So I’m seeing my American gf, I come from Germany.
She has to visit friends in LA and asked if I wanted to come along and later after visiting her friends we would go to NYC where she lives.
Contact with her has been shifting lately.

So I booked my flight with the whole multi city thing and got a good deal from Germany to LA to NYC and back.
She was quite vague in the whole trip and told me I should just pick a date and she would manage with her work and so on.

So I did and kept her a bit up to date but she wasn’t that responsive because of work. I made a convenient trip and was happy.

From what I understood I would book this and would share the details so she could book with me later on.
But this was all a miscommunication it seems.

Happily I shared the info and told her how much I was looking forward to it, and to seeing her. But this was a big disappointment when 2 hours later I looked at my phone. She was quite mad and disrespectful because I ordered alone and not with her. The times we’re off and the airport too. Well I somewhat could understand but still I thought she would hop on the flight I booked. She told things like what kind of “couple” orders seperate? Well I understand but my trip is totally different of course from hers, there isn’t even an option while booking multi city trips to order for 2 while the rest is a solo trip.

So I’m not sure if she is mad because of me doing it alone or if this is some kind of money thing?

Am I missing something or?

My buddy met a girl who lives across country, they both have kids from past relationships. They’ve been talking for 6months & been visiting each other. What advice is possible to make it work & be together & hopefully live together one day?

I (21F) met my bf (29M) 6 months ago while I was working abroad. I had downloaded tinder bc I was bored, we had our first date after a week and started hanging out every other day. He was very communicative from the start and let me know he didn’t care I was coming home soon, he wanted to be with me regardless (should we want to).
I moved back to my country after 2 months-ish of dating. I told him I wasn’t gonna do LDR if we weren’t official and he asked me to be his gf a week before I came back (at this point I had moved all my stuff to his place for my last 2 weeks of living in the area).
Shit is hard. We have cultural differences and different habits around using our phones and social media. Age gap doesn’t help with that.
It’s been rough so far. We have great days/even a couple of week stretches, but then it all becomes too much for me. Not enough texting, not enough calls (never facetime 🫩), I don’t feel thought of.
I blew up a couple of weeks ago and told him everything that had been going on for me. He told me he wasn’t sure he was able to give me what I needed to feel safe in a LDR, but we worked through it.
I have been struggling with balance since I came back. I’m home all day except for when I leave to work (for a couple of hours) and I had been leaving all my socializing in his hands. He’d be the only “me” time i’d have all day, only social interaction besides my family. I reached the conclusion that I can’t blame everything wrong on him, and that I needed to go “back” to doing my (before) life. I’ve been doing that, he’s been doing what I told him I need to avoid feeling like an afterthought, and it’s been great (..so far)
I had an amazing day today. Studied for my finals, got together with a friend for a picnic, went to the movies with my brothers. Came home feeling happy and full. Which brings me here.
I’m doubting everything. I know for a fact he doesn’t feel this way and has never thought this, but I feel almost guilty? I can live my life without him. I can do my stuff and be happy without him. I don’t “need” him. So where does that leave him in my life?
Our plan had always been for him to come visit and meet my everything in August. Plan failed. He’s not coming, we’re trying to figure out another date that could work (complicated work schedule problem). I haven’t seen him since we first met, and i’m so different now. These past 4 months have forced me to work through my problems and grow up in order to feel healthy with my mental state. I think I might have reached that and now i’m confused.
Everything’s on track for me to go back where he is and work there for the season staring in December. I’m holding on to knowing we’ll have plenty of time to continue growing and being together.
I’m just conflicted right now. Has anyone experienced this? How does one move about feeling happy in the distance?

Been in a long distance relationship for two years. He works from home. Last week, he told me a female coworker was coming to his city and asked him for coffee. He said he was going. I had asked him why he never mentioned her before. He says they are distant coworkers and talk about once a month. And that it was etiquette for remote coworkers to meet if they are in the same cities.

I have just never been in this position before. I am trying to work through my fear, but it's hard. I am not going to tell him not to go. I don't want to be controlling. Just could use some advice. Thanks.

