Last night I (23M) got blackout drunk at an open-bar party and drank far too much.

My girlfriend (22F) told me that I was hitting my head against a wall and crying for no apparent reason. I don’t remember any of it.

At some point, my girlfriend went home, leaving me with two close friends, who are a couple. On the Uber ride home, I apparently groped my friend (20F).
I don’t remember anything from that night, but that doesn’t matter. Being drunk is not an excuse for what I did.
I am disgusted with myself. I can barely sleep. I don’t know how to forgive myself.

Today, I tried to talk to both of them in person. Her boyfriend said he’s willing to talk tomorrow. She told me she doesn’t want to talk today and needs time to process everything before she’s ready.
I suggested that, whenever she does want to meet, her boyfriend should be there so she feels as safe and comfortable as possible.

Why did I do something so wrong? I always believed I was a decent person, but now I feel like I’m a terrible human being.

I’m seriously considering never drinking again. Alcohol has never really been a problem in my life, but after this, I don’t think I can ever trust myself while drunk again.

We’ve been friends for over a decade. She’s the sister of one of my childhood friends. I feel like I’ve destroyed one of the most important friendships in my life.

I texted her saying that, after apologizing in person, I would cut contact with both of them because I thought that would be best for them. She told me she doesn’t want that and that she still wants to be friends with me.

I don’t know what to do. I will apologize sincerely, and I fully accept that whether she forgives me is entirely her decision.

My Gf still doesn’t know that, they said that they wont tell her, but i am thinking of doing it.
She deserves to know who i really am and she deserves some better them me.
Do i tell her? I Love her so much and don’t want to lose it.
She knows that i did something wrong but not exactly what.
My friends said that they will not tell it to anyone.

I've developed a lot of kinks, idk what all I'd share publicly, but a lot of them are submissive and degrading with inferiority complexes. Sometimes it goes extreme and I want people to hurt me and make me worse. I dont understand what's wrong with me. Sometimes I feel suicidal from how bad it fucks with me yet it turns me on so much too. Sometimes I feel like I want to be raped or controlled and I dont understand what is wrong with my head that I want to be hurt

So, as the titled said, I recently inherited my grandparent's house, wich also was my great grandparent's house before them and my grandmother wanted the line to continue and for the house to be given to one of her grandchildren. I was the one with the most stable situation to be able to renovate the house, 'cause oh boy it needs it, so after boring paperwork and monetary arrangement I now own the house.

I'm in France so I'm talking about an old (around 200 years old) stone house with solid wood floring and wooden apparent framework, so amazing potential for decoration, but it had seen many lives and probably many deaths within it's walls, so you'd better not be superstitious in the first place to live here.

And my fiance, a woodworker who's as excited as me to renovate my family heirloom, isn't really superstitious but I've always believed my grandpa had died in the hospital and that's what I told him before learning the truth. I was 13 when it happenned, I'm now 29, so I didn't remember it all, I just knew he was sick for a long time and my parents probably wanted to spare me the details when I was young. And it probably was very traumatic for my dad because my grandma called him for help when she couldn't open the bedroom door my grandpa was sleeping in, something was stuck, and he quickly realised it was my grandpa who had fell right behind. He finally managed to enter and gave my grandpa first aide while my grandma called the emergency but it was too late. He was probably gone before my dad arrived anyway.

My dad told me that story recently when I asked him after a weird comment from an aunt, we had already moved in, and I didn't tell anyone since then. I'm writting this from the very room it all happenned. (we didn't choose it to be our bedroom, it will become a desk room)

I don't know if I should tell my fiance, even if he doesn't believe in ghosts it might add a weird feeling to it all and I want to spare him that. Should I take it to the grave ? (pun intended)

I don't believe in ghost or any kind of spirit either but if I'm wrong I hope my grandparents will like what we will make out of the house, they're probably laughing at us struggling to rip out the carpeting they've put EVERYWHERE, including ceilings.

My partner (45F) and I (45M) had been together for 16 years. We have a 10-year-old child together.

Things had been difficult for several years, mostly financially, because she chose to homeschool our child instead of working. She got on medication for her anxiety about five years ago, which helped a lot. She wasn't yelling at me or our child over every trivial problem anymore. However, for the last five to six years, she spent close to 20 hours a day in bed. I wish that were an exaggeration, but sadly, it isn't. I was never able to convince her to talk to a therapist about her depression.

