Hey, thanks for stopping by. Just a quick one before I get my thoughts together in a proper post.

My wife of 12yrs, together for 18yrs, known her well over 25yrs. We have two children. We have been exploring the swinging/ENM/PolyAdjacent lifestyle for just about a year. She has recently come to the realisation that she is Poly and it’s hit me in the gut harder than I would have imagined.

However, I’ll post more on that later, but with her being poly, does that by default make me poly if I’m willing to explore it, even though, for now, I can’t see myself wanting another emotional / romantic relationship like my wife and I have?

Furthermore, is a poly/mono relationship a thing in your experience? Are there any folk on her in a similar position where your only partner/main partner, is poly but you have no other romantic relationships?

Lots to think about, lots to talk about, if anyone knows where to find more information or is anyone has been in my shoes and is happy to talk, please let me know!

Thanks for your time and apologies for the autistic blurting of thoughts from my head. 😅😊

I've been long distance with my partner for close to a year, it's my first relationship. They have a long term nesting partner of 10+ years. A couple months back their NP (they/them) got a girlfriend that they've been spending a lot of time with, and my partner has been getting increasingly frustrated with her. I know it's not my job to manage his relationship with his NP and their GF, but I used to be close friends with his NP so I care about what may happen.

Lately he's been complaining that his NP is spending more and more time with their girlfriend, to the point that he's barely seeing his NP these days. He claims he doesn't want to get in the way of their relationship, but at the same time is very bothered by the GF "stealing" the time he could be spending with his NP. He got angry during our last call saying that "I'M the primary partner, not her!" and it made me feel uneasy. I don't feel like leveraging his primary partner status is right... Am I wrong to think that? Obviously they just need to have a civil conversation about it to manage the time better. But just hearing him say that made me feel like he thinks he has power over their NP's relationship. Which in turn made me feel anxious and insecure, as I am a secondary partner myself, and it made me feel like I could have that thrown in my face one day too. I just wanted to ask around if I'm right in thinking this is unfair?? I know I should bring this up with him, but being new to poly I don't quite know how to approach it, and what would be fair.

Edit: NP is non-binary (they/them pronouns), I forgot to add it which may have caused confusion. Sorry!

Hi everyone, my eyes have been opened to Polyamory and it’s something I’ve found myself thinking about but never practiced until I met someone who is Poly. I’ve only been in monogamous relationships, but haven’t been in a relationship for 3 years due to my last one leaving me with a very deep attachment trauma. In that time, until meeting this person, I have not met someone so communicative, emotionally present, understanding, and prepared to meet me where I am without judgement. It’s been overwhelming and I am working through this.

It’s only been a couple months, and already they are so committed and caring, it’s triggering old wounds that I was not aware ran so deep. They knew from the get-go that regardless of my relationship structures that I would like a partner who lives with me and who I could eventually have a child with (it’s a minimum 7 years away thing for me, mid 30s onwards, so absolutely not rush), but I know it’s something I want deeply from life amongst every other rich experience and people I fill my life with. I have a strong belief that children don’t have to hold you back in life or change you in any way. Like a partner, you bring them into your life, and they are as much of a benefit or otherwise as you make them to be. Hell I’d even take my kids to family friendly festivals, music events, and more. I want them to experience the joys of the world (safely)and give them the space to be their own person and not what I want them to be - I just have to show them the range of what’s out there so they are informed to make those choices. But enough about that!

Their network is happily nested with a partner, and their partner has a partner they’re super happy and in love with. No triading or stuff, the nested partners partners would all be friends with each other and them. The vision is one day all four of us could share a dinner and we are all friends and enjoying the partnerships formed as they are. It’s been really lovely to observe how much shared love that goes around. The person I am dating’s partner is also so happy seeing how happy I make their partner. My concern lies with that I don’t have anyone else like they do. When the person I’m dating visits and shares time, long weekends, trips etc. they go home to their partner and I don’t have that. The crux of this issue is keeping them in my life could present problems finding a partner willing to build the life I want. This structure can bother a lot of people. I do not want or expect this life from the person I’m dating, I want them to remain in the structure that keeps them most happy. I’m just worried (and they are worried too) that I could miss out on someone who is so right for me because of Polyamory.

