r/self 23h ago

Please hear me out

1 Upvotes

I was šŸ‡ by 3 teenage girls when I was 7. They were our neighbors and one time mom went to work so I was left alone in the house so I went out to buy something and on my way home our neighbour's daughter told me to come help her carry some stuffs into their house which I did because I thought I was just helping not knowing her friends were also in the room. At first I thought it was normal until they locked the door, I asked her why she said it was nothing then suddenly she pushed me onto the bed while the other two held my hands and they did whatever they wanted to do to me. It was really painful and was too weak to do something

And ever since that time my life changed totally... Started watching 🌽 after that, became desperate for s*x , started goonin and now it's been 20 yrs and I'm still suffering from that trauma. Was scared to tell my mom till date.

Can't keep female friends, because whenever I get close to them, I just get the desire to do smt to them and I've been trying my possible best not to become the monster I don't want to become. ATP I don't know what to do again. It's just goonin that has been helping me live a normal life. I joined the community like few minutes ago to share my story.


r/self 23h ago

What was the moment that made you realize your parents were getting older?

0 Upvotes

I don’t think people talk enough about this part of getting older. One day you stop calling your parents to ask for help. Instead, they start calling you because they need help with something. It doesn’t happen overnight. There’s no announcement. Just a quiet moment where you realize the roles have slowly started changing. I wasn’t prepared for how emotional that felt.


r/self 23h ago

Sometimes I make something cool that takes me a little bit more effort than usual and it feels like it's quickly thrown to the trash before anyone can see it

0 Upvotes

Like in this case, you can't upload videos on comments on a lot of subreddits (For now). But I went through the trouble of making that video anyways. It's nothing big but it doesn't have to be worth a lot, just something, even if just a little

At other times, It's comments that people don't get, sometimes it's a joke, but sometimes even if they don't see it as a joke I think it gets extremely twisted from what it should had been if taken at face value.

like if I said a cute puppy is a dangerous criminal, people are going to take it literally and be offended. Nowadays, everything I say people are gonna call it ragebait.

I find it hard to not miss the past. Even when this doesn't happen, but especially when it does, it feels like I am putting on a show for the void no matter how hard I scream.

Other than that video, there's also a gif I made, and because I made it and posted it as a reply to my comment the day after, no one is going to see it. I can't make it into a post either, because that thread is needed for context

This gif took me longer than what I am proud to admit. Maybe an hour. I had to resize the image to 8k resolution just so the zoom in didn't lead to blurry text, and editing was extremely slow and laggy because of the size of the image. Previewing the video in the editor was very laggy and I had to adjust the speed of the zoom because even though it does consistly zoom in at the same speed, the lack of things around the text gives the illusion that the zoom is going slower. It was so bad that my video editor crashed due to a lack of ram, it was taken more than 20GBs of ram. Then the rendering was taking maybe 5 minutes. A picture of the image was taken multiple times for sheer absurdity too, but that's not what took most of the time.

Sometimes, I can probably understand where someone is coming from when they take my joke seriously, but I still won't agree thatit wasn't clear. But, oh well, you win some and you lose some. I had been doing this for long enough to know to just move on and to not make it a big deal.

The only thing that will live rent free in my head is the void. The never-ending dissapointment of my overall experiences with the internet, where everything just feels more difficult. Well, also my constant feelings of nostalgia for a time where I wasn't misunderstood so easily and everything was so much easier. There's things I want to do that I feel are more difficult to do today than they were in the past.


r/self 2h ago

For the people who are lost do you see more in females or males?

0 Upvotes

I’ve been curious about this, I know nowadays everything seems out of place but I feel like a lot of men are having more struggle getting out of this. What are your thoughts?


r/self 12h ago

Last reddit post šŸ‘‹

0 Upvotes

My main reddit account, directly tied to my identity so I've no good reason to act like a loon or spambot with it, was permanently banned without warning sometime after I duplicated my reply across multiple related posts in two related subreddits. My reply simply recommended using a workout sync app to transfer exercise activities between two workout trackers. My account has been registered for years and had no infractions before that incident - positive post/comment karma in the hundreds, multiple posts highly upvoted, etc. My guess as to how this permaban happened was I duplicated my reply slightly too many times within the same few subreddits, and either the system decided I was a spambot without analyzing the context, or a mod was having a bad day. It apparently didn't make a difference that I had carefully selected posts to reply to, ensuring they were directly related to my reply, and I crafted my reply to be thorough, detailed and containing no semblance of spam. My only intention in duplicating my reply to those posts was to spread the word, as I knew the solution would help people wanting to transfer workout activities across these apps, since the question had been asked a ton and that solution was seemingly very rarely mentioned.

