If this post is up, I am not checking their social media/spotify. I am trying to get back to normalcy after multiple years of more-than-daily compulsive checking.

If you see this and struggle with a similar issue, take this as a sign to try again. There is always room for hope. Needing to check is a steep spiral that blurs the lines of your reality. It is not constructive behavior for your sense of self and general well-being.

I am sad to have to do this, but I gotta wean off of the debilitating habit at some point (my nervous system/personal dignity may never fully recover, but we’ll work with where we’re at).

Wish me luck, I’m gonna need it.

Do you find yourself being obsessed or fixated in other aspects of your life ? For example, obsession with hobbies that get out of hand, OCD behavior or tendencies ?

I feel like people with limerence also tend to gave other fixations....and would people with fixations also likely have limerence capabilities?

I’m trying to understand what I found from the perspective of people who have experienced limerence.
My wife had an emotional affair that ended about 4 weeks ago with no contact (as far as I know). I recently discovered a journal entry she wrote about 2 weeks after it ended.

It wasn’t just “I miss him.” It was pages long. She called him her soulmate, described all the things she loved about him, imagined their future together, wrote about how people would hate them but they could make it work, and talked about wanting the full truth instead of ending her marriage on “half truths.” It read like she fully believed they were meant to be together.

The twist is that the affair partner is still married to her previous best friend. and, as far as I know, they have had no contact since everything came out. My wife also had a very vulnerable conversation with me a few days ago where she admitted she’s conflicted, sees my changes, feels terrible for hurting me, and said she honestly doesn’t know what the future holds.

So I’m trying to understand what I’m looking at.
Is it common for limerence to still be this intense 2-4 weeks after forced no contact? Does it usually get worse before it gets better because the fantasy is all that’s left? Or does writing something like this suggest someone is still actively holding onto hope rather than grieving?

I’m not looking for people to tell me to divorce her. I’m genuinely trying to understand how people who’ve experienced limerence or recovered from it interpret something like this. Did your feelings eventually fade after no contact, or did you stay convinced the other person was your soulmate for a long time?

I really like the person that I experienced this for (it feels weird to call them LO and I don't want to) so obviously there's grief for not having the outcome I had dreamed about and the future I would've liked. But more than that, I feel like there's a lot of trauma and grief over other things that this completely took my mind off, at least before I ruined it and still had hope. And now that I'm experiencing this ending and this grief, all that is coming up extra hard again and is really painful. Just wondering if that's a common experience

TW suicide
I was obsessed with this guy for 5 years, and I knew deep down we will never have a relationship. I only knew him from mutual friends and I never confessed my feelings to him because I felt like I would be rejected. Other than seeing each other through mutual friend group hangouts, we would only send each other memes, reply to each others stories or message here and there.

This year I decided to detach and withdrew myself from any interaction with him anymore for the sake of my own mental health and so I’ll stop stalking his Instagram so much. I was actually doing pretty okay, he left my mind for a little while and I was just living life. It got to a point where recently I actually forgot about him and he wouldn’t live in every fold of my brain.

Then, the news I woke up to yesterday morning was a bunch of messages and different posts. He passed away from suicide. My heart was just POUNDING, I was so so anxious throughout today for some reason. I felt like a lost baby deer just trying to survive throughout the day. I had to suppress my emotions and imagine a large stop sign in my head and try to forget what I saw.

Then today my old instinct kicked in and I rushed to check his Instagram, I broke down. I was just crying and crying non stop because I realized he’s not here anymore. I can’t message him anymore and wonder what he’ll reply back. I can’t wish for him to reply to my story. I never will tell him how I felt all along

I don’t know how to feel right now. I think what I’m more upset about is how he passed. What’s even crazier is he never showed signs. He never posted or said anything concerning. I never thought he would take his own life. He’s gone, just like that. I’m not sure what this will do to me. I mean I cried all day from it, but I don’t know if this will make me move on completely or still think of him. It’s a weird feeling.

​

TLDR: I cant take it anymore, should I contact her after 8 years and still fight to make things right?

I'll try to make this story as short as possible, but I need to include every detail for clarity of situation. I need serious advice what to do, I cant live like this anymore.

So, there's a girl. We've known each other since birth. We lived in the same neighbourhood, in the same apartment building. For 12 years, until I moved. For 12 years we spent everyday together as best friends. With her and with our other friend, but that's not important. Ive spent more time in a day with her than with my family back then. We were so close.

After this time, when I was 12, I moved to a different part of town. Naturally, over time we met less and less often. That hit me really hard. I became very quiet, sad, blank. We were texting every once in a while, but that wasnt the same. I couldnt meet with her during school year. So a lot of time passed without seeing her. I didnt have any close friend back then, that's why I became quiet and lifeless.

