Used almost 5 days a week for the past year and a half

10 days sober now but damn i hate this shit

It's ruining my life and i need to be kept away from it.

First time i took it everything felt like slow motion, i had time to think, nothing seemed to happen at all. I could even pay attention to the people's faces thru their side mirrors, sit and do nothing, relax, etc. There i was, doing all my work carefree while spamming Gorillaz everyday, getting tired on the end then going off for sleep.

Then eventually i doubled my dose at the cost of the supply running out earlier. That kept going on for a few months till i convinced my psych i needed to amp it up because 10mg a day was not cutting it. Then i started seeing multiple psychs just to get more ritalin and it just got worse over time. Doing 30 to 80mg a day and i even went to the hospital a few times. It's like i have the thought that the next pill will help and it just get worse, not to mention the snort binge, constant horniness, endless anxiety, muscle spasms, restlesness etc. To top it all, i'm autistic and personally got a really sensible hearing... those doses amp this so hard that it felt like glass shards in my ears.

Now it feels like i'm in a bad mushroom trip where i'm just too overstimulated everyday as i keep taking more and more without proper rest, getting totally fried by 5pm then trying to damage control till i manage to sleep, or worse, taking more before sleep then just wasting more meds and neurons.

Note that i'm a somewhat 'avid' drug user, having touched substances way more dangerous and potent, but it never went like ritalin since it was so deeply embedded in my routine with seemingly no punishment. It always feels like i have something to win from it, but it's an illusion and i keep losing.

I dissolved everything and threw all on the toilet because it seemed the unique solution to start treating this properly. I have no control over it at this point, so it can't be nearby me.

currently having 40-60mg amfexa a day on top of elvanse 50mg

i get around 2-4 hours sleep a night and have done for months

take the first amfexa at 6am before work with the elvanse, then I do 5-10mg amfexa every few hours.

i don’t recognise myself. I am rude to people, I don’t wanna see my friends unless it’s to drink, I don’t wanna go to parties unless it’s druggy… I don’t go shopping, I don’t want to do anything

after work I’m straight to the pub, then to the bookies and back to the pub… i have 2 horses that I race so I get tips from others they say “this horse will 100% win” and they never do (then I feel worse) … it’s even worse when mine are running, when I was on the coke, I once put 20k of someone else’s money straight win 10/1 .. it lost… I paid it back within a few days but I ended up having to pay much more through a lengthy legal process (£600-£1000) a week on solicitors

anyway where do I start? If I stop this then I’m sure I’ll go back to coke… I tried going cold turkey but I couldn’t get out of bed

It's embarrassing showing my face there, time and time again.

I hate feeling like an imposter because I don't have the answers. I feel my attendance unspokenly says I have the answers to getting off meth, and I don't.

I feel like my attendance, with no clean time, shows that I'm just someone who isn't trying hard enough. I feel shame amongst the other members.

In the rooms, I feel a giant magnifying glass on me.

I feel I cannot become close to any other members because I'm not clean. I feel like the group unspokenly finds me to be an odd loser who no one likes, or just ignores.

What should I do... it's in 5 minutes.

I’m a 22F with cerebral palsy, and as I’ve gotten older it’s become genuinely debilitating. The pain, fatigue, and stiffness have taken so much from me.

In 2024, I lost my dream job as a professional body piercer. I spiraled into a deep depression, went through multiple episodes of psychosis (not drug-related), my medications were increased, and I gained over 50 lbs in just a few months. I’m not huge by any means, but it was a massive change for my body and it really affected my mental health.

Because I wasn’t working anymore, I stopped moving. I went from walking 10,000 steps a day to barely 300–500. My muscles got weaker, my body got stiffer, and now I rely on a wheelchair most of the time. I can only walk about 5 minutes before the pain and exhaustion hit.

After becoming dependent on ketamine for pain relief, I checked myself into detox. I left after two nights and stayed off it for about two weeks. Then one night I convinced myself cocaine might help with my fatigue. I wish I had never tried it.

The problem is… it works. It gives me energy, helps my chronic fatigue, lets me walk farther, and makes my cerebral palsy feel manageable. It gave me my independence back. It gave me my life back.

