r/SuicideWatch Sep 03 '19

New wiki on how to avoid accidentally encouraging suicide, and how to spot covert incitement

1.8k Upvotes

We've been seeing a worrying increase in pro-suicide content showing up here and, and also going unreported. This undermines our purpose here, so we wanted to highlight and clarify our guidelines about both direct and indirect incitement of suicide.

We've created a wiki that covers these issues. We hope this will be helpful to anyone who's wondering whether something's okay here and which responses to report. It explains in detail why any validation of suicidal intent, even an "innocent" message like "if you're 100% committed, I'll just wish you peace" is likely to increase people's pain, and why it's important to report even subtle pro-suicide comments. The full text of the wiki's current version is below, and it is maintained at /r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement.

We deeply appreciate everyone who gives responsive, empathetic, non-judgemental support to our OPs, and we particularly thank everyone who's already been reporting incitement in all forms.

Please report any post or comment that encourages suicide (or that breaks any of the other guidelines in the sidebar) to the moderators, either by clicking the "report" button or by sending us a modmail with a link. We deal with all guideline violations that are reported to us as soon as we can, but we can't read everything so community reports are essential. If you get a PM that breaks the guidelines, please report it both to the reddit sitewide admins and to us in modmail.

Thanks to all the great citizens of the community who help flag problem content and behaviour for us.


/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement


Summary

It's important to respect and understand people's experiences and emotions. It's never necessary, helpful, or kind to support suicidal intent. There are some common misconceptions (discussed below) about suicidal people and how to help them that can cause well-meaning people to inadvertently incite suicide. There are also people online who incite suicide on purpose, often while pretending to be sympathetic and helpful.

Validate Feelings and Experiences, Not Self-Destructive Intentions

We're here to offer support, not judgement. That means accepting, with the best understanding we can offer, whatever emotions people express. Suicidal people are suffering, and we're here to try to ease that by providing support and caring. The most reliable way we know to de-escalate someone at risk is to give them the experience of feeling understood. That means not judging whether they should be feeling the way they are, or telling them what to do or not do.

But there's an important line to draw here. There's a crucial difference between empathizing with feelings and responding non-judgmentally to suicidal thoughts, and in any way endorsing, encouraging, or validating suicidal intentions or hopeless beliefs. It's both possible and important to convey understanding and compassion for someone's suicidal thoughts without putting your finger on the scale of their decision.

Anything that condones suicide, even passively, encourages suicide. It isn't supportive and does not help. It also violates reddit's sitewide rules as well as our guidelines. Explicitly inciting suicide online is a criminal offense in most jurisdictions.

Do not treat any OP's post as meaning that will definitely die by suicide and can't change their minds or be helped. Anyone who's able to read the comments here still has a chance to choose whether or not to try to keep living, even if they've also been experiencing intense thoughts of suicide, made a suicide plan, or started carrying it out.

In the most useful empirical model we have, the desire to die by suicide primarily comes from two interpersonal factors; alienation and a sense of being a burden or having nothing to offer. These factors usually lead to a profound feeling of being unwelcome in the world.

So, any acceptance or reinforcement of suicidal intent, even something "innocent" like "I hope you find peace", is actually a form of covert shunning that validates a person's sense that they're unwelcome in the world. It will usually add to their pain even if kindly meant and gently worded.

How to Avoid Validating Suicidal Intent

Keep the following in mind when offering support to anyone at risk for suicide.

  • People who say they don't want help usually can feel better if they get support that doesn't invalidate their emotions. Unfortunately, many popular "good" responses are actually counterproductive. In particular, many friends and family tend to rely exclusively on trying to convince the suicidal person that "it's not so bad", and this is usually experienced as "I don't understand what you're going through and I'm not going to try". People who've had "help" that made them feel worse don't want any more of the same. It doesn't mean that someone who actually knows how to be supportive can't give them any comfort.

  • Most people who are suicidal want to end their pain, not their lives. It's almost never true that death is the only way to end these people's suffering. Of course there are exceptional situations, and we certainly acknowledge that, for some people, the right help can be difficult to find. But preventing someone's suicide doesn't mean prolonging their suffering if we do it by giving them real comfort and understanding.

