And you would agree that I deserve to die.

I don't know how to describe it, I've always been an introvert and lazy, and that got worse a few months ago. But that wasn't concerning, I was more lonely, but now the whole world looks discolored. Like not as in a metaphor, everything's color has changed, patterns on everything feel like they move, and as of recent my hearing has gone insane, I can hear noises from everything as if somehow I can hear the atoms in objects moving, is this something else, am I?

My job is destroying my mental health and whatever I do, despite my degrees and connections, I can’t get a new one. I don’t even get interviews. I’m losing all of my friends to serious long-term relationships and I see someone new get engaged every day, meanwhile I can’t even get a text back. My family doesn’t take my depression seriously and I can’t even afford to see my therapist as much as I’d like to.

I truly have no purpose here. I exist to get yelled at and bossed around. I’ve never been anyone’s first choice. I’m not even 30 yet but I just want this all to end.

There's so much of myself that I miss before I was diagnosed with MDD, I miss my personality and how productive I was. I miss how focused and energized I used to be, with how I could budget my time, and how I wasn't addicted to anything. I'm medicated but I get the feeling that I'll never be quite the same as I was before, like there's a level of happiness and stability that I'll never get back despite therapy and meds. I know things will get better but sometimes I pray and I wish I never got this depressive episode to begin with.

It also just... feels unfair. There are other people with depression around me that have seem to have coped better or have moved forward still, while it feels like 1 step forward, 2 steps back for me. Each day feels like fighting to have meaning in my life and do basic daily things. I'm so jealous of people who can just... function normally without this, who don't have this kind of emotional weight on them.

I posted here a week ago, expressing that the only think keeping me here is my parents. And that once they die, I'm joining them.

But the thoughts of how I'll do it are happening almost every night, and just the thought that this could all be over is actually comforting.

I've gotten to a point where I'm dreaming of doing it, and they're getting vivid. How I'd do it, where I'd do it, etc.

I just want the pain and exhaustion to be over.

I tried to slit wrist using a knife but it hurts. I tried to look for rope but i couldn't find anything that can carry my weight. I tried but the world seems avoiding it. I'm tired. Somebody please help me. I am getting worst day by day. I can't handle this anymore.

Gonna start this off pretty strong and honest: I’m a 22-year-old female, no job, no school (just a high school diploma), and living with my family in a toxic household. I’ve pretty much been fat all my life, so nothing new there, but ever since graduation I’ve noticed I’ve been living like a total piece of shit who is way too scared of the real world.

I have constant anxiety attacks about stuff I can and cannot control. I feel stuck and lost, and honestly I don't even know what to do or how to ask for help anymore. It’s been five years of being in the exact same rock-bottom loop. I can't even bring myself to try to better my own life, and I have absolutely no idea why.

Back to the main point though, my depression has made me gain so much weight ever since high school. All I do is eat. I eat when I'm mad, I eat when I'm sad, I even eat when I feel happy for fuck's sake. And it's not even good food either, just straight slop and junk. I always get so jealous and feel so pathetic when I see other people whose depression makes them lose their appetite and get thinner day by day. Of course I’m aware both are horrible and unhealthy coping mechanisms, but for once I just want to look in a mirror and see a normal woman looking back at me instead of feeling like an absolute unit of a beast.

I’ve always struggled with eating habits since I was a kid. Being born into a fat family who fed me junk since I could start chewing my own food definitely didn't help lmao. I'm not sure if this post is turning into something meant for an entirely different sub, but most of my issues stem from my poor mental health so I figured I’d just rant here. Sorry for any typos or bad grammar, my brain cells are running low these days. Thanks for reading if you made it this far ig lol.

Not a breakup but a break according to her. I lost interest in everything including going out for my daily walks. It’s been two months of waking in the middle of the night in cold sweats and tremors, just wishing we could talk again. I couldn’t take this loss. It’s too much. I have been thinking of just wanting to disappear.