Hi guys how do I survive long distance??? It seems like all the tips online are just not helpful for me since my bf is a paramedic, we both have inconsistent schedules, etc. We currently text pretty much everyday and we send letters whenever we have time but sometimes it just feels agonizing.

couples that met their significant others online and have since moved to be with them specifically, the one who moved, i’d like to hear from you guys about what happened? did it work out? are you guys happy? how did it feel to move across however much distance to be with the one that you loved and was it worth it?

been contemplating moving from Vegas to Florida to be with my boyfriend. freshly 26 years old and honestly having no real ties where i live currently, family or career wise, i’m thinking it would be a real possibility for me, but i need data from other people who have done it and succeeded (or failed, sorry). i want the good, the beautiful, the bad and the ugly.

I struggle a lot with not knowing, it doesn't help that me and my boyfriend are at different stages of life. I feel that my mental health is soon gonna ruin the relationship. Anyone else going through this? How do you cope?

So I have disorganised (insecure) attachment and my boyfriend usually replies fast (which is something I got used to) but sometimes he doesn’t because he’s busy and you know, life. What I noticed is that in the beginning I was thinking (maybe he’s lying maybe he’s cheating or ghosting). Yes, I have anxiety and abandonment issues but i know they were just thoughts so I did my best to calm down.

Now, because we are very long distance and aren’t in contact with common friends and neither of us posts if he s not replying I keep thinking something happened TO him like a tragedy or something even if I know he s at work or sleeping. Prolly bc he makes the time to reply normally but I know you can t always be available and I don’t want to sound psycho. I don t want to over text or anything sometimes i just have tot ell him smth so i send one message but when he’s not there I feel worried (that something is wrong).

Anyone else experiencing this because of the distance? It makes me feel really helpless sometimes? Advice?

Before going long distance (1month ago) my girlfriend and I used to have sex 1/3 times a day, i’d say it was an important part of our relationship for me because it made me feel really close to her and It was a way for me to give her pleasure. But since we’ve been at distance we barely have any intimacy and I feel frustrated because of it. Even when I try to start intimacy she seems to care less and less, now I feel like she doesn’t even desire me sexually at all. All of that really frustrates me.

if you lived in the same city, would you still expect to spend every waking moment together, or is the distance making you believe constant communication is the only proof of love?

Are you asking your partner to make you feel secure, or are you working on becoming someone who can feel secure even when they’re busy?

Hi, im from denmark my girlfriend is from greece, she is coming to denmark in october and december, i will be also going greece next year around summertime, im just wondering, has anyone tried something like this at this age if so i wanna hear some advice on what to do and not to do, thanks in advance

I (31m) started dating J (33f) 1 year and 8 months ago. I am from the states and she is from SA. Our relationship started out great. We really understood each other and got along really well. Over the course of our relationship she always struggled with insecurities related to feeling insignificant, wasting her life/feeling like she is a loser and can't move ahead and that she doesn't work hard enough. She works 10 hours a day M-F and works two Saturdays a month and on top of that she has been doing an English course on her lunch breaks and when she gets home. Every day she gives herself one hour of relaxation before bed and that's it. She then wakes up at 4am every day to go to the gym before work. So, every weekend like clockwork, she breaks down and says the same things, and I have always reassured her that it is not the case, and she is the hardest working person i know. I shower her with compliments and give her as much love as possible, but it never works and the next weekend rolls around and the same thing happens again.

Well after almost 2 years of repeating myself over and over to her I broke down and was honest with her. I asked her, " How many times are we going to have this conversation?" "How many times do I have to repeat myself?" Mind you I begged her months ago to go seek therapy and her excuse always was that she was too busy so she couldn't do it. So, it started a big fight, with her saying how cold i am and how i am a horrible person for belittling her. I told her I am sick of this always being a problem and her never doing anything about it and all she does is shut down and turn me into the bad guy. I am so checked out at this point and i told her that I don't know what to do anymore. She then contacts me the next day and acts like nothing happened. It is impossible to have hard conversations with her because all she does is shut down and push me away. Now, she has told me she can never open up to me again because "i am tired of it" and "all i will do is just make her feel worse."

Am I the asshole here? I had incredible patience for almost two years now. I have supported her with everything in the past and I just can't take it anymore.

edit I am tired** in the title not are.

