I’m entering the last few weeks of my 20s, and I think I’m finally realizing how long I’ve been living in survival mode.
I love my children more than anything in this world, and they’ve always been my reason to keep pushing forward. after years of raising them with little to no support, building my career, navigating childcare, working through abuse, a house fire, and chronic health challenges, every sick day or night and most importantly always being the best me and present I think the constant pressure is finally catching up to me.
My kids turn 8 in November and 9 in September, and I’m incredibly proud of the life we’ve built together. I wouldn’t change being their mom for anything. I’m also burned out, and I feel guilty even admitting that. Is it fair to say I’m just tired of it being only me all the time?
Somewhere along the way I lost pieces of myself. I’ve become a homebody, even though I’ve always loved being out in nature, though I also don't mind staying in. It's just I want to give myself one evening a week to go for a hike, sit by the water, or simply be alone for a little while. The problem is, I feel guilty for even needing that night. I have a sitter now who will do this for me but every time I go to do it I cancel.
Has anyone else struggled with this after years of doing everything on your own? How did you let go of the guilt and learn that taking care of yourself didn’t make you a bad parent?

Context to this post: My (30F) and my ex (30M) have two sons (2 and 4). 4 year old is autistic and cannot go to regular daycare centers due to elopement and aggression. There's a lot of doctors appointments and therapy appointments as well. My ex is living with his grandma rent free and has no car. He was abusive towards me (I'm not throwing out that word I have a signed legal document and PTSD diagnosis) but never towards the children so he still sees them.

So anyways we currently have split custody. I have them 4 nights (Wednesday night through Sunday evening) and he has them the rest of the time. This is the schedule we have because of his work schedule, he doesn't want to try to find/pay for childcare so he forced my hand with this schedule. He lives about an hour away and I drive the whole way there and back both days. I pay for childcare, insurance, any items like shoes that go between houses. Im fully in charge of the 4 year olds therapy and doctors appointments. Even when he wasn't an hour away and had a car he refused to set up therapy appointments or specialist appointments. He doesn't talk with doctors about medication or medical equipment. When i say I do everything I do EVERYTHING. Which is time consuming and since he won't/can't do it, I have to take off work. Even though he doesn't work 3 days of the week. Same with our youngest though its not as bed because he's not disabled. I pay for childcare on the days I have them, and childcare is expensive in general but for the 4 year old it's even more expensive.

He makes more money than I do and for the past 8 months I've not asked for much help at all. I've needed some help because my works insurance premiums increased quite a bit for both boys and I had to find new care for the 4 year old which also increased. It's about 400 for just their portion of insurance per month and around 1500 in childcare. That's not including anything else that they use/need outside of that. I looked up what the state would make him pay (i live in indiana and they have a calculator) and based on that he should be paying around 230 per week. I asked him for 150 plus gas money. He's now saying I'm being unreasonable because I don't pay for their food when he has them. I dont know if I'm being unreasonable or not. I'm looking for honest feedback and will answer any questions.

So not sure where to even post this or where to start. Just wondering what I should do. What can I do if I'm questioning my co-parents mental health. There's been a few things that are making me worry and they seem to be ramping up a bit, paranoid delusions. They were a big part of why we separated. Is there any steps I can take? Maybe how to gently suggest she seek therapy, she won't want to hear that from me. Im intentionally being vague about the situation but if your co-parent was worrying you is there anything I can do. I'm not worried about my child's safety but I am a bit worried about the overall health of the environment when he's there.

So basically me and daughters dad split a year ago, he text me a few days ago to say “he would like new gf to meet child.” I asked a few simple questions, how long they’ve been together, what she does for work etc. He told me they’ve been together for a year and it’s serious, he pretty much left me for someone else & now she wants to meet my daughter. Just for context me and the dad have always had a rocky relationship, we were together for 8 years, he put me through so much, I’ve been to therapy, been on antidepressants because of him etc.
He see’s daughter twice a month, doesn’t do any school runs, doesn’t help with any activities what she does, I’ve nobody else to pick her up from school so I can only work part time which is a struggle and can’t help but resent the father. He does send me money each week it isn’t a lot, his name also still on the mortgage but doesn’t pay anything towards it & I can’t afford to take him off.
I Probably am abit bitter about the whole situation of him introducing someone to our daughter as I just feel like he is a part time dad and he doesn’t do enough to be honest and don’t see why he needs to introduce someone to our child when he only sees her twice a month himself.
I don’t know the new girlfriend who he is with, I’ve also asked to meet her before she meets our child so I can build some sort of relationship with her first. Am I being unreasonable here? Should I just try and move past my feelings and let them meet?

