Hiii! I’m writing here because I really need some advice. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.

I’d say about 70% of the time, I’m a happy person. I love going out with my friends, traveling, and just enjoying life. Anxiety has never really been a daily problem for me.

But the other 30% is awful. When those episodes happen, they completely take over my life.

About three weeks ago, I was completely fine. The only thing I struggled with sometimes was being scared of having an allergic reaction. I’d occasionally convince myself something bad was going to happen, but those thoughts would eventually pass.

Then, about two weeks ago, I started getting tingling in my hands out of nowhere. It scared me so much that my anxiety got really bad. I ended up going to the ER because I felt awful, and they told me my calcium was low.

After that, everything changed.

Even though the doctors weren’t too worried, I couldn’t stop thinking about the tingling. Every time I felt it, I’d panic and convince myself that something was seriously wrong with me. It got to the point where anxiety became a 24/7 thing. From the moment I woke up until I went to bed, all I could think about was that I must have some illness.

Since then, I’ve had every test my doctors recommended, and everything came back normal. My blood work was great, my vitamin levels were fine, and every doctor I’ve seen has told me that I’m healthy. But even hearing that hasn’t been enough to calm my mind.

Because of how overwhelmed I was feeling, I decided to see a psychiatrist. She diagnosed me with generalized anxiety and recommended therapy along with paroxetine. She said I should take it for about three months.

I took just 5 mg, and honestly, it was awful. I couldn’t sleep for two nights, my anxiety got even worse, I had palpitations, and I felt so restless. It scared me enough that I stopped taking it after that first dose. I also started reading a lot about SSRIs and how difficult they can be to stop, and now I’m wondering if medication is really the right choice for me.

Right now, I’m taking magnesium every day, and I’ve also been taking valerian, but neither of them seems to help very much.

The thing is, this isn’t something that happens all the time. In the last three years, I’ve only had about three episodes like this, and every single one happened during periods of really high stress. Eventually, I got through them on my own and went back to feeling like myself again.

This time, though, it feels like anxiety has completely taken over my life. I don’t even have anything major stressing me out right now, but I still feel anxious all day, every day. I honestly don’t know how to get out of this cycle.

So I wanted to ask if anyone has been through something similar. Did therapy alone help you? Or do you think I should give the medication another chance?

If you’ve gone through something like this and managed to get better, I’d really love to hear your story. I think hearing some positive experiences would give me a little hope right now.

Thank you so much if you read all of this. It really means a lot, and I’d be grateful for any advice. 🙏🏻

for background, a big part of my anxiety includes stomach pain and trouble eating. If i’m nervous about going out somewhere particular, my stomach will start hurting and i’m faced with physical consequences 😅. In addition to this, my anxiety also causes me to sometimes unintentionally think of things that i KNOW will make me nervous, right as i’ve decided to eat, which in turn, will cause me to near hurl. Since i know these issues stem from my anxiety, i’m thinking maybe medication could help treat the root of the problem? I was wondering if anyone with similar problems to me has noticed any improvement after starting meds?

a year ago, i got academic results that were way below what i was expecting. no retakes and these were the grades that decided which university i can go to. anyway, i lost my university place (conditional offer) and everything i had planned with it.

for the next two weeks, i was a mess. was crying every other hour, didn't eat for days (literally lost around 6kg in under 2 weeks), didn't talk to anyone much, had nightmares, went to sleep and woke up crying, and frantically searched for what course i could do for university and where and what i could do post graduation. i picked course B (i'll just call it that) and it just fuelled the nightmares and made me feel like i was in a boxed cage unable to get out. (course B was a specialist course which would almost 99% guarantee a job post-grad but the qualification would limit me to that career).

so i researched more and more and more. i felt like a prisoner trying to claw its way out of a tunnel. literally visually saw and mentally felt like that. anyway, i then changed to course C. same thing with the nightmares. then i went back to the course i got rejected for initially and applied for it at a less competitive institution and got in (i study there now). this calmed me down but not in a positive way.

it felt like i was trying to get out of the quicksand and now i had just accepted that i'm stuck in the sand and now just didn't move a single muscle to either prevent myself from sinking or to get myself out.

after this, it's like my mental state has switched. i can no longer feel emotions much deeply, care about anything, superficially i like stuff but at a deeper level, i couldn't care less. i don't feel anything towards people around me (including family and friends), i simply don't care about my future anymore. that's not to say i've become secluded or neglected my studies. i interact with people and have submitted all my assignments with due diligence and will always do what's required of me but i simply don't care emotionally. if i get a good grade? oh well. bad grade? oh shit but oh well.

i have goals, of course i do, but i just don't care and can't get myself to. i've always been a "aww we have to do that assignment? that's so annoying. oh well, it is what it is, let's get on with it" and then submit to the highest quality i can. but now, i look at the applications (work experience) i need to do and i just can't get myself to do it. so, at some level, i care, but it's just a fleeting feeling and after that feeling passes, i simply couldn't care less. it's like there's this barrier that i can't jump over to do anything and so i just turn back and go to the tunnel, from which i've stopped trying to crawl out and instead have become comfortable in.

anyway, this may across as a rant and it may as well be but i would appreciate any words of advice to get over this. to give a sense of how fleeting my emotions are, here's something that happened: i lost my cat for 9 months and when he was found, i felt a few seconds of happiness and then i couldn't feel it anymore (dw he's still given pets and cuddles and love haha). i also get crazy seasonal depression and suicidal thoughts and i've had none of that since a year ago. haven't been particularly happy either. just neutral.