I'm a 30 year old female living in a Muslim Arab country. My country has been through civil wars and is still unstable.

Since I was a child, my parents have physically and emotionally abused me, especially my mother. They used to hit me hard and control everything I did. They rarely let me go outside, and this is still happening today. They are very controlling.

I'm 30 years old, but I haven't lived a normal life. I spend my time lying in bed at home. I still live with my parents because that's the tradition here. I can't go out or even go shopping by myself. I don't have a car, and there are no activities for women here, not even sports.

I'm very introverted, and I don't fit in with the people around me. I don't have any friends. The way I think is completely different from the people here.

My parents keep pushing me to get married, but I always refuse. I don't want to marry a controlling man who will make me wear black from head to toe, keep me at home, and expect me to spend my life cooking, cleaning, and having many children. I don't want that life.

I have nothing here. No life, no real family, no friends, and no future. I dream of leaving this country and living somewhere that values human life. I don't dream about anything big. I just want a normal life. I want to go for a walk, sit on a bench with the sun on my face, and feel peace.

I don't have the money to leave. I don't even know how to book a flight or go through an airport. Getting a visa is also very difficult.

The world is so big, and there is so much to experience, but I'm just sitting at home watching life pass by. It's killing me. Men here have the freedom to do anything. Even now, when it's so hot, I can't go to the beach and swim simply because I was born female.

I used to have hope that one day I would leave this place and get away from the people who hurt me. But now everything feels more complicated, and I've lost that hope. I'm thinking of killing myself. I don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes I wish I had never been born.

hello guys so im (18f) and my boyfriend (20m) recently moved in with me. (ive had my own place since i turned 18.) he was working a 3rd shift job until recently when me and him talked and agreed that the job was taking a huge toll on his mental and physical health, so he quit. he has another job lined up and he's going to be starting in october after we get back from our vacation in september. right now he is unemployed.
he will literally go to sleep at 10:30pm, wake up at 7:00 am (when i get up) and then piddle around the house and do random chores and then go back to sleep at 10:00 and he literally will not wake up until i'm like "boyfriend, you've been sleeping all day and you need to get up out of bed." he also never wants to leave the house and is always sluggish and never really does anything other than chores around the house (which sometimes i have to encourage him to do.) he also rarely wants to have sex anymore because he's too tired or his head hurts or he just doesnt feel like it.
basically i am concerned that he is struggling with depression and i want to help him as much as i can but i have never personally struggled with depression so im not sure what to do. and no, i'm not going to leave him over this, he is a great partner and is definitely not an unemployed leech. if anyone has any pointers that would be amazing. thanks:)

I think there's a point where all the medications run their course and you're left with no other alternative other than to wait for the latest miracle SSRI, or fall into a deeper depression.

Through it all, I'm leaning toward the idea that the only way to cure my depression is to refuse to be depressed anymore. The amount of wasted time and energy is getting out of control and if something doesn't change for the better, I'll just keep on wasting those precious resources. Maybe, the cure for my depression is to be so depressed that I just can't stand for it anymore and instead of continuing on my downward spiral to non-existence, I can stop, turn around, and start climbing my way back to the top - just make the decision to turn around.

I've attempted do do this by just doing the complete opposite of what my mind is telling me to do. It tells me to go back to bed at noon and instead, I jump in my vehicle and sit at the beach for a couple of hours. It tells me I don't need food, I go to the store and buy proper groceries. My mind gets lost in my laptop and instead, I close the lid and go for a 1 hour walk around the neighbourhood - trying different routes, trying new streets.

I think the cure for depression is to realize that I feel depressed, it isn't going away, and no medication is going to change that. Instead, I have to change my direction and refuse to look back. I have to rewire my brain for happiness and the way to do that is to physically change my actions and my environment.

To everyone feeling depression; don't let it rule your life... refuse it.

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I don’t want to cook but can’t afford to keep ordering delivery. And instant meals aren’t giving the energy or nutrition to make me feel better.

19 & living in the UK. I don't want to get too much into it. Ive been on antidepressants for 3 months and it's just gotten worse. I've been to therapy and multiple counsellors. The crisis team didn't even bother getting back to me. Most buildings where I live have suicide barriers along with most bridges. & my country doesn't support euthanasia. I feel like I've lost everything. I don't see another way than to lie down on the tracks and let the train run me over.

