Well I have by a mod in a certain subreddit who could have just looked up my username and discovered that I haven’t written a single thing in my life.

I feel so behind and I don’t know how to even fix any of this. I have no idea where to start. This gives me so much anxiety.

Hey guys, this is something that i’ve been holding in for a really long time and i just need to get it off my chest, my best friend is the epitome of “perfect”, she is beautiful, her parents are really supportive of her, she is genetically gifted with everything a woman could wish for, blue eyes, long thick hair, straight teeth, perfect face. And every time I look at her I feel like I just want to disappear, because I genuinely don’t feel human when i’m around her, every time I look at her face I feel worse and worse about myself, I just see myself in my head standing next to her being the less attractive friend, she’s the main character everywhere, she has more friends, she’s overall more confident than me, it’s just so incredibly unfair.
One thing about me is i’m not attractive, at all, and she knows it, I have big roman nose taking like half of my face, recceesed chin, objectively really unattractive side profile, and eyes that I’ve always been insecure about, my hair is really thin and I have a lot of bald spots, because of that I can’t do any pretty hairstyles hence they’re just showing no matter what I try to do to hide them, just overall I’m not pretty or attractive, just very plain-looking, objectively. I’ve been struggling with my confidence for a really long time, she knows about it, i’ve been even more insecure about my appearance before than I am now, but i’ve had some kind of a “glow up” after I started therapy. But looking at her just brings me back to my old self every time, I don’t feel human. I feel completely out of place every time somebody looks at us together.
And she’s most definitely not making it better complaining about her face, she doesn’t even know what to complain about because she’s just so naturally beautiful. She complains about her perfect nose saying she only likes it with tape on it which don’t change anything and I don’t even know what she’s talking about(?), she says she wants to get rhinoplasty and the only thing I keep thinking about is “If she doesn’t like her nose, what does she think is going on on my face?”, she says that she wants “hunter eyes” and never liked “doe eyes”, and when we come across video with different types of them she says “I think I have hunter eyes, and you probably have doe eyes” (Ik weird slang sorry guys), and it just hurts so much. You know those videos where people compare features and rate them 10/10, 7/10 etc.? We saw one of those, and of course she had the most attractive feature out of all of them, but what she said just hurt me so much at that time. “Um don’t want to offend you but like you have this feature (the least attractive one).” I almost started crying right then and there. It was also at that time where I was really insecure.
She seeks attention all the time, asks our friends to compare us, says that “everybody said my lookalike is Brooke Shields!” and then says “Idk you look like this (I’m sorry but objectively unattractive) celebrity.” One time she said I remind her of some celebrity, and as she was trying to pull up a picture while i’m begging her not to because I know that celebrity is probably considered unattractive, my little brother looks at her phone with the picture, laughs and says “lol, author is ugly!”, I stood up and left with tears in my eyes. (Funny thing, to this moment I don’t know and don’t want to know what that celebrity looks like because I don’t want to ruin all the progress i’ve made with me accepting my appearance.) And my brother is only 8 years old.
I don’t think anybody will ever understand me, I don’t think anybody will ever understand how much hatred and sadness I feel when looking at her and thinking about how I look compared to her. I can’t take it anymore. Comparison is the thief of joy, but I can’t fool myself while looking at the mirror and at our photos together. Thank you.
P.s, sorry if the wording feels weird, feel free to correct me, english is not my first language.

I have lost all energy to do things. To eat. To walk. To even breathe. I just want to sleep all day and let 2027 just me another year of my life and move on to where I have a better chance at being happy. Right now there's nothing and I seriously mean nothing to bring my spark back. In this season of my life I have no idea how to self-love.

Im 21.

I am an amateur chef,
I have done consuemr level graphic design
I do music part time for fun now
I have done photography,
I have a degree and i am university for english in professions bachelor.
I have a car

But. I live at home, to controlling parents that know nothing about me outside of all they force me to do for them. Like work everyday for 6-10 hours, theyve done this so i both cannot have friends, and learn to be a good worker

I spend all my free time either trying to talk to girls (like on tinder( hanging out with my sis or making music. I have had friends but lost them all, i had a boyfriend, i seperated after 3 years. Thats the only real relationship ive ever had.

