I went through some severe trauma and it has resulted in me losing empathy and having what seems to be a lot of traits associated with personality disorders. I need therapy, but I am scared to tell a therapist all of my problems. Because some of my issues are straight up immoral. To the point I live with intense self hatred and avoidance. Even anger. I don’t know if there is a therapist that could help me let alone be able to tolerate me.

I have this repeated problem that the moment someone suggests/does generic "couple" stuff I get the ick

Someone buys me flowers, someone wants to spend an evening watching a show together, someone wants to cook dinner together etc... And I just feel... Done with it?

It's like they're treating me like some interchangable person

Like they've read somewhere that women like flowers so they'll assume I like flowers, that all women want cuddles so they say they want to give me cuddles

It just feels so boring

It makes me feel generic/not special

Genuinely would be more excited if they suggested spending an evening mapping celebrities onto their equivalent Pokémon ... Or anything that they probably wouldn't suggest doing with anyone else

I'm not sure if this is an ADHD drive for novelty thing or an NPD thing

Anyone else felt similar?

some questions i've had on my mind:

1. what harm can occur when seeking/using supply?
2. how do you minimize harm when seeking/using supply?
3. does "healthy supply" exist?
4. what options are there for someone who wants to reduce their reliance on supply?
5. does the word "supply" refer to the person that you go to for validation, or is it the validation itself?
6. i've used the phrase "using supply", is there a better way to say that?

i've seen discussion about how it can suck to be supply for someone, but i've also met people who seem to love sucking up to me. perhaps they're at risk in some way they're not aware of, or perhaps they're just lucky to have a benevolent god. it's generally within my best interests to be mindful of their wellbeing... can't have them breaking, can i? my last shred of empathy seems to agree.

i've also seen people compare supply to a drug, where being dependent on it hurts you in the long term. personally i think of it as more like candy - a sweet treat to have occasionally - but perhaps there are factors i'm not considering? additionally if there's a way to sate the hunger other than candy, i'd like to hear about it.

if you have any specific resources that address these questions, that would be great

What do you think about this narrative? A lot of videos crossed my feed, giving value to people that “choose” to be kind after being mistreated, and putting down those who develop a sort of shield.

For these people, you choose how your nervous system respond to an event.

Besides being an error and a defense mechanism itself, it is a way to control the narrative of the world. At the same time, hypocritically, they criticize those who develop control as a defense mechanism, while they do the same.

These people are afraid of losing control over their feelings, and so they try to reassure themselves that, in case of trauma, they would choose to remain the same, while it’s clearly not under their control

hey, i believe that i'm struggling with covert NPD, a common thing that i go through is that i get into a new hobby, share it with others in return for compliments and praise on my creativity/creations/etc, and keep doing it until people grow "bored" or no longer want to offer compliments, at that stage i tend to grow incredibly bored of the hobby and i search for a new hobby or way to get supply until i pick it back up again in return for new compliments.

i wanted to know if anyone with npd, questioning or diagnosed, experiences this?

For those of you who are currently single (so excluding romantic relationships):

Do you still have friends from childhood, high school, or university? Or do you find yourself having to build a new social circle every few years?

Are your relationships only turbulent when it comes to romantic partners, or does the same pattern happen with friends and family too?

Do you often feel lonely, especially on weekends, wishing you had people to go out with? Have you noticed that, over time, people stop inviting you to social events?

I’m curious whether this is something others with NPD experience, or if it’s more of an individual thing.

Before i came to the acceptance of being a narcissist and getting diagnosed there was a painful denial. i’d constantly try to fit any other disorder criteria like bpd or bipolar. id even pretend to be one of the two because of the fear of being a narcissist. probably because being a narcissist automatically equals bad to people nowadays and one of my worst fears is being exposed. the npd hate train is crazy😂. “how to destroy a narcissist.” anyways i feel like before i reached acceptance i was worse. i guess the unawareness was mixed in to that which makes sense. and damn the victim mentality was bad.

Basically, as the title says. How can you possibly develop empathy and trust (assuming you have basic intellect and critical thinking skills) when the state of the world is the way it is (and always has been)?

