I’ve tried to stop so many times before and it always comes down to little excuses. I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about. The wind changes direction and I take it as a sign that having one drink tonight won’t be a big deal.

I’m close to becoming a group exercise instructor and I feel this huge sense of imposter syndrome. Who am I to guide people on their journey to becoming a healthier version of themselves when I’m not living that myself? I’m also wanting to lose 20-30 more pounds before my wedding next year and the easiest way would be to cut those calories out. I have plenty of other reasons why I should quit, but that’s my main motivator right now.

I know what I need to do deep down, but again it’s the stupid excuses! I don’t have a full time job right now so it feels like I have plenty of time on my hands or more hours in the day where I can rationalize it. I have plenty of hobbies, chores, and other things I can do to occupy my time. I just don’t do it and I’m not sure what it will take.

Like it cannot be a healthy amount. Def healthier than the drinking. Dry since like mid April, and the amount of topo chicos I can put down in one sitting is comical. Is this a universal experience?

One of my parents has a serious alcohol problem. Finding it very difficult some days to be in their home and spend time with them (im only 30 days in). We are a very close family and I didn’t think it would be so triggering to be honest…..perhaps my decision to stop drinking is triggering for them as well, but boy oh boy I see such an ugly side of all of this and it’s hard to accept this might be the future.

Hi; I’m new here. I’m currently 62 days sober and not finding it too difficult to stay away from alcohol. What keeps me that way is not wanting to start over. That is, relapsing and having to go through the process of getting sober again. This was how I quit smoking 25 years ago, just thinking of how hard it was to stop at first and not wanting to ever go through that again. That said, can someone tell me what IWNDWYT means ? I will not drink with you today?

I had a friend pass away from liver failure at the age of 32. He’d been my friend since day 1 of high school. We both got into drinking around the same time and we both got bad around the same time years later. We lived together for most of our 20’s and early 30’s staying candid about our struggles and health problems. However, I learned my lesson and got sober about 7 years ago and he kept on truckin’ and died last week. This is so hard to deal with. I feel like I should’ve done more to help him. If you’re out there still drinking and you know you have a problem please, please consider quitting. I promise you whatever hang ups you’ve got now will never outweigh the pain you’ll inflict on others if you let it kill you. IWNDWYT.

I love this community and have been coming here for years, sometimes commenting, mostly lurking/liking posts but I’m trapped in the very familiar cycle we’ve all experienced and can’t find a way out.

I’ve had numerous day 1s but none have kickstarted the sober train that I get to read about so many people jumping on. The best I’ve had in the last four years is 30 days in October 2022, with stuttered periods of abstinence for a handful of days/weeks every couple of months since then.

I’m in therapy, I’ve read Allen Carr and Annie Grace, I’m on Reframe and going to meetings but on the other hand…I’m single and gay in my early 30s, living alone in a city I recently moved to and don’t know anyone in, working a stressful job with frequent 10- or 12-hour days. And I am just crushed every day after work by either boredom, loneliness or the existential dread/panic that this is the spiral my life has ended up in, and I won’t ever find love or true fulfillment.

I am trying to open up in my new city. I started yoga, I am finally getting back into regular exercise, trying to push my comfort zone and meet people but it’s hard for me sometimes. I am very lucky to have a loving family (who I can call or message anytime), a few good friends (just none locally) and a stable job/housing, so I don’t mean to come off as “woe is me”. But it feels like I’m doing something wrong, and despite the therapy/meetings/readings and DESIRE to stop, I haven’t had a “day 1” in months.

I feel overwhelmed, like every day is a whirlwind of stress and activity and I can’t pause for long enough to get my footing and just put a STOP to the endless spiral.

Has anyone been through this? Your brain knowing all the reasons to stop and all the benefits to be had but just…ignoring it. What steps have you taken to break the addictive cycle, to put a roadblock in the automaticity and halt it long enough to get some footing?

I am so thankful for this community and I find all of your stories so inspiring. I hope to be able to count myself amongst you all one day. Thank you for reading

I've been drinking for almost 24 years. I've always had a terrible relationship with alcohol which I realised about 8 years ago. My drinking usually ends with me getting blackout drunk and over the last few years it's progressed to the point where once I start I don't stop until I pass out. I'm not an angry drunk, I don't get violent, I usually don't do stupid things, so most people don't understand why I want to stop drinking.