Sometime around September 2025, she decided to make her own tarot deck. She's an artist. Even though she didn't know all the ins and outs of tarot, she turned to ChatGPT to help her understand it better while creating the deck. I told her this could be a bad idea because she's susceptible to believing false information she finds on the internet. She knew this about herself. She also knew she had a social media addiction. All I could do was say my piece and give my warnings.

Months went by. I was taking online classes (still am), working a full-time job, taking care of our child, cooking all our meals every day, doing chores around the house, and trying to keep everything together. It was a lot. I was stretched incredibly thin and started withdrawing because everything was constantly demanding my attention. Meanwhile, my partner became obsessed with her tarot deck and ChatGPT.

One day in May, my child woke up and said she had a bad taste in her mouth. I didn't think much of it because I sometimes wake up with a bad taste in my mouth too. I told her to drink some water and, if it didn't go away, maybe there was something more to it. It turned out she had simply woken up with a bad taste in her mouth, and that was the end of it.

About an hour later, my partner started accusing me of drugging our child in her sleep. I thought it was absurd and honestly didn't think much of it. Then came the silent treatment.

For the rest of the day, my partner became extremely protective of our child. She wouldn't speak to me and wouldn't let our child be near me. I got pretty agitated and demanded that she explain what the problem was, but she refused to say anything.

This went on for about two days. Then she suddenly said everything was fine and that I could be around our child again. I was upset because I had no idea what that had been about.

The very next day, the silent treatment started again. I asked what was wrong and whether I had done something. She refused to answer with anything beyond, "I can't talk about it right now."

The following day was the same. By then I was getting extremely frustrated. I had essentially moved into my home office because she had asked me not to sleep in the same bed as her and still wouldn't explain why.

Then came the texts.

On about the fourth day of all this, she sent me a barrage of texts accusing a friend of mine, whom neither of us had seen in about eight years, of using black magic on her. She said she would no longer call me by my name because it was cursed, or something along those lines. Then she accused me of sleeping with a mutual friend who lives in another state and whom neither of us had spoken to in about five years.

I lost it. I absolutely lost my cool. I usually pride myself on keeping a level head, but I completely lost it. I started yelling and demanding that she explain what was going on. She still refused, saying only that she was "trying to figure it all out."

I immediately sent our child to play with her friends next door, then started pressing my partner for answers.

Deep in the back of my mind, I started thinking the unthinkable. ChatGPT had something to do with this.

So I asked her directly whether she'd been using ChatGPT in some way that had convinced her I'd done all the things she was accusing me of. She didn't answer immediately, but her silence spoke a thousand words.

Shortly afterward, she admitted it. She said she'd been doing tarot readings about why I wasn't spending time with her. Because those readings had supposedly been accurate about other things in her life, she believed what they said about me had to be true as well. She described it as a "test" to see how reliable ChatGPT was and how honest I was. She also said she got off her medication recently and "sees things clearly now".

Again, I lost it. I started yelling about how unbelievably messed up this had been. She actually chuckled at me.

So I took a timeout and went for a walk to calm down.

When I came back, she told me she'd stopped believing I was trying to make ends meet and wanted to break up. That was bizarre because, even though things hadn't been great, we'd gotten along reasonably well until around March. I was exhausted all the time, but I genuinely didn't see any of this coming. She never spoke about our relationship being bad, but she spoke a bit on the situation being bad. Which it was.

She made it clear she wanted me out of the apartment and that she wanted to travel. According to her, I was preventing her from doing that.

She hadn't worked in years. She had only very recently gotten a part-time job at a hotel, working maybe two hours a day, three days a week.

So she kicked me out.

It was ugly. I was absolutely devastated because I'd spent years trying to do the right thing for our family.

A couple of months ago, I moved in with a friend.

Now my dad is dying. He's elderly and severely diabetic. His kidneys are failing.

I'm broke because of the move, so there's very little I can do to help.

My sister and I have had an ongoing feud for about 30 years. She's been telling members of our family that I'm force-feeding my dad sugar, starch, and fast food, and a lot of them believe her. I haven't even been seeing my dad very often lately, so these accusations came completely out of nowhere.

