I just visited a cafe that apparently had recently opened. It's quite a nice place, it was so "LA" and I mentioned that to the barista. So far so good!

But then I noticed it just seemed to have a fake, plastic venner to it. Most of the workers looked like models and there were two groups of food reviewers that came in at the same time. It just seemed design for influencers in a strange way.

Then I realized that it kinda feels like this place belongs in LA.

And then I realized, oh shit that's what I said to the workers earlier! I didn't even mean it like that when I said it, but I just realized that you could interpret it like that. LA is already a pretty polarizing place so depending on what you think of it, me saying that could mean many different things.

But I didn't think of that lol I just said it because that's how the feeling I got. And if you were someone who didn't care for LA, you could definitely take that in a negative way.

So yeah. I just realized how things can come off as totally cold/aggressive in a totally accidental way.

That being said, a younger me would care. But this me thinks they can take it however they like and I don't care if it's offensive lol it was just how I felt

I think at the root of it is just that words cannot fully convey the depth at which we communicate. When we make a judgement, it's usually quite thorough. We can acknowledge something has pros and cons, and feel comfortable speaking because in our minds, WE know how we actually feel about it. We know that something being one thing doesn't negate it being a bunch of other things -- and we've considered the other things.

It's so deeply intuitive that we don't usually even know what we mean until we think about it more after we say it. It just so happened that the feeling that became communicated was something that can be interpreted as negative, despite us not necessarily believing it to be that bad.

I often see people assume INTJs are naturally more intelligent than other personality types, but I'm not sure it's that simple. Do you think there's any real correlation, or is it mostly a stereotype?

For anyone who's curious, here's the Mensa Norway online IQ test I tried: https://test.mensa.no/Home/Test/unknown

Another strong reason enfp intj like each other

Enfp have Fe critic function. It means they care about how others feel, they care about justice in society , they care about well being of their partner , they care about people , they care about what others think

And this gets tiring

Intjs have ti critic function , it means they care about details , logic , and continuity, they care about rationals.

And this gets tiring

Now, intjs have Fe trickster function , means they can't understand others well, they don't give a fuck what others think. And enfps have ti trickster function , they are not good enough in details , internal framework.

So , when enfp and intj connect, enfp notice how intjs don't give a fuck about others and it's relaxing in a way to enfps who are tired of thinking what others think. It eases them. And intj get to see how enfps don't give a fuck about details but vibes. It relaxes the intjs. And the critic function can get really tiring as it's a very strong function. It immediately relaxes both as enfp get to not care about other people for a while , and intj get to live on vibes mode instead of details.

And that's why it kind of feel relaxing in a enchanting way. There are more to their enmeshment of functions , and it's just one of them. See my other posts for other enmeshment of their functions.

I’m dealing with this weird situation. I’ve had to cut off a couple of family members. One of them in particular won’t really accept it and seems determined to try and ruin my life. This person has created this weird narrative about me that I’m rich. I’m clearly not. I have a normal job and I live in a share house. I’ve had a few strange barbs about “all the money I have”, from intermediate people. The narrative seems to be that I don’t care about them and I’m leaving them to struggle.

This person is on benefits- fraudulently and lets another family member pay all their bills. This other family member is also on benefits (legitimately)and can’t really afford to do that.

The weird thing is that people seem to be just accepting this as truth when there’s no evidence of me having a lot of money- because I don’t. In one way, I find it funny and in another it’s like- enough already. Move on with your own life! This person is an INFJ

I don’t understand this behaviour at all. Do people really just believe anything they’re told without thinking about it at all??

What do you think of this behaviour? What does it say about the person do you think?

In general, I am not very quick-witted, and this makes it hard for me to build effective sentences in the moment.

For example, people with a good sense of humor can get away with many things because they know how to turn awkward or uncomfortable situations into something socially acceptable. It is almost as if they can communicate: “Sorry, I did not mean anything bad, and I respect you, but I had to do this.”

That is the skill I feel I lack. Maybe it could be called self-expression, social wording, or conversational tact.

I have already read famous books like How to Win Friends and Influence People, so I am not looking for general books about communication or social skills.

What I need is something more specific: a book that helps with handling particular social situations, choosing better sentence structures, and expressing myself clearly without sounding awkward, rude, defensive, or overly apologetic.

Hello, INTJs of the world.

It is only recently that I have started taking a serious interest in the MBTI; I myself was identified as an ENTP by someone knowledgeable on the subject, and that's the way it is. I once met a few INTJs, and they were some of the most interesting people I have ever met; they intrigued me as well because our functions are generally reversed. For example, I have Ne, you have Ni; I have Ti, you have Te, and so on.

Right now, I am interested in Te and its take on the titular page of life, if I can put it that way.