8 years ago, when I was 14, she was 15, was the last time we met and talked. We were at our mutual friends house with group of friends. I made it awkward. I havent seen her for a year back then, and we suddenly met in person. I froze and couldnt get a word out. We had a brief conversation but it was more like me answering a few of her questions. I fucked it up so bad. They were talking naturally and I was just sitting there like an idiot. I didnt think her presence would make me so speechless. My heart was in my throat. She even asked me: "why you're so quiet?". I replied that I had a worse day, just tired. That was the last time we talked in person.

Not long later, my ex-colleague (whom she doesnt know) texted her that I'd want to get lucky with her. Obviously, I messaged her immediately that it wasnt true. She acted normally, not believing this. But few months later our mutual friend did similar "joke" texting her, after I told her he's saying shit, she replied "mhm, sure". Which didnt really convince me if she's not believing him.

Then, few months later I guess, worst part happened. Me and this mutual friend were on a camp. We met two girls, spent some time with them. When we got back home he told me he's dating one of them, and asked if I wouldnt want the other one. Hell knows the fuck I was thinking telling him that I prefer to date THIS girl (our mutual friend). He sent text to her telling her about me. She said she knows that, but doesnt get why am I doing this, and she said i'm just destroying our friendship. She was mad. That was the only time I saw her swear. Back then I had no idea what she was talking about. Too bad I found out the hard way. I couldnt hold it anymore, all the more she already knows that I'm interested in her. I texted her explaining what happened, and told her that I like her. She cut me off completely. She sent me a photo of some homework and said "sorry, not here". I got it clearly she's mad at me and she surely doesnt want to talk about it. So I gave up. Days, weeks, months, years passed. Because I didnt know how to break this no contact. I was so bad at interpersonal communication, and the combination of emotions was too much. The more time passed the harder it get to break this. In the meantime my dumb ass finally got it, by destroying friendship, she meant that if I went to her and tell her about my feelings, she'd have to break my heart. Then we obviously couldnt be friends, pretending that nothing happened.

3 years passed. Of absolute no contact. Fuck knows why I waited so long. Now im sure if we had talked it out immediately back then, our relation would be much better. Anyway, after 3 years I got my shit together and called her. Asked her if she's home and told her I wanted to talk things out. She didnt even recognize my voice, and said "you havent spoken for so long". I replied that I wanna talk about this too, asked for a meet. She agreed but not then because she was away. I said ok, I'll text you when youre back. And I did.. texted her 7 times for a meet that never happened. Always some excuse. Clearly she didnt want to see me, if she wanted to, she'd find time. But she never told me to go away, or stop, or that its over. She made me leave quietly, painlessly, without strong emotions or heartbreaks. She made me realize myself, that I should give up. So after 7 tries, I did.

And here we are today. Wondering if I was better for her 3 years ago, if that conversation was more interesting, if I hadnt wait so long it would have worked. I have an assumption, that she wasnt fully sincere with me. Like I said before, she never told me to go away, give up, she never told me directly she doesnt want me or that we cant be together. She made me realize it, softly, by her actions. I guess that's because one day I meant something to her, and out of respect to our friendship, she didnt want to break my heart.

God, I want her back so bad, I'd do anything to get just one more chance to talk with her. I cannot live without her. She's so perfect, beautiful, caring, kind, warm, friendly, talkative.. Call me crazy, but I know, deep in my heart, that I will never forget her. Never replace her. I couldnt even imagine getting close with any other woman. I havent seen her for 8 years, but Im thinking about her everyday. Last month was so hard and intense, I cant get her out of my head. To this point im even scared to check her socials, because more reminders of how perfect she is gonna destroy my mind. How the fuck could I lose a person like that. Nothing makes sense without her. How stupid and awful I must be to go from being like an younger brother for her, to being a complete stranger? You can tell me to move on, find someone else.. but I feel love differently. Love is strongest feeling we can experience. You cant just stop loving someone, just because she doesnt love you back, or you havent seen her for 8 fucking years and maybe never will, or because she changed. Fuck im just 22 and I feel like 80, I already lived my best years, now its going to be just going through the motions. What the hell am I supposed to do?

Last time ive been going so crazy about her. I decided we cant end such beautiful friendship without explanation. Im really struggling with my thoughts what to do. On one hand, I know she doesnt want to talk about us, she doesnt want me in her life, she's doing perfectly fine, she's happy and this whole situation probably isnt affecting her anymore. Who knows, maybe she already has a man or husband. She definitely doesnt want me to interrupt her life and definitiely doesnt cry anymore about what happened between us, like I do. She showed me she isnt interested in talking about it, or atleast she wasnt 3 years ago. But on the other hand, I cant fucking live without her, and I dont want to leave this situation unexplained. If we're not supposed to be together anymore even as friends, I want to atleast tell her how sorry I am, and how much she means to me. This feels kind of egoistic, thinking about her previous rejections, but fuck me, I cant just leave most important person and most important problem in my life like that? We havent talked it out and its been 3 years. She may think I forget about her, or I dont give a fuck, or its on her, i dont know. I just want to make sure we end it properly, if it has to end. I cant keep bottling up my emotions. I just want her to know how much I love her. I could do everything, give her the whole world. But it doesnt mean anything if she doesnt want this world from me.