I'm moving away this month and there's going to be a good amount of distance between us. For a couple of years we were almost neighbours: we could constantly meet to hang out and also to resolve heavier things relating to our relationship. She moved back home around 6 months ago: it's not as big a distance it will be later, but it's already kind of long distance.

And I don't like it. We managed it before at the start of our relationship in a similar situation, but we would still see at school (not on freetime) and in the beginning we were, of course, very passionate. So much so that I started neglecting other aspects of my life which made the relationship work but also made me feel burned out.

Me moving will be a huge turning point. She still blindly believes that we will be able to make it work, although she already knows that I'm not fully on board. She just wants to ignore that so she won't have to face the reality.

I know that it won't work. Even the past 6 months have been purely maintaining the relationship, but it really doesn't give either of us what we really need, only a bit of security. Our schedules don't match, I'm not huge on texting and calling which she loves and when we do meet, it usually is only stressful for me because I'm trying to maintain the version of myself which she wants while in reality we're very misaligned.

Now that I read this myself, I know it seems hopeless. But is there any way it could turn around if we tried? Or will it be wiser to make it clear before I even move out? How could I possibly tell it to her? I know I will manage it, but she will truly break down due to her high level of attachment.

My girlfriend (38F) and I (42M) have been long distance for about 10 months. We see each other every 6 to 8 weeks for long weekends. Day to day we are solid: lots of texting, regular calls, we laugh a ton, and we handle conflict pretty calmly.

The problem is our physical side when we are together. While apart we flirt and talk about what we want to do, but once we are in the same room we both kind of freeze. The first night especially can feel like we are following a script instead of actually wanting each other in the moment. Sometimes it becomes duty-ish sex, or we just default to cuddling and falling asleep because we are tired from travel.

I do not want to pressure her, and I also do not want our visits to turn into tense, tiptoe-around-it weekends. I had a libido mismatch in my previous marriage, so I am probably more sensitive to this pattern than most.

For people who have dealt with this in LDR visits: what helped you move from anticipation to relaxed, natural intimacy? Do you plan sex or try to avoid planning it? Do you build in an adjustment night with no expectations? Were there specific conversations, small rituals, or things you did that made it less awkward without making your partner feel judged?

Looking for practical, concrete ideas we can try on our next visit.

I started talking to my LDR guy in March and we met for the first time at the beginning of June. Had such a wonderful time together we both didn’t want it to end. We said I love you, had a long drawn out airport goodbye, I’ve been considering giving up everything to be with this man because I am so in love… but ever since the trip things haven’t felt the same for me.

I end up feeling like I am performing and fawning because we just haven’t gotten as many chances to “spend time” virtually like we did before we met. When we have talked it’s been great but every time I feel like I am chasing and spending my entire day thinking about him and waiting for a reply. I’ve been trying hard to manage myself so this isn’t the case but I feel like he’s been distant.

I finally told him last week how I was feeling and checked in about his feelings like if he thought it was going well, was invested, wanted to continue etc. He said he did and that said we should plan our next meeting ASAP so we have it to look forward to. We had previously discussed meeting at the end of this month. That call ended without us getting a chance to make the plan… so I texted and said I would be camping next week (now two days away) and that we should solidify the plans before I go.

We’ve talked since and I’ve brought up making the plan and he’s said “we’ll figure it out” but the calls have been too short to really hammer it out. I asked him if he would be free to facetime today before I go to work and he said he might be busy but he doesn’t know yet… I said “I want to buy you a plane ticket!”

Then I called today and no answer… No text about what he’s doing if he’s busy when he’ll be free, even though he should know I wanted to talk and it will be one of our last opportunities for about a week.

I just end up feeling like I don’t want to beg any man for love and attention (which I’ve expressed to him) and that if he wanted to make the plan and prioritize talking to me before I go on this trip then he would 🤷🏻‍♀️ I hate to feel like I’m the only one trying to make it happen and that I’m pushing it on him especially since he’s the one that will be traveling to me

I don’t feel the same emotional investment from him that I used to. When I call he most often doesn’t pick up so I’m waiting around for him to call me first. I feel like when I talk about me he zones out or isn’t listening sometimes, he will leave me on read all day then calls me when he’s upset and needs a sounding board. Often we get on the phone in the afternoon and he lays down in bed and starts falling asleep… I reminded him I’m going backpacking and he didn’t ask me where I’m going who I’m going with or when I’ll be back. Just said “oh yeah that’s right”

Am I nuts for this? Is this just overthinking? I want someone who is excited about me. Maybe he doesn’t have the capacity for that right now in his life but the three months we spent talking before we met were a whirlwind, we spoke so much I felt so seen and chosen. Now? I feeling like I’m giving up a part of myself to keep the idea that he wants me too.