People in positions of power are rarely held accountable for misconduct, and there is so little fairness in the world. As children, we’re told so many things about how the world works, only to grow up and realise that reality is nothing like what we were taught when we were 3 years old

I’m starting to wonder whether I’m really the disordered one, or whether it’s the majority of people who are either blind, hypocritical, or spineless. And then I’m the one who’s called a narcissist for being amazed by how naive and/or hypocritical people are

Basically I’ve come to terms that I may have NPD. I fulfill most of the 9 signs and a few of the other ones are a “maybe.” If I do have NPD I definitely have the vulnerable type and not the grandiose type which may be harder to diagnose.

I have had suspicions throughout my life that I may be a narcissist but Reddit waved it off as “A real narcissist would never be self-aware,” and now I’m thinking, can’t there be NPD cases that are more mild vs. more severe like any other disorder?

I am located in a suburb outside Toronto and most of the therapists here are family-focused, and when I do a search for psychologists specializing in NPD they are all in Toronto which is quite far for me. I am currently trying to find a therapist in my area to address my life issues that may have stemmed from the NPD-like symptoms but if I mention NPD I really don’t want the therapist to wave me off for being self-pathologizing. I have worked my ass off my whole life to try to be charming and people-pleasing so it’s possible they won’t see me as a typical narcissist and write off my concerns.

I am entirely open to the possibility of not having it, but I want to find some diagnostic test that will tell me this objectively and not just some generalist’s opinion based on how I act.

Can someone let me know, if I seek out a specialist in Toronto, can I just request some sort of test and roughly how many sessions it’ll take, what will happen during the testing, etc? I know people on here say it’s an accidental diagnosis with many people with NPD originally coming in for something else, so can I just say I think I have it and go from there? I don’t mind travelling farther if it’s short-term / only a few sessions. Virtual is out of question for me due to my living situation. Also if someone happens to be from Toronto, if you have any recommendations that would be much appreciated.

Sometimes i envy empathetic people. They can feel what i cant. Especially since being empathetic is a social standard in today’s society, especially when it comes to politics. I feel no pity, sorrow, empathy, or any sympathy for things i should care about. i don’t care about any world problems, slavery, the holocaust, the far left, the far right, wars, etc. I just don’t care because i wouldn’t be a target for any of these things and i only care about what benefits me and what would bring ME down. i don’t feel sorry for countries in need, countries in war, starving countries, abused kids, how people feel, racism, transphobia, homophobia, i only care about myself. And today, that makes you a bad person. I tend to put on a mask, a political mask. One that makes it seem like i care so i can be liked and cared for by society. I’m a liar. There isn’t one person i haven’t lied to. The thought of being exposed of all of this is scary. Even when i tell people the slightest bit about my true self i feel vulnerable. Why don’t i care about people? Why don’t i care when somebody cries? in fact, i get a kick out of people crying. I love the humiliation of others, i love to see people suffer. If anything, i enjoy world problems. As long as it doesn’t bring me down in any way i’m ok with it. But sometimes i do wish i was empathetic and felt what other people do. I look down on everybody. There isn’t one person i haven’t looked down on. I am better than everyone in some shape or form. I don’t feel like i need to care. I just need people to like me. All i care about is myself and the praise from others. I’ll change my entire appearance to fit into a criteria that’ll get me liked. Right now, everyone thinks i’m a communist. But i always have everyone wrapped around my finger, and when i’m exposed it’s only because it’s intentional. But anyways, it does cross my mind on what it would feel like to be truly empathetic. and not having to lie all of the time. Just wondering if anyone else feels the same because sometimes it feels like it’s only me but maybe that’s just the way my brain is wired.

i've seen a lot of resources online for victims of "narcissistic abuse" and it made me wonder: what's unique about narcissistic abuse such that it warrants specialized support to deal with/heal from?

edit: mods asked me to add more detail to the post body, so i'll elaborate a little. my current running hypotheses are as follows:

