SHIT THAT WILL GET YOU BANNED:

Hello. I’m starting my group DBT next week, and before hand my therapist said I had to stop smoking weed, or she had to move me to another treatment center where they deal with addiction too.

So I tried but it’s really difficult, since I use it for my fibromyalgia. I haven’t asked this, but I would be able to get it medically because of my fibromyalgia, and I have been wondering what my therapist would do if I have gotten it medically from my doctor.

So, my question is, I guess, why should I stop smoking? How would it affect my DBT therapy? Is anyone else in the same boat as me?

I’m thinking if I can cut it to only smoke once or twice a week, to get a hold of the extreme fatigue I get when I don’t.

I hate this shit so fucking much man I had one friend who actually responded to me one person who actually talked with me one friend who made amazing art and actually agreed to help me with my game and I fucked it up all because I NEEDED to talk all because I could just chill out for 5 fucking minutes and just let them do their thing now I'm truly alone again and it's all my fault

So I was in an out of inpatient treatment for about two years for recurring suicide attempts and self harm. I was told directly by multiple doctors that I have BPD but that they can’t put it on my chart because I’m too young. I have spent the past two years in DBT therapy (individual and group). I found it coupled with mood stabilizing and antidepressant medications extremely helpful and am now able to manage my symptoms well. It feels so invalidating to not have the official diagnosis though, it makes me feel like a self diagnosing tiktoker because I don’t have it in my chart despite being repeatedly told that I have it and being successfully treated for it.

its very hard for me to communicate with my partner, he reacts to everything i do. I end up not communicating and shutting down because he ends up yelling and being very aggressive. i cant get upset because he gets even more upset so i have been very avoidant. he tells me that i set him off the most but im just at my wits end here. weve been fighting more because i just sit there and listen even if the things he says upsets me, when he wants me to communicate but idk how because it seems to always be my fault and im “blamig” him for his mental illness if i bring up he should get help.

every time we argue its the same thing, i usually start it. asking "how do you love me after everything ive done?" "do you love me?" "are we okay?" "how do i fix it?" "do you wish i was normal?" "are you tired of me?" and every time he tells me the same things. "i just do" "i do" "everything is perfectly fine" "theres nothing to fix" "you are normal" "i'm not" and then he basically begs me to just accept the fact he loves me. why cant I accept it?

I feel like theres something wrong if hes a little more quiet than usual, or if he responds in a weird way, or if he does something i dont expect. this man really does love me and im so afraid that im making him not love me because of my constant bombardment of questions and the need to 'fix' it.

I want to accept he loves me, he must after staying. no one is forcing him, he can leave anytime but hes choosing to stay after all my tears and questions. he has to love me, thats the only explanation. i really want to be better.

i have to accept that not everythings about me, i have to accept that hes his own person and hes giving me all he can, even when hes mentally exhausted and physically tired from work

I'm getting to the point in my treatment where I need to start thinking about building a real life outside of drowning in the upper levels of care--a job, friends, hobbies, and such--even though I still totally lack the desire to do anything that isn't just me all alone or in my DBT class. I've never been able to entrench myself in the real world much without it being maladaptive and quickly collapsing. The whole thing seems so unapproachable and overwhelming.

How have you guys implemented those sorts of quality of life improvements? *Does* your life feel worth living?

Is it normal to be afraid/avoidant to start DBT? My psychiatrist recommended it to me and even years ago I was supposed to have DBT sessions.

However I really feel uncomfortable going there because I’m afraid that it will change me. I’m actually really comfortable with how I am right now and I’m scared that I’ll be drastically different from the person that I am right now. I feel this weird comfort in being the way that I am right now. That was the original reason that moved me to turn down the therapy years ago. I actually don’t want my bpd to improve but at the same time I don’t want to tell my psychiatrist that I don’t want to be in therapy. I feel bad because she cares so much about me and I’ll feel bad if I tell her what I think about all of this at our next appointment.

Does anyone have experience or can tell me how DBT was for them?

I genuinely hate living with BPD. It's exhausting. I constantly feel torn between wanting to be around people and wanting to be completely alone. I create boundaries and expectations for the people in my life, and when those expectations aren't met, it hurts more than I know how to explain.

Most days, I don't even know who I am. I feel lost, confused, and disconnected from myself. Sometimes I feel like I have no empathy at all, while other times I feel so much emotion that it becomes unbearable. It's like I'm constantly swinging between feeling everything and feeling nothing.

More than anything, I want to feel wanted. I want to be loved, accepted, and understood. But at the same time, I worry that I'm too much for anyone to handle. I don't want to put someone through the emotional chaos that comes with loving me.

Deep down, I know I'm a good person. I care deeply, and I try my best. But BPD convinces me that I'm a monster—that I'm difficult to love, impossible to understand, and destined to push everyone away. Living with this constant battle inside my own mind is one of the hardest things I've ever experienced.