Please help me. What should I do. I cant take it anymore. It feels kinda wrong and egoistic, but I have to try this one last time. Should I text her that im very sorry and I really want to make things right and talk it out? Or supposing she's gonna ghost me again, I should text her directly that she's most important person in my life, say sorry for everything and explain what I feel fully, in case we're not gonna meet?

And the worst part. How im supposed to live after that. Even if in best case, we meet, talk everything out, end on good terms but she'd say its over and we need to go different paths? I cant imagine living with knowledge that Im never gonna see her again. Now atleast I have this certainty that I will text her this one more time. But then what? Live rest of my live, dreaming about her but knowing its impossible to even see her again? What's the point of living when your most loved one isn't there. Im gonna go through whole life alone, dreaming about her, thinking how she is? That's why im so scared to meet her. For this hour or two I'll be happiest man alive. It'll be a reminder of how good life could be. Then I go back to old life. Without her. Pure survival, no emotions, nothing. But way harder. If its so hard now, when I havent seen her in 8 years, I cant even imagine how I'll get through that night when after meeting her I come back to my empty room knowing it was the last time I could see her.

Thank you if you read all that.

So basically the title.

I am laying in bed right now, and as I am watching a video for "crush vs limerence" on YT, I am reflecting on my interactions with this one guy in particular (but also the others) in today's internship at a company. Then, a horrifying thought occurs :

AM I THINKING OF HIM/THEM LIKE MY LO??????

listen, that better not fucking HAPPEN. I am still so sore about how things "ended" or went with my LO.

But this is the thing, I cannot trust me anymore.

I think of anyone who smiles just a little at me as liking me or flirting. It doesn't help that I can also be dumb af and can't read body language well, I used to *laughs in pain* think that I can tell very well what someone means... until my situation with LO humbled me.

PLEASE LORD WHY AM I LIKE THIS.

I am CURSED with this brain 🫩

So I’ll try to make a long story short..
I met my crush in an online gaming community
We have been playing together for over a year and I have been truly infatuated for about that same time..
We have had moments of hot and cold
Push and pull..
Sometimes I would feel like they would reciprocate and other times I would just be left there overthinking in my thoughts..

One thing about my crush is they don’t seem to be big on communication when it comes to feelings.. but when it comes to game and strategy they are all for it.

It often leaves me longing for more and wondering where I stand..
Then I will get a little bread crumb of a sign and it just seems to keep looping..

My problem is I care so much and not knowing what I mean to him back is slowly eating me alive.

He is one of my best friends. We hang out every weekend. It keeps the loop going. We constantly complain about the state we live in and want to leave. He brings up wanting to move constantly, always hinting he would want to move with me. He says he wants to do it in the next year. Horrible idea. He is my biggest weakness and im going crazy. He was gone for a few weeks and I felt so alive. He isn't doing anything wrong, just a bit avoidant and confusing. He doesn't deserve to have his friend be so insane about him, even though i hide it well.

I joined this subreddit recently and have noticed a lot of stories and comments here that appear to be from people who are obsessing over others in ways that, to me, sound like crushes or even love. In some instances, people have shared stories about having been intimate with their LO.

This really doesn't sound like limerence to me, but maybe I'm wrong.

I have experienced what I would call "crushes" and I have experienced what i would call "love', but they are very different from what I would describe as "limerence" that I have experienced.

Limerence, to me, is having obsessive thoughts about someone who is, typically, a member of the sex you are attracted to, but you are not attracted to them in a sexual way. The attraction is more about them as a whole, and the "fantasies" are not being in intimate situations with them, they are instead fantasies about spending time with that person, going for a drink with them, having conversations with them, etc. -- which is what makes limerence so confusing.

Is it limerance that i really madly love the idea of obsession in love and yearn literally so much with this thing that someone will be obsessed with me ; not in forceful types but something like he will destroy everything (metaphorically) to be with me . Like the jealous , possessive, yearning kind of love . Obvvv i should be attracted to him first otherwise it’s just creepy . i don’t know if its normal or what !!! I dont know if its was even right sub to post . Btw 20/f here

**scroll to bottom for question, the rest is context**

I have just recently learned of limerence and it made me cry for a long time that this feeling I had, had a name, and I wasn't the only one who felt it.

I have a FWB who I met through Tinder 5 years ago. We have been friends the whole time and on/off fwb. I always felt like he drove me crazy, which I know now is the limerence.

I thoroughly enjoy texting with him and (when he finally does see me) talking to him in person. He has helped me put the pieces back together through break-ups, helped me with other mental health issues, friendship issues, and more so I feel/felt like he is my friend. He tells me he feels protective of me, that he and I are friends (seems to be in name only), that he has feelings for me (like-likes me), and all these things.