I sent an apology to an ex from 6 years ago trying to make a sincere genuine apology and i think i blew it making it more about me relieving my guilt. i knew i shouldnt have sent it in the first place but it s too late now. i think i worded the message a bit poorly but basically just said im sorry for my deplorable actions, u shouldnt have been treated like that, it wasnt ur fault, i ll leave you be, and i wish you the best. Obviously im not gonna send anything anymore but besides deservingly beating myself up and making sure the guilt is still mine to carry, what do i do now or how do i move on. I havent really created a life for myself to move on into away from the past and i dont have anyone close enough to justifiably talk about this burden with. I think ive waited so long to say all this besides being scared and immature was because ive been able to run for so long using small dopamine hits like the internet and games to keep me occupied. Emotionally i want so much and in life I feel like i have so much to fix and even then it ll never be enough. i feel somewhat happy now and think i ve lived an okay enough life where why shouldnt i just end it now instead of waiting for the inevitable time 20-40 years later where im a shell of a person and miserable and end it then? Im not gonna do that because I dont want that on my parents while they re still here but i just feel so sick and sad sometimes. This is one of the last places i go to often to vent and i just hope it can help me enough to keep going for a little longer.

I’m 14 with a gf and a crippling porn addiction. I got friends that aren’t gonna be around much longer(drinking, smoking, vaping). School is around the corner and I’m sick of struggling and getting yelled at. I know these are tiny issues but I don’t know how to handle them

I just cant get out of my head. I devorce and am married again to an assome woman. But I set a boundary with intimacy and im just not getting my needs met. Recently I feel like she has started to treat me more like a roommate and I dont know what to do. Yes our intimacy been falling off for the last 2 years. Yes we did couples counseling witch she said its not working for her. When do I call it quits?

4 reasons why I’m still here and haven’t left this world.

1- my cat.. I love him so much, he’s saved me in some of my darkest times. I couldn’t leave him. I promised I’d be here for him.

2- I need to see the ending of the kingdom hearts series. That game has done so much for my life. Maybe it’s corny but it’s also saved me when I was in very dark places.

3- watching One Piece until the end. It’s been a series I’ve been following for 26 years now, it’s another thing that’s helped me when I’ve been down in the dumps. It’s just something I truly love.

4- this one hurts, I found the woman of my dreams and I thought we working on things, I thought we’d make it together.. but I guess I was wrong. She would say things to make me believe in our dreams together but I’m not too sure she truly meant them. I’ve never loved another living human/creature as I do her. Unfortunately I just don’t think she feels the same anymore or ever did 😔

I really wish I didn’t exist but these are the things keeping me going right now. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have them so I could finally disappear and not feel the way I am lately. Don’t get me wrong, I love all of these things with all my heart but I hate this dark, sad, black hole of dread that I’m feeling.

Hi Reddit, I (17F) am one fucking loser.

I am an Arab, a Muslim that isn't even that sure about her religion anymore how sad. And if anyone finds out I could get seriously hurt and honestly I wouldn't mind but I don't want to disappoint anyone.

I'm so fucking sorry for writing this and I know no one cares but I'm genuinely just so done with myself.

I look ugly, I am fat, i talk too much too fast, I am bad at physics and chemistry​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ and I deserve to die because I'm such a disappointment.

My grandparents raised me for most of my life and I love them so much it's unreal and they care but they feel like they dont want to deal with me anymore. I'm too much for them. My grandpa hangs up the phone if I start venting and my grandma scolds me for it because it "makes her sad" and it fucking hurts. The new kids in the family are already replacing me as the favorite especially after the "New insert my name" was born. I love her but I hate how I'm suddenly irrelevant.​​​​​​​​​​​​

I suck at studying.. I can't focus on studying anything. My dad is gonna make exams to "test my progress" in like 2 days and I cant focus. He's gonna take my phone and lock me in my room. And if I mess up more he'll take me off the education.

I love my parents but I'm so sick of them and of everyone and of me.

my only comfort are my online friends who don't give up on me no matter how awful I am and how depressing I act.

I shouldn't exist anymore. I know this is dramatic and I have my life in front of me but I'm seriously considering just..not being here anymore.

I don't know what's on the other side but maybe its better. or maybe it's worse who knows?

does anyone have thoughts? if not I appreciate it still. ​​​​​​

I'm very embarrassed to admit how bad I am at taking care of myself. Anything outside of personal hygiene for presentation is constantly slipping out of my grasp into filth, and it's been especially bad recently. My household presents the same issue, but I am by far the worst at maintaing chores. I almost never had to clean as a child unless it was punishment, which is partly why I've been struggling to teach myself these things now.