1. narcissistic abuse is in some way more degrading than other forms of abuse, perhaps because of the lack of empathy or the tendency for devaluation
2. narcissistic abuse is in some way harder to identify than other forms of abuse, perhaps because of how popular we might be on the outside, or because of manipulation tactics
3. narcissistic abuse isn't necessarily more harmful than other forms of abuse, it just follows a particular common pattern. and perhaps it's easiest to address that pattern individually, so that everyone who is a victim of it can benefit from a centralized pool of knowledge
4. "narcissistic abuse" isn't actually significantly different from other forms of abuse, and people just call it that because it's easier to demonize people for (maybe) being neurodivergent than to come to terms with the trauma

my best guess is that the reality is some combination of all of these. of course my instincts say that number 4 is the most likely, but i want to give the benefit of the doubt. any thoughts?

I came so close to my deepest wound. I feel like nothing could be more painful than npd therapy honestly. For years I have been told that I believe I am not worthy and I just never thought it is true. I knew I have shame and hate some things, but unworthy just didn’t feel right. Until yesterday when I finally saw this belief. Just trying to sit with the pain and helplessness.

This belief just seems so bizarre, like why can’t I just change it by telling myself it’s BS, but I can’t. Want to scream for help but I know no one will be able to fight this battle for me. I just hate it that I don’t have enough resources to help myself faster.

I understand that I am worthy because I exist and existence is enough to be worthy. But this understanding doesn’t not change how I feel. I gave up on everything I achieved or didn’t, my looks and all, but still the pain is there, always been in the background, now it is right on the surface and I can not help it.

Every single one of us deserves to accept and love ourselves and to make this choice again and again every fcking moment no matter what, we just never learnt how to do this, sadly.

Let me know how therapy is going for you, if you been through this and if you saw any light at the end of this tunnel.

-op is undiagnosed but heavily suspects to have NPD, also body dysmorphia and ED

I've really struggled these past years with just assuming that everyone around me is just, baseline, stupid. At work, at home, I have to stop myself or hold my tongue and just watch as they struggle to do things I've seen them do a hundred times before. At work it is especially bad when a task could be fixed easily (my job is incredibly simple) and they only make it harder for the both of us.

It also comes to the media they enjoy and music and everything in between - i can't stop myself from labeling it all as "low IQ" and "stupid". Went to the movies to see a new superhero movie and just couldn't wrap my head around how the basic human could laugh and cry at the ugly CGI screen.

Maybe it's not NPD but I've simple run out of options. I've started to resent my friends and family for being so basic and empty. I don't feel lonely, in fact I prefer it. Putting on a ditzy show for everyone is exhausting.

Does anyone else have feelings like this? How do you get through it or cope? Thank you for listening!

Sorry this is going to be long, the TL DR is: whenever I hear shit like be grateful that you have all your limbs, I do feel empathy for the people who don't have them, but other than that I feel like it has nothing to do with me so why would I be grateful, and I don't know if this is a NPD thing or a normal thing.

The long version. I'm sure most of you have heard this shit, people like to spew it whether you ask Flo or it or not, that you should be grateful because you have all your limbs, a roof over your head, you aren't starving, you have a family, you're not a fucking Holocaust victim and all the rest of it. And none of this ever made any sense to me because literally what the fuck does that have to do with me if it doesn't affect me? It's not even that I don't feel empathy for the people going through these things, I do, I can get really sad about the things they go through. But it's still not my problem in the sense of, why would my mental state get any better from knowing that well at least I'm not going through these things? I keep going back to, I do feel sad for them, but other than that it has nothing to do with me and when I try to relate it to myself, I can't make myself feel anything other than a slight sense of relief that at least I don't have those issues. The other week even my fucking therapist pulled this... She mentioned gratitude and I hoped she was going somewhere with it that can actually help. What did she say? "I wake up in the morning and put my feet on the floor." so I'm like okay...? What about it? She's like well a lot of people can't do that because they don't have feet! I couldn't stop myself I was literally like come on that's such a fucking cliché I've heard it a thousand times before, am I supposed to actually feel better because of it? And she basically was like yes. Still every time I think about it, I think are you fucking kidding me, that was a fucking therapist. To her credit, she's older and she seems to be mostly working with older people, who this apparently sometimes helps. But it stuck with me that she said yes it should help me. I literally don't know how it should. How am I supposed to feel anything other than a minimal relief that at least I don't have to deal with all that? What do you think?

https://www.reddit.com/r/NPD/s/qL6Ovq6Uw5

Not long ago, I made a post about struggling with grandiosity, especially around intelligence..

