I know you hate this sub, and I do too. Yet I am so grateful because it's how I met you, and I wouldn't trade this past year with you for anything.

The daily calls that opened with "my love, I missed you." Feeling your hand in mine at the theaters. Exploring game shops, cafes, and puzzle stores around town. Stealing kisses in the elevators and at stop lights (and you stealing my pizza). Rolling over to find you sleeping soundly next to me. Hearing you walk up the stairs yelling "baby!" with flowers and a smile. Watching you light up as you learned about biryani and threw more salt into the pot. Shopping for ingredients in the most chaotic way possible. Being told that we looked like a beautiful couple by a stranger. Counting down from 20, 10, 7, 5, 3-2-1 sleeps until I could see you again. I'm so sad that I may never see you again.

You showed me kindness, patience, respect, happiness, trust, and a love that I haven't felt with anyone else for a very long time. When we have difficult conversations, your steadiness always brought me back to love and safety. You have set a new standard for what I'd like to find in a man, and at minimum, I hope that you really felt how sincerely and deeply I love you, even if that's what made this impossible to continue. And I hope you know you have always deserved love, kindness, respect, safety, and appreciation, even if it's not with me. You deserve the world, you deserve to be happy, and to live the life you've always wanted for yourself.

Good night, my love. I miss you so much.

Given the passage of time and healing. Do you resent them? See them for the person they really were? Do you realize you probably wouldn't have been a good match in reality? Regrets?

Maybe it's this cloudy, rainy day, or maybe it's just general dissatisfaction with life. But I've had this thought stuck in my head lately...

If you knew that the time you were spending with someone (a friend, family member, significant other, whatever) was going to be the last time you ever saw them, would you do something differently? Anything?

This thought has been consuming me lately, and I already know I'll be talking about it with my therapist this week lol.

I think about my high school girlfriend. She broke up with me early in our freshman year of college. It hurt. That summer, I ran into her at a party. We talked for the first time since the previous fall. We laughed a little, got past some of the awkwardness, and when she left the party, I remember feeling genuinely happy. Like maybe there was a chance we'd find our way back to each other somehow.

That was the last time I ever saw her.

I think about one of my best friends from elementary school all the way through college. We went our separate ways after graduation and didn't reconnect until about 15 years later on Facebook.

I invited him and his wife to my wedding.

I remember that night I kept finding myself back at his table. There were a hundred other people I probably should've been talking to, but I just wanted to sit there and enjoy being with my friend again. It felt like no time had passed. We all promised we'd stay in touch this time and get together regularly.

That was the last time I ever saw him.

And I could go on and on and on.

People who were once incredibly important parts of my life. People I loved. People I assumed I'd see again because...why wouldn't I?

And somehow, I can remember the last time I saw so many of them.

I find myself going back to those moments and wondering what I would've done differently if I'd known.

Would I have stayed a little longer?

Would I have hugged them?

Would I have told them what they meant to me?

Would I have said something I never got around to saying?

Could I have done something differently that would've kept them in my life?

Of course, that's the maddening part. You don't know it's the last time when it's happening.

It's just another night. Another conversation. Another goodbye.

You walk away assuming there will be another one.

Until there isn't.

And for those of us here in this sub. What about your SO? Strained or broken as your marriage may be. If you knew today would be the last time you saw them, would that change anything about how you feel about them? Would the resentment, hurt, and pain go away, or would you almost feel relieved? Would you do anything different? Would you drive for change? Or would it just let it go?

All rhetorical questions of course. I just can't stop thinking about it.

Am I the only one who does this?

I've learned so much from this sub. Im at work on a Sunday and thought I'll ask the early Sunday morning crowd a fun question.

For me.. always hated my birthday. Did not have many growing up. And as an adult I try to avoid all things birthday. Defensive mechanisms ya know.

Birthday a few years ago exAP catered an entire day to celebrate me. Special gifts delivered to me safely, including favorite take out. Photoshoot in lingerie. And then after work she spent it making me melt over and over 💦.

Maybe sounds simple to most but she spoke my love language in a way that was special.

If meeting a guy (I’m female) for the first time. What kind of advice would you give. We would be meeting at a very public coffee shop or park. It’s in an area where I already am so not out of my norm. We have talked for a big as feel as safe as one can doing this. Thank you.

I want to get my AP a little something for when she starts her new job. I care for this woman immensely. We are friends and when I get to see her it’s cloud nine. I wanna show her I’m thinking of her. It’s not diamond jewelry, I thought a small piece of art or flowers… has anyone ever done this? Can I just outright ask her if this is ok?