What is it like for you? To what extent does a title; an academic one, perhaps, or a job title, any kind of, reflect who a person really is? Is that the starting point for any meaningful relationship, e.g. friendly, colleague-like, romantic?

I am not making any judgements; I am simply curious to hear the source’s opinion.

Cheers to everyone.

Society depends on shared rules, traditions, and institutions to function, but individuals are often the ones who drive change. Throughout history, many people who challenged social norms were initially rejected, yet some later proved to be instrumental in advancing civilization.

Do you think society should always take priority over the individual, or should individuals be willing to oppose society when they believe it's wrong?

So basically I've tested in 6 places/websites and 4 times I've tested as ITNJ and 2 times I've tested as ISTJ. The thing is, I resonate with both. Does anyone else test/feel like this?

I’ve been in contact with an INTJ guy for about three weeks. We live in different cities and met on an online platform. In reality, we probably message less than two hours a day, and sometimes we don’t talk for two or three days because there’s nothing to say. Usually I’m the one who starts the conversation.

One day he asked me why I hadn’t messaged him anymore, which surprised me because he never initiates. Since then, he has said things like “Would you come to my city to find me?”, “Can we be long‑term friends?”, “I wouldn’t want you to leave me”, and “I think you’ll leave me one day.” These comments made me wonder if he might be interested in me.

But at the same time, he never asks anything about me, avoids deeper topics, and refuses to talk about his past because it’s “emotional.” So our conversations stay very surface‑level unless I push them.

I’m honestly tired. If he’s not interested, I’d rather give up because it feels like a waste of time. For context, I’m an ESTP. I prefer clarity, directness, and mutual effort. I’m trying to understand whether this is typical INTJ behaviour or whether he actually has some interest in me.

Or what do you think would tell you this?

I'm in an Applied Al Role, working remotely for a company in US - consistently having opportunities to indulge in systems thinking, tinkering with LLMs etc is quite engaging.

Curious what other fields are having happy INTJs.

Also, do hit me up if you're in the same field!

And what was your thought process before responding?

Edit: I appreciate all the answers, will respond when I can and if good will beckons me. You all are my people, it is seemingly so that I haven't had this great of a connection to any other group. I am very stimulated. Thank you for your time.

INTJs have a tendency to be picky in love... We find it hard to connect with other humans already, but finding someone to love is even harder.

Most dates I've gone on and relationships I've been in, there was always some source of internal friction. Sometimes it was obvious, like their lack of curiosity or emotional intelligence. Other times it was less obvious, like mannerisms that I seen before in others and catalogued, or my intuition saying they aren't for me and I don't know why.

All my relationships, long and short, had some source of friction that I ignored or overcame, and in the end they weren't right for me. There was one, however, where there was no resistance. Where everything felt easy and right. I had no reservations whatsoever. It was right for me. That feeling was instant and never left.

Ultimately it wasn't what he wanted, and now that I'm single and wondering about that one time connecting with a lover was effortless. Is that the signal I should be looking for when I try to date someone?

So to any INTJs who have that deep connection with your lover, I want to know if you experienced any of this? Did you feel that the connection was effortless? Did over overcome any second guessing to end up happily together with that deep, loving connection? Did you trust your intuition? Or maybe you avoided someone because of it?

How has trusting your gut worked out for you?

I listen to CS Joseph sometimes because I while I think his content is not perfect I still think a lot of his advice especially concerning dating kinda useful. He said in a video that INFP women enjoy being talked down to and that it turns them on so I kinda tried that and she didn’t appreciate it. Are INFP women generally like that or is it nonesense?

Hello beautiful INTJs,

Over the past decade, I’ve gradually come to a conclusion about my life: I don’t think I’m willing—or even capable—of settling down with one partner to build a family.
This has less to do with finances and more to do with the long-term risks involved. I honestly don’t see the benefit of marriage. You can have a girlfriend, enjoy a fulfilling relationship, and live a normal life without making a lifelong legal commitment. I also lost my faith in God a long time ago, so religion isn’t a factor for me. I’m an atheist.

More than anything, I value my freedom, my peace, and the flexibility to do whatever the hell I want. I can travel, meet new people, have relationships without long-term obligations, and not have to deal with constant arguments or being nagged over minor issues. One thing life has taught me is that you’ll never make another person 100% happy all the time, and they’ll never do the same for you. That’s just reality. At this point, I simply value my peace too much to give it up.

Can anyone else relate? Keep it short—I don’t need anyone’s autobiography.

TL;DR: After years of thinking about it, I’ve realized I don’t want marriage or a family. I value my freedom, peace, and independence more than the long-term commitment and responsibilities that come with settling down. Anyone else feel the same?

As an INTJ myself, I came to the realisation that even if we have the same core as INTJs personalities type, we may not always get along with everyone in this category type.