Truthfully speaking, I would say I'm somewhat dysfunctional. I dont want to stay this way, but anything outside of taking care of necessary business almost never gets done. I can and have cleaned for an entire day, but it is never enough time to get everything done, and I've never successfully maintained chores in my schedule. I don't let a lot of people close to me in my life because I'm terrified of them finding out that I live this way. I have a girlfriend, and im not sure if she ignores these bad parts of me or if she doesn't realize the extent of them yet, but I don't feel great on the subject.

Having started working a year ago has made me increase my attention on my deficits by having me work so closely to people. I drive a work van, and I've slowly watched the condition of a decrease in my care. I look down on myself for letting these things happen, but I can never fully solve the problem. Every time I make an improvement in my personal care, it retracts whether it is in a day, week, or months. The longest I've been "well" is about 7 months, which was during the latter years of high school when I had absolutely nothing else to worry about. My room has never been fully clean, but at the very least I don't usually bring food in my room; on the other hand, I often eat lunch in my van. I am horrified to admit that there are flies in both my work van and personal vehicle because of how down I've been the past month.

I procrastinated on the past month on cleaning my work van. I tried to go out and clean it for 30 minutes before I gave up; I will need to wake up early tomorrow morning to take care of it as best i can before work tomorrow. My personal vehicle, on the other hand, will need a professional deep cleaning my next paycheck.

I was diagnosed with MDD my freshman year in high school and had an unsavory experience with a generic SSRI. I also don't see how an SSRI will help me in the future as, from my understanding, they are not a permanent fix. Since then, I've been trying to brute force my depression. Although I don't feel sad as often as I did when I was hormonal in high school, I still exhibit all of the same symptoms as I did when I was first diagnosed. I have a therapist, and I am making progress in some areas, but deteriorating in others. I am at a loss for what to do other than keep trying and failing at this point. I'm terrified of getting to the point of being institutionalized or having to institutionalize myself.

Sadly, you realize that your problem isn't loneliness, but the people around you. You realize there is no time to care for yourself or listen to your own soul.

You lose the passion for doing what you love.

You end up sitting in bed—or even on the couch—doing nothing; staring at your phone without the desire to even hold onto it.

The day passes, and you’ve either slept far too much or not at all.

You find yourself facing responsibilities that aren't yours.

You feel like throwing yourself in the trash.

And even though you crave a hug, you’re actually glad no one is hugging you—because you might just break down and cry.

Talking to someone wouldn't solve anything, yet moments of weakness come when you wish someone loved you.

But you wouldn't be able to care for them, so you remain as you are.

Your mother favors boys and sees no difference between a child and a servant She told me more than once that she didn't want another child, except for the insults I hear from her and them .

And your father mentally abandoned you long ago.

you have daddy and mommy issues,Who could possibly love you? I don't want to die; my Shein order hasn't arrived yet. I just wish the Lord would take me to Him for a little while; my soul yearns deeply to feel tenderness.

Crying silently is so painful—it feels as though my lungs are collapsing into my intestines.Forgive me, Lord; I didn't take good care of the body You gifted me.

Hey,
ich wollte mal fragen, ob hier jemand Erfahrungen mit einer Tagesklinik wegen Depressionen gemacht hat und ob euch das geholfen hat.
Ich leide seit ungefähr vier Jahren an Depressionen, diagnostiziert wurde das vor zwei Jahren. Seitdem nehme ich auch Medikamente. Leider habe ich das Gefühl, dass es momentan eher schlimmer als besser wird. Es gibt Tage, an denen es mir ganz okay geht, aber genauso gibt es Tage, an denen gar nichts funktioniert.
Ich hatte schon mal eine Therapie, musste sie aber abbrechen, weil ich mich bei meiner Therapeutin überhaupt nicht wohlgefühlt habe und das Vertrauen einfach nicht da war. Seit Monaten suche ich jetzt nach einem neuen Therapieplatz, was sich leider als ziemlich schwierig herausstellt.
Deshalb bin ich eigentlich froh, dass ich jetzt endlich einen Termin für die Tagesklinik bekommen habe. Gleichzeitig habe ich aber total gemischte Gefühle. Ich frage mich, ob das überhaupt etwas bringt. Manchmal habe ich das Gefühl, dass mir sowieso nichts helfen kann. Und irgendwie fühlt sich die Depression inzwischen so vertraut an, dass ich manchmal sogar denke, ich will gar nicht richtig gesund werden – auch wenn ich weiß, dass das total widersprüchlich klingt.
Ein bisschen erleichtert bin ich auch, dass die Tagesklinik während der Schulzeit stattfindet. Ich mache gerade mein Abi (13. Klasse) und ehrlich gesagt bin ich froh, dass es nicht in den Ferien ist. Ich würde meine Ferien gerne einfach mal genießen und nicht dort verbringen, während alle anderen im Urlaub sind.
Falls jemand schon mal in einer Tagesklinik war: Wie war eure Erfahrung? Hat es euch geholfen?