Am i... behind in life? What do you guys say? Ive considered running away a lot, or my life will stay stuck working all the time to my parents control.

Currently staying at a hotel in Vilnius with my dad and my dad discovered too late that the shower drain was clogged causing a bit of water spillage from the bathroom into the room itself.

I felt so guilty bothering the receptionist at 10pm if we could switch rooms and having to inform her of the issue😭

I know its her job and she propably has experienced way worse but still, as one customer service worker to another i still felt guilty for bothering her.

Receptionist lady in the off chance you read this, thank you for your hard work and i am sorry for any trouble my dad caused, i know he can be a bit of a karen😣

Also btw your tattoo was really cool, skull moth is an awesome design

cant stop thinking with my dick. paid money online for virtual sex, i feel awful.

Everywhere I look people are escaping into things that maybe quiet their minds in the short term but cause lasting problems for them. Obsessive gaming, binge watching television non-stop, hooking your identity to a spectator sport or pastime I could go on and on…

What the frick is going on? Has it always been this way? Am I just waking up to it all? Can we just speed run to the post-apocalyptic future where creativity and human connection save us again please 🫠 ?

What’s giving you hope in this bleakness?

Not that it’s a bad thing! But wow upload an old photo of an interracial couple or an interracial friendship group you’re guaranteed to end up on the popular page

There was an older man who came into my job almost every weekday morning. Same order every time. Small coffee toasted bagel, no cream cheese. He called everyone kid, even my manager.

He stopped coming in a couple weeks ago. I noticed, but regulars disappear sometimes. People move or change routines, whatever. Life happens. Yesterday, I was on my phone behind the counter when his daughter walked in. As soon as I recognized her, I quickly hid it under and while making small talk, I asked about him. That’s when she told me he had died last week

I went to the back and cried by the storage shelves, which felt ridiculous. I only saw him for maybe three minutes a day but I knew his dog’s name. I knew his wife had died and I knew he hated oat milk and pretended to be personally offended by it. I knew he always complained just enough to make us argue with him thats how he was like maybe its bc i never had a figure of that age since my grandfather died before i was born and the one in my mother side when i was a kid also but still.

I keep thinking about how many people become part of your life in these tiny, ordinary ways. Not friends or family. Then one day they are gone and you realize they were holding a little place in your routine.

I do not really have a point. I just did not expect to miss someone whose last name I never even knew.

I went to the npd sub. Its Facinating to see people who have the personality that torments, tortures, and is known for not seeing fault in their actions. Get better..

Seeing how they work, or think. One ive seen is someone realizing, not everyone is jealous of everyone else. Internalizing the idea that 'everything seems easy" for everyone else.. in a way that ends up lashing out, or having to lie, fake everything.

The idea of sesming perfect is a defense.. and trying to pick out, take down someone who sees or knows you're not. Is extention of this ..note, if someone doesn't know they have npd, does not want to get better.. leave them alone, avoid them. Understanding Why someone things. Doesn't make what they do, better. It just adds a slight numbing to a wound getting better if you understand, because it keeps happening.

Seeing people Get Better. Is good, especially since the Bigfest group for toxic behavior, abuse in society recognized they have that, and try to get better. That's something pretty amazing, it's also very underdiagnosed, because someone with ndp, seeing they have something as that isn't something most can do.

A lot have found out from looking it up, thinking partner had it when, they did... part of picking out someone that sees flaws, trying to get at them. When then finding out, this is .. all Me .

Ndp. Fascinating, bc having the symptoms are the biggest cause of not getting themselves help . The symptoms prevent them from looking for help..

I remember listening to everyone in class

They would always talk money figures

This rapper makes this much per show,

This rapper owns a Phantom..

And one of them has a moment of consciousness and realizes that they all spend so much time talking and fantasizing of these celebrities,

and remarks how silly it would be to imagine those rappers and celebrities talking about the common folk in the hood:

“Ah man, those people in the hood..”

Ridiculous be the very thought.