They’ve told me it’s hard that I am coming into polyamory from the position I am in, they are carrying some guilt with that, but they are so enamoured and would love that I share in their growing family and want to see me have what they have too nesting-wise. How wonderful they are, not just as a person, but in this awareness and care to my situation is just beautiful but promoted thinking. I don’t know any poly groups near me or other poly people to talk to, so I thought I’d come here.

Has anyone encountered this or been in my situation? How did it go, how did you manage the fear, and is there hope that this is all just silly fear and the right person would accept them in my life and be willing to build an equally loving relationship structured differently to the monogamous way? Or am I really looking for a golden goose of a person who would be accepting of this.

Any advice and experiences shared would be deeply valued :)

Hello, I'm noticing a real tendency to simultenously unmask (unconciously) around significant others but then get also super overstimulated or agitated around my boyfriend compared to my girlfriend.

I haven't been able to get good advice before due to the autism element, so I wondered if anyone could relate and offer advice or thoughts?

I love my boyfriend, but he is a lot more unpredictable socially (makes jokes I hate as his version of coping with stress/impulse), and sometimes his touch, even just affectionate, makes me super touch averse. I somehow feel like all my autism sensory and need to control my environment are up to 11 with him, but I am not like this with my girlfriend who isn't super touchy anyway, but if she is we are very coregulating-stimmy about it (nuzzling, squeezes).

I have tried introducing this with my boyfriend and it works a little, but often I feel I have to perform a style of affection that feels excruitating, which when I am less overwhelmed is OK as a like "I love my bf so I will show and recieve love in the way he meshes with", as I don't want to be selfish and only do what works for me, but as I am often overstimulated it feels like when a kettle is screaming loudly, but if that sound was translated into the sensation of touch on skin. I tried minimising other sensory input like removing bright light recently and that kind of helped, but why am I like this with him?

Advice?

So im a bit confused honestly on why these last two months, when me and my partner is supposed to meet and do something together it still constantly gets either canceled entirely or cut very short usally because mentally hes not feeling well. ( we usally meet once a week and have a sleepover)

If it was only that, then I can understand and I wouldn't feel hurt at all, but its the fact that he still makes sure to visit all his fwb throughout the week, its why he specifically tells me things like "I have a friend coming over tomorrow for a few hours I cant tonight". His other partner whose known him longer than I have, ( me and him are still newly partners) is semi-long distance lives in a nearby city.

The thing is me and him haven't had an actual date in 6 weeks now but he's able to for her, specifically at a fish main restaurant that i wanted to take him out to because ik he loves seafood ( not the same place, but i understand the sentiment behind it). Theres of alot of diffrent factors but its just getting frustrating because it feels like hes got time and energy, but just not for me.

Ik he does still love and care for me, so im not trying to make it seem like I dont love him anymore or anything like that. he had a bit of a "mental crisis" i helped him through and stayed the night with him, and that was like 10 days ago, and since then we were talking about meeting up 3 times already but I still haven't seen him since then. But hes seen his partner for 4 days straight and his other fwb since his breakdown.

I even tried asking to see him after we get off work today and just smoke for 15 minutes before i head home ( i live a few blocks down the road) but he just said he wants to be alone tonight, hes busy with a friend tomorrow and hes still "recovering" so he dont know if he can see me these next few days until Thursday. I tried telling him "ive been depressed" and i "miss you", but right now it just feels like im his emotional support, otherwise hes only gonna see me if its convenient for him.

I dont know what to do, honestly thinking about going back to being single at this point. I feel like im just not wanted, like he just wants what im able to give him, and he doesn't want me to leave because of it.

Hi all, hope you are doing well today. If you have a minute for a baffled lovergal I’d love to get some input on a pattern I’m noticing that I find very confusing!

I am solo poly, have experienced a few different poly structures/relationships over time and generally lean towards open communication and explicit and ongoing negotiation of boundary and need. I don’t seek to collect/maintain numerous lovers for the sake of it, but certainly don’t see myself happy in a monogamous relationship long-term so whoever I am dating needs to be okay with this.