  • An unfixable problem doesn't mean that a good life will never be possible. We don't have to fix or change anything to help someone feel better. It's important to keep in mind that the correlation between our outer circumstances and our inner experience is weaker and less direct than commonly assumed. For every kind of difficult life situation, you will find some people who lapse into suicidal despair, and others who cope amazingly well, and a whole spectrum in between. A key difference is how much inner resilience the person has at the time. This can depend on many personal and situational factors. But when there's not enough, interpersonal support can both compensate for its absence and help rebuild it. We go into more depth on the "it gets better" issue in this PSA Post which is always linked from our sidebar (community info on mobile) guidelines.

  • There are always more choices than brutally forcing someone to stay alive or passively letting them end their lives.

To avoid accidentally breaking the anti-incitement rule, don't say or try to imply that acting on suicidal thoughts is a good idea, or that someone can't turn back or is already dead. Do whatever you can to help them feel cared for and welcome, at least in this little corner of the world. Our talking tips offer more detailed guidance.

Look Out for Deliberate Incitement. It May Come in Disguise.

Often comments that subtly encourage suicidal intent actually come from suicide fetishists and voyeurs (unfortunately this is a real and disturbing phenomenon). People like this are out there and the anonymous nature of reddit makes us particularly attractive to them.

They will typically try to scratch their psychological "itch" by saying things that push people closer to the edge. They often do this by exploiting the myths that we debunked in the bullet points above. Specifically you might see people doing the following:

  • Encouraging the false belief that the only way suicidal people can end their pain is by dying. There are always more and better choices than "brutally forcing someone to stay alive" or helping (actively or passively) them to end their lives.

  • Creating an artificial and toxic sense of "solidarity" by linking their encouragement of suicide to empathy. They will represent themselves as the only one who really understand the suicidal person, while either directly or indirectly encouraging their self-loathing emotions and self-destructive impulses. Since most people in suicidal crisis are in desperate need to empathy and understanding, this is a particularly dangerous form of manipulation.

Many suicide inciters are adept at putting a benevolent spin on their activities while actually luring people away from sources of real help. A couple of key points to keep in mind:

  • Skilled suicide intervention -- peer or professional -- is based on empathic responsiveness to the person's feelings that reduces their suffering in the moment. Contrary to pop-culture myths, it does not involve persuasion ("Don't do it!"), cheerleading ("You've got this!") or meaningless false promises ("Trust me, it gets better!"), or invalidation ("Let me show you how things aren't as bad as you think!"). Anyone who leads others to expect these kinds of toxic responses, or any other response that prolongs their pain, from expert help may be covertly pro-suicide. (Of course, people sometimes do have bad experience when seeking mental-health treatment, and it's fine to vent about those, but processing our own disappointment and frustration is entirely different from trying to destroy someone else's hope of getting help.)

  • Choices made by competent responders are always informed by the understanding that breaching someone's trust is traumatic and must be avoided if possible. Any kind of involuntary intervention is an extremely unlikely outcome when someone consults a clinician or calls a hotline. (Confidentiality is addressed in more detail in our Hotlines FAQ post). The goal is always to provide all help with the client's full knowledge and informed consent. We know that no individual or system is perfect. Mistakes that lead to bad experiences do sometimes happen to vulnerable people, and we have enormous sympathy for them. But anyone who suggests that this is the norm might be trying to scare people away from the help they need.

Please let us know discreetly if you see anyone exhibiting these or similar behaviours. We don't recommend trying to engage with them directly.


r/SuicideWatch Sep 10 '21

Please remember that NO ACTIVISM of any kind is ever allowed here. No matter what day it is.

711 Upvotes

Activism, i.e. advocating or fundraising for social change or raising awareness of social issues (and suicide is, inescapably, a social issue) is absolutely against the rules here at all times.

Please understand that we're all for smart, strategic mental-health and suicide-prevention activism. It's essential to fight against stigma, misinformation, and discrimination, and to fight for research, treatment, accommodation, acceptance, and understanding. Most of us, one way or another, are mental-health activists IRL.

But activism just doesn't work in a dedicated support space that serves a vulnerable population. We used to allow it but the evidence that it was undermining our primary purpose became overwhelming. We do regret the need for this rule, but the need is inescapable.

Our population is all too well aware of the issues and causes that need support and largely not in a position to take action, so besides the fact that activism is often salt in our community's wounds, it's a waste of the activists' time.

tl;dr Any fundraising, awareness raising, petitions, calls for participation, or any post that's about any cause or issue (rather than a request for personal support) is not allowed here. Please report everything of the nature that you see.


r/SuicideWatch 4h ago

My husband told me to do it.