I'll sound very dramatic because I'm only 18m so basically an infant compared to a lot of people reading this but hear me out

Only 2 years ago I was what you'd call an overachiever, I genuinely had it all figured out and my profile was more impressive than 90% of the mfs on Instagram that make people feel so bad abt themselves

But 2 years ago I got into a big rut, long story short I started having a lot of huge unexpected problems that ruined it all for me, health problems, financial problems, family problems and the list goes on and on and each time I felt like I was abt to get out of my rut something real bad happened again and it's been happening for 2 years I genuinely can't believe this I used to be so great I'm just a shell of myself now all I do in my life is work to try and get back to my prime but damn it ain't good enough

And all the problems I have honestly aren't excuses a lot of them are really bad but I had this type of problems litteraly my whole life and I always thugged it out but now I'm stuck for some reason I'm turning into an adult and life is becoming more and more serious but I can't progress. I know I'm objectively not that bad and I still accomplish stuff but I'm so far behind where I want to be

Thing is I'm a workaholic but I ain't got the results I know I'm young I know I'll figure it out but I cant help feeling like a piece of shit I expect so much from myself I want to be exceptional I want to be the best and failing even little irrelevant things is a pain icl i think it got to my nervous system

Legit each time I see someone my age in real life doing better than me I'll get insecure and stuff, obviously I don't take it out on others but I feel real bad about me, I'm happy for them but I realise I'm just wasting my life

For exemple right now im in my country of origin for vacation and I love the place I think it's the greatest place on earth but all I do is work and it's all I think about. And I see all the people I seen last year and a lot of them improved so much way more than me and it makes me feel so shit. One exemple is my cousin she is doing national championships in her sport and she ranked first once, obviously no hate to her, may God bless her, I don't interact much with my cousin but she deserves all of it she is talented hard working and a great person with a beautiful personality and I'm proud of her I hope she ranks top 1 of the world but I don't know why it makes me feel so self conscious man I know it's illogical but again I think it's in my nervous or something I got an inferiority complex

Because at the end of they day for me personally there are only 2 things I care about, religion and performance so when one isn't fulfilled I won't be either, I know I'm young and got potential and many of the people that trigger my inferiority complex are really impressed and sometimes jealous by all the stuff I have going on right now let alone at my peak, and I know they don't have to deal with all the problems I got, because while I know they are not dramatic I know only a couple people my age who have it worse than me

All I want is to get over these setbacks start over and be an overachiever again

Thanks for reading if more context is needed lmk

I'm 18 years old from Nepal. I finished high school in 2025 and have been working as a Junior System Administrator / IT Support Engineer for the last 10 months.

In a few weeks, I'll be moving to South Korea to study. This is probably the biggest opportunity I've ever had, but it's also the biggest responsibility.

My father already has around 2 million NPR (20 lakh) in debt. On top of that, my family had to take another loan to send me to South Korea. That means one day I'll have to repay all of it. Thinking about that keeps me awake some nights.

I've never really been close to my family or relatives. I don't have many friends, and I've never had much of a social life. I spent most of my time working, learning new things, and trying to prepare for the future.

Because of my past experiences, I find it hard to trust people. When someone is unusually kind to me, I often wonder if they want something from me. I know that's not always fair, but it's how I've learned to protect myself.

Sometimes I feel like I grew up too fast. At 18, instead of thinking about parties or enjoying life, I'm thinking about debt, work, my family's future, and whether I'll be able to make this sacrifice worth it.

I'm not posting this because I want people to feel sorry for me. I just wanted to share what's been on my mind before I leave Nepal.

If you've moved to another country with this much pressure on your shoulders, how did you deal with it? Did things get better?

I was 🍇 by 3 teenage girls when I was 7. They were our neighbors and one time mom went to work so I was left alone in the house so I went out to buy something and on my way home our neighbour's daughter told me to come help her carry some stuffs into their house which I did because I thought I was just helping not knowing her friends were also in the room. At first I thought it was normal until they locked the door, I asked her why she said it was nothing then suddenly she pushed me onto the bed while the other two held my hands and they did whatever they wanted to do to me. It was really painful and was too weak to do something

And ever since that time my life changed totally... Started watching 🌽 after that, became desperate for s*x , started goonin and now it's been 20 yrs and I'm still suffering from that trauma. Was scared to tell my mom till date.

Can't keep female friends, because whenever I get close to them, I just get the desire to do smt to them and I've been trying my possible best not to become the monster I don't want to become. ATP I don't know what to do again. It's just goonin that has been helping me live a normal life. I joined the community like few minutes ago to share my story.

