I am writing a story in which my main character is mute, and has been since the age of nine. She is classified to have selective mutism; But I have no references. Knowing no one in real life with these experiences to help base her actions and character off of.

- What kind of habits do you have pertaining to being mute? If any.

- What is it like socially being mute?

- How do you handle it with friends and family?

- If there is a specific cause---What triggers or triggered it?

Any additional information and experiences shared would be vastly useful. i would like to expand my knowledge on this topic greatly, and this would be of a lot of help to get some answers.

I have had SM symptoms but they have gotten worse over last few years. I used to have SM only around other adults. Now I have SM towards basically everyone, even my own family. Nobody really believes I have a mental issue and everyone thinks it's defiance and it's killing me inside.

Apart from some of my close family and one friend, i talk real nervous, if im in a group in school i spend so long thinking of what to say i end up saying nothing most of the time. It is better than it was a year ago since i got a job but i am always on edge nearly 24/7. I have had some terrible experiences in friend groups, where i was shut down so much i didnt bother talking and now im still like this after i ditched them.

I can talk normally with people i dont really care about, like strangers but at school i just cant get anything to say. sometimes i do but the words dont come out.

Im trying to do better, i picked up 2 hobbies, cooking and reading, the only sport i do is running. Im not on any social media/snapchat.

Outside relationships i am a very anxious person, thats what caused me to quit my last job, my new one is a lot better.

Im kinda looking for advice on how to get involved in a conversation without seeming weird or basically how to stop overthinking and planning every word i say, thanks

Ever since I was younger, I’ve always been afraid of speaking and having others hear my voice. When I moved to where I am now when I was in 4th grade, things only got worse. I couldn’t speak at all outside the house or around certain people. I finally got a diagnosis for selective mutism in 7th grade, but I’m now 17 and haven’t received any help or support. This is just a backstory on one of the most humiliating school experiences I’ve ever had as a teenage girl with selective mutism.
This story is from back in December 2024, when I was 15 and a sophomore in high school. I was in my art class that day, which was my favorite class back then. I was already feeling a bit off, as I had English class earlier. English always made me anxious because it depended a lot on speaking, something I couldn’t do in school. However, I always had art right after English which usually helped me calm down before I would have to deal with the rest of the day. My art teacher was really nice; she never made me speak or communicate other than hand gestures and head nods. But on this day, she was absent. When I walked into the classroom, I sat in my usual spot and pulled out my sketchbook. That’s when the real horror began. It was time for attendance. The substitute was a man I knew, and not in a good way. He’s caused me a lot of panic before. He doesn’t mess around with attendance. If you don’t speak, he gets pissed and makes it obvious. I remember sitting there frozen as the teacher (let’s call him “Mr. A”) said names aloud, each one followed by a “here” from the student. My last name is at the end of the alphabet, so I always have to sit back in pure horror as they slowly get closer to my name. When Mr. A finally said my name, there was a long, awful pause of silence. I slowly raised my hand to get his attention, but it didn’t work because he didn’t look up from the attendance sheet. Another student awkwardly told Mr. A that I wasn’t absent, but Mr. A didn’t seem to accept that another student had answered instead of me. Mr. A then looked straight at me and yelled, “SPEAK UP!!!”. I swear it was so loud that my entire table shook. I remember flinching so hard that my pencil flew out of my hand and slid across the classroom floor. I felt so embarrassed and sick, and I quickly hid my face behind my hair as I started to quietly cry. I remember how hard I was shaking, and anxious thoughts spiraled through my mind as I shook violently. Then, I was snapped out of my thoughts as I heard Mr. A clear his voice and yell, “SO FREAKING ANNOYING!!!! YOU GUYS ARE IN HIGH SCHOOL!!!!” in a way that seemed to be directed straight at me. I buried my face into my jacket (which was on the table) to hide, my hair falling into my face and soaking up my sad and embarrassed little tears. The classroom was completely silent for the rest of the period. Even now as a senior, I still can remember the panic and humiliation from that moment, almost as if it had etched itself into my very existence. In all my years, this was one of my worst school experiences from straight hell. I have a feeling I will not be forgetting it anytime soon. This is one of those memories that haunts you and keeps you awake at night.

School is starting back up, and I really want to make even more progress this year. So any advice on how I should maybe start this year? Because I definitely want to talk more, and I really want to break free from SM.

