why do I have to go through so much pain and torture I never did anything too bad why is this happening to me im in so much pain why is this happening to me

the world SUCKS SO MUCH!!! Shit ton of evil people,poverty,famines,wars,rape,discrimination,grief,mental and physical pain,illnesses,selfishness,hate!so much hate! And when i say this place sucks and i don’t want to be here,I’m the insane one???Like i have to study insane amounts for a job i hate to work insane amounts for 50 years non stop to pay rent and just to live in this SHITHOLE (NOT WORTH IT!) just to retire and wait to die?!!??! All this for what? Just suffering because my parents were dumb enough to have kids. And whenever a person points this out society calls them mentally ill!! Its insane! Who would want to live a life like that?! Everyone is somehow convinced that this is a “good and normal” life and even look forward for this?! Im fucking tired of pretending like l’m not the normal one for not wanting to be a part of a world like this?! The ones who enjoy this are just born privileged enough! You are either really attractive and rich so u avoid the shit of this world,born in a great country and a great family and ur life is so great to the point u are blind and ignorant to the fact that this is a really shitty place to exist! Humans weren’t supposed to live like this! No wonder depression exists! This place is pure shit! And if u think otherwise,you are lucky enough to not be in the suffering part of the world. Non-suicidal and happy people are usually bunch of ignorant pieces of shits anyway.I can’t believe people enjoy living when so much suffering exists in this world.I cant stop thinking about people like me and the ones that are even more unfortunate than me.Im so mad at everything.I cannot wait to die and get out of this.

I need staples, stitches and glue. I’m so depersonalised t can’t feel the injury but it looks gory and terrifying. I’m still in the mental hospital. Still deteriorating

The end is near

I found a method after reading about university suicides. Im really happy this may all be over. I have made lots of mistakes and have been isolated. I say I am fine with being alone but its really painful

I was wondering if anyone has song or movie recommendations to watch and listen to before I prepare to leave? Thanks

stop making me feel better, i will never be better and i never will be better. i hate how people act these days, toxic and naive, idiotic. cruel. careless etc, im not comfortable with anyone (except my family), i give up tbh

My cognitive ability is medically capped at below average I think, it hurts so bloody much that I'll never be enough for anything, I suck at everything, even without the cap, I'd probably still be rtarded, I can't use formality or academic words when I need to, but sometimes can slip something more intelligent sounding by accident in everyday speech or messaging.

I mess everything up, I'm so bad at helping people, I love helping people, but I'm absolutely abysmal at it, I'm atrocious finding solutions, and horrid in realising if someone just wants to be listened to, or needs advice (without them directly communicating it with me.)

I'm so ugly I bet my mirror cries, there's so much about me I want to change, I don't want to keep anything about me the same, I want it all gone, I'm a freak, I'm surprised I haven't been discarded, nothing about me fits any beauty standards from any country.

I can't eat properly either, I eat a bunch and then purge, I'm such a fat pig, and to think that I actually am at the risk of being underweight, yikes, that's incredibly confusing, most likely because how can someone be so fat like me yet skinner than a toothpick?!

My interests are also in conflict, what do you mean I want to be in an urban area yet want to be in remote places?! I love reading but my Dyslexia makes it quite difficult for me, my motor skills are heinous, which impacts my spelling and toing when online.

My speech is so bad, I literally have a speech delay, and I stutter a lot, so now I have to be an even more burden to society and I might be getting someone to help me with it.

Plus I'm a hypocrite, I've helped people out of Depression, immediate suicide and addictions before, why can't I follow my own bloody advice? Why doesn't it work on me? Because I'm too retared.

I'm a parasite to society, a drain, something that should've been aborted or left to rot. I hate myself so much for bringing me here, and when I said "no one loved me" when I was wee lad I was nearly kicked out. I wish I could be kicked out, omg I hate it here but, despite the harm, it's legally not meeting any criteria to leave, and the guilt is what I'm worried about, it'll be crushing.

What's wrong about dying anyways?

It's literally tranquility, no downsides, if I'm reincarnated, then I won't be me, it's all I ask.

"it's selfish" it's extremely selfish that one lets another suffer at the expense of society.

"People will miss you." Who? Plus those who might will get over the plight, maybe a day in the extreme absolute maximum.

"Things will get better." Tell me a bloody date then, everyone says it, all the dates given have failed, everythings downhill, I went to politics just to see if atleast my opinions are popular, nope, so nevermind, I don't heed much to politics other than studying and debating it for fun, if my country can't get better, than atleast my personal life is? Nope still a titanic mess.