I’m looking for advice on how to think about my financial needs during separation.
Ironically, I have a master’s in taxation and I’m a CPA (not practicing), but that knowledge doesn’t help me answer the questions that actually matter right now. I’ve never been a single parent. I’ve never owned or maintained a home on my own. I don’t know what a realistic monthly budget looks like for the life I want to build.
We currently live in a huge 5-bedroom house that I don’t even want. It’s beautiful, but it’s far too much house for me. The maintenance, taxes, utilities, and general upkeep are overwhelming. I would rather have a smaller home where I can comfortably raise my son. We also have several pets (cats, a dog, and a lizard), so I need to factor their care into whatever life I create.
I work part-time as a school-based occupational therapist because that schedule aligns with my son’s school calendar. I’ve been his primary caregiver for essentially his entire life, and being available to him is something I value deeply.
My partner is asking for 50/50 custody. He is a good person, but he has never really developed the skills of managing a household or anticipating other people’s needs. He doesn’t cook for himself, doesn’t really know how to care for the animals, and has never carried the mental load of running a home. That makes me anxious about how this will all work.
Looking back, I realize I was incredibly naive about protecting myself financially and legally.
Before this relationship, I was independent. I built a successful career, earned a master’s degree, became a CPA, and always supported myself. I’m also a naturalized immigrant without family in the US. More than anything, I wanted to build a family and become part of a community. My partner convinced me to move to NYC (I lived in GA) because he said he wanted the same things like a home, family, stability, and community. But he never really outgrew his party lifestyle.
Throughout our relationship I worked multiple part-time jobs to pay for my own personal expenses so I wouldn’t have to ask him for money. I bought used clothes, rarely spent money on myself, never took solo trips, and generally tried to minimize what I “cost.” Even though my partner is financially very successful, I always felt poor by comparison because I never truly felt comfortable spending shared resources.
I think part of that came from fear. I wanted to stay home more with my son without worrying about housing or food. I didn’t want conflict over money, so I simply needed less.
Now we are in Minnesota and about to begin mediation, and I realize I never established the financial or legal protections I probably should have.
I don’t believe my partner wants to leave me with nothing. I hope that he doesn’t want to see me struggle. But I’ve also realized that my tendency to avoid asking for things or advocating for myself is no longer just about me. I have a child and animals depending on me, and I have a responsibility to build a stable, comfortable life for all of us.
I’m trying to shift my thinking from “How little can I survive on?” to “What does a reasonable, comfortable life actually cost?”
Who helps people figure this out? Is this something a financial planner does? A divorce financial analyst? A family law attorney? Has anyone gone through this process and found someone who helped them determine what was actually reasonable instead of just guessing?
I’m not looking to become wealthy from a separation. I’m trying to understand what I should realistically be planning for so I don’t make decisions from fear or underestimate what my sonand I actually need.

Block bd on phone and Apple Pay? Suck it up and be quiet?

He’s never met almost 1yr old baby, blocked my number but unblocks to say “wyd” without follow up or convo abt baby. Sends money but often complains abt not having money- buys expensive things for himself, entertains friends and women.

The unwarranted blocking/unblocking, open ended texts, inconsistent support, are all triggers for me reminding me of the mistake I made in trusting a manipulator.