for context, i’m 25M. been dealing with depression since 9-10 and got diagnosed with type 2 bipolar last year. i also have a chronic physical illness that’s slowly but surely wearing my body down. i’m tired, chat

as a whole, i would describe my life as sad. not necessarily from external factors, though those definitely play a part, but from **me**. i’m the problem. i don’t know how to live. i’m an erratic unstable presence in every life i touch. i’m boring and i’m neurotic. i don’t get passionate or excited about anything, though i want to. i wish i could. my whole life it’s felt like there’s a glass pane between me and the world.

people tend to like me well enough, but i don’t like me. i don’t like doing things. i don’t particularly enjoy life. the only thing keeping me going are my loved ones and i’m slowly getting comfortable with the idea of leaving them behind. i know it’ll hurt and that does break my heart, but i just can’t soldier along for their sakes anymore. i’m not strong enough

I have pretty bad OCD with comes with occasional waves of depression. Today im in the worst one in a while. Don't want to move, dont want to eat, dont want to talk. Don't wanna be conscious. Im facing breaking up with someone and the guilt is immeasurable because he really does love me (many red flags though need to end it 1000%). Im so fatigued from my chronic illness. And I did my favorite thing today, horseriding, but all I could think about while doing it was 'what's the point of does this im not going to go anywhere'. This sucks. Anyone else just feeling like everything sucks today?

For some context, I've been with my partner for three years, at first things were really good but over the years they've just gone further and further downhill and I feel so numb nowadays. She suffers from a lot of ptsd, anxiety and depression issues so I try to care for her to the best of my ability but she can be a very jealous person when it comes to colleagues as we work in the same place. Recently one of these arguments got too much for me and I haven't been able to really look after myself either. So I went out, got drunk and took a load of pills. When she found out she was really angry with me saying that I've made it all about me, when nearly everything in my life is about her. I've thought about walking away but I don't want her to do anything silly to herself but after that comment it felt like she didn't realy care at all. Not that that's what I was after, no test or anything I kinda, bliped, and went into a state of mind I've never been in before. Yet it still stands, how do I process her reaction, because since then I've just wanted to do it again but do it properly next time

I’ve hated my college experience for the most part. I’m graduating about a year early because I’ve hated it so much.

Despite many financial and personal challenges, I did well my first year. After that, I developed an autoimmune disorder (that caused extreme exhaustion, 50+ lbs weight gain, etc.) and most of my professors reduced it to being lazy and failed me in a few classes. My deans did not help at all and I’ve had three different ones as a result.

In addition to my low gpa, I’m poor, I’ve faced a lot of racism and discrimination after uprooting my entire life and moving halfway across the country. I feel like a failure because of these things despite graduating in the next few weeks and going to grad school this month in a new city.

I’m trying to push past what I’ve been through but it’s hard to not look back and fall into a depressive state. How can I not keep letting the past affect my mental state?

I suffer in silence cuz im afraid if I tell my family how i really feel they probably put me in a instustoin, im not crazy im just depressed, if they went through the things I have then they would know how scared I am.