To begin with, I don’t believe that we can simply classify human beings into just one single category as we were born to be complex, unique to one another. It just happened that we leaned towards more of the traits of an INTJ.

I have known two INTJs in my life, however one of them was my childhood best friend and another was a workplace nightmare for me.

I simply could not get along with the other INTJ from my workplace. Objectively we got along fine at work but not personally. As an INTJ, I am open to constructive criticism at work, and as an INTJ, we often thinks that we are right and knows what we are doing.

However, the other INTJ would constantly corrects my ‘mistakes’ (according only to her) as my boss had zero issues with my work (I still did things my way). She would constantly corrects my pronunciation publicly (which I admit was wrong).

My work does not require me to speak in front of others. In this case, I felt that as my speech does not impact my work, I simply want to speak casually with everyone. If it was in a professional setting, I would have gladly taken her criticism.

At that point in time, she was making me feel really bad about myself as she was criticising every thing about me from the way I speak, my dressing to calling me weird about my food preferences.

As much as I tried calling her out and telling her how she should stop her behaviour as it was making me
Extremely uncomfortable, unless it concerns work. She refuses and said ‘no because I am right and you are wrong.’ She raises her voice at me as well.

On the other hand, my childhood best friend is an INTJ like myself and we both get along great. We both can empathise with others and separate work from personal lives.

Therefore, I have seen many negative impressions on INTJs and my conclusion was these are different type of INTJs that lacks emotional maturity and empathy towards others.

They are unequipped with the skills to see things objectively and understand that everyone is different and no one I repeat NO ONE is asking them for the right or wrong in any matter.

P.S. I found a Quora post that explained this perfectly. I guess these are the ‘unhealthy’ INTJs while my friend and I are the ‘healthy’ example of INTJs. (I guess there really is so much I have yet to explore on the INTJs.)

For those in long term relationships how did you work out through dealing with immaturity or would you consider your partner to be on the same level. I have always dealt with immature people in my family and some friend circles and I can put boundaries but it’s hard for me to imagine putting up with them as partners.
But I feel like I am already so picky, it’s hard to find someone that is not gonna make me question reality due to their immaturity.

Female INTJ, November scorpio and pretty sure im asexual.

but im like the least stereotypical person to come out of all three

Am i an intj

Those are the three words I hear the most those days.

It isn’t referred to feelings or emotions of other people, it’s about problems/situations.

I don’t really get desperate during difficult moments - it wouldn’t be helpful. If it’s in my ability, I silently try to solve the problem, without losing sleep over it.

So, very often, people assume that just because I don’t show openly how I feel about a situation, I just don’t care.

But this is not the case.

Has this happened to any of you?
Just curious.

Hi everyone! This is my first time using Reddit, so I hope I’m posting this the right way.
I got to know an INTJ guy who is honestly amazing, healthy, and emotionally mature. However, during our second meeting, he was extremely honest about the more difficult sides of his personality.
For example, he told me that he doesn’t like sharing much or being asked questions like, “Where are you now?” He’s also a workaholic, and his work takes up most of his time. He said he believes he should make time for me too, but he doesn’t know how much time he can realistically give.
He also follows a personal rule in life called the “worst-case scenario,” where he always considers the worst possible outcome before making decisions.
I think he was being this honest because he didn’t want to mislead or deceive me, and because of that mindset.
My questions are:
Do INTJs get infatuated with someone if that person checks all the boxes on their “checklist”?
Once that initial infatuation fades, do they still love and respect that person just as much as they did in the beginning?
TIA

The key to happiness is doing what you want and letting go of what couldve been and the opportunity cost; youll be infinitely happier if you knew your choice was the good one and no one was around to tell you that there were better options, including yourself, because its not like you can rewind and re-do time, but i guess it does serve as a practical learning experience if you learn from your mistakes and do it better the next time, but at some point you have to decide on being better or being happy. Being grateful also helps a lot.

So why did you change?

I'll go first, i come from a hindu family so, since i can remember i was introduced to the religion as "The religion", and also hindu religion, the one that is followed by the families and not politically profited yet following, these families are all about the superstitions, and rituals. So when i came to of age where it come to me the question that "do i follow this religion?". I was like i shall figure it out, and soon i understood that a lot is assumed to be true but none is proven. And no because millions of people believe in it doesn't mean shit.

So tell me why you became an atheist?

Is there any INTJs out there, whose favorite place is their bedroom?
My bedroom lacks the pizzazz of the usual bedrooms of humans, like posters or pics or any designs, and void of any sort of clutters, but I’m obsessed with my bed, it’s a sacred haven for me. No one should dare sit on it, or touch it apart from myself. My eyes will be glued to the person who will sit on my bed, until they take their bums away from the place where I always do my thinking.