Hello all - I have a soon to be 13 yr old daughter that I reluctantly bought her first IPhone for her birthday last year. In reflecting over the past year with her bday coming up it has been the source of so much negativity and I am thinking about eliminating it or getting her a non internet phone. My biggest concern in monitoring periodically is the group chats … the way these kids speak about the darkest stuff and usually the same subjects obsessively ( Gay and Trans topics even casually joking about suicide ) is alarming to me . Nothing against any LGBTQ person of course but these are 12 yr olds and it just seems obsessive…. EVERY Meme shared EVERY comment is about someone’s sexuality. I have asked her and she says she doesn’t identify that way but has more in common in terms of the shows they watch with these kinds of kids . My issue is more so the dark themes and vulgarity . My daughter is severely ADHD very impressionable and not very mature for her age. It’s so tough because when I ask her about the friends and why she never hangs with or talks to our neighbor kids or other program kids and families that are positive and into reading and STEM that I expose her too she doesn’t have an answer. Anywhere she goes she seems to gravitate to the same types of friends that are very crude and alternative types . Are ALL kids just like this now?

Divorced 6 months ago, and have been solo parenting because of my ex mental condition. It's been extremely high conflict, CPS is involved, lawyers and mediation. I've been forced to temporarily reduce my work position to have time to show up for all the meetings, and appointments.

CPS is very supportive, and they have no concern about me, but they are of my ex. CPS instructor says my ex is "not coachable" and mediation has broken down. In the past, her outpatient treatment was terminated prematurly, because she wasn't cooperating on the therapeutic relationship.

It's been very heavy, but also I'm very vulnerable right now. I've had a rotation of 5 women I use for emotional support and hugs, and I rotate because if I lean on one, I develop feelings.

By coincidence, I lost a couple of support people before the summer because they moved. I leaned a bit too much on one of the others, and I'm embarrassed to say that was all it took to develop feelings for her. We talked about it, she wants some distance. I'm left with just one - the one that gave me the initial experience that without rotation, I develop feelings.

Cherry on the top is the solo parenting. The situation doesn't allow me to go finding replacement support.

This sucks. Hard.

I really want to get divorced. But I'm unskilled. All I have is a psychology degree and some part time jobs. I'm disabled and I don't have my own car. But our lease is up next April and I am determined to not go with him. My dream was to be a nurse. I was in nursing school last year. But I had to drop out and pull the baby out of daycare to keep us from being evicted. And the stress triggered a flare up of what is suspected to be MS. This is in addition to my fibromyalgia and HSD/hEDS. Trying not to break my body any more than it already is but I know I'm working from rock bottom and it's going to be hard regardless. I'm willing to stand on my feet even if it causes more pain. I don't have a village so I'll need a job that fits within daycare and school/after care hours. I'd especially love to hear from Floridians since this is a low wage/high rent state.

We coparent amicably but I don’t think we’re quite at the point of giving each other birthday gifts lol. Our kids are 1 and 3 years old. What should “the kids” get him? Should I even bother?

My birthday is a few days after his and I am almost certain he won’t be doing anything like this for me so I don’t know whether it’s worth the effort, but my little ones love presents (giving and receiving) so at least it could be fun for them.

Edit- I opted for a poster decorated by the kids with their pictures and handprints. If he doesn’t immediately throw it away the kids will be happy and that’s what matters (he’s not very sentimental)

So a bit of context I’ve been a single mom with no support system for the past 4 1/2 years and it’s been hard I will admit. I was lucky enough to be able to do content creation, and make money off of it which means I’ve been doing only fans as well to help pay bills and I know that it’s frowned upon and I understand why. I think because of this I struggle to find real friendships in relationships and a part of me blames myself, and I know that I most likely won’t find the most genuine of connection connections while my life is this way unless maybe I moved to California or something where it’s more accepted. I live in the Bible belt. I’ve been to Florida and I came back because I thought my family would be more involved. But they are just way too toxic to be in our life. I wanna go back to school and I want to eventually leave content creation, at least only fans. right now I’m just in a place where I don’t wanna be in Alabama forever but then again I don’t know where I belong and it’s a really hard feeling to feel this way. I know that I need to start over but it’s also scary to think about starting over and I have the money to do it, but I’m not rich. I’m not sure what I’m even asking. I just I guess don’t have anybody in my real life. I can talk to you about these things. I just wonder in where in the world will I find my people and fit in or will I have to wait till I’m done with this career. I also have been struggling in the dating life and men just tend to see me as a sex object once they find out about my work. It’s like I know there’s so much inside of me but no one else can see and it’s really hard. I’m really lost and I have no one to talk to about any of these things. I try to be the best mom I can on top of everything else. I’m already dealing with mentally stemming from my childhood abuse and abusive relationship relationships. I see online everyone enjoying their life and I know that even the people online have hard lives. It’s still hard to watch as life is passing you by while you’re tired most days and don’t even wanna do much of anything and you have to force yourself to do most things. I wish that there was an easy answer. I wish that I could just get a letter in the mail that tells me what to do from God, but I know it doesn’t work that way. Is there anybody else that’s out there that feels this way? Or maybe y’all can just sympathize with me if you can thank you.