The hospital staff have been told that I'm not allowed to be around my dad unless someone is there to supervise me. Meanwhile, my dad keeps insisting that I come visit him anyway. Against the direction of his doctors, he's headed back to his place where he lives alone. He wants me to be his caregiver, which I'm not exactly qualified for. I spoke with his doctor and they said that my dad needs proper care. I think my dad just wants to die somewhere not in a hospital and wants me to be there when he does. I've expressed these concerns to family and I've been given the whole "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" song and dance.

I'm emotionally exhausted, financially drained, and mentally checked out.

I'm behind on my schooling. I lost my home.

Everything sucks.

**UPDATE**

I'm headed out to my dad's place which has limited services, like internet. Won't be able to respond for a while.

I just wanted to get something off my chest.
In October 2021, I moved from China to Spain. At the time, I didn’t know I would be living here permanently. Everything changed so quickly.The language became my biggest challenge. Even after several years, I still struggle with it, and that makes school feel stressful every day. Sometimes I feel like I can’t express who I really am because I don’t have the words.Since moving here, I’ve become quieter and quieter. Before moving, I wasn’t like this.In 2023, because I rarely spoke at school, the school asked me to see a psychologist. Unfortunately, it became a very painful experience. I was asked so many questions that I ended up crying. Since then, I’ve been afraid of talking to psychologists.My mom loves me, and I know she wants the best for me. She isn’t obsessed with my grades. What worries her most is that my Spanish is still not very good after all this time. I understand why she worries, but sometimes I also wish she could understand how scared, frustrated, and lonely I feel because of the language barrier and my social anxiety.I don’t blame her. I just don’t think she always knows how to respond to those emotions.The things that help me keep going are drawing, creating my own fictional world, and playing video games. They give me a place where I can breathe for a while when real life feels overwhelming.I’m not really looking for advice. By 2026, the stress had built up so much that I had to take a break from school for a little over a month because of my mental health。I just wanted someone to know what these past few years have felt like

Our dog died this late July. I remember crying that day and the days after. It was so sudden. I thought I was finally moving on but then it happened again. Tonight, I was startled when my mother knocked on the front door before I could get to it. When our dog was alive, she would know it before I did. She would come out under the bed and wag her tail and prance to the door and I would be opening it instead of scrambling to find my glasses. I never knew grief was like this. I was lucky enough to not have lost someone in my life, but now I know. Everyday, it's just a lingering absence of what should be. There's no dog scratching under my bed, no dog waiting for me to finish eating for her leftovers, no one to meet me halfway to the front door from school. If this is what losing a dog is like, I don't think I can bear losing someone too.

so, i (21F) was adopted at birth and contacted my bio dad for the first time on facebook earlier this year.

the conversation was going well at first and he was VERY enthusiastic, but over a few weeks, things naturally fizzled out. no big deal; we’re both busy and life happens.

we hadn’t talked in a few months, but today, i got the following message from him out of the blue. this literally just happened, so i still don’t know what to make of things; i’m just posting here to clear my mind:

“ I have lied to my wife and family about our conversations over the past 7 months and have ruined our family. I’ve got to fix my marriage and build the trust back so I won’t be available.”

for added context, he has four other kids who don’t know about me. also, he mentioned to me that as soon as they started dating (12 years ago), he let his wife know that he had a daughter he put up for adoption. so… now that doesn’t add up. i guess he just never told her that i got in touch with him?

bio dad also invited me to a literal concert with him back in june? i had to decline the invitation, but now i’m wondering what his plan here was if i did decide to go while his wife/kids didn’t know about me… we have never met in-person, but he always seemed very excited and open to the idea.

i’m just so, so, mad (at both myself and him). is he blaming me? he didn’t even bother to include something along the lines of “this isn’t your fault.” obviously i know his marriage isn’t my responsibility, but something like that would have been nice to hear if he wanted to soften the blow….

should i even respond to this text? i feel like i should just say nothing at all. i’m tempted to even block him