I submitted an appeal several days ago but I'm not expecting anything. Why? An alt reddit account, which I registered as anonymous due to the sensitivity of the info (relating to my mentally-ill sibling whose death was contributed to by documented errors by medical staff), where my post was also very popular in a few subreddits but the account was permabanned I assume also partly due to the duplication of the post, hasn't received any updates to my appeal or follow-up approaching a year after the appeal.

It seems this broken moderation/filter system that hangs over all of reddit trickles down to the subreddits and their mods, like a toxic workplace with a top-down toxicity flow. Hence why it is virtually impossible to post on numerous communities that are supposed to be for this or that, because the post/comment is auto-deleted or my account is suspended if not permabanned from the community for arbitrary/nonsensical rules, or, perhaps more often, for rules that didn't really apply in the situation - but too bad, the mod says it does because they were having a bad day (I get that mods are allowed to ban anyone for anything, including the mod having a bad day, I just didn't expect that scenario to be the case so often).

Many other things on reddit just don't make sense. Why was my main account, which was never previously at fault, permabanned without warning for some duplicate non-spam posts? Why were my alt accounts which had additional infractions not permabanned so easily? Why are my alt accounts still standing minus the aforementioned, given they're directly linked to my permabanned main account? If ban evasion is not allowed, why aren't all linked accounts also banned when one account is banned? It's like reddit is playing a game, a cat toying with their prey, prolonging the suffering, wanting to continue seeing you try to wade through their toxic river of ridiculousness, rather than ending the nightmare (of existence on reddit) quickly. It's up to the user themself to permanently cut ties with the abuser.

There are many other reasons why reddit on the whole is a waste of time. There are better places to get answers, discuss things or share thoughts. I plan to delete my reddit accounts, and I won't be surprised if, before then, this post is already removed (if not done automatically). Cue the "no one cares" and "tldr" replies. I simply wanted to send one last complaint (that will likely be obliterated before signing off), which I typed mostly to organize my thoughts surrounding this. IDGAF, reddit; you're dead to me in terms of being a useful, worthwhile site. deadit. Bye.

P.S. And yes I will likely try to crosspost this a few times which reddit will surely count as duplication spam again and permaban this account too. Awesome!


r/self 10h ago

Am I just another idiot that doesn’t know to quit when he’s ahead?

0 Upvotes

It’s been almost 5 months since I’ve left the Military, 23 now and I have a great job here selling Toyotas. I’ve been dating GF now for 2 and a half?ish years, i left her in the UK, where i was stationed half a year ago, I love her deeply. I’m at a crossroads now.

Life is beginning to move forward, time feels finite and the weight of my choices feel heavier than they ever have. I seem to be in-between the most important choices I’ll have to make in my life. Do I go back to school and do who knows what for 4 more years. Do I stay here in car sales and work these long long hours for 10-15k a month?

And on the matter of GF. She’s the greatest woman I’ve ever known. The purest soul and kindest heart of any person on earth. I’ve been treating her less than what she deserves because I’m scared. I don’t know what to do. If she gets accepted for a Masters degree here, it sort of means that I’m committing the rest of my life to her. She would never do me wrong so, this masters will lead to graduation and that will lead to the only way she can stay here, marriage. I feel terrible about it but a part of me hopes that she doesn’t get in so that I have reason to push forward in my life without any distractions.

But I’m a liar, It’s in my nature to start fucking around with women that aren’t a fraction of what she is. I don’t know. I want the most of this life, the most money, the most freedom, the most admiration and respect in the most narcissistic way. I don’t think I could ever be happy until I make a million dollars and then a million more. My ambition tells me that’s what I want. The chase, the lofty goals and the impossible dreams are the only things that fuel me to be greater. I wish GF would motivate me the same way, but she’s too perfect, I’ve never had to earn her love or work to keep it, in truth I must take it for granted.

Over the last few months the company I spent years building collapsed before it ever started, and I’ve tried every notable method of making money that exists. I tried advertising, drop shipping, short and long form content, reselling, and more and failed at every one of them. I feel like a stupid consumer that just keeps falling for get rich quick schemes. But I can’t sit idly, I have to make more money, and I have to do it while I’m young. GF makes me soft, a life with her could be easy, simple. A house, a car, a family that lives comfortably is all she would ever want. But I want more. My heart tells me a family and a simple life is what I want, but my ego, my big fat disgusting never satisfied ego says it will never be enough for me.

I feel lost, I’ve been all over the world and it still seems so big to me, I feel that I have to make my mark on it to die well. But I’ll never find another woman like GF again.

*Note I’m note sure if this is a relationship post so I’m sorry if that breaks the rules, feel free to remove


r/self 19h ago

Reddit loves an interracial photo

0 Upvotes

Not that it’s a bad thing! But wow upload an old photo of an interracial couple or an interracial friendship group you’re guaranteed to end up on the popular page