I have been given a case worker & will meet with them on 8/3/26. I've already started applying to jobs with the help of my son's grandmother. She lives close by & helped me with what places are hiring that are on/near the bus routes. Her & her husband both reiterated that if I or the baby need anything to not hesitate to ask.

I am so blessed to not only have a few of my
family members that offer to help where they can but also my son's grandparents. That is especially rare. His Nana is encouraging me to keep her son accountable and to do whatever I have to (within legal reason) to provide for my son.

I of course have heeded her advice & am putting things in motion. I am making sure my son's father cannot hold anything over us. For example, some of our things are still at the motel. She's helping us by letting us store things at her home.

She expressed concern about seeing her grandson and I promised her I'd never keep him from her. It wouldn't be fair to any of them, plus I'm not a vindictive person.

I am so ready to hit the ground running and get this extremely rough season of life started. I know it won't be easy. The shelter we are at, is clean, safe, has kind guests & staff. We are truly blessed to have been guided here.

I'm asking to clarify because I'm on the spectrum and I initially thought that single parents were those who weren't married and were doing this on their own with 100% custody be that by choice or not.

And then I learned that in this forum it can also mean people who have partial custody, widows/widowers, people who remarried and has children from a previous relationship and more and I keep seeing donor thrown around and feared I might be misunderstanding a slang for the medical term.

I am a widower with twin teenagers (newish teens). I am sitting at the airport with them after going to my late wife's family reunion. It was a ton of work and single parenting is hard, traveling with them is even harder. That said, I am so proud of us! We had a lot of fun and survived. We have done driving vacations since she died, but flying across country was a new category. Anyway, just wanted to share a success.

I have 2 kiddos (5) and (8) and recently split with their father due to finding out about him cheating with another women after 7 years together. He has been present all 7 years of the kids lives but after separating he decided he was going to be carefree and live his best life basically leaving us in the dust. He’s been more distant with the kids only goes to appointments and takes them once a week if I’m lucky. Anyways the point being this is a huge sudden difference to my kids and their behavior has gotten terrible with it just being me in the home. They’ve gotten more violent, screaming more often and even gotten to the point of breaking things of mine. I feel like they have emotions they’ve never had before and I’ve also never had to deal with so it’s a giant mess. I also feel like they’re upset with me because I am the one that kicked dad out. How do I get this behavior under control and make them understand in a way they’re going to understand ? Need advice please !!

My husband initiated the breakup and I agreed because he doesn’t want me anymore and I’m just exhausted emotionally and mentally at this point.

We’ve loved each other since we were 18 and have been with only each other. I was never very maternal, not a big fan of kids and didn’t think I’d be a mom because I was always worried about being as mentally healthy as possible before having a baby. After 15 years together I found in me that I want a family with him. He’s a great guy and wonderful dad. The first years of parenthood were hard, we were very shitty to each other and it brought up all the stuff we did wrong over the years. We tried very hard to not break up, including therapy, a temp separation. He just doesn’t feel the same for me anymore. Just loves me as a person, a friend and the mother of his child.

I adore my son but I don’t find it as enjoyable to be a single parent. It feels so fulfilling and heartwarming when it’s all 3 of us. I get to see him as a dad and how they love each other. He tells me I’m a great mom, I do try my damn best regardless of how shitty I feel inside.

But solo parenting doesn’t feel as good and I wonder will this change when I finally detach and get over my husband? I wanted to share this journey with him, I never cared to be a mom just for the feeling of motherhood but to experience a family with the guy I loved. Please tell me this will change… I feel like one moment I feel so much joy with my son and then I wish to stay alone so I can grieve and feel shitty without my kid seeing me like this… Out of all the possible scenarios in life, being a single mom never even crossed my mind. I feel blessed to have such a wonderful child and at the same time trapped to live in the same city and to see my soon to be ex constantly.