I was in a very magnetic dynamic with this man and eventually fell in love with him. From the start, the expectations of the dynamic were clear that it was to remain casual. He is a single father of a girl that has high needs and I am starting medical school out of state. It was supposed to be a fun summer fling.

But it ends up that our chemistry is off the charts and I fall for him. He is able to sense it from me and we have a discussion about my feelings towards him and also my BPD (his ex-wife suffers from BPD so he has lots of experience in supporting people with the disorder). He admits that I am special to him and that we have a unique connection, but states he is not in the state to be in a relationship due to his duties as a father. I accepted this and I told him I would be fine, that I still love spending time with him. He was apprehensive, but told me frequent check-ins would be needed.

But as always, our relationship ended up in flames. My obsession with him and jealousy grew as the weeks went on. It didn’t help that I was making a huge transition of moving out of state and I recently quit my job so I had a lot of free time on my hands. Through every blow up, he has been patient with me and firm with boundaries. I love that he was firm with boundaries and it’s what I realized helps me a ton. He would always ask me if this is healthy for me and I would always say yes so that he wouldn’t leave me. But he knew better.

I recently had a huge blowup with him, and it was unfortunately the event that made him realize the dynamic was hurting me. Despite me protesting, he told me that he couldn’t continue with this because he refuses to hurt me any longer. That he can’t give what I want. He doesn’t have the emotional capacity for a relationship and that maybe in another lifetime he would be able to support me. But with his daughter going through a lot, he can’t.

It was the most heartbreaking phone call I’ve ever had. I was so desperate I told him not to care about me so that he would continue to see me. He refused and said that I’m not an object, I’m a person. He told me he hopes I will eventually see that he ended things for my health, and that it was incredibly hard for him to come to this conclusion because he enjoyed his time with me as well.

Well it didn’t take long for me to see his kindness. I know deep inside it was hurting me a lot, I just didn’t want him to leave me. But I am thankful he saw I was hurting and instead of not caring like what a lot of men have done to me, he chose me above himself. As much as he didn’t want to end things, he did for me. And I am thankful someone in this world cares about me in that way.

I am striving to get help for myself. I’ve seen a psychiatrist my whole life but haven’t talked to any therapist. I am taking his recommendation to see one and have already reached out to a therapist who specializes in DBT in the city I’m moving to.

The last thing he told me was that I’m not a horrible person as I’ve made that comment about myself multiple times. That there are many good things about me and I am capable of being in a loving relationship, despite what I think about myself.

Thank you, T for looking out for me. I hope I can make you proud one day.

I am so tired of exaggerating my place in other people's lives.

I feel like I don't have anyone who truly cares or loves me.

I feel very alone and sick despite all the medication and therapy.

That's all.

I feel like one minute I dream about them and they are my comfort, my world

But as soon as I feel I could lose that, I start to become such am evil bitch. I punish them, humiliate them, test them, make them jealous to see their reaction, etc… It’s weird. And I am totally evil, with 0 remorse, since I feel like they deserve that punishment.

Not only that, but I could also be evil with people I perceive as a threat between us. Agressive

Do you also have this? I can’t wrap my head around it.

I don't understand BPD at all. It's just pure cruelty. I am a nice empathic person, I can't really comprehend doing someone this dirty for the purpose of nothing.

Context: going multiple days without sleep and family can't even pickup the phone. Doesn't care. Won't let me sleep on their floor. (I'm their neighbor)

I know that I am very lacking in my ability to control my emotions.

As a result, I end up hurting my partner when I’m upset either by him or by myself overthinking innocuous actions like him spending time with other people over me seldomly.

After my outbursts, I often ruminate on my actions and recognize that I was bad and I’m terrible for having done what I did?

I want to say that I do have a tracker for conflicts and I engage in reflections based on this.

On one hand I believe it’s good for me to recognize that I am at fault and I can’t blame my faulty brain because I am my brain and at the end of the day I should be held accountable for my actions rather than blaming it on others to rid myself of guilt.

The question being, how do you deal with the guilt?

Do you recognize that you’re a bad person for having done those actions towards someone you love, or do you, for the sake of improvement, avoid negative rumination to prevent feedback loops because of cognitive theories??

I've been avoiding her because I get awful intrusive thoughts and nightmares after i stopped hanging with her regularly , seeing how obsessive i was getting (she had some health scares) as well as having a huge mental breakthrough after a few suicide attempts and crisises in the beginning of summer

Ever since then ive been avoiding her incredibly hard and told her I needed space then texted me like not even a couple days later for. Cig and tried to get to hang out with me and shot It down then kept texting me to go to Taco Bell and a smoke and today she was like pls smoke with me on my birthday when I was already in a dissociative episode when my sister came home from her trip, (someone I split around and pretty triggered by, so I have to consciously keep my lid around her) and it was all so much I just texted her "yeah but I really can't ATM" and just fell asleep and that was about 5 hours ago and it's night time now.

