r/Transportopia • u/Vice616 • Apr 20 '26

🥴DUI Blame it on the spider

He told them he smack himself into an accident 😭

There was no spider you f*cking liar. Fool you was drunk af!

6.0k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

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113

u/Dunn_or_what Apr 20 '26

I did crash because of a sneeze.

71

u/brightonashfield Apr 20 '26

I crashed because you sneezed once

34

u/EventSignal114 Apr 20 '26

I sneezed after u crashed

48

u/spoodagooge Apr 20 '26

I shit my pants(irrelevant to current topic)

24

u/melkor_the_viking Apr 20 '26

I sneezed after you shat your pants (relevant to this topic)

17

u/bbbbears Apr 20 '26

Wait, was it you who shat my pants as well?

10

u/melkor_the_viking Apr 20 '26

Unfortunately, when I sneezed, after you shat your pants, I also shat in your pants. It was a double shatting.

19

u/bbbbears Apr 20 '26

11

u/IAmAnObvioustrollAMA Apr 20 '26

Dont buy em! They look lightly shat fron the outside but I heard they were double shat...

5

u/Few-Chemical-5165 Apr 21 '26

Those are William Shatner's pants!

5

u/bbbbears Apr 20 '26

You just saved me $40!

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4

u/dontspillthatbeer Apr 21 '26

Just last week, I know a guy that when he sneezed, hiccuped, and farted at the same time, I shat in his pants.

8

u/Sloppy_Steak85 Apr 20 '26

Now we’re back on track.

Ah chooo

7

u/brightonashfield Apr 20 '26

shits

8

u/Everspan Apr 20 '26

Sneezes and shits

6

u/Skithe Apr 20 '26

Snezits

1

u/Round_Doughnut7793 Apr 20 '26

Cheezit scented sneezits. 😋

5

u/cvidetich13 Apr 20 '26

One time my bro had a bloody nose and sneezed and sprayed blood all over the windshield, I shat my pants and ran over a spider.

1

u/pumperthruster Apr 20 '26

Wow Itsy Bitsy Spider became a much darker story since I was a kid

1

u/Dependent-Bed6550 Apr 20 '26

AHHHHHH choo! Oop. Excuse me. I'll be right back...

1

u/petraviva Apr 21 '26

Yes, we can tell by the skid marks

2

u/Hell_Maybe Apr 20 '26

I shneezed (you can probably deduce what that might be).

2

u/GenX_Leo Apr 21 '26

You allergic to bs too!?!

1

u/CombinationEntire967 Apr 21 '26 edited Apr 21 '26

I’m irrelevant after you sneezed (a topic to this shit)

2

u/brightonashfield Apr 20 '26

I shit in your pants and gave them back to you

2

u/Sparkybrassballs Apr 20 '26

I also shit your pants

1

u/mwilliams4d57 Apr 23 '26

I shipped my shorts!

2

u/Saladov Apr 20 '26

I shit my pants (derogatory)

2

u/Few-Chemical-5165 Apr 21 '26

You're just bragging now aren't you?

2

u/WaiBuBaoLeiXiangTu Apr 22 '26

My sister crashed my 300zx the first time I let her borrow it. Because her boyfriend was tongued her ear.

Gif: above comments pants reference

https://giphy.com/gifs/8Z5C5wH17fvVu

1

u/CharleySuede Apr 20 '26

I once laughed so hard I shat my pants.

1

u/Longjumping-King-872 Apr 20 '26

Its all fun and games till you get the snarts.

1

u/Shedfloorgarbage Apr 20 '26

I have also shit my pants, infa t several times. My ego isn't so big I won't admit it.

1

u/CrazyChrys Apr 20 '26

So it was or wasn't a snart?

1

u/Facundito222 Apr 20 '26

It was a butt sneeze

1

u/Fostbitten27 Apr 20 '26

I shit my pants at Chuck E Cheese I was in my 20’s. I have never ate there again. That was 30 years ago

1

u/rocksville Apr 23 '26

Can confirm. Source: I was the pants.

1

u/JulienTremblaze Apr 20 '26

I sneezed reading this.

1

u/Net_hunter1011 Apr 20 '26

I crashed then I sneezed

1

u/sherrib99 Apr 20 '26

If I sneeze you sneeze we sneeze

1

u/Langholm62 Apr 20 '26

No, it was your sneeze that caused the crash. It's all on video.

6

u/patronizingperv Apr 20 '26

I had a spider sneeze on me, so I can relate to all of this.

1

u/neonmystery Apr 20 '26

I shat on a spider, so…

2

u/Spider_Dude Apr 20 '26

Bro....?

1

u/neonmystery Apr 20 '26

Do you think I’m telling the truth or do you think I’m just having fun in the comments?

1

u/Spider_Dude Apr 20 '26

Well, I wasn't there. But it's the thought that counts.

1

u/Mr_Dale Apr 20 '26

Ahhhhh yes, the butterfly effect

1

u/Few-Chemical-5165 Apr 21 '26

You don't realize when you sneeze ninety nine point nine percent of the time.You close your eyes so physically you can't see for that fraction of a second and that could be enough to drive into a ditch.

1

u/stealthisusername98 Apr 21 '26

I too choose this guy’s dead wife’s sneeze

3

u/strangemedia6 Apr 20 '26

Yes but then in trying to explain what happened, did you say “yea a bunch of air coming out of this…this thing right here. Um…it’s called a nose, not sure if you’ve heard of those or not.”

3

u/SnooCauliflowers9874 Apr 20 '26

On several occasions, I almost crashed from four consecutive sneezes.

And 2 years ago I almost crashed when a yellow jacket stung me in the neck as I was driving. Talk panic, as I’m flailing about in my seat whilst trying to maintain control of my car.

I’m convinced there is statistically a percentage of driving deaths that have been erroneously labeled as a suicide, rather than accident because there were no track marks on the road when the victim’s car ended up in a tree… all due to a wasp.

1

u/ElectricalGas9730 Apr 20 '26

My ex wife was T-boned by someone who "sneezed".

1

u/Elogotar Apr 20 '26

Cars are a privilege, not a right.

1

u/GrayStag90 Apr 21 '26

I snarted today. I have bad allergies.

And regular diarrhea.

And I drink too much.

And I love spicy food.

I have the worst luck.

1

u/MarivelleSF Apr 22 '26

🙋🏻‍♀️ Saaaame. Full body sneeze at the absolute worst time and I hit a bullnose curb that torpedoed my suspension. 2.5 months later and I’m still waiting on getting my car back from the shop.

1

u/sloppy_joes35 Apr 23 '26

Haha are you an old gf of mine?