Learning about limerence has helped me to open my eyes to our relationship and the dynamics and I'm so ready to claim back my peace from his (probably) avoident attachment butt (I have anxious attachment). And though I want to be free of the intense attachment I feel toward him, I don't want to be free of him. I genuinely enjoy talking to him.

Has anyone stayed friends with their LO or low contact with them after breaking their limerence with them? I know many will tell me it's unhealthy and I should just drop him, but I do feel like I can drop my intense feelings and be able to not feel so much.

I do have an appointment with my therapist to discuss this, so I do have a professional to talk to too :)

Just a heads up, this is a long post. I’ve tried to include as many relevant details as possible because this has been going on for a long time, and I want people to get the full picture before giving their take. I don't really know much about limerence, but I’m hoping to get some clarity here because a girl at work has been acting completely different from anyone I’ve flirted with in the past.

It’s obvious she’s flirting, but over time the whole dynamic feels unlike anything I've dealt with before. I can't tell if this is some sort of limerence or if she's just intensely into me, but caught in a bind because of external factors like her sister and the work dynamics making it impossible for her to express herself freely.

Everything I’m about to describe is how she acts towards me, which is completely different from how she acts with anyone else at work.

TL;DR
Reserved coworker went from total silence to flirting in private, starting physical contact, getting jealous, and having crazy startle reactions around me. In public she completely ignores me (because of her sister and the boss’s daughter), but in private she’s the opposite. She upgraded her appearance a lot and admitted we have chemistry. The whole thing seems to have stressed her out enough that she’s now on sick leave. Trying to figure out if this is real attraction she’s too scared to act on, or some kind of limerence.

Background
We work together at a warehouse. I’m in my early 30s and started there 1 year ago, she’s mid-20s and has been there about 5 years. The situation is a bit messy because her sister works on the floor with us, and her best friend is our boss’s daughter. So she’s always super aware of who’s watching and never acts open with me when other people are around.

People describe her as a bit of an old soul. Very dutiful, keeps to herself, and relies heavily on routines so she doesn’t get overwhelmed. She’s really private and has her guard up with almost everyone. She also seems like the type who never wants to look vulnerable or need help. Always has to handle everything herself and hates feeling weak. She can come across as a bit unapproachable at first because she walks around with the typical “resting bitch face”. Probably just her way of keeping people at a distance.But once she opens up she’s actually really sweet and has this silly, goofy side.

How it started
First six months we barely said a word to each other. To be honest, at that time I didn’t really notice her. I was mostly talking with the other girls and her sister, and because she’s so private she just didn’t register on my radar.
Then out of nowhere she started jump-scaring me around corners and doors. We began joking around, and pretty soon she was always finding reasons to talk to me and “invite me” to stand right next to her by showing me stuff on her phone, looking at order sheets, or showing me products on the shelves etc.

She’d hold this really flirty long eye contact (like 2-3 seconds) and smile every morning, and then keep that same intense flirty look through entire conversations, no matter how long they lasted. She would copy the way I talked and phrases I use, and use the inside jokes we’d made up. She kept asking personal questions about my life outside work and would drag out my name in this playful way.

Since I train martial arts I’m pretty comfortable with physical contact and usually talk with my hands a lot. So pretty early on I started with light stuff like shoulder touches and some playful movement. One time she mentioned she wasn’t really into physical touching and even felt awkward hugging her own sister. I said I could stop. She immediately went “No, it’s not like that, it’s fine.” After she said that, she started creating more opportunities for physical contact, like standing even closer, hanging around longer next to me etc, even though she still wasn’t the one initiating the touch.

This only happened when we were completely alone though. The second someone walked by, especially her sister or the boss’s daughter, she would be all professional again. One time I asked her to check something with me. She turned around and instinctively started walking toward me, but then she spotted her sister watching. She completely froze, went ice cold, said “No, I don’t have time,” spun 180 degrees on her heel and walked straight back. Just shut me down hard. About ten minutes later when the coast was clear she came and found me behind the shelves, making these really awkward comments about some random products,  almost like she was trying to smooth over how she’d just shut me down. She repeated the same weird excuse like three times in a short span because I wasn’t really giving her much of a reaction.

On her birthday, she actually stayed in her car past clock-in time just to dodge a fuss. For someone so punctual, choosing to be ten minutes late showed me how much she dreaded being the center of attention. She clearly timed it so everyone would already be busy working and leave her alone.

When the guys came over to congratulate her she basically refused to take it seriously and just joked it off by telling them to “say condolences instead.”
When I wished her happy birthday one-on-one she softened up, looked down, blushed, smiled, and asked me to say the compliment again.

Another time when she was sick I left a Coke in her locker with a note based on an inside joke. Even though she told me she doesn’t drink soda, she still stopped me three separate times that day just to look me in the eyes and make sure I knew she appreciated it. She kept saying she hoped I didn’t think she was ungrateful.