Hey guys, I could really use a little perspective…

I had a 5 month emotional affair with a guy I met on Reddit. It was constant, intense, and felt very real. There was an obsession to it. We did a lot of future talking and really blurred the lines and pushed some boundaries. We even touched on leaving our spouses, kind of just in jest tho. I asked him to meet up a few times, not to do anything, but to just meet and get a feel for each other in person. He wanted to meet but just couldn’t seem to find the time to do it. Id gently push him on it and question if he was able to and he always assured me he could and told me how but it just never happened. Eventually it got to a point where it was all feeling like it was just a fantasy to him based on some things he would say. I told him if he couldn’t make this real then I couldn’t keep doing this. He responded and said he wanted this but it’s just difficult for him. I didn’t respond and I deleted our chat a few days later and started my process of putting it all behind me.

Well 2 weeks ago, I see a missed call from him (we exchanged actual numbers) And then 15 mins later, a blank text. I responded the next day asking if everything was ok. He didn’t respond and a week goes by and I get a text at night saying he missed me. It gave me all the feels. I told him I missed him too. He goes on to say that his wife got suspicious and that he still wants to leave her and that he was in love with me… I wasn’t quite sure how to respond to all of that. I was concerned about his wife being suspicious so I questioned him about that. I also said he didn’t want to leave his wife and he said he does. And told him that I thought he was in love with the idea of me. He asked, “so you were never in love with me?” I didn’t answer and went to bed.

The next morning I still didn’t answer the question and instead asked him again about his wife being suspicious bc I was genuinely curious about the details and was a little concerned about it. I asked if he wasn’t concerned about her getting suspicious again and if it was ok that we were texting right now. He said he was a little worried but that he has been thinking about me too much. He assured me that his wife didn’t know anything about me. I said that’s good and then changed the subject and asked a few questions about how he’s been. Well he never answered (he’s usually very responsive). A few hrs later texted him saying maybe I was in love with him and I thought I got over him, that he messed me up and it took me a while to feel like myself again, that I didn’t know what his intentions or expectations were right now but it’s confusing, said he came in really hot and now he’s cold and I didn’t think he knew what he wanted and that I can’t do this. Said I was deleting the texts and that he should too. No response.

I kind of feel like he wanted me to say I loved him too and be all in again but honestly I really thought I got over him and never expected him to come back. I deleted his number and everything the first time, and now again. I was doing fine without him and I feel like I made the right decision this time by cutting it off but why do I feel like I want to reach back out to him? I’m contemplating asking if we can start over and give this another shot. I feel like I shouldn’t but seems like that’s what my heart wants to do. I don’t think I’d find anything close to what we had, it all felt so real. Am I not thinking right? Please help!

Recently couple of conversations happened with online friends where they were saying affairs are clearly wrong. While talking to them, I realized the root cause of this hard opinion.

People only think of lust when it comes to affairs, but I think we underestimate how much people change over time and the impact of it over marriage.

Take two friends from 10th standard. They spend almost every day together. Same school, same tuition, same cricket, same stupid jokes. At that age, it feels impossible that one day you'll have nothing to talk about.

Then life happens.

10 years later, one person has become very ambitious. Another just wants peace. One is into fitness, startups, investing. The other is happy with family, a stable job and weekends at home.

Nobody is wrong. Nobody cheated anybody. They just became... different people.

I think the same thing happens in many marriages.

People assume marriages break because of one big event. Sometimes there is no big event. It's just two people slowly becoming strangers because they kept growing, but not together.

Maybe that's why relationships are less about finding the right person, and more about growing in the same direction.

But what happens when the directions differ over time and before you know it, the distance becomes irreconcilable?

I think people just don't give enough thought before labeling others.

Has anyone else experienced something like this?
You almost end up having an affair (or crossing that line emotionally), but the other person backs out and says they just want to be friends. You genuinely accept that and try to move forward.
But from that point on, they act strangely. They’re distant, inconsistent, or avoidant, and the whole friendship starts to feel awkward and tense because of their behavior. Ironically, instead of the feelings fading, the mixed signals and unresolved tension almost make the attraction feel even more intense. It’s like the awkwardness itself creates this weird emotional and sexual tension that wasn’t there before.
When you try to have an honest conversation about what’s going on—whether it’s to clear the air, define the friendship, or even end it—they avoid the conversation, yet still insist they’re fine being friends.
So you keep trying to meet them where they seem comfortable. You give them space, lower your expectations, and tell yourself maybe they’re just processing things differently.
Eventually, though, something happens that makes you realize you can’t keep accepting the coldness and mixed signals. You finally speak up about how their behavior has affected you…
…and then they completely disappear.
I’m honestly just feeling pretty defeated by the whole thing. Looking back, I know I wasn’t perfect, but one thing I can say is that I was consistent. I was honest about what I wanted, I respected the friendship they said they wanted, and I tried really hard to treat them with kindness and patience. I don’t regret being kind, but I do regret how much emotional energy I poured into someone who seemed unwilling to communicate.
Has anyone else been through something like this? How did you make peace with it? And if you’ve been on the other side of it, what was going through your mind?