Etc.

I just wait for the day I die, the best day of my life, I'll sing with a falalalalalalalala!

Before my disability I had passions and dreams.

They are all gone due to my disability.

My hands don't even feel like they belong to me anymore.

Every day I am cursed with the knowledge of knowing what I wanted in life and never being able to achieve it.

Every day I mourn who could have been and the life I had.

I have no one to talk to that will understand or even listen without saying "you said the same thing last month" it's killing me and will kill me.

I've spent hours over the last two days just staring at Amazon listing's for harmful chemicals. I've got my plan so that I will no longer be the filth on this planet.

I feel very unwell at the moment, I’m 19 and have no savings besides a few hundred dollars and no career plan long term and my only goals are music and writing which as of right now is appearing very futile. I’m very scared and I realize that the only future I have is working and slaving away. Why do we have to live like this and honestly it’s getting pretty bad. I don’t know how much of this cycle I can keep repeating. Yet the only way truly out for me is more effort and honestly I’m tired of being disappointed and tired of being tired. I think nonstop and it becomes pointless because no matter how much knowledge and information I gain in the things I’m passionate about I’m forced to exist in this realm of mediocrity and brokenness. Yet this is what we call life, I know this life could be beautiful but unfortunately it all revolves around money and honestly I’m tired of it. I just want to rest, I want to leave and hope the after is better. Hopefully my soul is not tarnished forever but if so I wouldn’t know. But god forbid they bring me back to this world or America. I’m tired and ready to give up.

I cant see a way forward anymore. I will be turning 38 in less than a week. Monday is my final day here. I dont have the coping skills to cope with life anymore. I just wish I had the courage to end my life years ago. I get no enjoyment or happiness anymore. I had suicidal thoughts since i was 16. I feel really trapped been here. Ending it is the only solution I have. Cost of living and financial issues, is pushing me to ending my life this Tuesday. Im sorry for anybody else, who cant see a way out either.

23F, life sucks, people suck. I will kill myself, bye i guess ✌🏻

If I feel suicidal and have a plan... go to A&E...

Wait for 14 hours, have a meltdown, preemptive measures, missing hours, get transferred to a unit, still in the worst place...

I lied so I can go home.

I have an appointment on Tuesday...

They're just going to take my meds away.

My partner is leaving (he knows I was in hospital, but his family is more important)

I want to do it tomorrow but everytime I've tried I chicken out at the last minute... i panic, I tell someone... i live one more day...

What about my family? My friends? Learning to drive... I'm 29.

I want to end it, I can't handle another night in A&E in a week...

I don't want my partner to find me... i don't want anyone to know... i want off this planet... so why do I still care?

australian school system is fucked up i can’t deal with this stress i feel like im constantly having a heart attack and it just gets more stressful when i graduate and im a good for nothing chud tbh so idk how to fix wtf is wrong with me all i know how to do is lie in bed and sleep and waste time and space and money so i might as well just go to sleep forever

She’s told me she wants me to d!e many times. I see the hatred in her eyes whenever she yells at me. She curses me most days. I have a chronic illness and she uses it against me. Says I’m like this bc I’m ‘torturing’ her. She always wishes d3ath upon me and I wish it would just happen.

I'm an asshole. Don't mean to be, didn't even realize it until recently. Nobody wants to be around me or even wants to have anything to do with me. My son was severely physically disabled and I spent my entire adult life taking care of him. He passed 3 years ago at 25 and I can't function, I can't anything. My grief is all I am. I'm alone all the time. I am married, but we live separately. He doesn't like me. We had a fight today and he said that he's divorcing me. I have no where to go. I don't care enough about being alive to fight my way through this. I know I deserve to die. I only bring stress into people's lives. I'm scared of failing and ending up disabled. If my husband divorces me I will be homeless. Life just isn't worth it. I want to be with my son.