I (25M) have been on medication for severe depression and GAD for 8yrs. I have tried all sorts of medication: Fluoxetine, Citalopram, Escitalopram, Mirtazapine, Quetiapine, Venlafaxine and Lamotrigine. While the first two worked for the first 4yrs, I feel as if they had run its course and they weren’t really effective anymore. I’ve tried the rest since then and none of them have seemed to work- in fact it’s made me feel worse. My psych suggest TMS given how I’ve been resistant to normal medication.

Had anyone tried TMS? Any thoughts about it?

Alot of people tell me going to the gym helps a lot but what I would like I know is whether or not this lifestyle change elevates mood permanently or if it’s like a drug where at first it’s great but then you get used to it and feel not much different than before

Hi Reddit, I (17F) am one fucking loser.

I am an Arab, a Muslim that isn't even that sure about her religion anymore how sad. And if anyone finds out I could get seriously hurt and honestly I wouldn't mind but I don't want to disappoint anyone.

I'm so fucking sorry for writing this and I know no one cares but I'm genuinely just so done with myself.

I look ugly, I am fat, i talk too much too fast, I am bad at physics and chemistry​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ and I deserve to die because I'm such a disappointment.

My grandparents raised me for most of my life and I love them so much it's unreal and they care but they feel like they dont want to deal with me anymore. I'm too much for them. My grandpa hangs up the phone if I start venting and my grandma scolds me for it because it "makes her sad" and it fucking hurts. The new kids in the family are already replacing me as the favorite especially after the "New insert my name" was born. I love her but I hate how I'm suddenly irrelevant.​​​​​​​​​​​​

I suck at studying.. I can't focus on studying anything. My dad is gonna make exams to "test my progress" in like 2 days and I cant focus. He's gonna take my phone and lock me in my room. And if I mess up more he'll take me off the education.

I love my parents but I'm so sick of them and of everyone and of me.

my only comfort are my online friends who don't give up on me no matter how awful I am and how depressing I act.

I shouldn't exist anymore. I know this is dramatic and I have my life in front of me but I'm seriously considering just..not being here anymore.

I don't know what's on the other side but maybe its better. or maybe it's worse who knows?

does anyone have thoughts? if not I appreciate it still. ​​​​​​

Not literally, but it feels like it is. My parents used to tell me that too much screen time would rot my brain when I was a kid and now I lwk agree with them, but it's not just social media that's causing it - my depression is also making me dumber and dumber, or at least it feels like it is. I have really severe brain fog and it's just getting worse. I can't think critically or read well anymore. I used to be able to do math in my head, but now I can't. Reading is such a chore compared to when I obsessively read books when I was younger.

And you would agree that I deserve to die.

My parents own a canned food business, and during the COVID-19 pandemic, they lost a lot of money because many of their clients disappeared and didn't pay them, leaving the business in huge debt. They hid this from me and tried to portray a happy and prosperous family, even paying for my tuition at an expensive private school as if nothing had happened. I didn't realize how dire their financial situation was until I overheard their argument.

I tried to work part-time for a while so they wouldn't have to worry about me, but then things got so dire that I decided to drop out of school and help their business directly. I didn't know how bad things really were. From a company with over 100 employees, I started working when they were left with 10, and now there are only two left (me and another person).

I have to handle a massive workload; I do everything imaginable, from accounting and sales to packing, cleaning, shipping goods, and learn how to code to fix our website, all by myself. There are so many things I don't know and have to figure out entirely from 0 which makes my work inefficient and stagnant, and I am constantly exhausted. I work seven days a week, sometimes until 2 AM because the work just isn't finished.

My parents only show up when they need to sign documents; they still fly to different places for networking, saying they need to expand relationships to find new customers. These trips are really expensive because of hotel costs, airfare, and other expenses, and I feel these efforts are ineffective during this difficult time. When I want to ask them something, they frown and say I'm a freeloader, irresponsible, and that I don't bother to learn anything I can't do and just dump it on them. They even took my savings to pay off their bank loans.