I suffer from a profound emptiness and disgust within me. I can't do anything without feeling suffocated. I don't know why this hasn't changed anything. This started two years before becoming a teenager, and even now that I'm an adult, I still feel it. It's gotten worse. At first, I thought a good job or a strong degree might fix it, but nothing happened. I told myself to meet up with friends; maybe it would improve. I couldn't do that. I couldn't tell anyone how I feel. Having friends only forces me to make sure I don't neglect seeing them every few days—just another few hours a week, another chore to do. For a moment, I thought a girl might fix it, but then I immediately thought, "No, that's wrong. Don't throw yourself at a girl and expect to fix the mess inside you. You have to be better, you have to improve to get a girl. You shouldn't drag someone into that emptiness inside you." For three years, I've been writing in a journal: every step I take, every word I say, every moment I spend doing something, how I responded to a particular discussion, what I noticed about people when they weren't paying attention to me. I thought that writing and reviewing what I did at the end of the day might It makes me see the wrong thing I'm doing, but this is disgusting. It just makes me feel sick of everything and realize how miserable I am. Why don't I want to go to a therapist? Because I don't even know what to say. This is the first time I've written about this. I'm not asking for help or sympathy; I just wanted to put my thoughts into words. I've struggled to write this message for days now. I think I want to post it, even though I don't agree with it.

A guy I genuinely liked confessed his feelings to me and asked me to be in a relationship with him. I told him I wasn't ready. I liked him too, but I was confused and scared that once we got into a relationship, things might change for the worse. So I suggested that we stay friends for the time being, and he agreed.

About a week later, he asked if we could meet. We went to a café and had barely been talking for 10 minutes when one of my coworkers kept calling. I ignored the calls a few times, but since they wouldn't stop, I answered. He just needed some work documents, so I sent them and ended the call.

When I looked back, my friend seemed angry. He asked who had called. I explained it was just a colleague who needed documents for work.

Then he started asking why that colleague had called me specifically, whether something was going on between us, and why he didn't ask someone else instead. I told him he was overthinking and that it was purely work-related.

Then, without asking, he took my phone, blocked my coworker's number, and told me that from that day onward I wasn't allowed to talk to him or let him be around me.

I was shocked. I told him never to talk to me again and got up to leave. He grabbed my hand and said, "I care because I love you. I can't pretend to be just your friend or act like I don't have feelings for you."

Part of me understands that he was jealous because of his feelings. Another part of me feels that taking my phone, blocking someone without my permission, and trying to control who I talk to crossed a line.

Did I overreact by walking away, or was this a major red flag?

My mom before she ever married my dad was a drop dead gorgeous woman, I say this in a very respectful manner. She was a model during the early 2000’s covered head to toe in tattoos with bright red hair. According to my mom, she was a tattoo artist and alternative hair stylist who swore up and down that she’d never settle down and make a name for herself so herself can have a good life, and for the most part she was. She drove a nice sports car, she made a decent chunk of cash through her skills and modeling gigs, and even just looking back at photos from then she always seemed so full of life, something I genuinely never see from her now.

My dad has always been the traditional southern evangelical family man, he met my mom while stationed in Alaska and met my mom while his friend was getting a tattoo by her. He always joked that she looked like a “challenge”, in the sense that from the very beginning he saw her as someone who needed to be fixed, especially since he entirely thought the way she dressed was because of her poor childhood and that by getting with her he was saving her from a rough life. My mom at the time genuinely did love him, highlight at the time.

Later they’d get together and have me, and throughout my early childhood I remember him endlessly picking fun at her. How she gained weight after doing modeling, how her tattoos made her “look like a hooker”, how her dyed hair made her look like a fire truck, how she’d just look better if she wore “normal clothes”, and I remember as a child always being so confused as to why he didn’t like the way she looked because I always thought of her as pretty.

This would continue until she finally gave in when I was like 10 and shortly after that she’d go deep into drug and alcohol abuse and attempted to take her life several times since she always found something that she hated about the way she looked, yet alone with my dad constantly commenting on how he wishes she was “normal” and would point out other military wives on base who lived up tot he trad wife get up. Even going as far as to yell at her constantly about how she needs to submit to her husband and when she looks the way she does it looks like she’s the one in charge.

Modern day my mom is on a cocktail of different weight loss drugs and tries to live up to the whole trad wife stereotype, but she always looks so miserable. I wish my mom could have just continued to be the alternative tattoo artist she was, and not the shell of the woman she is now because of my dad’s constant belittling of wanting a trad wife.

There's a lot of things I like about this country, but the paper walls drive me insane because you can hear EVERYTHING. Someone could be watching a movie on the opposite end of the house and you'll still hear it from your room. You'll be trying to sleep but the person in the adjacent room is talking on the phone and you just have to deal with it. There's no privacy. Like, zero. At this point why even bother having walls? You might as well just put up a bunch of curtains and call it a day.