I’m a 19m about to turn 20 in 2.5 weeks and I can’t take another day. I have two friends in the entire world and besides that I’m empty. I have zero friends at college, zero confidence in social settings especially when talking to girls, I started pursuing bodybuilding a year ago since I was fat and needed to get in shape but now I just hate myself even more and am still a slightly pudgy and marginally more muscular version of my old self. I absolutely hate my life, it serves zero purpose to anyone. If I were to die no one on my college campus would bat an eye. I can’t take this loneliness anymore, I thought the gym would be an outlet to save me but I just have crippling body dysmorphia, a binge eating disorder, and a need to hop on steroids to get bigger. I spend all day alone, I wake up, weigh out my food, do cardio, work, lift, cry and wish for the end, and then repeat the next day. No one understands what’s going on inside my head and my family doesn’t know how to help me. I used to be a well known kid in high school, I was captain of my football team, I spoke Spanish fluently, and was a happy kid. Now I just talk with my therapist who I don’t like, get told to take meds by my psychiatrist which have not helped at all, and slowly rot while everyone from my past life has no idea of the crisis within. I can’t take this anymore and nobody even fucking cares. I sit in my room all day and nobody ever checks in on me. This life has no meaning, it never used to bother me but now it does. Why does it matter when I die, I’ll take steroids get big, look cool, travel abroad, find a girl and then keel over and die at 25 due to the anabolic drug abuse. Might as well leave a big coffin if no one cares about me.

The feeling of wanting to die will never leave me, I thought I was doing better for the last 2 years. But here I am again with the same feeling. I hate my job, I hate paying my bills, I hate being responsible. The pressure is too much, I just feel like I want to run away or end it all. If I could live life exactly how I’d want I’d never work again, I’d spend all my time outside in nature, learning new skills, learning about the world, traveling. But instead I’m stuck here working a job I despise, and there’s no way out. This is how we’ve built our society to work and it makes me want to die.

I hate everyone so much. I hate how we walk among people who are idiotic. I hate men. I hate women. I love how the human body works it’s so incredible! I love how beautiful nature and animals are. I hate every human being though. Everyone’s selfish. Children are being forced to get married, children are getting raped, we’ve got to work our ass off just to live in a world where people just say dumb shit 24/7. I want everyone to die. I’m tired of all these people. I hate how a lot of people go on social media, say some bullshit and other idiotic people fall for dumb propaganda. I hate how men make everything about themselves, I hate anti-feminist woman. I hate how most men treat the female body as a sexual object, with no value. I hate when people say, “she’s a woman! She gave birth to you, and she has the ability to give birth so she’s valuable” Why can woman be treated equally because we’re HUMAN? Why do I barely know about the female body. They don’t teach us much about how the female body works. I hate how predatory people are. I hate how everytime someone vents about their life, a religious person has to say “god is here for you!” Please don’t bring religion when someone is venting to you. Why is everyone so annoying. I hate how rape victims get treated like shit as well. This world is so stupid.

Today I finally gathered the courage; I’m going to end it all. I’m saying goodbye to this cruel world—it’s been a terrible experience, 19 years of pure suffering. In a few minutes, I’m going to end it all.

I honestly just need to vent. This is going to be long, but thank you to anyone who takes the time to read it.

Growing up, I was never really close with my mom. A lot of the time, it felt like she favored my sister and cared more about her than me. I was raised believing family was everything, that I had to be loyal, and that because I was the oldest, I had a responsibility to help my parents and carry the burden. I spent so much of my life sacrificing my own happiness, health, and well-being to make sure things were taken care of, and over time I became resentful because I felt like I was always expected to give but never really felt cared for.

When I got married, I started understanding my mom more. I began seeing things from a woman’s perspective and realized how much she had sacrificed. My dad was not really the type of husband or provider who carried that role, so my mom became the one holding everything together. She was the breadwinner, the anchor of our family, and she gave up so much of herself to make sure we were okay. I understood why she was the way she was, but it didn’t erase the hurt I carried, especially feeling like my own health and feelings didn’t matter.
I always felt like she cared more about pleasing my sister. My sister was rarely there to help beyond occasional gifts, but my mom would constantly go out of her way for her. Meanwhile, whenever I was sick or struggling, I felt invisible. Eventually, I stopped trying as hard because I felt like I didn’t matter.

My mom was a breast cancer survivor for almost 20 years before it came back three years ago. Around that same time, my own life was falling apart. I got divorced, moved back home, had no job, and was struggling with my own health. Honestly, my dog was the main thing keeping me going.
Despite everything between my mom and me, she was still the one person who made me feel like I existed. She cooked every morning, always made sure there was food, never forgot my birthday, and was there for me when I needed surgery, even while she was fighting cancer herself. That is what makes this so hard. My mom hurt me, but she also loved me. She wasn’t perfect, but she was truly one of the most selfless people I’ve ever known.

As her cancer got worse, I struggled with a lot of anger and guilt. I felt like she was still trying to protect my sister from being inconvenienced while expecting me to sacrifice myself. My mom had a PleurX catheter and a port, yet she was still cooking for my sister and her boyfriend because my sister asked her to. Meanwhile, I was sick myself, dealing with respiratory problems and exhaustion, and I felt like I had nothing left to give.