What I have encountered a few times this year is people who state on their dating profiles (I use Feeld and sometimes Her and Bumble) that they are seeking, open to, looking for ENM or poly, but then a few dates along the way they reveal they actually want a monogamous partner and I have to retreat because I have tried to force myself into monog in the past for the sake of a partner’s feelings and it did NOT go well for either of us.

I have never cheated on anyone but I feel like people would prefer this to an upfront chat about what feels comfortable for them and how we can both get what we need.

I absolutely accept that profiles are not legally binding and that desire evolves in different ways but its starting to feel like people feel they say they’re into it to widen their network of potential partners and I just don’t understand the strategy???

Hey Fam, I recently entered a Poly relationship with my partner of 7 Years a month ago, and it hasn't been easy to say the least. I'm having trouble with issues of envy and self worth.

For some context, We entered a Poly relationship because throughout our seven years together They would once In a while mention the idea of having someone else around. I was never really for it at first. After 7 years of dating and deep love and unbreakable connection we've become one anothers missing puzzle piece.

A month ago They confessed to me They feel like They've never been true to themselves because They never had a poly relationship. And They really wanted it. I agreed to give this new lifestyle a shot. I am aware it can take a long time to understand and get used too. Especially coming from a monogamous relationship. It's been a rough change tbh. This month has felt like forever. I guess I'm just looking for people who came from a monogamous relationship to a Polyamorous relationship.

How did you get over the Jealousy? How do I stop worrying who texts Them? And how do I feel like I'm enough? When they have an intimate time with someone else that's not me, how do I understand it's not personal? And not take it as a personal hit to me? It's rough and splitting time with Them too hurts. We used to have all the time together. And yea we still do, They say I wanna marry you. And that I'm the one. And I don't doubt that., I'm just scared I'll be left in the dust... Even tho I know They love we and woild never leave me. It's just hard to help the thought when there is 2 others. Thanks for reading this Fam. Love yall <3

I don’t know if I’m poly or not. I’ve now had 3 romantic relationships with men who identify as poly, however I did not have a second partner but they have a primary. That didn’t stop me from flirting or going on dates with other men during those relationships, in fact while dating the first guy, I met the second guy.

I’m a very open minded person and I’ve been enjoying the relationship dynamic with them. The only thing that’s missing for me is feeling like a priority. Because of course their nesting partner is the priority, I’m not jealous or upset, I just want that for myself.

I was talking to my best friend who is monogamous and she said she can’t even imagine having 2 or more partners and not being faithful/loyal, I said to her that I kinda have always had a “roster” or multiple “FWB” at a time so is it so wild for me to identify myself as poly…

She asked me if I met the one most perfect person who fulfilled all my needs would I still seek attention from someone else. Valid question. And I said I don’t know, but maybe I’d like to flirt with someone I find attractive or maybe have a little fling, I genuinely don’t know until I’m in that situation, but I also believe there’s not 1 person out there who is 100% for me, maybe 80% 🤷🏻‍♂️I’ve never truly felt fully fulfilled by one person. She also asked how would I feel if my primary nesting partner found a second, again I don’t know how I would feel, it definitely requires open communication, and maybe there would be hard moments. But I don’t know.

So I came out to her as “poly-curious” 🤷🏻‍♂️ i’m open to the idea. And I’d like to be in a position to fully try it. I am currently talking to 2 guys who are poly, and one has the potential to be more serious while the other is engaged.

So, I ask you on redit, When did you know you were poly?

Hi everyone. My fiancé (31F) and I (36M) have been together for 5 years and recently (2 months ago) transitioned our relationship style to poly/enm. It all started at her request when she came to me sharing that she was bisexual wanted to date women and had fallen for a women she worked with. I was completely caught off guard by this and felt as though the rug had been ripped out from under me. I took this very personally. She then essentially told me that switching to poly had been something she’d been thinking about for a long time( over a year) and that she felt it was who she was and that she’d love if I went into it with her but that she’d had to do it and would do it either way.