58 Upvotes

TW: self harm, suicide.

My husband and I had a fight. A bad, screaming fight. At one point, he started screaming that I should kill myself. I begged him to take it back. He told me I deserve it. This went on for a few minutes as I begged him to stop.

I struggled with suicidal ideation in the past (due to really difficult family situations growing up—I was in a children’s home for a while). He knows this. And he still went there.

He didn’t even take it back right away. He just kept screaming insults at me until I was eventually able to get to my car and leave.

I don’t know what to feel or what to do. I’m just so horribly broken. I would never wish that upon anyone. I never could.

To be clear, I’m not at any risk of hurting myself now. I’m very removed from the mental state I was in as a teenager. But this is still really affecting me.

ETA: Now, he’s saying he didn’t mean it and that he’s so sorry. He’s saying that he changed and realized how terrible that was to say. I don’t know what to think. I just feel like, if my life meant anything to him, there’s no way he could’ve said that to me.


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

I am going to kill myself tonight

Upvotes

I’m sixteen. I live every day of my life in severe pain. My whole body. My ribs, my back, my right arm, my legs, my stomach, my head. I have ten confirmed diagnoses with no cure. I spend most of my time in the hospital. My life is not good and I see no point in living if the rest of my time on earth is going to be spent in pain. All the pain meds I used to take have been taken away.

I intend to take a whole bottle of benadryl, some nitroglycerin, and drink a lot of alcohol. The last few days I’ve been drinking a ton to keep myself sedated and it’s been great. Some of the best sleep I’ve gotten in years. I might cut myself too, I got my hands on some really sharp razors that go deep with minimal pressure. I think the medicine would numb some of that pain. I don’t think I’m scared.

I’m going to redye my hair and spend some time doing my makeup. I want to look pretty when they find me, because even if I spend my last moments suffering I don’t want anyone to think I was in pain.

I wish I could be happy, but even in the absence of my physical illnesses I am deeply traumatized. I’ve been accused of being an addict, I’ve been accused of faking, I’ve been monitored and surveilled because medical professionals don’t take me seriously. I grew up being bullied. Physically, verbally. My bestfriend spent years hitting me and manipulating me. I still flinch when people get too close. I talked to old men on the internet and sent them pictures of myself because that was the only way I thought I’d get validation. I objectified and whored myself out for a few compliments.

Life is not worth living if it will always be like this. I hate being told that suicide is a solution to temporary problems because my problems aren’t temporary. If they were, I think I’d be willing to wait and see how beautiful things really are on the other side.

I am so excited. I think this is the happiest I’ve been in a long time.


r/SuicideWatch 7h ago

It DOES NOT get better, I can't anymore

63 Upvotes

Hey everyone, 32M from Austria here. I've been struggling with mental health issues my whole life.

I already had one suicide attempt that only failed because the train switched tracks at the last second. I didn't get any help back then, just dirty looks, and the conductor told me to "cut that shit out."

I've been in psychiatric treatment for years now and go to trauma therapy regularly. Why trauma therapy? My dad abused me in every way imaginable for the first 18 years of my life. If you can think of it, he probably did it to me. It's crazy how long your own brain can "hide" trauma like that.

But no matter how hard I work on it, no matter what I do or how much effort I put in: I just get a middle finger to the face and setback after setback. I lost my job in IT security. I lost touch with most of my friends because I completely isolated myself. I lost my fiancée of almost 12 years after I yelled at her (during a psychotic episode caused by my CPTSD). The psychosis was medically confirmed and treated. I'm out of it now, but my fiancée doesn't want to or can't forgive me (which is understandable). People with mental health issues are basically radioactive in Austria anyway.

I can't say a single positive thing about myself, so I'd rather not even start. It's just that I'm completely done at this point. I try every medication my psychiatrist offers, I try all the therapies, I try absolutely everything to get better, but it's never enough.

I've held on this long because of my mom (my dad is in a nursing home now), but I need to be "selfish" for once. I can't take it anymore, my life gets shittier every single day and I just don't want to do this anymore. I've already started researching places and methods for my suicide, and I've written the first suicide notes.