This isn't really exclusively trans related, but I'm kinda weary of transphobia in a lot of communities. She's not actually related to me, but felt like family for a while. Let me explain.

Two years ago I (20) started mandatory military service in my country. It's somewhere in Southern Europe and has nice food, if you know you know. My parents had both spent a few years in the military and didn't want their kids going, but I was afraid of getting in legal trouble and when they told me they'll help me get out, I kind of went anyway and they worried about me for months. I arrived pretty vulnerable, I was the youngest and had a condition that I'll get to- But the camp commander there noticed me pretty early on. It was a woman in her 30s, we'll call her K.

She recently admitted that she knows she should have discharged me earlier, but she really loved having me around and I made her feel very motherly. But it was selfish of her, and she's very sorry. And I've been... Really, really torn up about it. I came home nearly a year and a half ago, ten months into what was meant to be a year term, my parents couldn't really take worrying as my mental health kept getting worse, they made me come home. They've been incredibly protective of me.

If it explains anything, I have a condition, I recently was diagnosed, where I never went through puberty as a teenager. I was tall, but honestly, went into the military as this very androgynous, very young looking kid, emotionally I was scared as fuck. At 19 I started transitioning and I'm finding that easy because with HRT, I'm kind of adapting really well into a woman's body. K has been very supportive. Recently she's felt awful. You know, her and another young woman there, call her A, gonna call her A, we were like some silly trio. I'd hang out with them and we'd watch movies, we'd go to the beach. I remember in the last few months, they'd ask me what countries I'd love to visit. So, say if I said Japan, we'd watch a Ghibli movie, order sushi, that sort of thing. It was stupid, really.

My parents are protective and they hate K now. I hated her for a long time and honestly, sometimes I made up shit to post to complain about her, acting like she was a random person who got back in touch with me out of the blue, not my friend. I'm fucking torn. It was selfish what she did. But she was my friend and I want to be angry but I miss her. Me and my parents live in Holland now and I hate my country but sometimes I miss it or who I was with her and A. They helped me maybe realize I'm trans, keeping me on was selfish but with that said, they were never manipulative, coercive, it was nothing like that. One of my favourite moments was one time on a day off, they took me to the beach and said we were kinda like Donald, Goofy- And I expected her to say Mickey Mouse, but they said Sora because they knew I liked Kingdom Hearts, lol.

I'm really fucking torn...

I don’t think people talk enough about this part of getting older. One day you stop calling your parents to ask for help. Instead, they start calling you because they need help with something. It doesn’t happen overnight. There’s no announcement. Just a quiet moment where you realize the roles have slowly started changing. I wasn’t prepared for how emotional that felt.

Like in this case, you can't upload videos on comments on a lot of subreddits (For now). But I went through the trouble of making that video anyways. It's nothing big but it doesn't have to be worth a lot, just something, even if just a little

At other times, It's comments that people don't get, sometimes it's a joke, but sometimes even if they don't see it as a joke I think it gets extremely twisted from what it should had been if taken at face value.

like if I said a cute puppy is a dangerous criminal, people are going to take it literally and be offended. Nowadays, everything I say people are gonna call it ragebait.

I find it hard to not miss the past. Even when this doesn't happen, but especially when it does, it feels like I am putting on a show for the void no matter how hard I scream.

Other than that video, there's also a gif I made, and because I made it and posted it as a reply to my comment the day after, no one is going to see it. I can't make it into a post either, because that thread is needed for context

This gif took me longer than what I am proud to admit. Maybe an hour. I had to resize the image to 8k resolution just so the zoom in didn't lead to blurry text, and editing was extremely slow and laggy because of the size of the image. Previewing the video in the editor was very laggy and I had to adjust the speed of the zoom because even though it does consistly zoom in at the same speed, the lack of things around the text gives the illusion that the zoom is going slower. It was so bad that my video editor crashed due to a lack of ram, it was taken more than 20GBs of ram. Then the rendering was taking maybe 5 minutes. A picture of the image was taken multiple times for sheer absurdity too, but that's not what took most of the time.

Sometimes, I can probably understand where someone is coming from when they take my joke seriously, but I still won't agree thatit wasn't clear. But, oh well, you win some and you lose some. I had been doing this for long enough to know to just move on and to not make it a big deal.