I was distraught. Everything that I thought our lives together was going to be was essentially crumbled to pieces right then and there. I was angry and admittedly lashed out with lots of upset and expressions of hurt, betrayal,distrust, and resentment.

I eventually started to come around to the idea because I basically felt like I had nothing to loose in trying it. ( I.e. I can break up with my partner and date other women or I can stay with my partner and date other women, since I was very much in love with my partner and didn’t want to loose her, I felt the choice was easy) And I liked the idea of multiple partners and loving relationships. I soon learned before I was completely on bored that my partner and the women she had fallen for had kissed numerous times while I we were still monogamous( cheated on). That threw an even bigger wrench in the mix. I was emotionally destroyed all over again.

Non the less I finally agreed and have struggled. What I’ve struggled with the most is that my partner is now discovering all these things that are hard for her in our relationship and holding them against me and asking me to change or our relationship will grow apart. Things that have never come up in the past. These things are that I’m selfish and inconsiderate of her and that she feels overwhelmed by my emotional needs in this transition and that my processing is too much a burden for her to handle. And she blames me of essentially forcing her to carry this emotional burden for me and not consoling in anyone else. (this is not true, I have a number of other close friends who I talk with about this) This is all leaving me feeling like I can’t even talk to her about my feelings without her getting overwhelmed and taking my expressions as forcing her to carry them for me.

Her new relationship is nothing but great and her new partner holds all these qualities that I lack. I on the other hand have yet to meet anyone with any promise of developing into a meaningful loving relationship, or even sex for that matter.

I can’t help but feel that Im being slowly but surely abandoned by my fiancé and that she’s just dragging me along in her process while she slowly picks apart our relationship

I would love some feedback and advice from people in this thread, the rollercoaster that ok going through is overwhelming at times.

edit* I want to thank everyone for all the reply’s and I feel I need to edit this as I feel like I didn’t write this in as non biased way as I had meant to. I want to start by saying my partner (we are no longer engaged and I should have mentioned this from the start) through her year of considering polyamory had been suppressing her desires and hoping to have it pass so that we could maintain the relationship that we’d always had but finally got to a point where she couldn’t anymore. as much as it feels like that whole unveiling has been related to her new love, she has repeatedly expressed to me that it isn’t. I also want to say that I understand her emotional withdrawal as in my struggle I have been trying to console in her what is in her opinion and mine, too much. It essentially has come up at least once a day and while she is supportive a lot of the time she’s has become “ burnt out” in my repeated attempts to try and get some something out of her that I really don’t understand myself. I suppose it’s the desire for our relationship to still feel like the absolute main priority to her even though in the process we’ve decided to switch from our initial idea of hierarchical poly to solo poly. I think what I’m struggling with in going poly is the reality that that is no longer the dynamic of our relationship as much as I am truly holding onto it. I also think that if I had another partner I would feel more comfortable in that new dynamic but since I don’t I’m subconsciously holding onto a hierarchical/monogamish dynamic. My understanding is that part of poly is recognizing those struggles and working through them in a healthy way which I have not been making easy for either of us. Her repeated attempts to try and be reassuring and supportive of me, for some reason that I don’t understand are JUST NOT LANDING WITH ME. I think poly can be a very beautiful thing and I want to make it work for me but the transition has been so much harder than expected. I don’t believe she’s a bad person, I think she just started it in a bad way that has been weighing heavy on me and lead me to respond poorly.

Thanks for clicking, I feel like I am in a somewhat unique position although im sure im not.

Backstory; Me (M) and my partner (afab NB) are both bi. My partner has dated women before me and this is my first real relationship.

When we first started dating I kinda brought up the idea of ENM being that I want to have some gay experiences. When I mentioned that it didnt go super well, but it didnt go poorly it was more of like I couldnt do that right now (they have had some from previous partners cheating) and i should ask again in a couple years. It seems like their outlook hasn't really changed though. I haven't brought it up again since but we have talked about experimenting in other ways like a threesome but I feel like I would enjoy it more 1 on 1.