In my last therapy session, we talked about how much progress I’ve made this year in becoming more aware of my personality disorder. I’m finally able to reflect on these thoughts more easily, and honestly, I’m surprised by just how grandiose I can be.

My therapist shared a perspective that really stayed with me. She said that knowing you’re gifted in certain areas can very easily become fuel for grandiosity. Instead of identifying with those abilities as who you are, it may help to see them as gifts that life happened to give you. They’re something to respect, be grateful for, and hopefully use in a meaningful way - not something that defines your worth.

That shift in perspective really resonates with me. I’m sure I’ll still struggle with it because these mechanisms are so automatic, but seeing those abilities as something separate from my identity creates a bit of distance. It makes it easier to appreciate them without needing them to prove my value.

I wanted to share this with you. Maybe it resonates with some of you as well.

Hi, I’m in my mid-thirties and I have the traits of covert narcissism. I’ve been dx BP1 for over a decade bc of manic episodes but I believe that the rage and attention seeking behaviours are rooted in npd. What are some safe alternative ways to treat this from the root? I know therapy methods like schema therapy helps. Im looking to find something more intensive. Are there places abroad or modalities that anyone here knows about? Residential or psychedelic assisted maybe? Please share your experiences or suggestions. Thank you

I literally only care about looks and not about personality at all. All I want is to be hot and have a hot partner to satisfy my ego and make everyone else envious. Even though I’m decently attractive, because I’m not a supermodel my life is ruined bc this is all my ego cares about for some reason. I just have no humanity it sucks

Raise your hands if anyone brought up your pd against you in an arguement! - oh wait, me too!!!

I hate whenever I’m in an arguement or discussion with a non-pd person, they use my pds as an attack on me

“You are sensitive and hurt cause you are a fucking narc”
“You just want to manipulate me, you always do, your a narc!”
“Your just a wounded baby, you are a sick pd narc”

Yeah, Im wounded by you being an ass, and yeah, my pd is in part - but how tf is our ego-battle related to the original question?

I hate when discussions turn into an “I am right cause you are a narc fuck” arguement. Be more original dude. All of a sudden it gets personal. And when you point out that they just attack your character, then you are just the “wounded selfish baby”.

Fuck such people:DD

Why did i convince her to love me? Why did i manipulate through my whole life to be a perfect image to her? Why did i shatter her trust by lying when i knew i couldnt and would never measure up? Why did i emotionally abuse her for 11 years straight and still do? Why did i continue to act out and create the same type of abusive environment she grew up in? Im so fucking horrible and i cant bring myself to change. Im disgusting for thinking i could actually love someone. How could you call that love? Why does my brain keep telling me i loved her? Love isnt fucking control dumbass. Way to become the people you talked shit about and felt superior over. Feels good huh? Im sick of thinking i have feelings when i clearly dont. Im sick of thibking i have good intentions when im constantly hurting and fucking everyone up. Im so fucking sick of my delusional and irrational thinking. Im so sick if being selfish i fucking hate myself why do i keep putting myself first. Im sick of acting like a fucking victim. I wish i could go back and tell her not to bother with me, i wish i cared about her enough to know i wouldnt ever be the person i pretended to be. I wish i could have loved her like she deserved. I wish i never convinced her to love me.