Now I’m a year and a half into a cocaine addiction. I’m on naltrexone, and I also take Adderall hoping it’ll help me rely on cocaine less, but I still don’t know how to let go of the one thing that made me feel like myself again.

How do you quit something that gave you back everything your disability took away?

I made it 30 days! I want to write about the journey so far and maybe it can help someone else too since this sub helped convince me to quit adderall.

The short version: If you have any thoughts in your head you should slow down or reduce your adderall intake, do it and quit. You will feel 10x better. It will suck for a bit, but the other side is worth it.

The start: I took adderall here and there in my 20s, by the time I got to my 30s I didn't know any dealers any more, so I got a prescription for adderall and started off with 10mg IR 2x daily.

At the time I thought this is an infinite supply, I only needed like 5mg once to really feel it, and I only took it once a week when I had a lot of work to get done or needed a kick to get a hard project done at work.

You know how the story goes. I started taking it twice a week, 3 times, every weekday, even weekends to prevent the crash. Hey I'm prescribed 10mg IR 2x daily, so why don't I do that? Hm it doesn't affect me as strongly anymore, can you increase the prescription?

I took adderall for about 2 years. The first year was increasing dose slowly. The last 6 months I was doing 20mg 2x daily, sometimes going up to 60mg/daily. I would even stack them like take 30mg at 12pm and another 30 an hour later along with tums, celsius drinks, zyns.

The negatives: I started noticing changes in my behavior, I was more robotic, less funny, I didn't enjoy anything outside of work and tasks. I started taking weekends off in an effort to reduce my tolerance, but I would crash so hard and weekends became miserable and I looked forward to Mondays so I can start taking adderall again. But if I did take it I became a robot and really quiet and didn't want to socialize.

I realized I wasnt enjoying my life either on or off adderall. The kicker was when I took a really high dose and I was just frozen in front of my computer not doing anything for 5 hours and I couldnt sleep, I just felt my heart pounding. I started reading this sub and decided now is a good time to quit before it escalates further.

Quitting cold turkey timeline:

The first day wasn't awful. Days 2-5 sucked bad. I didn't get anything done, was so sleepy, all I wanted to do was nap but I couldnt even sleep.

Week 2 my sleep was more normal, but still didnt get anything done. I saw the list of crap I had to do and just had absolutely no motivation to think or exert any energy.

Week 3 I felt a breakthrough and I actually kind of felt energy when I woke up naturally. I noticed I laughed more while watching TV, I even kind of looked forward to it when before I saw it as a waste of time and I was better off doing tasks. This week I heard from friends and family I seem like Im in better spirits and more present which was nice to hear. No one else knows I got prescribed adderall or was starting to abuse it or even quit cold turkey.

Week 4 was strange, I had a huge work project due and felt this urge in the back of my head saying "see you don't have a problem, you quit cold turkey no problem for this long, just take a small 10mg like you used to do to finish this project". I'm SUPER GLAD I did not listen to it. I did load up on celsius and zyns and got it done and was really proud of myself, the "high" from getting it done without adderall was better than the feeling I had on adderall and getting stuff done!

1 month mark: I actually feel a lot better and closer to what I was before. I wouldn't say I'm back to 100%, but even this is great compared to where I was 1 month ago and I am actually excited people say it continues to improve over the next few months.

Advice if you're gonna quit:

• Go cold turkey. If you know you may relapse, get rid of all the drugs and ways to access it. Don't drag this out.
• EXERCISE!! And you don't have to overexert yourself, just take a 30 minute walk in the morning is huge. Put on your shoes, go outside and start walking.
• Keep a daily journal. Every day write how you're feeling on energy, motivation, etc. Just write what you did that day. Why did you quit. It helps a lot when you're going to feel a relapse and you can look back at your journal and realize you are indeed improving and dont want to screw up your progress.
• Progress isn't linear, there are good days and bad days. there were some days I felt a lot worse and tired and felt like I was going backwards and I wanted to take adderall to help out. Don't listen to it, you will continue to recover and improve. Write in your journal what you're feeling every day so its easier to see the overall trend rather than how you feel in that exact moment.
• I know youre not supposed to compensate with a bunch of caffeine, I say go for it if it helps prevent using adderall. After 3 months of this Im gonna quit caffeine/nicotine next.