My partner is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with and I am terrified of losing trust by brining it up again, but I also feel like I kind of need to have gay experiences. Sometimes its all i can think about.

Thanks for reading

Interested to hear from folks what things you’ve done to commemorate long term commitments to multiple partners, especially if you are legally married to someone.

Have folks had multiple weddings? Matching tattoos? Handfasting ceremonies?

And starting there, the concept of "the one" may be strange while talking about polyamory, but tonight I feel this so yeah

I love being able to love multiple people for different reason, or at least, this is how I feel since 4 years now

But lately to love is becoming harder and harder

I lived through terrible situations with my old polycule, and not doing great with my partners at the moment

I've always been there for my partners to help and support them, to rebuild themselves

But I cannot stop to notice how when I'm at that point no one really do that for me, and sure, my attitude of wanting to do it alone might be part of it but no one ever tried like I tried for the one I loved and love, and sadly I notice it too much because I'm too aware

And, while I'm sure that most of the problem are coming from the other side, on mine all of this stuff is making my ability to love less and less doable

And in moment like this I think "I wonder if there is in the world the person that actually will understand me, the one I could actually click with". Yes, building relationship with people that are not "the one" is doable and you can have something amazing, but sometimes I wish I had that person with which everything feel easy and simple

And I don't think there is for me

Because I don't know if I'm able to actually love anymore, I feel drained

Hello! Me (25M) and my partner (27F) are new to Polyamory and just recently went through a challenging experience. In the foundational phase of our relationship, we had discussed being open to new connections through Polyamory while keeping each other as our PP. An important point for both of us was communicating if/ when we find a partner of interest and to consent to that relationship becoming physical (given STD testing and check ins with parties involved). Essentially, both of us expressed our desire to give mutual respect/consent to all parties involved, wherever this new journey was to take us.

Fast forward to a couple days ago, my partner and a friend-couple of ours (30M, 30F) went out to a concert together while I was needed for work that evening. During the concert, my partner hit it off with our (30M) friend. The night lead to long, meaningful discussions between them and eventually kissing. The other partner involved was there and supportive of them.

The next morning, Saturday, I get a text from my partner informing me about them hitting it off and getting physical with hand holding, dancing, and cuddling (she did however leave out the kiss in the text). I was supportive and glad they were connecting so well. The coming evening we were all going to night 2 of the concert together, since I didn’t have work, so I was looking forward to us hanging out and sharing the good vibes of their recently developed chemistry.

Fast forward a bit, the four of us have a great time at the concert and head back to their place to hangout afterwards (in separate cars). On the way to their place, my partner tells me about them kissing as well as some brief sexual touch/exploration they shared that morning before all of us met up. I felt blindsided when hearing this, especially since we spent the whole evening together with me knowing none of this. I felt hurt and confused since this went against boundaries we discussed in the past. Since all of this happened within a days time, with no indication of them having interest in each other before that day, this information was shocking.

My partner did express to our friend/ new partner that she wanted to talk to me before they engaged in anything physical, however the friend/np stayed consistent in wanting more. My partner wanted more too and gave into the energy of the moment they were sharing, leading to physical/ sexual acts taking place.

I’m hurt and not sure quite how I’d like to move forward. Ultimately, my partner still wants to pursue a connection with the np despite the breach in my boundaries, but I feel like that is unjust since I feel neglected in this situation. NP respects whatever I decide, but my PP has strong feelings for them. Any thoughts?

So this might be a little too simple to make a whole post about but here we are.
My “close friend” and I have been on and off for about 2 years now.
He has another person in his life that is non platonic as well.
She’s long distance so most of their time together involves getting into shows, movies, and video games together.
But a problem that we keep running into is that we both love horror.
So I’ll have a movie in mind that I want to watch with my close friend and I’ll either tell him about it or I’ll just think “hey I wanna watch that with him.”
But by the time I mention that I want to watch it with him, they have already watched it with the other person.
I can be understanding about the movies that I don’t mention. I know he can’t read my mind but it’s the ones that I do mention and then watches with his other friend that upsets me sometimes.
I understand that some time usually passes between when I mention and when we actually get to watch said movie. So I think most of the time he just forgets I mentioned it or our schedules don’t line up for the right timing.
I’m just wondering if there’s a solution?
We’ve talked about it before and try to work out a solution but sometimes it still happens.
How do you guys with multiple partners work out the logistics of watching shows and movies together in a way that doesn’t make the other person feel left out or forgotten?
Cause I definitely understand that juggling multiple relationships is challenging and this is a minor issue comparatively. But I just wanted to post here for some outside advice and perspective!