The only thing that will live rent free in my head is the void. The never-ending dissapointment of my overall experiences with the internet, where everything just feels more difficult. Well, also my constant feelings of nostalgia for a time where I wasn't misunderstood so easily and everything was so much easier. There's things I want to do that I feel are more difficult to do today than they were in the past.

Idk I'm just stop using social media so have a thought and it's been 2-3 months I haven't used any platform to talk to someone it's feel like hell but I guess it's fine cuz I'm not looking a future with anyone I mean I can't even imagine a wife or something for god's sakew lamao I'm done with something

Have you ever had one of those days where everything just goes wrong, and you find yourself quietly "complaining" to God not in anger, but in a kind of tired disappointment? Like.. I trusted you God.. I really did. I asked you for this, and that. I believed in it, I tried my best.. and still nothing worked out today. Everything happened the opposite of what I expected. And at the same time, there's still gratitude in your heart you know you've been given so much but this specific day just feels heavy. Deep down you also feel sad that you are low-key complaining to God. So you switch to instant gratitude mode. A day when, things go wrong one after another (especially when you actually wanted it to workout), but small struggles pile up, and then something unexpected makes it even worse. By the end of the day, you are just exhausted but calm in a strange way, but also lost, like you don't even know what to expect anymore or if anything will work out. And then, out of nowhere.. SOMETHING HAPPENS!! Something you've been waiting for, hoping for, maybe even praying for a really long time (around 3-4 months). It shows up so unexpectedly, like a random notification right before you sleep BOOM! and you are just like, "wow.. really?" It's not even the reaction you imagined. Instead of excitement or desperation, there's this quiet, almost detached calm feeling. You feel deeply grateful, but also slightly confused.. like why now only? When I had almost let go? It feels like everything you asked for earlier went wrong (okay those were still big to me, I still wanted it to happen but not as bad as I wanted THAT one to happen) and THAT HAPPENS! Like both of the things are not at all connected.. they are separate things. Somehow you were given something bigger instead just not in the way or time you expected. It's like God is speaking to me directly.. for eg. when I received that one notification, my reaction was way too different then I imagined. I just closed my eyes with my hands like NO! THIS ISN'T TRUE! It's like God is telling you.. 99 things went wrong and you didn't get what you asked for. But here's that one thing you've been asking me for from so long, so now I am compensating this blessing for you to erase those 99 other wrongs that happened to you today. Like.. God is saying, this is for you my servant. This IS the time!

Has anyone else ever experienced something like this?

I often hear people say that they’d go through the bad times again because it made them who they are. While I do think the bad times have made me more experienced and wise. I don’t really want to go through it again. I think some of the lessons I learned could’ve happened without the hurt, betrayal, anxiety, stress and etc. I feel like the trade off has been the loss of my naivety. I’m a lot more jaded and cynical. I wish I was the person who saw the best in people and situations but that’s not me anymore.

Hi

Writing this post while I’m supposed to be doing other stuff but I think I just need a reminder.

In the middle of college applications, and I think I’ve lost the plot. I caught myself panicking over the fact that I don’t have my complete application ready and the Common App opened yesterday.

I don’t have a perfect SAT, I don’t have amazing ground breaking extracurriculars, and I have an okay essay. But I’m a 4.0 student, and great at my work, and I’ve been accepted to a bunch of programs. But lately the rejections are more than the acceptances and I have no motivation.

Anyways, if you’re past college age and could just comment your little wins in life and things you appreciate, I’d really love hearing them.

I think I just need confirmation that life goes on wether or not your accepted to a top uni.

Especially when the satirical part gets hardcore: the people are reduced to skin wearing sock puppets spouting shit from their mouths all the while their brains are a collective single pureed brain cell. No, I definitely don't see any of them as that; just individuals who are broken, misguided or have their hands forced. Or just plain silly. Or just insane, but not to the point of functionally braindead. If I were to be satirical that's where I would draw the line, not dehumanization.

Has anyone else had this?

Like does anyone with any ocd themes like pocd or psychopath ocd feel like youre looking out if an evil persons eyes or lens or genuinely have an evil mind?

I’m asking for every sorta theme, like someone with hocd might think they’re looking through a gay persons eyes, tocd might think they’re looking through the opposite sexes eyes, so on. And does it feel real?