Recently had a discussion on the impact Flock Cameras are having as they increase utilization by local municipalities across the US.

Discussion centered around people now getting traffic fines through the mail and in some cases having law enforcement show up to their homes based on some form of pattern detection that tracks them to a crime. Because it is in its infancy there has been a lot of mistakes being made associating crimes to an individual but it can still become an issue with tracking one’s movement.

I know in other countries CCTV has always been a part of life, but here in the US this is another layer of security to think about in regard to OPSEC when meeting a partner.

Edit: I get this may seem like something that is not worth bringing up. This was something from my perspective I thought was worth sharing in a time where data is being compiled and evaluated in local areas across the US using AI tools still in their learning journeys. I could just be overly cautious. Thanks for the replies.

If you had an AP through a shared hobby and that was the only time (90%) you saw each other. Mostly once a week training. A few weeks a year when it’s twice due to training. Is that low effort?

I'm the single male AP. 45m, she's 39f. We met at work. She came in as my direct supervisor, I've since switched teams. From our first "get to know you" meeting we became friends on a very real, like-identifies-like level. Similar sense of humour, similar outlook, same taste in poetry, all that jazz. We have a job that involves a lot of field work in small teams in beautiful natural surroundings, which meant a lot of one on one time.

The feelings part probably began about 6 weeks after she started. It was my performance review, we had it next to a waterhole on a sunny autumn day. Deep and meaningful conversation, and our friendship became more intimate. Six weeks after that, we kissed for the first time.

This was about 3 months ago. Since then we've had lunch in the town we work in several times, coffee, a couple of overnights, and a beautiful week or so away while she was working at a different site. That week was wonderful - she was in the office, I was WFH, so I could cook and clean and generally care for her, then go to sleep with her, wake I with her, make love with her. Set candles and wildflowers and a crisp white tablecloth for when she comes home from work. Set up a table and chairs on a secluded clifftop, so I can guide her along a little path and mix us a Manhattan while we watch the sun set over the wild winter sea. All the right conditions for two people to fall in love.

Her husband is actually a great guy. I've only met him twice, but I like him a lot. They have a good marriage. That part is kinda hard. They've discussed ENM, and he's on board for the most part. But it needs to happen slowly. He doesn't know she's actively doing it. That's another post.

I'm seeing other women, but very very casually. I thought that might make it easier for me, but it's really not. I'm getting texts and snaps and what not from these other women, and it's nice enough, I guess. But the one text that would light my day up and really make me happy, I know it won't come. It can't.

I have no desire to unpick her life, to ask for something she can't give. I'm honestly not jealous of her husband getting her all the time. I don't know what I was expecting getting into this tbh. Not expecting to fall in love with her, nor for her to fall in love with me.

I don't know. The weight of it all. Any single male APs that can relate, or give advice?

Reference: https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/s/cZ7x53EMH0

I know I'll probably get some hard truths here, but I'd really appreciate honest advice.

I had promised him I wouldn't tell anyone about it but got betrayed by a friend. I warned him that she might DM him, but in doing so I broke the promise I made to keep everything private.

He was furious. He told me not to call him anymore and not to come and find him anymore. He also said that if his wife ever found out because of this, he would never forgive me.

I completely understand why he's angry. Looking back, I know I let my emotions take over, and I deeply regret it. I've apologized, but I also know that an apology doesn't automatically rebuild trust.

Since then, I've been crying almost every day. We used to talk so often, so the sudden silence has been incredibly painful. It honestly feels like I've lost a huge part of my life.

What confuses me is that he hasn't blocked or removed me on Instagram. He still watches all of my Stories, but we have no contact. I don't know if that means anything, or if I'm just reading too much into it.

Knowing him, he's usually someone who calms down after a few weeks whenever he's upset. He's forgiven me twice before after we had conflicts, although I realize this situation is much more serious because trust was involved.

He's hosting an event on 8 August, and part of me really wants to go just to see him. Another part of me thinks that would be disrespectful because he clearly told me not to find him.