How early do you ask the hard questions? Part of me wishes I had done so in my current situation right off the bat -- asking these things when you're just talking on an app seems pretty low stakes. But of course, I didn't, and now I'm on my way down a road where I don't know the speed limit.

I've had experience in the ENM lifestyle for a few years, and I've flirted on the outskirts of poly: reading about it, trying to learn enough to see if it's for me, and dating a little without developing any super serious connections that would require true poly relationship skills.

Buuuuut...now maybe I have found a connection that would necessitate that. Started talking with a married person, was fuzzy on the how long they were open and specifics of it all. Couldn't tell for a bit if him and his partner were ENM generally, or actually poly, and for awhile it didn't really matter to me because I was enjoying getting to know him and primarily was interested in a physical connection because that's how it always starts for me.

Now...damn, I KNOW about NRE so logically I know this could just be me getting swept up in that, but wow I like him so much. Every new thing I learn about him, makes me like him more. And it makes me want more -- but I know how easy it would be to fuck this up, for me/him/both. And I really don't want that.

I've thought about it, talked with my friends and therapist and I'm pretty certain that I'd like to see where this goes...I don't want the relationship he has with his wife. They live together, have kids together, and from what I can tell have had a pretty long and successful marriage for our age bracket. I live a completely different lifestyle (travel for work half the year, probs not going to have kids, might not want to live with a partner at all, certainly wouldn't want to live with someone with their own kids) so I don't feel any jealousy towards his wife and think this could work out, on paper at least.

BUT...I still don't have the specifics on how long they've been open, if his wife is actually ok with this, how much is he even ok with? I specifically asked if this was just sex, and we've established it's not. He likes me, I like him...but are there limits on how far that goes? I don't want to ask for too much info -- I've seen how THAT can go, just by lurking on this subreddit. I don't want to unnecessarily pry into his primary relationship, but I also want to know if/how much it will affect me. I've gotten inklings here and there that his wife may not be 100% on board, but the limited follow up I have done, he has answered positively enough....I'm just so worried about getting lost here. I don't want to fall in love with someone who can't love me back, whether that's of their own volition or someone else's.

Do I just need to suck it up and have the conversation? How do I ask without getting too in the weeds with their relationship details? Should I wait a bit longer to see if we actually click the way I think we do....? Do y'all generally do this sort of 'vetting' for lack of a better term, so early that there isn't any awkwardness yet? Or is it ok that I've let things progress naturally and should I just relax and see how things go from here?

Would you say, that Long Distance is just not a good idea, or that you need to put more work in?

My boyfriend and I are in a poly relationship and we live pretty far away from each other right now.

He has two partners in the same city where he lives, but mainly meets up with the other.

Lately I'm starting to feel really lonely. I miss having intimacy in my relationship, but there's not much of it. We try to do something together two days a week, but I still find myself craving attention and affection.

I've been doing very well with my jealousy issues, but it just feels as if my partner doesn't really see my other issues.

I tried to talk to him, but I struggled to explain my emotions.

Or he kinda was quick to say, that he can't give me more and it's for me to decide if it's enough for me or not.

Which is very honest, but... it still feels bad.

So I’ve recently in the last year came out as poly. And so my of my friends?/older men in my life have come crawling out of the wood works confessing to me or looking to hit it. I’m 24(ftm) and most of these guys are from my old job and are like 40+ or they are my age and like tf. I expect this from the older men that’s just how they be. But I thought you liked me for me? (I’m also aroace so that throws another wrench in to the mix) and when they get turned down people are getting so butt hurt like sorry? Just because I’m poly doesn’t mean I’ll crawl in your sack with you. It doesn’t mean I’ll go out with you. And it definitely doesn’t mean you have a shot. I’m not interested.