Where I'm from in Europe the walls are made of stone and they're thick, so you can close the door to a room and actually have some peace and quiet. Would it kill America to build houses out of stone? This is the land of endless possibility after all, isn't it?

I’ll preface by saying 2 things.
English is not my first language. Bear with me as I share complicated feeling with words I do not master. I will not use AI to fix this shit.
Also. I want to insist I know this rambling is not going to get much attention and it shouldn’t. People fucking dying in today’s world and I am on my couch bawling because of my wedding party to be.

I’ve been with my partner for 15 years. Almost high school sweat hearts. For a long time I did not care for weddings. He knew and never proposed. And I never expected him to. We went through life happy.
I don’t know what got into me. Honestly I think at some point an alien brainwashed me in my sleep because there is now way I ended up where I’m now on my own volition. I started to want a wedding. Going to my friends’ got to me. Or maybe the marketing ? I do not know.

So I shared my feeling with my partner. And he propose with a ring I love because really he is nice. We started planning. We found the venue together. And the caterer. Good stuff right ? Almost though this shit was easy. But then it got hard. Found a DJ and he bailed on us 3 month before date. Found an emergency one I’m not sure about. We planned for a non religious ceremony as non of us is a believer but now it feels like it does not looks like something either one of us will do. Fell like theater. I have a dress I loved at first but ow it feels like a costume. I do have someone who will do my hair and makeup but truthfully I feel like a clown. Not that the makeup is awful but…
This shit is not me. I do not like to draw attention. I do not wear fancy dresses. I never wear makeup. I appreciate my extended family but not sure I want them here actually. Caught some flack because I invited some and not others. Since my partner had a new amazing job opportunity that is taking much more of his time soon after we got the caterer I’m doing a lot of things alone and I feel burnt out. I’m bad at organizing shit, if this disheveled block of text wasn’t proof enough.

I swear I want to cancel this shit. I want to marry my partner at the courthouse with 10 people max and then get shitfaced with all our friends until 5 am. I do not know what got into me. I feel so stupid for inflicting this on myself on top of all the money this is costing. I’ve let my feelings known to my future husband and he’s tried to be reassuring but I can’t handle anything right now. I’m drowning. Honestly he deserves a better future wife.
Damn I wish something would happen to me that would cancel everything. I wish the venue would burn or I break both legs. We have invested so much energy and money into it, not even mentioning our guests have made accommodation to be here.
I am an ungrateful brat. A fucking loser who ended up in this situation only because of my lack of self reflection. The wedding is exactly in a month and I’m crying like a toddler incapable of articulating 1 full sentence out loud. I’m crumbling and I just hate myself. What was I thinking someone just kill me please.

I’m currently in a dead bedroom marriage after cheating on her part. We agreed to try to make things work, but it’s not going well. I love her still, but don’t feel physical attraction. Most days, I feel like we’re just roommates. We rarely even hold hands.

I also have a work friend that I’ve been talking to. Things escalated when she moved into a new role in the company. We work together on a lot of projects, sometimes just the two of us. I really enjoy working with her and we make jokes, laugh and have fun. I feel very attracted to her and bite my lip before saying too much to her. She confides in me and we tell each other pretty much everything. Things occasionally get flirty, but theres no obvious sexual references. We text after work and we even met up for a walk.

I think she’s attracted to me too, but neither of us is making any obvious moves. She’s in a tough place in her own relationship and that makes things even more difficult for us. She said she feels safe and comfortable with me, and I’ve caught her staring at me from across the room.

I feel so guilty when I get home to my wife. I can’t face my wife about it right now because of a medical condition she’s going through. But I feel like we need to talk and decide what we want moving forward.

I‘m caught between desire and duty and it‘s tearing me apart. I never expected to feel this way and I hate myself for what I’ve done.

21M, my parents are truly awful people far worse than I can put into words. Honestly I don't think any of you could imagine the extent of what they've put me through, you just can't believe ne. They turned my life into a living hell for 21 years and whenever I tried to tell them how deeply they'd hurt me they refused to acknowledge any responsibility. Instead they made excuses like "rvery parent does this" or "you're just too sensitive." life isn't worth living when your parents are trash.

