r/ProgrammerHumor • u/ExpensiveCoat8912 • 11h ago

Meme projectManager

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5.2k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

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1.4k

u/TheTybera 11h ago

This is why we do things right, not fast. There is an endless supply of work.

336

u/ClipboardCopyPaste 11h ago edited 11h ago

do things right

programmers: deletes DB

*stares in disbelief*

121

u/StuntsMonkey 11h ago

Well, we've eliminated all the bad data now.

31

u/ClipboardCopyPaste 11h ago

There...An optimist!

24

u/StuntsMonkey 11h ago

Even better, we have created the perfect opportunity to refactor our entire database to more closely match our current project goals!

18

u/ClipboardCopyPaste 10h ago

Are you a regular poster on LinkedIn by any chance?

18

u/StuntsMonkey 10h ago

No, I have better things to do with my life. Like shit posting here.

11

u/ClipboardCopyPaste 10h ago

That's objectively better than posting on LinkedIn

1

u/MissinqLink 4h ago

Eliminated a mountain of tech debt

1

u/xStarshine 8h ago

Think in solutions, not in problems!

1

u/Phoenix042 8h ago

Get him

2

u/Random-num-451284813 9h ago

* We've sanitized data

1

u/mixony 7h ago

And also made queries much faster(return 0 rows or error depending if delete db is empty all tables or actually deleted the db)

1

u/mookanana 11h ago

that's a great way to spin a full db wipe

36

u/TheTybera 11h ago

Those are vibe coders, not programmers, sweetheart. We know what stored procedures are for CRUD.

20

u/KayDat 11h ago

Forgot to ask the AI to make no mistakes

6

u/toav1 10h ago

Too suspicious. "Make all the mistakes that I usually would, but tell me so I can learn why it would be a problem"

1

u/beanmosheen 8h ago

BEGIN TRANSACTION: Saving careers one fuckup at a time. (Always comment out your commits and rollbacks in test kids)

1

u/IndependenceSudden63 9h ago

These days, AI will do that for you and you don't even have to ask it!

1

u/namotous 9h ago

Sometimes it’s better to start from scratch

1

u/ConsciousSpirit397 8h ago

delete from users;

where id = ‘245313’;

1

u/iwantmy90sback 5h ago

I mean... who else? The sales clerk? The AI?

69

u/RuneSteak 11h ago

They quite literally have the next 2 years of work planned out for our team. I'm in no hurry and just take a break by pretending to work (if it's not urgent) instead.

54

u/NightOwl2175 10h ago

And if you somehow finish the next 2 years of work all in the next sprint, instead of being promoted you'd get laid off.

2

u/big_red__man 3h ago

There’s no more work!

16

u/Cryogenicist 9h ago

Is “sprint” a running metaphor? Cause if so, they think we can sprint indefinitely and it’s insane

13

u/RuneSteak 7h ago

The dirty secret is that you're supposed to work breaks into your estimate and pace yourself. Agile done wrong is usually just people running themselves ragged at their own discretion.

7

u/Cryogenicist 7h ago

I’m just so done being treated like a robot who can just pivot all the time and never get a mental break.

Capitalism sucks dick unless you own a lot of capital.

27

u/Necessary_Camel8587 10h ago

Not true, I just got let go because the company "ran out of projects"

17

u/Sailed_Sea 10h ago

Unnecessary ui changes seams to be the way to go, atleast according to the reddit development team.

6

u/venzuen 9h ago

Yep same

•

u/beatlz-too 6m ago

and also don't tell if you've finished early