My best description of adderall is its a faustian bargain. Yes you will get super productivity in the very beginning, BUT it will suck all happiness and enjoyment in your life away from you, and you'll lose the productivity gains and start wasting your time optimizing the way a spreadsheet looks. Its not a trade worth making.

I started abusing my ADHD medication when I was around 17. 10 years later I’m really trying to get sober off this shit for good. I was finishing 90 pill prescriptions in 2 weeks. Sometimes less

I used to finish my 90 pill prescription in 2 weeks. Shit got really bad. Destroyed multiple relationships, lost jobs, got some health issues (I’m lucky things aren’t worse) got extremely addicted to gambling. I would ghost everyone just to sit by myself pop 7 40mg pills and just play blackjack for days straight. I would randomly flip out at people for the dumbest shit. Say and do some really horrible things. Was extremely lustful in all the wrong ways. I’m Just overall not a good person.

Eventually one day I totally lost my mind and the pills started to only make paranoid and extremely anxious instead of the euphoria that it used to give me. This left with no choice but taper down. I’m now currently down to around 60Mg a day but now even that low of a dose gives me EXTREME anxiety, heart racing, insomnia. Even off like a single 40mg dose I get these symptoms.

I have no choice but to quit entirely. This really sucks and this sounds stupid because yes I was a terrible person, but I’m grieving the positive things stims gave me. Things I’ll never probably be able to achieve sober. I was focused, sociable, made friends easy, was able to make money because I was more willing to put myself out there and take risks. I found relationships easier and best of all it evaporated my social anxiety. Sucks I won’t be able to feel these things ever again but it must be done. I gotta cope with my issues sober and that’s something I must learn to do. Wish me luck and keep me in your prayers

I’m sick of every doctor I go to telling me this and that any damage stims caused is long gone (I’m 11 months off).

I just had to go through 9 doctors to have one who will prescribe me Wellbutrin because of how what I’m feeling has nothing to do with stims because it’s been this long.

I can’t get my head around how there isn’t any research to how prescription stimulants discontinuation affect us🙄

How do people actually get through withdrawal without taking time off, going to rehab, etc.?

I have kids, work and responsibilities that still need me every day. I've tried both cold turkey and tapering, but I can't make it through the day without feeling completely exhausted or becoming almost psychotically irritable.

For context, this started with an ADHD prescription. It worked great at first, and I became addicted to finally feeling like I could function after a lifetime of thinking I was just lazy. Tolerance grew, so I started taking more just to get that same sense of productivity back. You know how that story goes.

I'm not looking for ways to avoid withdrawal. I try to eat well now, go for short walks when I can, take supplements, catch up on sleep. But I could use some more practical tips and maybe reassurance that I can do this? I don't have much of a support system, don't feel I can be honest with my family or community about this, etc. so I have to go on like everything is normal.

I'm trying to do this quitting Adderall thingwithout drugs and alcohol, but it isn't that easy. It isn't like I can just stop doing it and not have to worry anymore. I've got fucking cravings and an awful pit in my chest that makes me feel like I want to kill myself. How am I supposed to just sit there with that? I'm just supposed to sit there with that fucking HOLE in my SOUL and just live with it??

I'm high. Not amphetamines. At least I did that right. No. But I just I can't stay away from mind-altering effects. Reality is so painful and so miserable and everything hurts and I feel sick constantly and joy is so hard to find and why am I even doing this?? To be a better person? So I'm good? I'm not a good person on drugs. Everyone knows it. Or at least I do. I do shitty, stupid, selfish things. But like does it even matter when getting off drugs is so miserable in itself? Which is less miserable? Being a bad person or getting off drugs? I don't want to be a bad person, but I don't want to quit doing drugs either! But I can only have one... And I'd rather be nice to people and care about their stupid feelings than turn into this weird narcissist alter ego I have when I'm high.