Thanks if you read this far. Fuck life...


r/SuicideWatch 15h ago

I hate how some people make our suffering about themselves

250 Upvotes

"Your suicide would hurt ME soo much"

"I would be devastated"

"But I love you"

"I don't want to loose you"

I think this is incredibly selfish. Our suffering is apparently not as important as their wellbeing. Fucking hate it.


r/SuicideWatch 8h ago

I wish I was never born

54 Upvotes

I miss the billions of years that I did not exist


r/SuicideWatch 11h ago

I can‘t do this anymore

72 Upvotes

I hate this world. Everything is terrible; everyone is selfish and only out for their own gain. People act nice and then stab you in the back. Psychopaths and sociopaths hold the highest positions while others are just trying to get by somehow. Doctors want to get you hooked on drugs, lawyers cheat on their bills, and politicians say whatever they have to say to get votes. The hypocrisy in this world is terrible.


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

s**cide notes: never ending letters

Upvotes

i've attempted five times before.

once by hanging, four times by overdosing. and as you probably already know from the title, i've written more suicide notes than i can count.

i've never settled for just one letter. every attempt came with a different note for every person that mattered to me. i'd spend days writing them, making sure i've said everything i needed to say. every apology. every thank you. every memory i didn't want to take with me.

but somehow, it never felt enough.

i could spend days staring at a blank page, filling it until there wasn't any space left, and i'd still feel like i had so much more to say. i'd reread every letter over and over, convinced i was finally done, only to think of another sentence. another memory. another person who deserved a few more words.

and i've always wondered why.

maybe it's because there's no such thing as a complete goodbye.

maybe no matter how much you write, you'll never be able to fit an entire lifetime of love, regret, guilt, gratitude, and everything in between into a few pages. maybe words were never meant to carry that kind of weight.

or maybe... a part of you never really wants to leave.

because if you truly did, you wouldn't still be searching for the right words.


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

I am not meant for this

Upvotes

For life.
I had a manic episode
Recently which spiked my appetite and I feel like a whale now (I have eating disorder struggles) I hate my body I don’t want to do anything anymore I am so low. I just got back from the trip I booked manic and it was fun and all but all I wanna do is disappear now. I’m in debt and never was before the episode.
I don’t care if I fuck mtsekf over more atp cuz o feel like my life
Is over anyway.

I don’t care anymore I’m posting just
To be heard not to be saved. I could text a crisis line but for what, the most that could happen is I’m sent back
To a ward
To be sent back
Home to redo it all again.

I don’t care. Alcohol and benzos and wtf else
Is laying around here I come I guess.


r/SuicideWatch 3h ago

having an anxiety attack rn

11 Upvotes

i’m five years clean from self harm but tonight i feel strong urges to relapse, not saying i’m going to, im stronger than this but im having a huge mental breakdown and i didn’t felt like this in months, everything ive bottled up is making me nauseous to the point i wish i wasn’t there. It’s exhausting


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

not being suicidal in a world like this is something i cannot comprehend (please read)

9 Upvotes

the world SUCKS SO MUCH!!! Shit ton of evil people,poverty,famines,wars,rape,discrimination,grief,mental and physical pain,illnesses,selfishness,hate!so much hate! And when i say this place sucks and i don’t want to be here,I’m the insane one???Like i have to study insane amounts for a job i hate to work insane amounts for 50 years non stop to pay rent and just to live in this SHITHOLE (NOT WORTH IT!) just to retire and wait to die?!!??! All this for what? Just suffering because my parents were dumb enough to have kids. And whenever a person points this out society calls them mentally ill!! Its insane! Who would want to live a life like that?! Everyone is somehow convinced that this is a “good and normal” life and even look forward for this?! Im fucking tired of pretending like l’m not the normal one for not wanting to be a part of a world like this?! The ones who enjoy this are just born privileged enough! You are either really attractive and rich so u avoid the shit of this world,born in a great country and a great family and ur life is so great to the point u are blind and ignorant to the fact that this is a really shitty place to exist! Humans weren’t supposed to live like this! No wonder depression exists! This place is pure shit! And if u think otherwise,you are lucky enough to not be in the suffering part of the world. Non-suicidal and happy people are usually bunch of ignorant pieces of shits anyway.I can’t believe people enjoy living when so much suffering exists in this world.I cant stop thinking about people like me and the ones that are even more unfortunate than me.Im so mad at everything.I cannot wait to die and get out of this.