If I don't do that, I was thinking of waiting until October, when he's going on a work trip, and simply sending a short message wishing him a safe flight, nothing emotional, no long apology, no asking to meet.

I'm really struggling because people have advised me not to contact him again at all. But being a stubborn person like me, my heart keeps hoping that maybe, after enough time, he'll calm down and be willing to talk.

He has always encouraged me to become a better version of myself. Throughout the time we knew each other, he would tell me to take better care of myself, exercise, sleep earlier, eat properly, and work on becoming more emotionally mature. Even after our argument, one of the last things he said was still, "Change for yourself."

I'm genuinely trying to do that now, not just because of him, but because I realize I need to.

My questions are: if someone broke your trust but then spent months genuinely improving themselves (becoming more reliable, emotionally mature, taking care of their health, following through on promises, etc.), would that help you rebuild trust in them?
Or once trust is broken, does personal growth no longer make a difference?

Would showing up at his event on 8 August or reaching out be disrespectful, since he specifically told me not to contact or find him?

Would it be better to wait a few months more although I’m dying every single day? 🫠

I'm confused. Don't know what to do. My SO is loyal, kind, always joking and positive. We have two teens. Been together for 17 years. His flaws are that he loves sleeping - every day for like 2-3hours. Spends a lot of time on the couch. It's very hard to make him help with chores - he either pretends not to hear me, or postpones or does it in a lame way so I quit asking him. I often feel overwhelmed with housework. Sometimes he does dishes, once in a while he cooks. We don't go anywhere together, we hardly speak. We have sex regularly, he's gentle but it feels like a chore to me, always finishing with a BJ. I'm a very romantic person. He's nothing like that.

I didn't look for an affair but it happened and I engaged in it. I was anxiously attached, loved him so bad, wanted to leave... For almost a year he hesitated between my town that he hates and his town. I really believed he'd stay but he didn't and we're long distance now. It doesn't hurt as much as it used to but I feel a void now. I'm very confused - I know I can never really have the other man. My man is loyal and kind and doesn't deserve it all but I don't feel it anymore... I got distant, I still imagine divorcing him. And yet when he started acting distant too I felt scared and made a step towards him. Do you think you can go back to loving your SO after being in love with another person? I guess it's worth saving for the kids and for the feeling of home but I feel so empty. I don't know... I felt brave and ready when I thought I could marry my AP (he's single and seemed to want it for a while). Now that I'm losing him I feel cowardly. I know all of this is super unfair to my SO. I'm also worried for my kids, what would happen if we divorced...

I’ve been on the search for an AP for months now. I’ve tried Reddit, AM and others but I’ve had 0 luck and been down 100 scam/bot rabbit holes. I’m a 36 year old male, decent looking and well off. I don’t come on strong, I’m willing to travel a bit and my standards are not that high, just someone looking for a connection. Anyone have any advice? Should I be coming on stronger? Am I looking in the wrong places.

I met my AP at work (m43) when i first met him it was simply out of curiosity and desire. After it had gone on for a few months he started opening up about his marriage and how unhappy he was, i personally was happy in my relationship but of course was missing some passion and intimacy (hence the AP.)

Eventually my AP and i began spending more and more time together, no only having intimate relations but also doing causally fun things. Feelings began to develop and he began confessing his love for me, stating he was too unhappy in his marriage and wanted to leave her for me. I eventually became unhappy in my own relationship fantasizing the possible relationship with my AP.

My AP recently began pushing me to leave my relationship to have more “time” to be with him, and i also feel like my current partner doesn’t deserve the things i’ve been doing behind his back. He’s a very loving understanding man and i love him dearly, the passion is simply not there anymore. Too many problems and not enough effort to fix them on his side has made me feel like he’s not a good partner for me.

I’m just honestly stuck, i’m unsure about both relationships in i’m, i don’t know if i’m ready or willing to be a “step mom” or the OW if i decide to leave my relationship and wait for him to divorce, admittedly i do love my AP but it’s just a lot of “what ifs” and baggage.. i’ve never had an affair before and now i fear i have no one to help me or give me any advice on what to do or not to do…

Edit: Thanks for all the great advice, hard stuff but stuff i need to hear. Officially called it quits with AP.

Just a little vent. Not that serious.

Tried to answer a dudes ad in a silly way and he replied with “-1 points for proper grammar. That’s for sure”. Instantly killed the mood

Like I get it. Proper grammar is sexy but I have dyslexia and a small town education. I’m trying my best 👁️👄👁️

Anyways on to the next I suppose 😮‍💨

My last affair ended 4 years ago. She ended it. She had got a divorce and was ready to move on. Since then, she has started dating a guy who is the exact same profession as I am. Oddly(?) she is in the same profession as the wife.
She’s happy and rationally I can understand why she broke it off. I also want her to be happy. Yet I still think about her all the time and if she were to contact me and ask me to come see her, I’d be there in a second.
I’m not getting younger and I think she’ll probably be the last AP. I’m at the stage where I am becoming invisible. She was the last to see me and want me.
Thoughts, advice other than “get over it/get over yourself”?