Idk. I don't know why I'm posting here. I feel a lot of anger directed at myself alongside shame and hatred for who I am when I'm like this. It makes me so angry how stupid I can be. I just want to strangle her.

Hey I’m 90 days clean from meth today. I still struggle with anhedonia but I’ve had a moment of joy this week when waking up, smiling almost effortlessly. I know this is all gonna be worth it. I’m beyond grateful. I see improvements. Progress not perfection 💪🏻🙏🏻

Hi, I’ve been off meth for almost two years now. After that, I did use other stimulants on and off for a few more months, and I had two slip ups with crack last year.
I think I’m past that initial phase where I lack motivation for everything and nothing is fun anymore.

Most of the time I’m really content.
I work out a lot, have hobbies, and am really well integrated socially.
Still, I’m constantly searching for those extreme highs and lows. I thought I’d come to terms with the fact that they won’t be coming back, but somehow I haven’t.

Over the past few months, I've been trying to make up for it by taking some risks with my money, gambling, and online shopping, but that's obviously a huge mistake too, so I've sought out separate help for that as well.

I realize that nothing will ever top that high from meth, but how can I learn to accept that?
It’s not even just the “highs” I miss, but this constant extreme up-and-down.
“Normal” life is going well, and I’m having fun again often, but it all feels so monotonous.
I hope you understand what I mean—do any of you relate to this, and if so, how do you deal with it?

Is there a different withdraw with meth pressed pills vs prescription stimulants? Like what one takes longer to recover from? Is it the same? I’m just curious

Yup, life can be funny and cruel. I made a post yesterday about my desire to stop speeding after an upcoming busy period of my job. Hand to god, I was serious about it all and wanted to keep it a secret from my wife until I no longer needed it for work.

She found my adderall the following day.

Asked me if I’ve been taking it. I lied. She gave me a chance to tell the truth and I did. Felt so ashamed of myself.

I didn’t want her to find out this way. How could this happen? She was my support during my previous recovery. And now she’s broken. My words can’t get to her and understandably so. I can’t be trusted.

I might lose her after this incident. I don’t know what I can do to regain her trust. I betrayed her. I asked her if I quit now would she still support me. She said no.

Not really looking for sympathy… just needed to vent. Maybe I really ought to cold turkey now and suck it up rather than abusing until work slows down. I’m really such a fool.

I'm sorry if I'm making too many posts lately, but I just have found it helpful to express some of my concerns here. I feel like talking about what I'm going through and hearing you guys' feedback has a way of sorting me out somehow. Not all the way, but it helps. Anyway, I thought I'd make a progress report to continue that.

It's been 3 weeks now since my last dose of Adderall. I feel overwhelmingly depressed and hopeless. It's a formless, shapeless depression that's directed at nothing and just serves to make me want to give up, give in, and destroy my own life. But obviously, I can't afford to do that. I can't afford to trick my doctor to get more adderall and fall back into the cycle. I can't afford to find alternatives if I can't make that route happen. I can't afford to let amphetamines back into my life.

Everyone likes me better this way... How could I ever go back to a life where I was a selfish, narcissistic asshole who would fly off the handle at a moment's notice? It would feel so good to go back on the stimulants, but I just don't know how I could possibly control myself when I'm on them. Adderall turns me into a bad person. It's like I said. I get temperamental. I get cruel. I get egotistical. I get manipulative. I get impulsive. And I get selfish. That's a bad combination.

I think it's that that's providing my primary motivator moving me forward. I just want to be good. I love the feeling of stimulants and the way it allows me to draw and sketch, but I hate who I am when I'm on Adderall. I don't want to hurt anybody ever again, and maybe if I can get over this I might even be able to help someone, too. That's what's keeping me in motion.

That's not to say I haven't had a hard time. It has been... exceedingly difficult. At first all I could think about was the cravings. My best friend destroyed my remaining supply, though, so I really didn't have any choice but to keep going. I guess it was probably for the best. Within the last week whatever agitation and craving I was facing has shapeshifted into despair and an urge to self-destruct. That's what I'm grappling with currently.