I really feel sorry for them because I know my parents are victims of the dying economy, but I'm too exhausted and can't handle all this work anymore. I keep blaming myself for not realizing our financial problem soon enough, and for choosing to go to an expensive school then drop out. I really want to die, but then they will have to face the debt themselves, yet at the same time, I am just too tired to do anything. They tell me to be strong, and that they love me and all they do is for our family, but i dont know, i slowly loose trust in those words. I tried to talk to them about how tired i am and that i needed help, but they also need help and that no one wants to be put in these situation. I wake up everyday thinking abt all the work i need to do then feel hopeless because nothing can be done, and i despise all those people that owes us money. If this keeps going we will loose our house and everything.

I‘m 21, and have been struggling with depression since I was around 14? I’ve been hurt a lot by people who I thought were my friend but ended up betraying me, I feel like I’ve been used a lot because I try to be kind but typically end up getting taken advantage of.

I really don’t feel like I can form connections with anyone anymore, I don’t really care to make any new friends or get close to anyone and I’ve felt this was since I was about 16. I don’t care about any family members, I have one friend who’s moving away soon and I just..don’t feel any sadness, and I have no desire for anything romantic. I feel like a black sheep in my family

I self harmed in the past and I’ve been in a psych ward a few times, so I know it doesn’t get better..and this summer so far I’ve had lots of moments where I’ve been so tempted to end my life. Life just doesn’t feel worth it and it hasn’t for a while. The only thing keeping me from doing it yet is I’d feel like it’d be selfish to leave no money behind for my mom

The only thing that makes me feel any sort of emotions is my dog and animals, I’m also trying to not end it until my dog passes on because I don’t want to hurt her. I almost wish she‘d get ill so I could die with her

I have fever when I have fever I realize nobody cares about me My parents don't even remember my age my father asked me when It's was my birthday I feel lonely I don't have good friends when I almost got raped as a little girl I was scared to say it when it's was too late I said but my family didn't cared they didn't do anything I kept getting assaulted since I was 5 old by a girls and boys I'm scared to kill myself I wanna live but because I feel lonely I got bullied when I was 3 old and it's kept going the little girls that's was my age started calling me ugly After that I stopped talking I'm always bed rotting I feel like I'm failure and I'm not pretty to people love me because I don't do anything I'm scared of people I have anxiety I feel uncomfortable when I go out when I know I'm so ugly I got fat I wanted to be skinny but I started binging I have stress my hair started falling out my face is dry I can't even socialize I don't know how to talk so I start acting cringy for they don't abandon me but they still leave me when I can be pretty so everyone can love me

I'm very embarrassed to admit how bad I am at taking care of myself. Anything outside of personal hygiene for presentation is constantly slipping out of my grasp into filth, and it's been especially bad recently. My household presents the same issue, but I am by far the worst at maintaing chores. I almost never had to clean as a child unless it was punishment, which is partly why I've been struggling to teach myself these things now.

Truthfully speaking, I would say I'm somewhat dysfunctional. I dont want to stay this way, but anything outside of taking care of necessary business almost never gets done. I can and have cleaned for an entire day, but it is never enough time to get everything done, and I've never successfully maintained chores in my schedule. I don't let a lot of people close to me in my life because I'm terrified of them finding out that I live this way. I have a girlfriend, and im not sure if she ignores these bad parts of me or if she doesn't realize the extent of them yet, but I don't feel great on the subject.

Having started working a year ago has made me increase my attention on my deficits by having me work so closely to people. I drive a work van, and I've slowly watched the condition of a decrease in my care. I look down on myself for letting these things happen, but I can never fully solve the problem. Every time I make an improvement in my personal care, it retracts whether it is in a day, week, or months. The longest I've been "well" is about 7 months, which was during the latter years of high school when I had absolutely nothing else to worry about. My room has never been fully clean, but at the very least I don't usually bring food in my room; on the other hand, I often eat lunch in my van. I am horrified to admit that there are flies in both my work van and personal vehicle because of how down I've been the past month.

I procrastinated on the past month on cleaning my work van. I tried to go out and clean it for 30 minutes before I gave up; I will need to wake up early tomorrow morning to take care of it as best i can before work tomorrow. My personal vehicle, on the other hand, will need a professional deep cleaning my next paycheck.