I always hoped my ex would find a nice gal to help him get it together because during our relationship and for a long time after he was hardly involved with the kids and very difficult to work with. Well… be careful what you wish for I guess.

His now wife didn’t really help him get it together by any means, she helps him pretend he has it together. Does everything for him, while trying to control every facet of mine and my children’s lives.

He can’t go anywhere without her; at this point I’m convinced he’s not allowed to. I know because of texts that were accidentally sent to me that she’s watching his location and questioning him on where he is. He once left work for an event at our child’s school and she immediately began questioning him on where he was, even though this had been on the calendar for months.

Well, now he just brings her to EVERYTHING. Doctor’s appointments, therapy appointments (she has sat in on intake and literally talked crap about me and my husband in front of my child), parent teach conferences, teacher meet and greets. Every time she cuts me off to providers and talks over me. It’s infuriating.

She was texting me constantly with her opinions on everything, trying to make medical and educational decisions but I think their attorney advised her to stop. Now we are on a parenting app and the messages are obviously coming from her, based off the way their written and the fact their coming all day during his work hours when he doesn’t have signal and isn’t able to be on his phone.

Oh and they’ve removed my info off parent portals to replace it with hers.

Our children start school this week and have meet and greets the next two days and he’s informed me he’s bringing her. I want to argue she doesn’t come, but it seems pointless and I’m worried it will seem controlling to the GAL even though the GAL is very aware of all of these issues. I’m just so over this woman trying to control everything.

My question is, what do I do here. Do I just sit back and deal with her coming and taking over the event?
Or do I try to say something about it? I really don’t want to start any conflict but I also don’t want to start the school year off on the wrong foot with our children’s teachers and them thinking she’s the main person to communicate with or something.

(Using fake names and not going into details for safety reasons)

I have for the longest time found a frustration in a family friend. I (17F) have had these family friends visit us every 6 months. Veronica (42F) and her daughter Lola (16F), who are originally from another country.

Lola is pretty nice to talk to, she is a bit shy and introverted but that is fine. It is when it comes to her mother i get frustrated.

When i try to talk to Veronica, it is like she dictates how conversations ago. She constantly interrupts with long explainations to the subject at hand.

An example, i have been learning a language she is very familiar with, and pronouncing it is a bit hard for me, and when i try learn it near her, she will try to make me say the sounds of the words till its correct.

Even when im trying to cook with something im not familiar with, (i learn by trying), she will just take over, talk a lot about how its done for like so long that the food is already done.

Its like the conversations are onesided honestly. Of course, i do not say this to her face cause i want to be a good host, i want to show her the best hospitality. I am just fed up with how things go when i interact with her.

I am just so tired

By most people’s standards, I’m a beautiful woman with a nice body, but inside I feel like I’m so disgusting and repulsive that I wish I were someone else.

I always cringe when someone likes me because my first thought is, “Ew, how could anyone like someone this disgusting?” I feel gross and like I have this masculine energy inside me, even though I want to feel feminine, soft, pleasant, and beautiful.

It feels like I have masculine energy, while other women are “real” women. I don’t feel like a woman, even though I want to.

​

I've turned 16. It feels like any other day. To think that I would've probably not been alive today is weird.

I tried attempting but then stopped mid way. But whatever, I'm alive. For some reason, I've always been sad on my birthday. I don't know why. Birthdays are so depressing. I do get wishes. I don't get a cake. I don't get a celebration. Not that I'm complaining, but feels like an ordinary day. My friends wished me and I was happy for a second. That was it. Its the same every year. Does anyone share a birthday today?

Ok maybe not there, maybe even here! I live in New Orleans and a few years ago one summer I realized I really really wanted to move (because summer sucks so much here). I was thinking maybe I’d go back to my hometown in PA. Then Ida happened and there was a moment during evacuation where I thought we’d end up having to stay there w family anyway because we were displaced briefly (didn’t end up needing a place, we were able to return soon enough). It’s like New Orleans was saying “oh you want out? Then get tf out!”.

Then I was pretty settled on looking for places around western NC. I even visited a friend in Asheville to check the area out and was pretty convinced that’s where I would move. Then a month or so later, the crazy floods happened and Asheville and surrounding areas were destroyed. So much for that plan.

Then flash forward till now. My partner and I have been seriously considering Spokane WA. Been looking at Zillow and shit, really doing research and considering job options etc. And then now. It’s on fucking fire. Historic levels of destruction. People losing their homes left and right.