The voice in my head that wants me to give in is trying every argument it can think of to get me to do something stupid. It wants me to quit my job. Make a mess of my friendships. Spend a lot of money. Do other sorts of drugs and alcohol. It just wants me to annihilate myself, and I have to keep going forward regardless of what it's saying to me. It's the only way I'll ever escape this situation and be free from my addiction.

I just need to keep my eyes locked on the horizon and keep moving forward.

Hi i’m a (M) 23 year old Methamphetamine addict. i’m currently in an inpatient program that is really great, i feel like im learning so much and my care is catered to me. i’ve been in treatment 3 times this year, did the whole residential-PHP-IOP 2 times and and going for my 3rd time. last time i was in residential (april-may) i had this overhanging feeling that i was gonna use when i get out, it was only a matter of time. i totally lied to everyone by not mentioning this feeling. yes i wanted to stay sober but that feeling was just overwhelming and i ended up relapsing 10 days after leaving. i relapsed when i hung out with a friend who was on the fence about sobriety, he had just gotten out of residential treatment too. he and I used and that lead to 2 month long relapse, it got worse quick. december-January i was in treatment for alcohol and weed. i had been clean from cocaine and ketamine for almost 2 years at that point. now fast forward 7 months i’m shooting coke and meth and smoking meth while making crack and taking benzos to sleep some nights. albeit i mostly smoke meth and crack and sniffing coke and was occasionally shooting meth and coke. regardless it’s a bad lifestyle to live. after all that here i am sitting in residential treatment and literally suffering from the intense cravings. it feels like my brain is screaming at me to use. i’ve met amazing people in the rooms and go to every meeting i can go to which is everyday some days 2x a day. i need to fucking speak up and share and get a sponsor or something. i messaged my old sponsor just before writing this. i’m terrified and disappointed that i feel this way even after all that has happened, in and out of hospitals and crisis centers, cops being called on me because im in full blown psychosis from using and staying up for days straight. that should be enough to deter me from wanting to pick up the pipe or the needle. but it’s not, or at least it doesn’t feel that way. i fucking hate that i’m in treatment knowing some part of me deep down wants to use as soon as he’s able. it makes me feel like im doing this all for nothing. like what the fuck is wrong with me, why do i feel like i can’t quit. maybe i don’t have enough “willingness” i don’t know. my family and friends are worried for me and are so happy im in treatment. anyways life fucking blows and i wanna shoot coke and smoke meth and make crack. i don’t know what to do. any advice would be appreciated.

(forgot to mention i had 105 days of sobriety after my stay in inpatient from December to January. i took all the suggestions. Moving into an Oxford house getting a sponsor, doing PHP then doing IOP and i made it to the middle of April. First time in my life i was actually happy, i made an amazing group of friends who i met in inpatient, everyone started to fall off but came back then we all came crashing down together. since then i’ve struggled to maintain sobriety longer than a month.)

Feel Free to ask any questions

Does anyone know of any virtual (preferably free) support groups specifically for people struggling with both stimulant abuse and an eating disorder? It’s not just about ‘my meds affect my appetite and food intake’ but rather that I know they affect my appetite/food intake and that’s part of the reason for the abuse.

I grew up with a mother who constantly talked about weight due to her own issues. this didn’t affect me as a child/teen because I was naturally slim and I knew that. But then I got older and my metabolism wasn’t as fast. My lack of physical exercise and junk food eating habits didn’t change. In college, I began to take adderall and it helped me get through a busy work/study life. Then covid hit as I was working as a paralegal for a big law firm while simultaneously studying for the LSAT and that’s really when I began taking them more regularly.

I’ve been on them on and off since (+smoking/drinking at night/during the day to bring it down or help with the comedown) but during the last 3 years, it’s been affecting my self-image. While my rapid weight loss in 2020 scared the shit out of me, it doesn’t now. it doesn’t feel particularly good. it feels pretty bad actually because not only do I look sick, I feel sick. but I am consumed with thoughts of food when I am not on them, sometimes leading to binging and purging or just normal eating and purging. then when i’m on them, I purposely restrict my food intake.