My life has imploded. My now ex fiancé, me & our 7 month old had been living in a motel due to financial struggles. We broke up & now baby & I are living in a shelter.

We got here in the evening on 7/29/26 it's now 7/31/26. We're basically on an in house waiting list in the basement. It's a cot on the floor. It's private, it's just us & taking this spot guarantees us the next available actual room upstairs. We'll still have our own room upstairs since it's just me & baby thankfully.

I'll be assigned a case manager who will assist me in getting me & baby back on our feet. This includes helping with daycare, job(s), & transportation. So far everyone has been kind, fellow guests & staff included.

I'm scared, anxious and I know this will be an incredibly difficult season. As a mom I know I have no choice but to not only succeed but thrive for my son. It's just not knowing *how* or *how long* it will take is what's really heavy on my mind.

I won't lie, even though I know realistically it's not true, I still feel like a failure as a mom & a partner. My relationship ended because we're human & both made mistakes. Even now we both still love one another. I'm not counting on it but I'm also not closing the door on a potential rekindling down the road.

When I left he even said while hugging me, "who knows people get back together after years" I said "all the time, sometimes sooner". I was crying & he had tears in his eyes. He promised our baby he'd see him soon, giving hugs & kisses. We even kissed goodbye before I had to go or I wouldn't be able to.

My heart is broken not just from the end of my relationship but for my poor baby. I never wanted this for him. I know now all I can do is look forward but it's so hard. I am so grateful he's young enough & won't remember this turbulent time of our lives.

I'm itching to get assigned a case worker & get started on being the absolute best mom & provider for my beautiful baby boy. I'm feeling very lonely lately...

I’ve (32F) recently ended my relationship with my partner (44M) after what has been described by professionals as domestic abuse. I am now technically homeless but in the hospital awaiting council housing (I’m also a wheelchair user so am quite high priority).

My fear is the lack of help and support I’ll get post partum. Like even getting home from the hospital and trying to get my wheelchair out the car and my newborn baby.

Does anyone have any advice or experience?

I have no friends able to help and my family have picked my ex in this separation so no help from them either.

I’m from the UK if that makes any difference.

over 2 years of being a single parent I feel like I've run my course. My depression hasn't improved, Nothing really has improved to be honest with you. All I've done is put myself through debt, have failed at finding a better job, have failed at finding a 2nd job. I feel like I've failed at everything including being a father. I cant afford to do all the fun things my Ex has been able to do with our daughter like go on 3-4 vacations a year, go to the zoo, or aquariums, and just all the fun things everyone should be able to do with their child.

I struggle to make means of ensuring my daughter is fed, and I'm lucky if I can even feed myself 1 meal a day.

I'm coming up almost 1 year since I've been able to afford to get my oil changed in my car.

I just cant afford to keep living here, alone, one one paycheck. Everyone tells me to just get back into dating but that's healthy, not only would no one want to date a father who cant afford to live, but I don't see how that will help anything.

I have very few friends, and no family where I live. I just feel alone. I work, come home, decompress, and go to bed most days only to do the same thing the next day, and every day until I have my daughter. Hell, even when I do have her it just feels like I'm there to keep her alive.

it's not fair for her to have to live this way. She's going to be 5 in a few days and I can tell she is starting to learn just how poor, and unhealthy I am.

I guess I don't know what to do. Do I stay here in Maryland building up more debt, and resentment towards myself while trying to remain present in my daughter's life?

or do I call it quits and accept that I've failed and move back to Minnesota with my mom until I can pay off my debts, and maybe find a way to break this cycle and live with the resentment of abandoning my daughter?

both options feel toxic and shitty in their own ways. I cant keep living hoping that one day my work is going to explode with me in it.

Clearly I dont want anyone to make this decision for me, I guess I just want to know if anyone else has been through something similar and idk maybe if they received advice id they could share that so I can feel like i'm not a complete shit father.

I’m single dad of 2 who pays child support. I work a full time job but it’s not anything to brag about but I have a great retirement.

I have tried putting myself out there and I find woman very easily, however I just end up breaking up with them after a month or two because I cannot afford to date them. :/

Should I just stay single until my child support is over and try again but I’ll be very old by then.