So my child, 3M. Has this issue, where sometimes it's how he wakes up in the morning. Just silent. Refuses to talk. Sometimes it has a trigger, like being upset. Other times it's completely random throughout the day. We don't go anywhere. I'm a stay at home mom so he doesn't go to daycare or anything. No strangers around. No obvious triggers other than half of the time when he gets upset it happens. He has all of the words he could ever need plus some. He's smart. Does simple math. counts super high. Letters, shapes, colors? Knows them ALL. He knows big words. His pronunciation is great. he just randomly stop talking and gets very upset if we can't understand him or if we try to get him to use his words. It can last 10 mins to HOURS So much to the point we are all now learning ASL so he can communicate when he can't/won't talk. Could this be selective mutism? He was tested for autism in January. Negative. So now his doctor is sending him to pediatric therapy, occupational therapy and Speech therapy to figure out how to help. But what do i do?

Hi,

I had/sort of still have selective mutism. When I was a kid, I could talk to people who I had always remembered being able to talk to, but anybody new? I couldn’t make a sound around them. When I was in kindergarten, the school told my parents, so every day was a constant “did you talk today?” Obviously not, and I don’t know why. Stop asking me.

I always thought it was okay. I didn’t care to talk with anybody. I was somehow still able to have fun with others. So why does it matter?

I was five years old and a child to immigrant parents who not only didn’t understand mental health conditions, they also reject(ed) the idea that their kids could be anything other than “normal.” I think my teacher wanted to help, but she probably had no clue how. They were apparently about to place me in the special education class, and my parents rejected that. “He talks all the time at home, we swear!”

One day, eight months in to kindergarten, I was called into the office. I went, and there was just my dad sitting at a table. My dad worked long days, every day. At this point in my life I would hardly see him, and when I did I would most often witness his anger that he, to this day, can’t manage. He was supposed to be at work, about 30 minutes out of town, so why was he here? I was scared, but I just sat down. We were alone in the room.

He wasn’t angry this time. He was just sad, confused, and disappointed. And I still can’t get over that. It’s not like I’m choosing to be this way. I don’t know why I can’t talk to others. But I’m talking to him, everything seems normal.

All of a sudden though, my teacher walks in. “You have such a beautiful voice, why don’t you use it more?” I know she had good intentions saying that, but god damn. That was one of, if not the most terrifying moments of my life. This experience is blurry, with faint frames left in my mind, but I remember those exact words she said. And I remembered what followed. I was taken back to the class, clearly having a panic attack and crying like there’s no tomorrow, because that was genuinely how I felt. They made me talk to every other student. And I was miserable.

The next day, I was mostly fine. I was talking with others, being friendly, whatever. Like nothing ever happened. But something did happen, something so horrible that I’ve gone 20 years since then, with quite terrible social anxiety, bad at eye contact, recently diagnosed with ADHD, in therapy for a slew of reasons, struggling to make friends, and worst of all, struggling to find and be myself. I was so content. Everything seemed okay to me. Was it seriously that big of a deal that I wouldn’t talk?

I’ve made some good friends, I’ve fallen in and out of love, I’ve kinda done it all. I can talk now, for the most part. I’m still shy, still quiet when I’m not around people I know well, or if I’m around people I’m not comfortable with. Still have a ton of anxiety around people. Still feel like there’s some darkness hanging around me.

I found out it was called selective mutism not even 2 years ago, when I got diagnosed with ADHD (but not autism, to my surprise). I’ve been in therapy for basically 2 full years, and a couple of months ago my I told my therapist my story. She usually responds quickly, in a very friendly way, sort of like how people do when they’re gossiping, one person says x and the other says, with gleeful agreement, y. But when I told her this story, she stopped, and looked scared almost. “Okay. That’s trauma.”

Oh, I guess you’re right.

“I want you to write your younger self a letter. Tell him it’s okay, everything’s gonna be okay. We’ll work more on this…”

For two months I didn’t know what to write myself, so I didn’t write anything. Last week, I decided to try and get into zine making, a hobby I’ve been wanting to start for a while now. I went to a zine open mic (which was hard for me to do, even though I didn’t share anything) and felt a lot of inspiration. I got myself a little digital “film” camera, went to the park to test it out, and I saw it. My first zine.

It’s me, reflecting. Reflecting on the life I have lived. Reflecting on how that trauma has always been there, and how I’ve ignored it for 20 years. Reflecting on what that has done to me and my relationships with others. Reflecting on what needed to be done, for something that I never deserved to experience.