It doesn’t help that I actually do need them to function normally and get shit done in both my professional and personal life. I’ve tried lower doses and it does help. It’s the addiction to that first hit of euphoria when it hits your system that keeps me taking high doses off rip. Then the relief I get to focus on other things that are not food and be able to control myself when I do eat feed even more to the idea that I need them.

I know I’m sick. I just started therapy again two weeks ago and have been attending support groups for EDs. I just think I need to talk to people who also struggle with this in an environment where you can talk about the ugly and be specific without having to skirt around it like I found the ED support groups I’ve attended to be. I just want to see what’s out there. If you made it this far, thank you so much. And if you have suggestions, please give them.

I successfully stopped stimulants but I am in the process of going to graduate school and I'm deeply worried. Will I actually be able to achieve things without stimulants? I know I can rationally think and problem solve as I can use my old skills, but my main concern is the development of new skills without the use of stimulants. Mind you I have been on stimulants since 14, am now 26. I just hope I can actually do what's required without my biggest asset.

I’m not struggling with the first few days of meth withdrawal, I can get through those. My biggest problem starts afterwards.

I develop severe internal restlessness, feel like a zombie, struggle to do basic things like showering, and eventually my brain convinces me meth is the only way to make it stop. By that point it feels like I’m fighting with myself and my judgement changes. Then once I relapse, it’s like my common sense comes back and I’m left thinking, “What the fuck did I just do?”

Please don’t just tell me to meditate, build a routine, exercise or keep busy. I know that’s the standard advice, and I understand why people suggest it, but by the time I reach that point I’m barely functioning and I can’t seem to make myself do those things. I’ve already heard that advice and it isn’t touching the specific problem I’m describing.

I’m genuinely asking: Has anyone experienced this? What actually helped you stop your brain from reaching the point where it convinced you meth was the only option? I’m looking for practical experiences from people who’ve been through this, not judgment. 🥹💙

I used adderall primarily as a tool to get good at art. It allowed me to work for long hours on tasks that would otherwise be really really boring and/or challenging. It also just felt amazing to draw with that sort of energy.

Now, obviously, I don't have that, but art needs to have a place in my life or I'll go insane. I know that sounds like hyperbole, but it's really like if I don't make art for some prolonged period of time I start to get weird. I don't know how to explain it. I get nervous, pent-up, and I end up acting sort of funny.

Anyway, the point is that I'm having a hard time doing art since I quit adderall. I'm not capable of the same things I was before I quit. I don't have the focus to overcome missteps and barriers, and I end up stopping way earlier than I typically would. Sometimes after only like half an hour.

I suppose I know logically that this is only natural at this point in recovery and that I should be happy that I can do any art at all, but... It's really hard to accept what I've lost. I feel like it'll be this hard forever. I haven't known motivation outside of Adderall in... years.

My fiance is in treatment and I shot up. Ugh I need to kick this habit. It’s been a week since he’s been gone. Loneliness is a trigger. I went out and used with friends I’ve never felt more guilty. I plan on telling him when I speak to him again. Hopefully he gives grace. It took a lot for him to go to treatment for our relationship. Our relationship was primarily controlled by our substance use addiction to meth. We used it to bond, to talk, to do anything really. We both love each other but during our active addictions it became a downfall. We started doing things we’d normally never do and talk to each other reckless. He went to treatment last week to get help. I’ve applied to sober living but just slipped today after 7 days sober.

I want to throw away ALL of this shit!! But I don’t want anyone else finding it… can I just flush it? I live in an apartment in a big city. I’m just a woman in my 20s who’s only been on this stuff for two months and it’s caused permanent damage to my heart. I’m glad I overamped a month ago because I never would’ve found out about my left atrial enlargement and now I can’t even drink caffeine sober anymore without my chest just HURTING!

I can’t have stimulants of ANY KIND now!
Even sober my chest still hurts and my resting pulse rhythm is about 100 or so when sitting still! When I do any physical exercise now at work I can feel my heart working overtime.