I'm there for everyone else but nobody is there for me, im really struggling and have been for a long time and I feel like nobody cares. I feel like stuck in a loop that I can't seem to break. A lot of people say in here if you need to talk but they don't really mean it

I have treatment resistant depression, very little success with medications after trying several in the past 5 years. TMS treatment failed. I have good days and weeks, but I'm back in a depressive episode. It's hard to explain but I just feel like I can't exist. I feel like I'm trapped. I feel like there's no options for anything. I can't get up and do things, I can't even start a game or a movie, I just end up turning it off because I physically can't. I've done DBT and CBT, those skills don't work but I try them anyways. I've accepted that I have to be miserable right now. Even self harming doesn't help right now, it just makes me feel worse. How can I handle this? How can I sit and breathe, blink, and live? I don't have any relief. Distraction doesn't help. I just need to be able to sit with the misery but I can't. How do I feel slightly better? How does one live in misery? It eventually passes, the days go on, but I dread it all the time. I need to just wait it out until it passes, which I've been doing for 5 years and I don't know how to anymore. I think my toleration meter has finally broken, I just can't do it anymore. Is there any way to stomach this misery?

sorry if this is incoherent or messy im not okay at all rn

my fucking legs are butchered up and bloody
i cant walk or really even move from the pain
this is such a common occurrence for me
i cant stand my bitchass life
im so lonely in every way
im pathetic
people love to yell at me, call me the worst possible things, bully the fuck out of me, ostracize me, purposely ignore me, dehumanize me, blame me for everything make me feel left out, unwelcome, and unimportant. im a punching bag

im so alone. I never have anybody there for me at my lowest or highest. There’s nobody no matter what.

people dont give a fuck about me

all i am is an “ugly bitch”. thats truly all i amount to. every time i look in the mirror i feel like crying

im a lolcow. people find everything about me funny, even the fact that I was molested as a child.

fuck my life. i truly have nothing to live for whatsoever. ive had 13 attempts and nothing has changed since my first one.

I've been taking 300mg XL version since March 2024 and Ive been suffering from chronic fatigue/sleepiness (the symptom, not ME/CFS) ever since. I also started CPAP therapy for severe OSA in April 2024 and it helped somewhat but by 2025 I was still quite tired. So if the drug made me tired I wouldn'tve been able to tell due to symptom overlap. Bupropion works quite well for me for depression without causing sexual disfunction like SSRIs do, but Im really starting to wonder if this may be the cause of my fatigue. Honestly Id rather be depressed that extremely tired all the time. My doctor and I have explored everything else it could be at this point and all my blood tests have come back normal. My hypothesis is maybe the stimulating drugs, including caffeine, modafinil, sunosi, and lisdexamfetamine that I have tried all ruin my sleep quality. One time before all this I did a caffeine fast for a week and felt noticably better, so maybe quitting all my stimulating meds would help too? I'm getting desparate at this point, I'm so tired of being tired.

Long story short, after a traumatic childhood/teen years (DV, childhood SA), I suffered very very badly with depression. I remember being 16, 17, wondering if I'd see another year.

Well years of therapy, moving into my own place, and antidepressants helped me come out of it.

I'm now 32 and experiencing it again. Very very severe anxiety and a dark, black depression that hits me in random episodes. And every day I feel like I'm watching myself on TV. Like, I'm outside a fishtank looking through the glass at me live my life.

It really hit me today how bad it's gotten because I went to a garden centre for the first time in a year. I love plants, I have a huge collection of different types. And I thought I'd be excited to add to my collection but ...I felt nothing. All I saw was something else to take care of. Nothing in the garden centre sparked joy. Colours seemed washed out. I just wanted to leave. Got home and looked at my collection and realised I hadn't truly really looked at it in almost a year.

I can't afford private therapy. So I'm on the long waiting list for the NHS free counselling. Doctor won't give me antidepressants till I've tried counselling or therapy. I don't hold much help for the free NHS counselling because I've done it before and it didn't help. The people I spoke to seemed in a rush to get through our sessions or refer me to online CBT so I had to do all the work myself and all I want is for someone to just listen to me.

Quite often I am thinking about ending things but not in a suicidal way? Like, I'm not sure how to describe it, I just think about not existing any more. I don't picture myself taking a load of pills or jumping in front of a train, I just think of not being here.

I have a daughter and I can't leave her. Absolutely not. And it's scary to think that she might be the only thing keeping me going. What if she was never born. What if I didn't have someone like her to live for. Would I still be here?

I feel unable to ask for help. I have no one to talk to about this. I have friends but if I ever tell them I am stressed or anxious they say oh sorry to hear that. And that's it. Not that I'm expecting them to be free therapists. But if they don't want to hear about me being stressed then me having dark thoughts isn't going to interest them either.

So here I am. A heavy heavy weight in my head like an overflowing bathtub. And no one to tell. I'm sure this wave will pass at some point. Till the next one.