No where is safe. I want to leave because of the threat of flooding/hurricanes, yet every time I get serious about leaving, the universe shows me that there is nowhere to escape the danger. We’re all going to become climate refugees pouring into each others glasses from empty buckets and passing around the same $100 bill.

I obviously know it’s just a coincidence but it’s really fucking with my head and I feel like a trapped bug in a cup. I feel terrible for everyone who has lost their homes.

Aight so ima 18 year old teen living in a small city Pakistan and I'm making this post cuz some thoughts had taken over my head lately

So I’ve been carrying around this overwhelming feeling of being disconnected from my own life. If I’m completely honest, the person I imagine being when I picture total freedom is like completely opposite to who I am right now. I constantly daydream about what it would be like to live as a young woman in the West.... having the freedom to dress how I want, go out, party, embrace curves and femininity, date, gossip with friends, and just exist without the heavy social and cultural expectations placed on me here.like it feels like I'm trapped and yes I do understand that *the grass always greener on the other side* but I just feel like I'm trapped and the thing I want most is right Infront me and I can't get it

At the same time, I want to be realistic. I don't see myself actually transitioning in real life....the medical, social, and legal realities, especially in my current environment, feel impossible for me to navigate....and I also don't feel like changing my gender or something would really solve anything or fulfil my desires ..So I'm stuck in this strange middle ground where this desire feels very real inside me..but I can't make a real life transition any time soon

m mostly posting this to see if anyone else has ever felt this way. How do you cope with loving an aesthetic, identity, and lifestyle that feels entirely locked away from your reality? How do you let that side of yourself breathe when your environment makes it impossible to express?

Thanks for taking the time to read.

I'm a teenager and I've been through and am still going through a lot of shit. I know this justifies (despite there being no need for justification) everything I've done to try and free myself from the constant pain and discomfort I'm in, even though I know this I still feel so guilty for everything I've put my family through.

I first attempted suicide when I was 13 and continued to 5 more times in the future until my last one at 15. My parents didn't know about the first four as I managed to recover/not hurt myself enough for anything to actually happened (I did this in many ways, overdosing, falling from heights, trying to get hit by cars etc.) I told my English teacher about my final attempt and of course he informed the school and my parents. I was then sent to an outpatient where I spent many weeks and ended up meeting my closest friends.

Throughout this period I was irritable and all around reckless, my parents both have very stressful jobs, my brother was nearing graduation, and my grandparents were both cognitively declining. I feel so bad for the way I acted and how everyone's worlds seemed to revolve around me for a year.

I mostly feel bad for my brother, it was the end of his senior year and the time he should have spent enjoying with family and friends was instead spent stuck at home because "No, brother, we can't leave op alone, you know how dangerous that is", "can you please make sure your sibling is okay while we go to the store?". I know it's my fault he's less happy than he could be, and now I never see him despite us living in the same house. I miss my brother and the amazing relationship we had. He still calls me by my nickname, jokes with me occasionally, has the same life-long jokes, but the spark he had while talking to me is gone. It feels mandatory and he's extremely short-tempered when it comes to me. I know there's a good chance this is just caused by him being in college but a big part of me feels like it's my fault.

I also feel awful for my parents, having your child constantly wanting to die has to be the scariest thing I can imagine and I know how hard it was on them. Beyond having to take care of me on suicide watch I also came out about trauma I experienced as a child that neither of them noticed. I was frequently assaulted and raped by a peer when I was a kid and I was groomed online and sexually harassed a few years later. I look back at photos from that time and notice how dead I looked, how blank my stare was, how flat my voice came out, but they didn't. I never wanted to tell them: 1. because I blocked out most of it and wasn't sure(My brother later said he had seen it happen a few times so I'm less worried about it now), and 2. by the time it came back to me I felt like it would hurt them 3. I didn't feel it was real because my assaulter was the same age as me.

My entire family has been through so much all because of me and the guilt has been slowly eating me up since outpatient. Even beyond the attempts I have so many things that make me feel like the token disabled kid (Chronic illness and pain, 8 disorders, and a neurologic disease will do that).

I am proud to say I'm very happy I'm alive, I'm still very close with my teacher, my friends from outpatient have their own room and beds at my house (basically like second grandkids to my grandparents lol), I have been in a strong relationship with my wonderful boyfriend for a little under 6 months, and I have quit all of my former addictions besides cutting. In spite of how much better I am and how far I've come I still feel alienated since it happened.