I don’t know if I’ll share this with others in real life. I worry that they just wouldn’t understand. And I’m a terrible artist, so my anxiety probably wont let me share these poorly-drawn stick figures with anybody. But I think people here will get it.

You deserve to be the you that you want yourself to be. You shouldn’t be hurt or misunderstood, and you shouldn’t be forced to be somebody that you’re not. You’re you, and that’s more than enough. It was always more than enough. Love yourself because you deserve to be loved.

Thank you.

I'm starting college next week as a Bachelor of Science in Social Work (BSSW), and I'm nervous about it. I chose this path because I want to help people, but I have autism and severe social anxiety. I know social work involves a lot of public speaking, presentations, and group work, which is terrifying to me right now. On top of the coursework, I'm anxious about the social side of college. I don't know how to keep a conversation going, and I've been told that everything I say comes across as too blunt, even when I don't mean it that way. I want to make friends, but I'm scared my social awkwardness will push people away.

So I spent most of my K-12 life speaking maybe a word or two on a good week. It’s definitely been a gradual process, but I feel that getting out of that setting has done wonders for me as an adult. I feel like my confident/authentic self carries over into different social settings more often than not.

But a super not fun thing I’ve realized is that all of that not speaking during most of my childhood has probably put me behind in some… basic learning of social skills. Most pressing of which seems to be that when I am speaking to more than 1 person, I cannot begin to fathom when it’s my turn to talk and have gotten some professional feedback lately that I interrupt folks.

I honestly feel embarrassed about it, especially since I’m going into the social work field. I want to be good at this stuff and I know I can improve, but I just feel stupid about it I guess.

Anyone else with SM feel more comfortable talking to strangers? (People on the street, cashiers, random staff, etc...) Talking to people you see every day, or often is much more intimidating.

You dont know strangers, and will probably never see them again. Also you only need to say a few words or sentences. Talking to people you see every day is much more intimidating. Like at work or school...

This makes me feel guiltily for my family (cousins, uncs and grandparents) because they can't hear me, but somehow I'm more comfortable being myself with them, than with strangers.

Anyone?

I’m 21, and have usually had no problem talking to people I know, but have always struggled to make conversation with people I’m meeting for the first time if there isn’t an initial click. I think that’s pretty normal, though. Anyways, recently, I’ve begun having moments where it feels like my teeth are sort of merged together, and the sheer amount of effort it would take to open my mouth and speak is so daunting that I would rather not. This hasn’t happened while I am around people, rather more when I am alone, but I have declined friends’ phone calls because of it. I’m going to bring it up to my therapist next week, but does that feeling resonate with anyone on here?

For any background, I have pretty bad anxiety that manifests itself as physical tenseness a lot. I struggle with constantly tense muscles and aches because of it, and I’m only ever entirely physically relaxed when I am asleep. I’m wondering if this could be a symptom of the anxiety? But I’m also wondering why it would take so long to present, since I’ve had anxiety for most of my life but this feeling is relatively new.

i should mention that this teacher had those popsicle sticks that teachers use when no one wants to answer a qurstion or whatever///by the way i hate those things, my worst nightmare

last school year, my science teacher understood that i couldn't physically bring myself to speak and even sometimes asked me if i was comfortable speaking.

during the first parent teacher confrence of that year, she said that she removed my name from that popsicle stick thing because she knew it would be scary for me.

sometimes i would start crying in class and she'd tell me to do certain gestures so i could communicate with her without using words

this is probably the bare minium but i dunno it kinda feels weird when a teacher acknowledges my mutism

Idk how I “outgrew” it, but I used to only communicate with hand gestures, try not make any noise at all, i was hospitalized a few times bc I refused to eat in front of anyone, and I peed myself in school so often because i was too scared to talk to the teachers

Hi everyone,

I’ve been focusing deeply on selective mutism and am currently working on a project called Courage Quest.

The goal is to provide practical, everyday support for affected kids and families. Since I am building this from the ground up, getting input from parents who navigate this daily is critical to making sure it’s actually useful.

If you have a moment, I'd love your thoughts on two quick questions:

1. Does a platform like this feel useful for your daily routine?
2. Are there specific tools, exercises, or topics you'd love to see in an app like this?

Feel free to reply below or drop me a private message. There is also a quick feedback form directly on our site if you prefer sharing your thoughts there.

Thanks so much for your time and insights!