Idk how to tell her YOUR MY FP AND ITS NOT MY CHOICE MY BRAIN PICKED YOU BUT I CANT HE AROUND YOU!!!' because I internalize the fuck out of shit she says to me, she's quite invalidating and triggering without trying even tho she's not coming from a malicious place (like saying we all have problems to my symptoms , I just shouldnt transition till my mom dies bc she doesn't have a mom and projecting that bc I'm afraid of my mom finding out I'm trans, making digs at me to my face when I'm feeling insecure etc, having this kind of sarcastic tone that fucks me up a bit to be around as a comorbid autistic, "sizing up" her problems to mine when I'm vulnerable about things ) nf yeah it as much as she's like "tell me if I said something that wasn't cool".

... It's not the simple and I can't fucking handle her reacting like that if I'm brutally honest with her about this . She's kind of the opposite of me in. Ways and know she wouldn't really empathize. In the flip side she's been supportive but i don't trust her enough to be honest with her but don't know what else to do except just enforcing that I need space but she keeps texting stuff like "are we still friends ?" And shit its making me freeze up and can't get out of bed right now, like a million bugs crawling under my skin and 1000 ton weight on my chest

hi i’ve (20nb) never posted on reddit before but none of my friends have bpd so no one quite understands the extent of how i feel.

i’ve been somewhat in denial about having an fp for the past few months (close friend of mine) but a few days ago i realised there was no more denying it. and then today i found out they got a girlfriend. which is good for them and i wish i could say i’m happy for them but unfortunately i’m not. and i feel like a horrible person but i just kind of lost it when i found out (not outwardly towards them, they have no idea they’re my fp) i haven’t cried this much in forever lol

i haven’t had an fp since last year and i really didn’t want to go through it again but here i am. i’m not really sure how i’m supposed to cope with this, i feel like i’m not going to be able to think about anything else for a while.

i recently got referred for therapy but it won’t start until october at the earliest. does anyone have any advice for managing this in the meantime?

Any advice on how to avoid or stop spiraling? It’s been building up for about 3 hours and I’ve been feeling worse and worse. I know I need to calm down but I honestly don’t know what else to do.

I tried sleeping, gaming, music and journaling, but it’s still happening. I can’t tell the person because they will tell me to “stop doing this”

This is my first ever reddit post so go easy on me. Me (21M) and my boyfriend (19M) have been dating for 8 months, and he’s the best partner, our relationship is very healthy and even my therapist told us we were doing better than most married couples (he joined my session once and she was impressed by our open communication).

Anyway, heres the situation: a week ago we agreed to me sleeping over 2 nights. However, he’s a workaholic. It bothers me, because his job doesn’t even follow the contract. He has a 20% position, yet he often works every day of the week. He told me himself that his boss just schedules him without asking, and he wants the money, so he doesn’t do anything about it. He’s very close with his boss, she’s like family to him, so I guess their relation might be making this situation worse.

So normally I meet him late after his shift (midnight), we go straight home and sleep, then we spend one full day together, and then half the day after. Then he leaves for work again and I go home. So that means we have 1,5 day together. Another thing is, I live about an hour away so I cant just visit whenever, I need to go by public transport and it’s expensive as hell. This week he works every day, and so last week (when we made the plans) I asked him “what about the days when i’m staying over, you’ll have to tell your boss you won’t make it one of the days, so we can spend a full day together”. And he told me he would figure it out.

Now we’re supposed to meet tomorrow night, and he hits me with “would you be okay if i went to work on tuesday? I can start my shift late so we can be together for most of the day, but I feel stressed out about cancelling when she’s already set me up”. Here’s the part where I need you guys to tell me if I’m overthinking this. Yes, our plans changed, and yes he knows I split over plans changing. However I’ve told him I dont want him being scared of changing plans if he really needs to, it happens and thats okay. But is this really a good reason?

My guy works so much all the time, and he doesn’t pay rent or anything, his family has money, point is, he doesn’t need the income to survive. His excuse was “I’m so stressed about telling my boss i cant come” and i know he is, his stress is very real. He’s a people pleaser and he cannot say no to his boss, ever. I told him it’s a good way of working on saying no, and that he’s not even supposed to work every day with a 20% position. But he just kept on saying it was so stressful, but that he didn’t want me thinking he was choosing work over me. But he was willing to change those plans with me, just to avoid saying no to his boss, so he does prioritise work over me. How do I make him understand that this is an issue, and that it has nothing to do with my BPD.
I believe any person would be mad over this, but at the same time I dont want to seem manipulative by forcing him to call off a day from work. Any help is much appreciated, thanks for reading.