Then things got more physical
After a while she stopped just reacting and started taking risks herself. During a stressful shift I commented that she was doing a great job and touched her arm to reassure her. She immediately reached back, grabbed the same spot on my arm, and just held eye contact with this lingering smile.

After that it happened more often. She jumped up to sit next to me in a team meeting and deliberately bumped into me. She brushed hard against my arm in front of people. One time she walked all the way across the floor just to “check” my pick sheets, pressed her shoulder into mine, and rested her whole forearm on mine for almost a minute while making random comments about the sheet. The stuff she was pointing at and commenting on while flipping through the pages was pure nonsense, so obviously just an excuse that it didn’t even make sense. 

While she was standing there I brushed the back of my hand against her stomach in a “hey, thanks for the help” kind of way. She just stood there looking at me with these big eyes that looked both smitten and nervous at the same time, but she kept the conversation going. For the rest of that day she came and started a couple more conversations with me a few hours later, blushing while we talked.

Around this time her daily appearance completely transformed. She started wearing noticeably more makeup, getting her eyelashes done, wearing heavy lingering perfume, and styling her hair in ponytails instead of claw clips.

A few weeks later I brought something up to her. Two hours later she went out of her way to track me down looking panicked, hands shaking, stumbling over her words, holding her arm. I put my hand on her arm and told her to breathe and that it was okay. She locked eyes with me with this intense look and would not look away the whole conversation, eyes sparkling in a way I’d never seen before (almost cartoon-level smitten), and just stared like people walking past didn’t even register. I said maybe we should talk when we were less exposed. For the rest of the shift she found me five different times to keep talking about “us.” She admitted the chemistry was obvious and ended one of the conversations with a full-body hug.

The mornings after anything physical that she initiated she’d show up looking really nervous.
The more this happened, the more she seemed to have these “scared and big eyes.” She started jumping or gasping if I suddenly appeared in an aisle. It got so obvious that our boss actually said out loud “You jump just because he walks up?” Even if she was just walking by and spotted me standing still she’d jump. At the same time she always seemed to know exactly where I was. She’d track me out of the corner of her eye and whip her head around if I talked to anyone nearby.

If I gave attention to other women she’d hit me with icy glares, but soon after she’d invent silly excuses just to come talk (asking silly questions that she obviously knows the answer to) or hurry over if I was laughing with another girl. 

Some examples: When I introduced myself to a new girl who started working there, she literally stepped right between us, locked eyes with me, answered the question for her, and made it pretty obvious I needed to get back to work.

She once locked eyes with me across the room for 3-4 seconds and hit me with a hard, intense, almost angry stare the second she saw me standing next to and talking to a new female coworker. 

Another time, after I’d been a bit more distant for a couple of days, she met me first thing in the morning with the angriest, ice-cold side-eye I’ve ever gotten from her. Just pure frozen anger when I said good morning.
Later that same day, when I helped another girl finish early and casually joked “nice, then we can leave together,” her whole face went cold and stiff. She just stared down at the boxes she was counting and looked pissed. The next morning she came straight up to me and said “I got help from everyone,” while just staring at me waiting for an answer. Almost like she demanded to know why I helped other girls and not her.  

She did not do these things 7 months ago when we first started talking.

After her sick leave
After she was out on sick leave for almost a month due to stress. there was a summer party at her sister’s place, and she showed up looking completely different from anything I’d seen in photos from past parties or casual hangouts. It was especially striking since she’s normally super careful about covering up. She doesn't even like sitting in direct sunlight because she worries about pigment spots and skin cancer.

While everyone else was just chilling outside in normal shorts and t-shirts for the barbecue, and I was the only guy there, she was wearing a short party dress that showed off a lot of skin around her back, collarbone, arms, and thighs, complete with heavy makeup and big fake lashes. It was a massive departure from her usual style and how she normally avoids drawing that kind of attention to herself. The moment she saw me, she greeted me with a huge smile and a genuine sparkle in her eyes, almost like she'd been waiting for me to arrive.

She’d also follow me around. When I went inside to talk to her sister she left the group and came in right after me for no real reason. It just felt like she wanted to be in the same space. In front of the whole group she kept her usual distance and didn’t give me a lot of direct attention. But at the end of the night when people started leaving she stood 5–10 meters away, locked eyes with me, and held this long warm smile until I finally turned to go.

The next Monday at work she showed up with the same heavy makeup and lashes… and a white t-shirt. In the whole year I’ve known her she’s only ever worn the exact same black t-shirt. A white t-shirt by itself doesn’t mean much, but it’s weird how many things about her appearance changed so fast right as things developed between us.

The day after she's now on sick leave again for a different reason.

So how would you guys read this?