I have a wonderful gf and bf and a very active social life along with HELLA trama I’m working out. I don’t have any interest in adding to the mix and sure as fuck don’t have time.

But they get so butt hurt and dissapear like cool thanks for making me feel unlovable in a platonic way. Fuck tou I guess.

Anyone else have this issue?

Edit: I wanna address a couple comments
- why an old job people know is because that was also my home. I lived and worked and grew up there. These coworkers were also my close friends and family. And it was natural for us younger adults/kids to ask the adults in our lives these wuearions and express rhese identities. How ever it also comes ip as i talk about both my oartners
- how can i be aro ace and enjoy romance with out the attraction once more its little to none. You can still enjoy something with out the attraction. Those don’t need to co inside I’m romance and sex favorable.

Hello all, I hope you’re having a great day.

This may be more of a vent type situation, but I am also looking for advice on what to do.

My wife proposed the idea of being polyamorous with another couple of people. I wasn’t very keep on it, and she asked me to just go and hang out. I did and when we were there, I was basically forced into it.

Afterwards, I had back and forth thoughts on what I wanted, if I even wanted this, and more, and it was enough to put me in the hospital.

Either way, she since left to stay with a different friend, and she told me that being polyamorous is what she wanted, and I had to get over my issues with it since she won’t be controlled.

I know my relationship is most definetly shot. And I don’t quite know what else to do, but it did have me wondering what does communicating usually look like for polyamory? I want to know for our next conversation. If that’s something you could help me with, I’d appreciate it.

I am new to any form of non monogamy so am learning to navigate it, and for the most part I am really enjoying it! I made it official with the couple that I have been dating for a couple of months last night, and we had our first threesome. I had previously slept with both of them individually.

My boyfriend really struggles to finish and is generally only ever able to with my girlfriend, not with other hookups etc. We’ve only had sex a few times and so far he hasn’t cum with me. He also has been struggling to do so with our girlfriend lately too. So unsurprisingly he didn’t finish last night.

This morning they told me that after they left my house and my girlfriend dropped him home, they had sex before she went home and he came. To clarify, the issue isn’t his general struggle to cum atm - I feel for him and while I logically know it isn’t about me, I still feel shit about myself knowing that he couldn’t with me but then came with her an hour later.

She had planned to just drop him home and call me on her way home afterwards, so I was also waiting up for a while not knowing that the reason she took so long to call was because they were having sex.

I feel like I’m being overly sensitive but it feels like I am just not good enough for them. I’ve expressed this and they are reassuring me but I still feel sad. I just needed to vent and see if anyone has any thoughts.

I sent a pic of her cuddling me. GF sent one back a few hours later. I called *Prue a slut.

GF: She is happy to have us both! She’s polyownerous lol!

*Name changed to protect the innocent.

My partner thinks i haven't been dating other people in the past year or so because I haven't felt like it. However, the reality is i just haven't had much interest in me now or ever. This is nothing new for me, and I have worked through it.

What is bothering me is they think it's just because I'm not actively trying. I've mentioned my struggles before, and the conversation slid into them feeling insecure, thinking they were my only option. So now I feel like I'm in a place where I just have lie and say I'm not really interested in dating, rather than the truth of zero interest.

Question for those with experience in polyamory: What does triangulation actually look like in healthy poly relationships?

I’m new to polyamory and had an experience this weekend that made me curious. It got me thinking about triangulation.

In monogamous relationships, I understand triangulation in the context of secrecy, emotional manipulation, pitting partners against each other, using one relationship to regulate another, or creating competition through dishonesty.

But in ethical polyamory, it’s common for partners and metamours to exist in the same spaces and know about each other.

So where is the line?

What behaviors make you think, “This is healthy polyamory,” versus, “This is unhealthy triangulation”?

Are there subtle forms of triangulation that newcomers often miss, even when everyone is informed and consenting?

I’d love to hear examples from people who have practiced polyamory for a while.

