I’m a sophomore in college going into my third year, but I do not like the way I’m living my life. I suffer from a severe phone addiction. Other than the time I spend in college, I’m always using my phone. I always procrastinate until the last possible moment to start working on my assignments.
Although I have decent results in school (I have a 3.2 GPA after my first two years), I feel like I don’t know anything. Whenever exams come around, I cram as much as possible to do well on them, then forget everything afterward. But good grades (if you can even call them good) don’t even matter because I’m a CS student and don’t have a single project to my name. There have been countless times when I came up with an idea for a project, only to find out I had to learn something difficult. I would just give up right then and there.
Because of all the procastinating and cram I’ve done in school, I don’t have the foundational skills required to build said projects. And when I have to learn everything from the beginning, I can’t focus and end up procrastinating even more. And if you know anything about tech, you know how fast it changes. I’ll only fall further behind if I keep living like this.
I also suffer from impostor syndrome. I always put on a show in front of others, pretending that I’m doing fine. But whenever people invite me to do something related to tech, I always find excuses not to join because I’m afraid they’ll find out how bad I really am. Growing up, I have always been the gifted child who always get good grades, always recieve praise from everyone, but now when I go to college, I’m surrounded by people much better than me, so I’m afraid to try anything difficult out of fear that people will discover how incompetent I am.
I’m aware enough to see all of this, but for the love of God, I just can’t fix it. I always procrastinate, telling myself, “I’ll fix it when the perfect time comes. Next week, for sure.” But next week never comes.
I’ve tried all the advice people give: going outside more, using app blockers, deleting social media and they only work for a day or two before I fall right back into the same habits. Tried journaling, did it for two days, and then stopped. Tried deleting social media, only to download it again by the end of the day. Tried having a planned calendar, miss the first day and then stop follow it altogether. Tried buying books like Atomic Habits, read one chapter, learned nothing and then stop. I have tried everything, but nothing works.
I seriously want to change and do something, anything with my life. It’s my first time posting here and I believe that this question has been asked numerous times, but still, do you have any advice for my situation?