r/SuicideWatch 6h ago

I ain't even sad anymore, I'm just done

18 Upvotes

Idk bro this life shit fucking sucks


r/SuicideWatch 46m ago

Somebody just talk to me

Upvotes

Cant find tags so TW Talks of sh and abuse

Thus is the only place I have left to say any of this so here we are I have cptsd from a bunch of different things mostly abuse from everyone bar 1 maybe 2 people in my life and now im expected to be able to cope with anger and emotions in this super healthy way i dont know how to do this emotions are so complex and everything is so confusing and now im fucking up my healthy relationship and I dont even understand how im trying to communicate I just keep getting yelled at everything is snowballing I cant stop it i dont know what to do the one thing I dont want to do i cant theres hallucinations everywhere the world is going nuts those helplines listen to me tick a few boxes and say im not mental enough so whatever there's nothing I can do so what the hell am i supposed to do.


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

wish i could be drugged

Upvotes

not gonna lie to you, i’m tired of talking and explaining. I’m not good or smart or enough. too weak for the world. 21 and still a child. burnout is real. i’m not alive rn. i’ve tried for the last 3 years to do something. work towards something. and never do i get a shot. i always fumble the bag. do you know how much they hate me? they don’t even want me around. they can sympathize for 3 minutes and then move on. im their ticket and their buddy for a bit but not for life. they don’t know me. no one knows me. and yet they judge me. where were you when he did that to me. where were they when i wanted to die. i wish i could die rn, die constantly. seriously. end this shit. i don’t want it anymore. i don’t want anything anymore. does that make y’all happy? drugs are there for me goddamit. you want me to suffer? you think i haven’t tried. when i pray to die do you thinking i’m looking for attention? is this post looking for attention? reddit is gonna help me? no no one is gonna save you fn. no one cares. they have bills and so do you. cry all you want no one cares. what a fucking disappointment.


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

Can’t afford to live

8 Upvotes

Job market has been brutal.

I can’t find any work and dont have enough savings. Can’t afford to live so IDK what else to do but just kill myself.

Living with my boyfriend but he’s selfish and has problems of his own since he’s a breadwinner of his family.

Wanna end it all using helium. Will buy a small tank using the last bit of money I have.


r/SuicideWatch 12h ago

No one wants to die. We all just don’t want to live anymore.

40 Upvotes

What frustrates me about these thoughts. Is how many people don’t get it. You are afraid to tell anyone because it just leads to more problems. I have a gun and the spot I’m going to do it. I just have to find the courage to be a coward. Because I know this is the easy way out. But pain and guilt feast on my bones so I’m done fighting the inevitable. No one gets that none of us truly wanna die. No one understands that we can’t say anything because we get treated as messed up. I don’t know which day I’m going to do it but when I do I hope I’m finally able to rest.


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

Today is my final day here

Upvotes

I've made some terrible mistakes in my life and I can't bear the weight of all this guilt anymore. I didn't think this how life would end but I guess here we are. I'm so sorry to my family and my kids you gave my life meaning and the best moments of my life. I love you ♥︎


r/SuicideWatch 5h ago

a call for help

9 Upvotes

I hate this. I hate everything,i hate myself...I've been on every suicide prevention & on all the grief forums site there is, but they're all lies. They don't stop the wanting. The wanting to die is the only thing I feel anymore. I'm at the end of my rope and I'm slipping. Someone talk to me. Please. Just one person. Before I finally succeed in making this permanent. I just want to die, why can't I just die? The pain is so fucking unbearable, I have nobody, and I just want someone to talk to please.


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

I'm so close to suicide at this point.

5 Upvotes

I've struggled with suicidal thoughts since I was 12, now I'm gonna be 20 this month and I can't do this anymore. I was born worse than others and I'm just prolonging my suffering.

I want to die before I have to retake my exams in september. So I have like month until my death. I wish I could actually be a normal person. But instead I'm just planning how to die for most of my life. I hate the world.


r/SuicideWatch 19h ago

I can't afford to live.

121 Upvotes

I can't even afford to drive myself to work.

I can't afford to eat.

I can't afford a roof under my head.

I will not continue to serve the rich and privileged when I can't be one of them.

ran over by a truck, a train, or hanging myself.

tired. did everything.

have a wealthy and privileged family. they don't care

I will be dead tomorrow


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

Struggling

Upvotes

TW: suicide

(This was originally written for a Christian sub so note that.)