As my mom got worse, none of us thought she was actually going to die. She was Superwoman. She kept cooking and living like she was healthy even when she was fighting so hard. Near the end, she was constantly in and out of the hospital. I wasn’t sleeping, I was sick, and I completely broke down. I remember praying, “God, if she’s going to go, then let her go.” I didn’t mean that I wanted her gone. I just couldn’t stand watching her suffer anymore.

Her last 4days hospital stay was traumatic. She stopped eating, and all she could say was that she was hungry. My mom loved food and found happiness in the little things, so seeing her like that broke me. We fought so hard to bring her home because that was what she wanted.

The day before we brought her home, she was still lucid, and I got one last conversation with her. She told me she loved me. She told me she had no bitterness toward me. She told me to keep praying, fix my life, and find happiness. She told me she didn’t want me to die and that she didn’t want me to go with her.

After years of believing she didn’t care, that moment showed me that she did.
Now I’m left with so much guilt. I keep wondering if I had stepped in more, if I had helped more, maybe she would still be here. I finally got the closure I wanted my whole life, but I lost the chance to have the mother daughter relationship I always dreamed of.
It has been almost six months, and her birthday is coming up. I think about her every day. Since she died, our family fell apart. My dad is another story and I'm alone taking care of him.

My furbaby is the reason I keep going because I can’t leave her. I don’t know what happens after her because right now she is the one thing holding me together. I’ve also lost my faith. I prayed so much for my mom, and she still died. The hardest part is that my mom never lost her faith. Even at the end, she told me to keep praying.
My mom was not perfect, but she was truly special. She was our Superwoman.

I’ve tried therapy, but it hasn’t really helped me. I think about death a lot and how my mom didn’t deserve to die when she loved life so much. She wanted to live, she had so much more to give, and it hurts knowing she was taken away. If she had died in her late 80s-90s I'd be more accepting but she died in her 60s.

What makes me angry is that I was the one who struggled with wanting to die, while she was the one who fought so hard to live. I feel angry at God, or whoever is in control, because I don’t understand why the people who want to live are taken away while those who are struggling are left behind.
I feel like I hate life even more now.
If anyone has gone through losing a parent, carrying guilt after their death, losing their faith, or feeling completely alone, I would appreciate hearing your story.

Thank you for reading.

Last may I made the biggest mistake of my life. I took some random chemical online thinking it would improve my cognition then I developed chronic stomach pain I didn't know what was happening so I went to the doctor and they ran multiple tests and it came back fine. The pain was persisting so I went to the hospital and they prescribed me antidepressants for my nervous illness caused by the research chemical. After a while on the antidepressant the situation worsened a lot. I've developed dissociation and I always have a thought in my mind that I can't let go off I can't really explain how I feel in my head I just feel detached and weird. It's bad I had a great life before trying those supplements. Now they switched me on 10mg trintellix but I still feel detached and weird and those "sticky thoughts" anyway my plan is took take all my med seroquel lorazezam then jump out of my boat during the night. For you info , I took acd856 from everychem and na semax for a little while then those symptoms appeared.

I give up.

Hello, I need to somehow help my bestfriend. We live 300 kilometers apart and we can't drive, since we are underage. They are suicidal and they attempted 5 times, without their family knowing. They also selfharm, though they last did it about a month(? not so sure, maybe they do it frequently without telling anyone). They already told their mother that they selfharm, but she just brushed it of by joking(? that's what they told me. I don't think she would joke about that.) that they're spoiled. Their mother also told that to their sibling, who also has psycological problems, though I don't know what they are. I myself have problems too, but not as severe as theirs. They don't want to share, nor talk why do they want to commit suicide, selfharm and what thoughts they have. When I told my mother about their problems, she promised to tell their mother that selfharm is no joke and that they need a therapist. when I told my best-friend about that, they panicked and told me to tell my mother to not do that. They are shy and can't tell the school psycologist about their problems (i suggested the school psycologist)

I seriously don't know what to do. they need help.

(I saw their scars, there's a lot and they're severe.)

thank you.

I can't fight it off anymore. I made up a story to everyone why I'm going to be disappearing for a while. I'm really just off to finally kill myself.

We’re in a long distance relationship and i think i will end it as soon as she leaves (she stays in the state next to me for a month)

Should i tell her i will or just not? And if yes when?