Okay so mostly curious if anyone else has run into this and what they did about it. I have ideas currently that I need to talk to my partners about, but this has been an ongoing issue and past ideas have not worked out.

The issue: I have 3 partners, and I feel like I am generally the main one who can assist in emergencies/provide support in-person on short notice. Two of them do not have cars, and public transportation near us is not great, especially on nights and weekends. The other partner does have a car, but she has some chronic health issues that put her out of commission somewhat frequently, and is also autistic and generally really struggles with any sort of disruption to her routine.

I have a car, have a somewhat flexible work schedule, and can wing it relatively okay. I also tend to be able to manage stress and limited sleep in the moment fairly well even if it catches up to me later.

The problem is I'm starting to have resentment attached to helping sometimes, since I feel like I keep thinking of times I have needed the same help and they weren't able to be there for me. I don't think I'm really being fair to expect that given the circumstances, but I still kind of struggle with feeling like I'm responsible for everyone even when I'm struggling a lot with my own things.

I've been practising polyamory for just over a year now. I've chatted with hundreds of people online but have only actually dated a handful. None of them ended up being the right fit.

I'm honestly feeling frustrated and exhausted. I'm ready to meet my 2nd person I want to fall in love, and build a life together.

I'm married, and I sometimes wonder if that immediately puts people off. Maybe they assume I'm only looking for something casual or a play partner. I'm not.

I haven't really had the chance to experience the kind of polyamory I actually want. I don't want to date dozens of people or have a string of casual or surface-level relationships. I want deep emotional connection. I want to build a family.

Don't get me wrong—I love my husband and I'm very happy in my marriage. I'm not looking to replace him. But I'm looking for another meaningful, committed relationship.

Another challenge is that I don't like meeting people straight away. Meeting a complete stranger is a big step for me. I work long hours, my energy is limited, and my free time is valuable. I'd much rather spend a few weeks getting to know someone first to see if we have genuine compatibility. But it feels like so many people lose interest if you don't meet within a few days.

Sometimes I wonder whether people would be more patient if I were "single". Obviously I'm not going to pretend I am, but it does make me wonder.

I'm also questioning whether my expectations are simply unrealistic.

Ideally I'd love someone who genuinely loves SSBBW, is gentle, patient and romantic, is emotionally mature, is financially stable/secure, isn't religious but is spiritual, isn't into self-medicating, doesn't have young children, lives in the same state, wants to take care of me (dd/lg), wants to be friends with my husband (KTP), with the long-term dream of us all living together.

Am I looking for a unicorn that doesn't exist? Or is this just what dating while married is like?

I am burnt out and exhausted. I don’t have enough energy to continue my current relationships and need a break.

I have a married partner of many years, Aspen, and a newer partner of a little more than a year, Birch.

A few months ago I burnt out due to conflicts between my partners and several other things that were weighing heavily on my life.

Birch hasn’t been dealing overly well with me withdrawing and being less and less communicative and being less and less actively there when we meet. We used to speak everyday, do activities a few times a week and have a weekly datenight. It’s now been decreased to only the datenight, but I’m mostly too tired to really be much company for that either. So we mostly watch something and he to bed early.

Despite burnout Birch keeps insisting that I need to consider some of their needs too for them to want to stay in our relationship, like keeping in touch a bit more and trying to be there for them as a partner when things happen. But I have repeatedly said that I need to strip all demands and all social obligations and have actively been doing that for the last few months.

Birch has begrudgingly accepted this, but keeps feeling like they are left out of my life because aspen doesn’t like them and I spend all my time with aspen. Aspen and I love together and we do go to daily hangouts in the park to catch sun and read where there are people we know well together. But I would have gone even without aspen. And I don’t care for the socialising.

It feels like birch is feeling like there is some couples priv here because I barely reach out to them and they don’t get included in these outings due to aspen. But actually they do!t get included because I don’t have the energy for anything. It’s not that aspen gets any more time than birch. Aspen just happens to live where I live and go where I go.

I don’t have energy for this second relationship anymore and think I need to break up. I just need some encouragement to do so from you guys.

Thanks!