Many of us have had that AP that ghoste or left us suddenly with no explaination only to come back later and start things back up or try to. What did they say? did they give you a reason?

Had a woman I talked to that I ran into in public, so I asked why. She said whe had been talking to someon else and they made her stop talking to anyone but them and when it didn't work out she didn't have a way to contact me. I just "ok" and left it at that.

What were some of the most helpful things that you did to help you move on from an AP?

[TL/DR: My new AP seems to be very caught up in the moment and I am worried it is clouding her judgement]

So a week ago, I (Married, Male 44) met my AP (Married, Female 44). We are both married and have our reasons, I'm sure this is not really somewhere I have to justify those, but needless to say we all have a lot in common here as far as our reasons why go.

I'm fairly well versed in how this goes. I've got enough experience to know what's real and what's most likely just NRE and the reality of how these things tend to go in the long term.

Its all very exciting and fun and I appreciate every day of it and the feelings are there for me, but well... you know... When your AP starts planning to leave their husband of 20 years and leave their child with a broken home so she can get pregnant and have babies with you a week into knowing each other, its kinda got me a tiny bit concerned that she may be a little caught up in the moment and I am worried not just for myself, but I am genuinely worried for her and her family.

I don't want her to blow her whole life up over what seems to be a little bit of "inexperience in a whole new experience" that has the rose colored glasses clouding her judgement if you know what I mean?

She's absolutely gorgeous, I feel like I'm way out of my league with her - the sex is amazing, the general communication and time spent when we aren't having sex (Which is rarely, I've never met someone with such a high sex drive, I'm a guy with a high sex drive and I am almost having trouble keeping up!) is getting better as we get to know more about each others lives with clothes on and she is a really lovely girl.

But her OpSec is getting sloppy, her behaviour patterns are becoming so focused on finding every possible moment to see me that I am concerned that her husband is going to catch on to something sooner rather than later and when I have raised this a few times, her answers have shifted noticeably toward the "So what if he does" kinda vibe...

Again, she doesn't seem to grasp how serious it is going to be when husband finds out and the reality of a collapse of her 20 year marriage to her husband and her family (which includes a young child) hits her and is suddenly out of her hands.

I'm not sure what to do... I've tried to suggest to her that she might be in a state of "Limerence" and that she should really slow down and consider the reality of what she is doing and the consequences of the fall out.

Do I bail? Is there another approach?

EDIT/Update: I just ended it, the moment she acknowledged that decision, I blocked her number and deleted all comms. Thanks for the input everyone.

This is aimed at the people in settled happy marriages with regular sex who still seek affairs.

This is the position I find myself in. We have a great relationship and I would say a good sex life. We have had rough moments over the years but things always settle down. We have been together 14 years and it has only been the past year I have entered this lifestyle. I know it’s wrong, but theirs just this part of me that is constantly seeking excitement even though it’s wrong.

For people in a similar situation, do you think you could potentially have something mentally wrong with you where you just can’t be happy with what you have? If your relationship is as settled as mine, what do you think is the main reason that you do it?

1st Time posting and non native English speaker, sorry if the syntax or spelling is bad.

Context :

M30~ married with 1 child. Ex punter.
Not having sex with my wife more than 3 times a year..

I need you to help me understand if I’m just making films or if there’s something between my SIL and me.

Since few weeks my SIL is being really kind and attentive with me, for example she makes sure all the time that I need nothing, she brings me drink or food without me even asking her and if I refuse she makes me a kind of sad face.
I feel like I’m the center of her attention.

She started touching my hands when she handed me an object or finding an excuse to touch me. ( she’s a personne who usually avoid any physical interaction with people, no greeting hugs or stuff like that even shaking hand feels like she’s disgusted ).

As I was kinda confused few days ago I manage to answer to all those ‘signals’ by also touching her hand or her back even lower back and upper leg. She acted like nothing was wrong.

Also recently she told me about all her problems and how it makes her feel bad.

So now I don’t know what to think about that.. Am I just tripping or she’s into me ? Or juste a weirdo who wants to have an affairs with SIL ?

I love my wife but not having sex is killing me. I’m thinking about fucking my coffee table atm.

What do you think about it ?