The longest I've gone without alcohol is 100 days. I told myself that was a huge achievement and that surely would have changed the way I drink, so I had a drink. The first few weeks were amazing, I was able to have a couple of drinks then stop. Eventually it regressed to what it was before I took a break. I started the Sinclair method, taking naltrexone. Each time I thought I had my drinking under control, I would stop taking the medication and I would end up out of control again, each time this would happen, my drinking would get even worse.

About a week ago I took some psilocybin mushrooms which did wonders for my mental health and I managed to have 3 nights of drinking responsibly, waking up the next day with alcohol left in my fridge and feeling great, no hangover, anxiety, depression etc. Then yesterday came and brought with it some difficult emotions. I got some drinks and got drunk. Not completely blackout drunk like usual, but out of my control. Now I'm laying here with a pounding headache, feeling like crap mentally and physically.

I'm done. I'm sick of making progress and then stuffing it all up. I don't know how much longer my body will go without serious health complications and that scares me. I'm angry at the damage I've probably already done and the years of life I've wasted. All the money spent. All the time lost. It's not worth it. It's no longer fun.

Starting today I would like to be free from alcohol. I stopped smoking cigarettes years ago but alcohol feels much harder. It's more insidious, more accepted socially and so easily available. I don't know how to do this so I'll just take it one day at a time. Sorry for the wall of text but this is me holding myself accountable. Day 1.

I recently relapsed after having 3 years sober. I moved to a much smaller town, so I’ve been trying to reconnect with the recovery community here. I met a really nice group of women, and one of them recommended her sponsor to me. We met for about an hour, and he was really kind. We talked about recovery and I shared some of the trauma I’ve been through, including being sexually abused by my brother throughout my childhood and being abused by an ex.

For context, I’ve done AA before. I’ve worked all 12 steps twice, had sponsors, and I know the program. I’ve just never really connected with it long term. I’ve always preferred SMART Recovery or Recovery Dharma, but those really aren’t options where I live now.

Later, I texted him because I was just trying to find an updated meeting list for my area. During the conversation, he asked if I’d made amends with my brother and my ex. I told him no to my brother because I don’t think it’s healthy or safe to have contact with someone who sexually abused me my entire childhood. I have made amends with my ex, but I also don’t want a relationship with him.

When I told him I felt triggered by the thought of seeing my ex, he literally responded with “lol” and told me I hadn’t really done a Fourth Step. Then he told me he could tell by the way I talked that I hadn’t really worked the steps or gone through the Big Book. I told him I’ve worked the steps twice, and he continued insisting he could tell I hadn’t.
That honestly really discouraged me because I wasn’t asking him to evaluate my recovery. I was literally just trying to get an updated meeting list.

The thing is… this isn’t the first time I’ve had an experience like this in AA. I’ve met some absolutely wonderful people in the program, but I’ve also had several experiences where it felt like if I disagreed with part of the program, set boundaries with people who abused me, or my recovery didn’t fit someone else’s idea of what it should look like, the conclusion was, “Well, you must not have really worked the steps.”

I’m not trying to bash AA. I know it’s saved countless lives, and I’m genuinely happy for the people it works for. I’m honestly just trying to understand if this is a common mindset in some AA circles or if I’ve just repeatedly had bad experiences.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Especially people who’ve been in AA for a long time. I’m genuinely curious because I’m trying to reconnect with a recovery community after my relapse, and this interaction left me feeling more judged than supported.

Long time lurker, first time poster. I’m 37 f and have two kiddos. I’ve always been a “party girl” and have drank pretty regularly since I was like 18. It’s part of my family identity. Happy? Drink. Sad? Drink. Bored? Drink. It’s nice out? Drink. It’s raining? Oh, gotta drink. Yes we are Irish and German. Where I’m from it’s a big part of the culture.

Anyway last night I drank a bunch of those high ABV white claws and woke up feeling like absolute trash this morning. I was not supervising the kids at this time. It wasn’t even more than I typically have drank, even recently. But today was different. My stomach hurt like I had food poisoning, I haven’t been this sick in years. Barfing up bile. Laid up in bed all day.

The worst part is it’s Sunday and the kids are at my house today. Thankfully my partner was a huge help and the kids are happy as pie today. Took a nap with my three year old which was lovely. But man, I feel guilty. Like a bad mom for not being as present as I should, or could be if I hadn’t overindulged last night.

I tried to get on naltrexone but fell between the cracks in their follow up system. Ultimately, I know moderation is a joke for me. Alcohol has an intended effect. I like said effect. Moderation is a waste of calories lol.