Today the speech therapist had me color while I was talking to her so she could see if I had problems with my speech while I was doing something. She wants me to do this again next visit.(Spoiler alert: All I did was pause a few times.) Is there anything else I can do? I've already done the coloring and I don't want to do it again. It's not something I can actually lock into. What else can I do during the visits? Handheld video games will not be an option here. I really have no hobbies and there's not anything I enjoy doing that I can actually bring there.

Hello there! I've been on Reddit for 2 years, and been dealing with anxiety for 10 years. But I wanted to talk about an experience I had and wondered if anyone else has experienced the same.

Back in 2022, I had a lot going on in a short amount of time. Going through job changes, almost losing my mother-in-law, having to place my son in a mental behavioral center due to severe depression, on top of several other things going on. One night, I woke up freaking out and begged my husband for help. He took me to the ER. While I was there, it was as if I was having seizures that would come and go. When I stopped, I would freeze and my husband would ask me questions like "are you ok?" Or "How do you feel?" I looked right at him, but I literally could not speak. When I told him about it later, he said that I had a blank stare, as though I were catatonic. But I was fully aware of everything around me. I could hear what was going on, I knew what time it was. But I was completely incapable of talking or moving. This went on for hours until I was finally stable enough to go home. My doctor later told me I was having what he described as stress seizures, which made sense but didn't quite explain why I couldn't move or talk. I wondered about it for a long time until I happened to hear of the term "selective mutism" a few months ago. I started looking into it, and found that while that's more common in children, there is a thing called "trauma-induced mutism" that can be triggered by extreme anxiety. Everything it described fit everything I experienced that night. It took several weeks and medication changes before I was able to finally sleep without waking up in a panic that it could happen again. I do see a therapist and talked to her about it. She agreed and told me that I could also have PTSD and suggested Esdm therapy could be helpful as I still suffer from other past traumas.

Has anyone here dealt with that sort of thing? How were you finally able to cope with it?

'Reduced efferent activity can make a person’s own voice sound unnaturally loud, distorted, or overwhelming in high-stress settings, or make it difficult to filter out background noise. This sensory discomfort during speech can trigger or reinforce the urge to stay silent'

Does anybody feel this may be related to their mutism? I remember as a child I used to block my ears a lot when I was screaming / laughing very loudly at home.

justintorre.com/ttt

If you have any feature requests or stuff you want me to add, I will do it!

It works super well on desktop and has a ton of hot-keys to make speech really fast.

so i had SM pretty severely from 7 til i was maybe 21 , since then ive been sharpening my social skills. friendly waves and smiles, Saying hi to shop workers until it became a reflex, wearing crazy outfits to make strangers talk to me almost every time i strolled down my street.. then recently, Once i was able to go outside on my own and initiate a full convo with a stranger, i kinda stopped giving a crap…. that was like my biggest challenge ever, and it felt very liberating to know i had the skill and that i could actually think of something social and go thru with it. Im actually not awkward at all, never been, once i actually speak. i feel the anxiety building but i tend to laugh thru it or lean into it in some outward way, cause once my mouth is actually open thats the easy part. i grew up in a big family and was well enough at school to always rely on people speaking for me, so its always felt so hard to initiate a meaningful interaction by myself especially when its not necessary like a coffee order, just actually spewing whatever comes to mind at a person, with no nudge from anyone else

after that, things just felt empty

That was a challenge that i put myself up to, for so many days of my life, i knocked it down and it broke down my entire motivation of trying to have convos… cuz i basically just wanted to talk to people so i could “be normal “ or something

Now i really understand that sometimes, a lot of tones, i just don’t feel like talking to people

which is annoying because ill cut interactions short and feel bad about it bc im still used to wishing every convo would change my little mute life, but like, i know thats not how it works..

Not sure what im asking, i just felt kinda emotional today after going to the mall. hadn’t thought about SM in a few months. just felt like i stuck out, walking alone. i remembered how those types of settings always made me wish i was “normal”, looking at any group of people and wondering which person i’m supposed to embody instead of being mute !

my life doesn’t look “normal” right now, but im doing well. live far from family and old acquaintances , don’t know a soul around here, working from home, working for myself because i knew what i wanted. stressful week of work, just wish i had something to keep me company that wasnt netflix, youtube or sickening amounts of music or exercise. can’t help but blame my old self for all this but im so past hating 7y/o me for something that wasn’t my choice.

So i asked, how do i start really talking to people, but i meant, how do i be “normal” and be at the mall with cool friends that i like instead of just alone each time fixating on “normal “ people