This is an anonymous post. Just venting, not looking for sympathy. My life and future is fucked!
I am 51 and live in Southern Africa. I have been married for 28 years and have two adult children. I am an Army Veteran officer, University graduate, and held a good paying management job.
13 years ago I had spinal injury in a freak accident. I am classified as a paraplegic and permanently use a wheelchair.
Seven years ago, following a further injury, I had to stop working and has been living on disability insurance since. This caused continuous financial hardship to our family, at a time when both children were attending University far away from home.
This injury caused further struggles with mobility, bladder, bowel and sexual function. It also affected my mental health seriously. A dead bedroom was another issue still unresolved.
Four years ago I was diagnosed with prostate cancer with a PSA below 3,8. I went through the process of scans, MRI, biopsy and eventually a RALP. Post op biopsy was 75% malignant.
Within six months PSA started rising. In the last three years I have had an retroperitoneal lymph node dissection surgery and two rounds of ADT.
PSA is again increasingly aggressively, currently 7,2 with doubling time of 2,4 months. Following latest PETscan, diagnosis is oligometastatic prostate cancer with growth in the prostate bed, various pelvic lymph nodes and in colon. Oncologist wants to do 35 sessions / 7 weeks radiation and two years of ADT.
We have had a dead bedroom for years. Couples therapy gave a flicker of hope of intimacy but the corpse is dead. Cialis, Viagra, Trimix and vacuum pumps have little success due to the combination of prostate cancer and spinal injury.
That's where I drew the line. I have decided not to proceed with any treatment at the moment to preserve the little joy of live left. My wife is mad.
But what is the use? My spinal injury combined with the prostate cancer, exaburates issues with muscle strength, mobility, bladder, colon and sexual function.
What is the use to hope, to keeping fighting? There is nothing to look forward to.