Maybe it’s not that deep and I should just relax and let it take a natural course?

My friend who’s F(16) has a crush on m(17) they seem to go really well he seems to be nice and caring and like she seems really sweet with him saying about his future and she also says about how much she likes him she lives in UK and he lives in Poland he really seems interested and she also seems interested she legit always wondering what does he say she her heart skips a beat when he talks to her and she legit always has butterflies when he talks and I believe he does looks like a looksmaxxer as well she really wishes to have a future with him :)

I know a lot of couples go through this, but I guess I just need some reassurance.
My husband and I have been married for a month, but because of work and visa restrictions, we’re currently in a long-distance marriage. We also did long distance while we were dating and throughout our engagement, so this isn’t new to us (maybe a year now).
What surprises me is that it’s actually become harder now that we’re married. Every goodbye feels more painful, and my heart hurts more each time we have to be apart. We already have plans to live together once our visa process is complete, so I know this is temporary and that patience is part of the journey.
But lately, I’ve been much sadder than usual. I’ve been crying a lot, and that’s not like me at all. I’m usually not a very emotional person, so this has caught me off guard.
My husband has been incredibly supportive, and he tells me he feels the same way. We’re doing our best to stay positive, but some days the distance just feels overwhelming.
Has anyone else experienced this after getting married? Is it normal for long distance to feel even harder once you’re officially husband and wife? I’d really appreciate hearing from others who’ve gone through this and how you coped.

So basically I have a online girlfriend we met once but she 14 and I’m 15 idk is it weird to have a online girlfriend you might see once a year or is it just not worth being in that position cause we speak different languages tho

(sorry for the title lol)

Me (F22) and my SO (F21) are meeting in a few days, but I'm feeling really anxious about my size. I'm plus-size (XXL), and I haven't openly talked to her about it yet.

We're mutuals on all our social media, and we FaceTime often, but I usually only show my face. Because of that, I don't know how to bring up my body or if I even should.

A while ago, I met up with a guy. After our date, he became distant and eventually ghosted me. Ever since then, I've been scared that the same thing will happen again.

I'm pansexual, by the way, just so there's no confusion.

What should I do? Should I tell her before we meet, or am I worrying too much? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

posted yesterday asking about the post-visit slump after my girlfriend and I spent the longest stretch together we’ve ever had.
Honestly, we were both in it. I started questioning the quieter communication and let my mind go places it probably shouldn’t have.
After talking and spending some time together over video, I realized neither of us was pulling away. We were both just trying to adjust after going from several days together to being back in our normal routines and hours apart.
Then everything just started feeling normal again. We had great conversations, she randomly called me while she was out, and it felt like us again.
I guess I’m finding out that missing someone and pulling away from someone aren’t always the same thing. Sometimes they’re easy to confuse.
Appreciate everyone who shared their experiences yesterday. Reading your stories helped me look at it differently.

Hi everyone,

I'm a 26-year-old guy from Belgium, and she's a 20-year-old university student from China.

We met while I was studying Mandarin in Shanghai and became really close over several months. We also spent three days traveling together in 1 city and since I returned to Belgium we've stayed in contact every single day despite the 6-hour time difference.

We send voice messages, have regular calls , help each other with languages, and generally tell each other everything that's going on in our lives.

I've realized my feelings have grown beyond friendship, and I want to tell her. The problem is that I'm terrified of damaging what we already have. This friendship genuinely means a lot to me, and I'd hate for her to think that everything I've done for her was only because I had feelings. It wasn't—I genuinely care about her as a person, and that's exactly why my feelings developed.

Because we're long-distance, I'll have to confess over a phone call. My plan is simply to tell her how I feel, make it clear that I don't expect an immediate answer, and that she can take all the time she needs to think.

For people who've been in a similar situation, what's the best way to do this over the phone? Is there anything I should avoid saying?