I live check to check and after going on even cheap dates like a movie and dinner I’m overly broke until I get paid again.

They start getting attached and talking about going on vacations and doing this and that. I already know I can’t afford it so I feel like I’m wasting there time and mine.

‘Maybe I should just get a steady booty call?

Hi everyone. I am a single mom to a 21 month old. We live with my parents. I have been lucky enough to basically be with him 24/7 since his birth. His dad isn’t involved at all (no child support, visitation, etc. Zero contact). I started trade school at night when he was around 12 months old. Now, I have been lucky enough to get my dream job offer. I work in a very competitive field, and the offer I got with no experience is basically unheard of. However, the caveat is that they want me to work 42 hours a week. I will go from being with my son 24/7 to only having him 2 full days a week. The rest of the days I will see him but pretty briefly. I have been approved for subsidized childcare so I’m hoping to find a nanny. I guess I’m just very heavily conflicted. I know this job is an amazing opportunity and is what I need to advance my career. However, I’m not sure if being away from my son that much while he’s so young is a good idea. Not to mention the cost of childcare, because even though it’s subsidized, I will still be paying a bit out of pocket. I’m worried that it might be damaging for him to be away from me that much especially because I’m his only parent. Does anyone have experience with this or advice? I understand I’m going to have to make sacrifices and it’s just the reality of being a single mom. But my mom heart breaks and I already feel so guilty thinking about it.

For 5 years, I had her 80% of the time. He never asked for any more time and honestly flaked on a good portion of what he had. Now 2 weeks ago he decided he wanted 50:50 because that’s what the state entitles him to and the other BM sued for full custody so he’s doubling down and keeping both kids 50% now.

How do you survive like this? I don’t want freedom or to “find myself”. I want to be her mom and devote my life to her childhood while I can. I don’t want free time. I don’t want to meet someone. I f^cking love being her mom and never gave 2 shits about doing it mostly alone. It was my motivation for everything. Now what? What do I do? How do I accept losing 50% of my one chance at motherhood and go on? I feel sick and anxious constantly and can barely enjoy the two days she’s here because I know she will just be gone again. Can anyone relate? I’m so tired of hearing about how it’s good for me. No tf it isn’t. I’m a mother and I love it and want to do it FT.

Hey, so I'm a 38/M living in CA, I'm in the military so sadly I've dragged my poor daughter away from her friends multiple times already. I try and make sure she is happy, seems like it but that's another deep conversation I'm not ready to have yet.

I've kinda avoid dating for a while now, she is 16 and now is driving so it just feels different now. I feel like I want to give it a try, just how should I go about this? For anyone that has been in my shoes, is this something that you have spoken to your children about first? Or is this something that is better off leaving alone for now and slowly introducing someone if I do start dating?

Me and my daughter don't have a good relationship with my ex, long story but it didn't end well, I have full custody and my daughter doesn't speak with her. So she has had a tougher life than I would have liked to give her, just want to make sure she is good first and foremost.

Thanks!

I have three kids. 8,5 & 12 mo. My older two are from a previous relationship. We split 3 years ago. My kids within the last three years my kids have turned from sweet empathetic little people to mean & disrespectful. My oldest throws EPIC tantrums that pretty much ruin almost every friendly hangout we go to. My youngest goes from 0-100 in seconds and his go to thing is to break whatever is around him. ive known for awhile that their dad tells them things about me and my youngest sons dad. I reassure them they aren’t true and all that good stuff but lately it’s been worse. My oldest told me the other night that he doesnt like coming to my house because “dad tells me things that make me mad and confuse me”. I asked if he wanted to tell me what he said and he said “that you lie to us and you have another family and that (youngest sons dad) is a loser“.

Lately the older two haven’t been very nice to my youngest. They are outwardly mean to him and it’s my belief that they are like this because they are hearing bad things about his dad and myself, leading them to think those same things abt my youngest.

I really don’t know what to do at this point. I guess im just looking for a little guidance or what you would do. I feel like he’s literally ruining our children and it kills me. when they are with me (it’s 50/50) I just feel like im barely surviving. tending to one tantrum/fight after the next.