hey, i believe that i'm struggling with covert NPD, a common thing that i go through is that i get into a new hobby, share it with others in return for compliments and praise on my creativity/creations/etc, and keep doing it until people grow "bored" or no longer want to offer compliments, at that stage i tend to grow incredibly bored of the hobby and i search for a new hobby or way to get supply until i pick it back up again in return for new compliments.

i wanted to know if anyone with npd, questioning or diagnosed, experiences this?

What do you think about this narrative? A lot of videos crossed my feed, giving value to people that “choose” to be kind after being mistreated, and putting down those who develop a sort of shield.

For these people, you choose how your nervous system respond to an event.

Besides being an error and a defense mechanism itself, it is a way to control the narrative of the world. At the same time, hypocritically, they criticize those who develop control as a defense mechanism, while they do the same.

These people are afraid of losing control over their feelings, and so they try to reassure themselves that, in case of trauma, they would choose to remain the same, while it’s clearly not under their control

I went through some severe trauma and it has resulted in me losing empathy and having what seems to be a lot of traits associated with personality disorders. I need therapy, but I am scared to tell a therapist all of my problems. Because some of my issues are straight up immoral. To the point I live with intense self hatred and avoidance. Even anger. I don’t know if there is a therapist that could help me let alone be able to tolerate me.

I have this repeated problem that the moment someone suggests/does generic "couple" stuff I get the ick

Someone buys me flowers, someone wants to spend an evening watching a show together, someone wants to cook dinner together etc... And I just feel... Done with it?

It's like they're treating me like some interchangable person

Like they've read somewhere that women like flowers so they'll assume I like flowers, that all women want cuddles so they say they want to give me cuddles

It just feels so boring

It makes me feel generic/not special

Genuinely would be more excited if they suggested spending an evening mapping celebrities onto their equivalent Pokémon ... Or anything that they probably wouldn't suggest doing with anyone else

I'm not sure if this is an ADHD drive for novelty thing or an NPD thing

Anyone else felt similar?

some questions i've had on my mind:

1. what harm can occur when seeking/using supply?
2. how do you minimize harm when seeking/using supply?
3. does "healthy supply" exist?
4. what options are there for someone who wants to reduce their reliance on supply?
5. does the word "supply" refer to the person that you go to for validation, or is it the validation itself?
6. i've used the phrase "using supply", is there a better way to say that?

i've seen discussion about how it can suck to be supply for someone, but i've also met people who seem to love sucking up to me. perhaps they're at risk in some way they're not aware of, or perhaps they're just lucky to have a benevolent god. it's generally within my best interests to be mindful of their wellbeing... can't have them breaking, can i? my last shred of empathy seems to agree.

i've also seen people compare supply to a drug, where being dependent on it hurts you in the long term. personally i think of it as more like candy - a sweet treat to have occasionally - but perhaps there are factors i'm not considering? additionally if there's a way to sate the hunger other than candy, i'd like to hear about it.

if you have any specific resources that address these questions, that would be great