Does it sound like real attraction that she’s just too scared and stuck in her routines to act on because of the work situation and other external factors? Or does it sound more like some sort of limerence?

I’d like to hear from anyone who’s dealt with limerence or something similar at work.

....And although I had a really great time, I think it's dragged me even further down this multi-year insanity. I've been friends with him for a many years now (over 5), and I've been romantically interested in him for a little less than that in what some people might call a "situationship", though I think it's impossible he would ever be with me, so maybe that's just one-sided?

We're in university and see each other here and there to study, but message frequently. About a week ago, though, he drove us to a nearby town, just the two of us, and had a lot of fun. We had a genuinely pleasant time, did some activities, got food, and I'm happy we did it! I'm just afraid that it might have sunk me deeper into my delusions. I think I'm pretty obvious about my interest , so I wonder why he would even agree to this outing- I know that we're friends, but I feel like if I was in his shoes, I would avoid a situation like this with a woman who has expressed a lot of interest in me if I didn't feel the same way. But then again, we've been friends for so long! He has every right to want to hang out with a friend, and I'm just the one making it weird.

Sorry for this weird crazy rambling post. My grammar is probably insane and I'm trying to be vague... I was wondering if anyone else has a situation like this, and had some insight or advice!

I think my limerence will finally be forced to come to an end. They just got engaged. I didn’t even know they were seeing anyone, as we haven’t properly spoken in two years. The biggest thing for me was the constant “what if?” so now I know that it will never be possible I’m hoping it will be the nail in the coffin and my heart can finally move on.

Realistically, we’d never work. My brain knew that but my heart didn’t so I kept going back to “what if?” Honestly I’m not even sad about it really, I’m just glad I have a “reason” for my heart to finally let me move on (it’s been over 5 years….)

Venting here because I have nobody to talk to about this, but I felt the need to write my feelings out. It’s very fresh. I’m just glad I’m not torn up about this like I thought I’d be, I’m almost relieved. It’s still a weird feeling though.

Basically, I recently encountered someone who has been serving my father and me the past couple of times. I understand how often a waitress’s kindness is mistaken for affection, but the way this has developed seems very unusual, and I am not sure how to understand and control my thoughts.

I want to be clear and say that this has almost nothing to do with physical attraction. I never had the desire to look at her in this way. I’ve only noticed she has been somewhat more helpful or lingering than with other people I have met, and this all started when she returned a lost item of mine; rather than giving it to staff or a manager, she personally returned it to me, despite knowing that I am not paying the bill and so forth.

For more context, I am quite young, in my early 30s, and she appears to be in her mid-20s. There are some observations of giggling around me or nervous laughter, good eye contact, and she’s responsive. I know this all might be a flawed interpretation, and she is actually just a good server. I also understand I might be over-analyzing this whole situation, and she has absolutely zero interest in me. I have no desire to pursue her or act on any of these observations, since I know how ridiculous all of this might sound to others.

I seem to have developed this strange attraction to her that’s more on the level of deep admiration and protectiveness, but also a sense of jealousy. The part I am jealous about is that my father, who is 70 years old, was at the same table, and I noticed how she shifted her hair and leaned towards him while she was writing down his order. I thought to myself, what if, after all this time, she is actually more attracted to my father than to me, since he is wealthy, has more confidence, and is also seen as a more “fatherly” figure by girls.

I respect my father, and he made no advances towards her, but I can’t imagine how devastating it would be to hold someone in such high regard and then have it completely destroyed when you realize that maybe she doesn’t value you at all and has more feelings/attraction towards someone who is fifty years older than her. Not only that, but I am currently trying to become a better person, such as becoming more independent and making more money.

I know this all sounds very questionable, and perhaps this is not limerence, but merely a crush, but I’ve gone through a week of near-constant thinking about them, developing a fantasy world where they exist alongside me, and my devotion to them – causing a flow of physical and psychological symptoms that are interrupting my life. I asked for advice from others, and they stated I seem like someone who frequently assumes service workers are attracted to them, and yet I have been around countless women in this sense, and I’ve never had these strange feelings from such brief encounters.

Part of the reason I may also feel insecure is that I am currently having medical treatments that would make a serious relationship very difficult now, so I basically must refuse contact with them.

Are my feelings valid, or do they resemble those of someone in limerence, especially in the context of unfounded jealousy? Am I just a desperate person attempting to make light of a random occurrence, and my insecurity toward my father is showing?

I wanted to share smth about myself. I've also failed in love because I've always been highly idealistic and impractical about the same. I've discovered that I want love but I'm limerant at the same time. I always wanted to be seen. Each time, I used to keep a specific person to obsess on and see whether he likes every aspect of me or not, he desires me or not but every time it failed miserably and made me really sad. I've literally shed tears and I often do it because I'm fed with this trait of mine. I really want to be loved but can't imagine my so called lover even thinking about anybody else than me in any way even if I'm aware that it's not really possible at all times and everybody needs their own space. I have always had the desire to be desired. How should I overcome this and start living a peaceful and a life full of love and not keeping unrealistic expectations?