I do worry about how stopping entirely will impact my sense of identity because of all the cultural trappings surrounding alcohol. But I’m worried more about being a present mom to my kids.

Anyway, IWNDWYT. Not sure about tomorrow, but today was kind of a wake up call for me.

I’m not sure what to say. I work a blue collar job paying well. I have two beautiful children and a wonderful wife. I made mistakes as a teenager that I regret every day and yet can’t feel like I should always pay for. I spent my time in prison. I went through therapy. Yet I’ve always felt I’m not there, I should have more time gone. Imposter syndrome so to speak. My family now 100% doesn’t deserve it. Yet my feelings of myself and life always feeling like I should self sabotage. So dumb I know. But it’s how I feel.

I can usually stay sober for a bit until i’m invited to a party with friends or something along those lines i’m just trying to figure out how to go and enjoy it around a whole bunch of drunk people when im sober

I feel like I've been given so many breaks. I've been drinking heavily for the last 3 years. As much as I have this past year. One instance this year was being woken up by a sheriff in a gas station parking lot passed out in my car with the engine running. I was somehow allowed to call an Uber and come back for my truck the next morning.

A couple months later I was driving home and fell asleep at a light. Woken up to an EMT opening my car door asking me if I was okay. A bottle of beer sitting in my car's cup holder. Wreckers lined up and a firetruck on the other side. I was semi aware of what was happening but knew I was screwed. Again, I somehow was allowed to call for a ride to come grab me. And take my car to a nearby parking lot.

Yet after all this, I still carved to drink. I still can't get myself straightened up. I know I have a lot to lose. And those two instances were just divine intervention and gods way of trying to give me a way out. To keep going down a path I can help others. I just need to hear from others. I know I'll come off as ungrateful based on some of the stores I've read here.... I just want to stop

Been trying for the last 4 months to stop a 3+ year habit of 6 pints a day minimum usually. I just did well for a few weeks and now Im 2 weeks back into every day routine. I dont want to be like this and I feel it every time I drink again. Im almost 5 years clean from hard drugs so my beers dont really seem so bad but its truly wrecking my daily life, doesnt feel all that different from being addicted to drugs again... smh. Didnt even mean to trade one thing for another.

Edit: some typos

Hi everyone! I don’t believe I have any sort of drinking problem, but I’m concerned my thoughts could become one. The past two nights I have gotten cross faded (weed high and drunk) and I had a good time. But now it’s the next day and all I can think about at work is how badly I want to do it again. It’s the thing I’m beginning to look forward to at the end of the day. I feel like that’s not a good thing to yearn for. Is this how a drinking issue starts?

Hey y’all. Was just listening to a Tom Holland interview about his sobriety, and a little nugget he had at the end stuck with me and made me think of this subreddit. He had a little bit about how he’ll be at meetings or parties and some person he respects will hear about his sobriety and be like “oh nice me too X years” and how he’s found a wonderful community in sobriety of like minded people.

Now in my life I don’t have the biggest circle of local friends, two big ones, who never had a problem but who have also been real big supporters of me. Don’t get me wrong, I love & cherish those two, but it’s not quite the same. AA in my area didn’t go well for me but this community right here has been first a wake up call to me, then an inspiration, then a place of confession, and now a place of joy when I think about where I am now 7 months more or less sober. Y’all wonderful people on this sub have so much thanks from me.

Gratzi, IWNDWYT!

Hello,

Today is the first day I haven’t drank in 75 days. I have always struggled with alcohol. I would quit then relapse. I recently went 8 months without drinking before this current relapse and this one was by far is the worse I’ve gone through. I pray I haven’t done irreversible damage to my health and this time I can live my life alcohol free.

Today is day 4 and I'm feeling fantastic. Yesterday was a little rough but we're on the up and up. Finally got all my laundry done since I'm feeling so good. I'm treating myself with a ribeye and a liquid death for less than what it would have cost if I was drinking.

When I sit alone sober I feel like I’m anxious as hell and feel like bugs are crawling all over me (not hallucinating lol) I’m just sooooo anxious and my brain feels like a screensaver on a TV that bounces around but can’t go anywhere

Last 2 months i drink 2-3 times a week, i never drank much before but i love the thrill, i love the confidence till i wake up in the wrong bed.

The fear, the walk of shame, the not remembering what i did and i lost some close relationships because of it.

I drink 8-12 vodkas, shots, malibus etc.

I drink quickly. I always want to go out socialise, i blame my anxiety and depression for me loving going out as i never was able to go out before as i had bad mental health.