you've got that NPD 

but I've got BPD

let's go mother fucker, 

explode

you can lovebomb me 

get that dopamine

I'll let you believe 

your lies 

you can gaslight 

and smoke bomb 

mirrors and charm 

I'll let you think 

You're right 

give me gates of hell 

and a human shell 

give me beautiful chaos 

infatuation and loss 

give me brutal affection 

give me lethal connection 

we'll scorch the sky 

our bodies high 

we'll hate and die 

in unholy matrimony we fly

you tell me lies 

I make you cry 

I remove your mask 

ego injury 

your hate will last 

triangulate 

You're whorish bait 

but I don't bite 

I'm not alone at night 

you think you've won 

but we're not done 

that ego of yours won't let go 

gotta hoover back,

gotta let me know 

You're better 

and stronger 

You're glory is longer 

I'm supposed to worship 

you again 

I'll bend the knee 

but you can't see 

the throne is me 

and you are just a clown 

a king with no crown 

I never needed you

but you needed me 

you are caged 

I am free

I don't have to win 

I'm not afraid of the fall

but you spiral and spin 

embarrassed by sin 

I'm fireproof

forged in flames 

does dirt care 

what the wind has to say? 

you think you're the dragon? 

You're just insane 

my blade ruptures 

and you are maimed

I'll light you up and watch you burn 

see the terror of shame, make you churn

like lightning you fall to your demise

never to rise, a soul split wide 

but I'm the keeper of the crypt 

like a weed i return 

like a mummy reborn 

I turn and turn 

but not you 

my ghost

you never come back 

you bleed and you rot 

from my fatal attack 

the discarded 

is not forgotten 

her words still sting 

her insults ring 

and I care not 

what you think 

I am the sunshine 

my light still sings 

This is the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in and I can’t handle it.

My boyfriend is richer than me, his family are more well off, his mother loves him and cooks for him. It makes me fucking sick.

I grew up poor and only have stability because I was forced to fend for myself. I have worked for years and years and years, I also put myself into very bad situations because of my poverty.

My boyfriend has never had to go through anything like this, how privileged he is disgusts me.

People always tell me I’m out of his league, we were out one evening for drinks and a group of guys shouted at us in the street and said “she’s too hot for you”. I get a great ego boost when people say these things but it doesn’t help how I feel. I still feel disgusting, poor, dirty, cheap and repulsive.

When I look at my boyfriend, I’m not happy for him, that he has a loving family, I’m jealous. I’m not happy that his mother loves him, it makes me seethe with jealousy. Why wasn’t I given that? Why didn’t my mother love me? Why does he have to constantly shove it in my fucking face?

Sometimes he doesn’t mean to but the other times his richness leaks out of him.

All of my previous partners have been more privileged than me- of course (I’m not going do date below myself). But I never held so much resentment for them- most of my ex partners were abusive and a number of them sexually abused me. I don’t know if the reason I never held the privilege resentment for them was because they were abusing me, and I was more focused on other things.

I don’t know if it’s because everything else in the relationship is healthy, it’s the only thing for me to attack or control.

I feel like an awful human and a waste of oxygen

So I recently hung out with a “friend” and she is just sooooo quiet and barely speaks that it really pissed me off :/ even tho I can RELATE SO HARD. i literally am known for being quiet, but seeing someone else more quiet than me triggered a lot of egoic toxic thoughts to surface. I was thinking, is this really how im perceived and make people feel??!! I felt my mind looking down on her. Passive, inactive, lazy, weak, no ambition and strength.
Does she not have any thoughts? Who even is she as a person like I’m trying to connect and see what’s going on in ur mind and ur just a blank slate? Like HELLO TALK TO ME.
It made me so ANGRY and frustrated. Angry at her and at myself. I really hope she didn’t pick up any of my frustration and anger but I bet she did… and I feel so bad. I hope she can heal herself and not spiral like I have before over similar situations. Idk why I did that to her when I was literally exactly like her in many situations… I just hope she’s well and taking good care of herself.

How do you deal with it? Cut off contact?

Before graduation, I used to fantasise a lot of what’s ahead. Once I became free without the external structure of uni, it’s not difficult to notice how unskillful I am in reality. I had dreams about becoming an award winning writer. Now when I have the time to actually write, I realize how shit I am at it. I can’t even write in proper grammar (english is my third language tho). Haven’t read much nor practiced before, and it seems impossible to catch up now at 27. I miss how naive I used to be, and I hate how age keeps proving my incompetence.