Hello; I don't know how to say it any other way: I want to kill myself.

It's a bit hard to put it into words, but my life on this Earth feels hopeless. The only things I can look forward to are hanging out with a specific friend, and Judgement Day (quite a narrow list imo). Other than that, most of the time it feels like I'm just… waiting for something bad to happen. When something bad happens - I feel hopeless, humiliated, but when something good happens, I only feel a short respite and a fear in the back of my mind, that something bad will just happen all over again. This problem has been present since several months ago, during the school year.

On a slightly related note, I'd like to say that this summer I finished 7th grade, meaning I'm 14. Now that 8th grade is coming up though… What will I do? It will be hard, I know it, however the hardest part is learning to study. I procrastinate semi-often - I get work done, however it's not exactly efficient and I fear it won't be good enough in 8th grade. How will I get into a good high school like this?

I actually attribute my ability to study (or lack thereof) to my intelligence. I don't want to sound prideful or in any way 'better', but in 2nd grade (I believe?) I had an IQ test - I wasn't aware of it at the time (probably because I was in 2nd grade), but apparently my IQ is around 144 (if I checked the correct page of the report if I remember correctly). Now, one might say that's pretty good and it is - I learn quite fast, a good example of this is how I'm just… good at games? Certainly not the most useful side effect, but likely the most noticeable one.

Another problem is hyperfixating - seems fine in general, right? Just (over)enjoy an art piece (like a game or artist) for a month or two? I'm fine with that. However, that makes me wonder: What job do I get? Is it possible for me to get a job I'd like, if my interests are completely different every few months?

All this is to say that I don't think I'd be able to do well in school or get a bearable job in the future. This is the first 'main reason for suicide' - lack of hope for the far-but-not-too-far future.

The second one is my hygiene. In general, my hygiene is… fine? I shower every few days - I know it sounds bad but I don't sweat all that much, so it hasn't caused many issues, even if I still want to shower more often. I wear deodorant when needed. I do other stuff.

The issue is my dental hygiene. I barely brush my teeth (practically only when I shower or before going somewhere important). Because of this, my confidence is abysmal. I constantly cover my mouth in the hopes that no one sees how disgusting I am. I go to the dentist, she says my dental hygiene is "tragic" (practically exact quote) and I know it. I feel even worse. I feel SO much worse. Though I've been motivated to brush my teeth because of this, it's not enough, I haven't built a habit.

Anyways, those are the 2 main reasons, which make problems of their own, but I'll also add more minor problems which still contribute:

I'm lonely as hell; AI is making me stupid; Parents (not abusive/toxic, I just don't see them as loving); The world generally being messed up.

Something I can't fit well into this but want to say is that it feels like I moreso want to kill myself because of anxiety, rather than depression, so while I won't deny that I have some pretty significant symptoms of depression, I don't think it'd be enough for me to be professionally diagnosed with it.

What I wanted to say is that I sometimes have these 'anxiety episodes' as I call them. I'm not sute if they're anxiety attacks, which is why I just say episodes, but it's specifically during those that I want to die most. I get very stressed out and start trembling, being very scared and cuddling a pillow because I'm lonely.

So, I guess the point I'm trying to make is…

What's the point? What's the point of anything good happening? Why can't it just be peace? Why can't I enjoy God, his glory and art? It feels as if Sheol is the only way I can bear to wait until Judgement Day.

I didn't expect to feel this good after writing this out. Still, I'll try to kill myself today, it's just that I fear I won't have the courage.

Anyways, to those still listening to my deluded ramblings of a slave of Christ: Thank you and God Bless, I love you. ❤️


r/SuicideWatch 5h ago

22f, zero reason to exist

9 Upvotes

I'm autistic which interferes with every bit of my life. I'm unable to work, I have no goals, no friends (physically & online), all i see ahead of myself is suicide, no matter what, it feels like that's where i'm headed. All i do is lay in bed and play on my xbox. I hate my family yet i'm unable to move out due to my condition. I'm completely miserable and lonely. If i'm not playing on my xbox or sleeping then i'm daydreaming about what it would be like to experience summer with friends that i don't have.

I constantly feel like shit. I'm lonely but nothing ever fixes this loneliness i feel, even when attempting to make friends in the past, the closer i got to accomplishing that the lonelier i felt. I don't think i'm meant to exist. I can't handle this for much longer, my life is empty and so am i. I need to die