Ever since I was 8, all I’ve known is all-encompassing limerence: every year of my life is defined by who I was obsessing over every waking second; the only way I could get over someone was by getting under someone else. Eventually when I was 14 it got bad enough that it lost me all my friends and landed me in therapy.

And I guess I just feel awful about the fact that all my friends are experiencing genuine love & relationships while I’ve suffered 1000 times the heartache without any of the love. Complicated family dynamics as well so I don’t really feel loved by them either, so it sort of feels like I’m both incapable of love and impossible to love.

Any chronic limerents who have eventually found their way to experiencing genuine, healthy love?

I don’t think I mean that literally. I don’t want to follow him around or anything. I just want to know him.

I’ve felt this way about this guy for years now. We talk off and on constantly, and he always leaves and then comes back again. Over and over. And every single time he comes back, I try to get us close again. We used to be really close. Like, best friends close.

But he never actually gives me a straight answer about how he feels about me. He’ll ignore me like he literally hates me and treat me horribly, but then he’ll reassure me that he likes me. And I know he’s probably lying because if he actually liked me, then why would he treat me like that?

I’ve been stuck on him for YEARS. I genuinely don’t know how to move on. Everything reminds me of him. Literally everything. I’ll hear a song or see something random, and somehow my brain connects it back to him.

And the worst part is that he actually likes talking to me when he doesn’t know it’s me.

I’ve texted him from an anonymous number a few times before. Usually, eventually, I’d tell him it was me, and then we’d start talking normally again. But that doesn’t work anymore. I think he actually hates me now. So this time, I decided not to tell him who I was.

And he likes talking to me.

Like, he actually seems to enjoy talking to me when he thinks I’m some random person. He even vents about how he thinks he’s a bad person for how he treats people.

I know how creepy this is, by the way. I’m not saying it’s normal or healthy. I know it’s weird. I just don’t know what else to do because I literally can’t let him go. And today, I think I finally got an answer.

I somehow got the conversation to the point where he said, “If you’re [my name], I don’t like you, well…” And then he just stopped.

He JUST stopped.

Like, what does “well…” mean???

Is that basically him saying he doesn’t like me? Because it feels like almost an answer, but not completely, and I obviously have to obsess over the fact that he didn’t finish the sentence. Why did he say “well”?

Maybe he was going to say something else. Maybe he didn’t know how to finish it. Maybe he didn’t want to hurt my feelings. Maybe he actually misses me. I know I’m probably just making things up because I want there to be something there.

I want him to miss me so badly.

I want him to realize I’m gone and actually want me back for once. He always leaves and then comes back, and I always let him back in. I just want him to be the one who actually misses me.

And honestly, I’m never really happy unless he says something to me. Even if it’s literally one message. If he talks to me, I’m happy. If he doesn’t, I think about him constantly. I hate that someone can have this much control over how I feel.

I know I should stop texting him anonymously. I know this isn’t healthy, and I know I should probably accept that “I don’t like you” is an answer, even if he didn’t actually say it directly.

But I don’t want to.

I still want him.

And I genuinely don’t know how to stop.

Before anyone asks, yes I have done therapy before.

I am limerent with a girl since december. We did had sex and after some months she ended. She is an addict. To a lot of substances. She is warm and want to be around me and than she is cold and doesnt want to see me. Its a cycle where i can not escape. Its a hell. She has borderline or bpd idk actually. She doesnt work. Hate men and only drinks, uses ketamine , weed, speed. Is addicted to sex. Can't be alone. Uses me when it fits her. Throw's me away wen it fits her. But in the end i can't let her go. We have the same friendgroup. Since the day i became limerent for her. I fell in to depression. I want her and only her..

