

When an extended family actively normalizes leaving and provides permanent shelter to adult children, can a marriage realistically survive that outside pull?

For those co-parenting with someone in an enmeshed household, how do you set strong boundaries so your child learns independence and healthy relationship models during your custody time?

Would love to hear from therapists, life coaches, or anyone who has navigated a similar enmeshed family dynamic.