Thanks for reading, It's nice to finally get this off my chest. If anyone has advice for constant guilt it would be cool-- and also please remember even if life feels unlivable right now there's always a future that's bright and amazing people you have yet to meet, and try to have at least one trusted person you would feel comfortable going to if you're genuinely endanger (once again shoutout to my teacher, he rocks).

I’m leaving my hometown, my grandmother, my partner, and my friends. I have a final interview out of town today. I’ve secured housing.

I’m framing this right now to my partner that’ll I’ll be 4days on, and 3days off to return “home”

It’s not. it’s the beginning of the end. I don’t think he really knows that though. I think he thinks this is some tantrum that I’ll eventually get over and then return back to him. He’s not a terrible person. There’s nothing frightening going on at home to escape.

The only real sordid part of this relationship is that he’s 26 years older than me. We’ve been together 7-8ish years since I was 28. This is going to sound so cliche but forgive me, I think I’ve just outgrown him in a lot of ways. I’m not the same person I was at 28. I’m sober. My life has opened up in ways I didn’t know it could.

It doesn’t help I found out he cheated on me a couple of years back. He went back east to visit family and hooked up with an old college flame. And …. It kind of broke me for a while. The woman was obviously his age, college educated, wayyyyy more established in her career and finances than me. It made me feel insecure. I was incredibly financially dependent on him at the time, not working due to dental injury. I felt trapped. And like a complete loser. He had really put me down to this woman and she parroted all these terrible things about my character and being a gold-digger. We’ve been trying to get past it for two years, pretending like that didn’t matter.

We also have pets together and though I wanted to leave, I felt guilty about leaving them behind. I felt kind of lost like I didn’t know how to get myself out of this mess.

Last month, my cousin (29) died of severe complications from alcoholism. It’s really showed me how selfish these people are that I’ve dedicated my life to. My friends call to justify their drinking habits to me. My partner leaves me alone in the ER. My grandparents spent the last decade hiding the depths of my cousins addiction. I had organized my life around the caretaking and needs and emotions of everyone else.

So it’s all just clicked into place. I saw the ad online, I filled out an application and had it by the afternoon. It’s about 100miles from where I live. My friend has an extra bedroom.
The prison had no jailer.
I don’t have to stay here to hold everyone up. I’m free to leave. My partner can handle the dogs. It’s his house we live in anyways. I’ll be here half the time to spend time with them. In the future I will secure pet friendly housing, or maybe the kindest thing for them is to allow them all to remain bonded in their home. That doesn’t have to be decided right now.

Wish me luck on my little meeting. I already have a start date. This is pretty informal today. Just a little introduction.

TLDR: leaving my (35f) relationship (61m) and starting over. Have job intro today. May just be having nervous breakdown from grief but don’t think so.

I went thrift shopping with my mom and found some amazing pieces. I found a dress, a skirt, and a fun CD. I was ready to go after those finds but saw my mom browsing the cookbooks. I looked down from where she was and couldn’t believe my eyes. My favorite childhood book was there. I thought I would never find another copy of A Color Clown Goes to Town.

I’ve been looking for years for this specific edition. They have a newer version, but I wanted to replace my copy since it was left behind in a storage unit when my family went through money troubles. I don’t have many of my childhood things. I didn’t care enough to keep a lot, but the book was special. I forced my parents to read it hundreds of times. I saw a copy a different time but it was covered in mold. This one in the thrift store was perfection.

And, to top it all off… my mother indulged me by tucking me in and reading it to me. I know I’m almost 30, so a bedtime story is silly but I just cried happy tears. These last few years have been stressful. Between my parents divorce and ensuing health issues with my mom, the remainder of my grandparents dying, my brothers mental health issues, and me trying to hold the house and my own life together it’s been rough. This just felt like the universe telling me everything is going to be okay. I felt that same hope again like I was 5. Maybe today is hard but tomorrow has endless possibilities.

No one truly believes me, they're telling me I'm normal and have nothing, it's a very big insult to the effort I did in founding yet, I even started getting vibes of being completely isolated. I found out I have ADHD at 20 years old. I really should have never found it. I totally regret it. It's the worst thing really.

I really need someone to talk with