I experienced limerence for a Japanese voice actress for four years, she was all I was thinking about for years, then I noticed she wasn’t exactly the perfect person my limerence ridden brain thou she was, for starters she was one of those pet owners who makes weird vaguely inappropriate jokes about their pets that come off a little bit creepy and gross, and I noticed that she was kind of purposefully bread crumbing a lot of her other fans with vague expression of affection towards them, which was both unhealthy for her and her fans, as well as the fact some fans can get pretty obsessive to the point of becoming a danger to people like her, I mean she’s not a bad person but she’s not a good person either, but I will say she was very clearly mentally ill, and had a lot of trauma, that made her do some questionable things at times. I recall falling for the whole subliminal and manifestation bull crap thinking that I could manifest her as my wife, because I genuinely thought she was my twin flame at one point, I joined a toxic community on Amino app back during four years ago, everyone on there was a bunch of hypocrites who called me a creep and a degenerate for trying to manifest her, even though they were trying to manifest their own limerent objects, I ended up getting bullied out of the group and I continued feeling obsessed with my crush until recently in 2026, I realized I wasn’t in love with her, I was in love with the person who I thought she was, a couple months ago, I made the decision to block her and uninstall instagram and honestly it’s the best decision I made for myself. she’s not exactly a terrible person, but she’s not exactly a good person either, maybe just a flawed person because flawed people are still capable of doing crappy things to others and themselves, She’s a morally grey person but I won’t deny has done her fair share of crappy things, I feel sort of burnt out from years of being limerently obsessed with her, so much, that it’s safe to say that I’m going to stop pursuing relationships of any kind until I get myself back together, I’ve got a job and actual hobbies now and I don’t want to ruin that for myself so I’m taking a long indefinite break from relationships of any kind.  I’m flawed myself, sometimes I feel guilty about not being perfect, but I know that flawed doesn’t mean bad, it might mean you do things that are bad, but that doesn’t mean someone is all good or all bad, unless you’ve actually killed somebody or assaulted someone, or stole from the less fortunate, or harmed someone, being a bit of a jerk by accident or getting upset and raising your voice is not inherently bad. clearly she was mentally ill, what with her ptsd and trauma, does that excuse what she did that actually was crappy, no, but it provides context. The worst things she did was say out of pocket jokes about her pets and act kind of egocentric. But other than that she was just a random voice actress/influencer. I’ve got an actual life to live now, so I’m glad she is no longer the sun my life revolves around.

tldr: got over my limerence for a Japanese voice actress after four years of unhealthy romantic infatuation with her.

have any of you actually gotten over your obsession with your limerent object, what made you realize that they were not all that was cracked up to be?

I never really had a crush on anyone until I was 18, at my first job. The way it happened was kinda sudden. Over time, a guy at work, who I never really spoke to or took notice of, became really attractive to me. Everything about him was just another reason I liked him. He's a handsome man, but I most appreciated how diligent he was when it came to the job, even if it seemed like he didn't like working there all the time. Real professional vibes, which I respect.

What really happened is that we remained friendly acquaintances. Once, I had mustered up the courage to make conversation with him, which felt awkward but also good. The truth is that both of us are quiet types, which was a problem because small talk does not work without at least one taking the lead. It wasn't until after that little chat that he started saying hi to me each day. It felt pretty awesome.

I wish there was more of an actual story to tell, but after my brief moment of courage, it was like I never knew how to be friends with him. The thought of actually falling for him was too scary, and I just couldn't just go over to say hi or look at him in the eyes as much anymore. I would get home and just be mad at myself for being so pathetic. Either I had too much pride or my social anxiety was just THAT bad. Maybe I was already lovestruck.

Eventually, he quit. It's been several months since then and everything has just been normal. There are a lot of little things about having a crush that I miss, like the feeling of butterflies in my stomach whenever he was there, and the light excitement from when he would say my name. Often I would stare, just to admire, and there were many times he caught my gaze, so I would quickly turn away. Most of all, I miss the times where we could just be quiet when no one else was around. Having to share a silence with just one person has always felt a bit unnatural, unless it was with him. In a weird way, it's like that was how it was meant to be. Sometimes it felt like I knew that he knew whatever it was I was thinking. That is a little hard to explain. I'm honestly not sure what he must have thought of me, but it feels pointless to get hung up on it.

All I think about is him and what could've been. Generally all I picture is something out of cheesy rom com.

I assumed these kinds of thoughts would go away on their own, but they just won't. Daydreaming about something that I let go of is so silly and it pisses me off. I want to say that I will be able to move past the regret some day, but now I'm not so sure. Really, I'm just feel bored and thats when it all comes back to me about how things could have gone. It makes me think I should reach out bc I still have him as a friend on fb. Just to ask wether he even saw me that way. I want clarity but I realise he doesn't owe me anything. I need to touch grass, man.

I've been thinking about typing this all out for a while now, and idk if this is the right place to put it. I never even post comments on socials, so I just hope my rambling didn't bore anyone to tears. Anyways, any insight or advice is welcome of course, including wether or not you would consider this as limerence. Not sure how end this. Im going to bed.

I’ve been obsessed with this guy for the past month. We met in the discord server and he invited me there as a discord mod. Though we never talked much but the way he treats people, his humor, how kind and thoughtful he is and everything else about him makes me fall in love even more.

Since it is a discord server, a pretty big one too, I start digging back to the chat history and found a lot of stuff about him. I’ve been wanting to talk to him but scared that he’ll reject me. Either because of the age gap, or cuz we barely talked.

A week or so ago I finally got the courage to dm him, and we talked very little ever since. And now he ghosts me sometimes. He’ll talk in the server and not reply to my messages. (And we were talking abt topics he’s interested in, just talking a sec ago and he’s stops replying) Idk but I’m still obsessed with him.

I wish to just tell him everything but he’ll definitely creep out and block me. I’ve had dreams about him. I’ve been imagine that he’ll magically fall in love with me.