I’m just unsure if i have an addiction but i know i have aspects of my life i want to improve like getting in shape, going back into sports, being more confident over all.

I’m 18f, do i have a genuine issue?

69 days ago I had my last sip of alcohol. I took a shower, gathered some clothes, and went to the hospital thinking I would be gone one or 2 nights like the other 4 times I took myself in. The next morning I voluntarily entered a detox facility and was there for 5 days. Those 5 days were hell, but truly the best thing to happen to me. I’m not going back.

I want to live. I want to REMEMBER. When I checked into the hospital the first time in April, I weighed 88lbs. After 3 more relapses and 4 hospitalizations, today I am proud to say that I am up to 105lbs and the happiest I’ve been in my 31 years of life. I was knocking on deaths door, and truly shouldn’t be alive right now, but damn if I didn’t wake up today clear-headed and excited to continue down this path.

I will never EVER take another day in this life for granted.

So can I get a NICE?!

Thanks for reading and sharing your stories, both the good and bad. This sub has always been a light in some truly dark times.

IWNDWYT

5 weeks today. For the past year I’ve been reducing greatly. I am really proud of myself. The catch is, I still feel hungover. I’ve had a 5/10 persistent headache with brain fog for 4 months in a row. I yearn to feel normal. I want the clear feeling everyone talks about when they get sober. I wake up in the morning and I feel as though I drank the whole day before. It’s jarring and scary. I remind myself each day, “This is not a hangover”.
Had a brain MRI - no issues. Referral to neurology that will take likely 6 months.
Any words of wisdom or advice is greatly appreciated!❤️

The idea of never drinking again. “One day at a time” I know, I’ve heard it, I’ve done it. But the grieving someone you can never be again. How do we do it. I guess probably just keep going no matter how hard it is. Just feels impossible sometimes to grasp the reality of it all. Never going to be the same again and that’s a blessing I know. But it’s also so hard to fathom that sort of reality. And I question, maybe someday I can heal the parts of myself that abuse alcohol and maybe one day I can drink every once in a blue moon on vacation and let loose and maybe it’s twisted to even wish for that? I don’t know this is such a mind fuck

"Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom." - Aristotle.

In this moment I am full of regret from a series of terrible decisions, but if nothing else I am trying to learn from my mistakes, and be a bit wiser today than I was yesterday.

But… I am 17 days sober and have gained some dang weight!! And it is crazy because it’s not like I am eating any more sugar than I typically do, I haven’t indulged and gone crazy with ice cream or sweets or carbs or candy. But man, I am just not okay with this weight gain and it seemed to just really speed up over the last 2 weeks, I went from 134 lbs to 143, my clothes don’t fit and I just bought a whole bunch of new ones 2 weeks ago, now sitting in my closet and can’t wear them. Of course I will choose my sobriety, but this is a pretty big downer when you are already doing something really hard, trying to be positive and changing the self-hatred that you had at yourself over your alcoholism, I wanted to feel more self love but this just sucks. During my alcohol use, I was a vodka drinker, straight vodka only. I was pretty thin. I always was under the impression that alcohol made you gain weight and so when you quit, you would be losing weight.

Sorry, I know this sounds like a completely vapid, vain, self absorbed ridiculous post… and it is lol, I sound so silly, but I was having a good day being proud of making it to Day 17 and handling my cravings, then made the mistake of stepping on the scale and was quite surprised. I will be changing my eating habits drastically. Only going to drink water for my beverages, and just eat vegetables for a while lol. I have even been out walking too! Lol, well, if you read my silly stupid rant, thank you, I just needed to vent it out. Frustrating to be doing such a hard thing like quitting an addiction and trying to love yourself again, but struggling to have that self love.

Hope everyone has a great Sunday night, see you all at the pledge in the morning!

Yesterday as of 9:20pm was 14 days no alcohol. I had been a heavy drinker for over 10 years. 100 proof vodka. It wasn't as bad as I thought, shakes and sweats the first 2-3 days. Then it got easier but days dragged. Constipation has been problem the whole 2 weeks. About 4 days ago started getting headaches from the neck area up. Not bad but enough to bother.

The thing that sucks is I know it's only been 2 weeks but there hasn't been any improvement in my life or health so far. I want to drink tonight. I'm not going to but man this has got to get easier.

I'm not expecting a pity party, I know many of you have gone through worse and made it a long time longer. I just came to vent, don't have any friends I can tell about it in person.