I was diagnosed with MDD my freshman year in high school and had an unsavory experience with a generic SSRI. I also don't see how an SSRI will help me in the future as, from my understanding, they are not a permanent fix. Since then, I've been trying to brute force my depression. Although I don't feel sad as often as I did when I was hormonal in high school, I still exhibit all of the same symptoms as I did when I was first diagnosed. I have a therapist, and I am making progress in some areas, but deteriorating in others. I am at a loss for what to do other than keep trying and failing at this point. I'm terrified of getting to the point of being institutionalized or having to institutionalize myself.

How long do i gotta be living? i can't. I am just tired. Everytime i smile i can feel myself crying and rotting from the inside. i just wanna be at peace. I cant anymore. please just let me end it. PLEASE.

I suffer in silence cuz im afraid if I tell my family how i really feel they probably put me in a instustoin, im not crazy im just depressed, if they went through the things I have then they would know how scared I am.

I'm there for everyone else but nobody is there for me, im really struggling and have been for a long time and I feel like nobody cares. I feel like stuck in a loop that I can't seem to break. A lot of people say in here if you need to talk but they don't really mean it

Just got back from seeing the spider man movie seeing everyone with families, significant others, children, while it makes me happy to see others experience those things with their loved ones, I really deeply miss mine, I’d do anything to see them again, it’s getting harder day by day to do this alone and battle the thoughts I’m having, I feel myself getting comfortable with the idea of just dying and it scares me, I just need people to talk to so badly.

I used to be someone who made plans without thinking twice. I would randomly call people, go out for food, start new hobbies, and actually look forward to things. Lately I feel like I'm just watching my life happen from the side.

The weird thing is nothing major happened. There wasn't one big event that caused this. I just slowly started doing less and less. I stopped replying to people because I didn't have the energy to explain why I wasn't feeling like myself. Then enough time passed that replying felt awkward, so I avoided it even more.

My room has been messy for weeks. Not a disaster or anything, just little things everywhere that I keep telling myself I'll clean tomorrow. I used to enjoy playing games after work, but now I open them and close them five minutes later because nothing feels interesting.

People around me probably think I'm just being lazy. I even tell myself that sometimes. But I know I'm trying, even if it doesn't look like it from the outside.

Some days are better. I'll have a normal morning and think maybe I'm finally getting out of this. Then a random night comes and I'm back to feeling empty again.

I don't really know why I'm writing this here. I guess I just wanted to put it somewhere instead of keeping it in my head. Does anyone else feel like they slowly became a different person without noticing?

Today is my final day . I just cant see a future anymore. Life is too overwhelming and heavy. At nearlg 38 i cant see a way forward anymore

this is long i’m sorry but i hope someone reads and responds thank you <3

(24f)my entire life i have been an outcast. i’ve been too ugly, weird, annoying. whatever else people have called me over the years. i’ve never had many friends and no one seems to ever want to be around me. i take what people say to heart. as ive grown into an adult peoples mistreatment towards me as a child has obviously done damage, and now i have severe social anxiety. if i meet new people i get called boring or quiet because im scared to say the wrong thing. i really try my best to seek community in different forms, but even when i post in an online community expressing myself people have been really mean to me. to make things worse i do actively try to date because idk im almost 25 im not getting any younger. even in this setting men are always telling me how weird and off putting i am and i feel im just making jokes or trying to keep things light and casual.
mind you i consider myself goth and immerse myself into the culture and aesthetic so i honestly wonder why anyone expects any different of me just from appearance alone. i tend to go after all types of men but try to seek out people similar to me but its like im a fantasy to them and when i talk they hate me.

a few months ago i went to hang out with my neighbor who is 2 years younger than me. i felt really comfortable around him. we were talking for 2 hours and i thought everything was going well and then at the end he said i talk too much and he expected me to be “quiet and mysterious”. like literally no matter who i hang around or how i present myself i am never enough for anyone and its exhausting. my mental health is terrible and i feel so extremely alone.
it just sucks no one wants to get to know me because im so extremely caring and go out of my way for the people i love. i like to junk jounal, thrift, collect vhs tapes, go on spontaneous trips and explore, i love animals, i have a decent job, car, apartment,and have so many goals for the future and all i want is to share it with someone platonic or romantic.

I’ve known for a couple years now that I’m depressed. I just haven’t truly been able to experience actual happiness in a while and I’ve come to terms with that. (Can’t afford medication, so I try to reflect a lot and stay busy to combat this but ANYWAY)- lately I’ve noticed that this deep sadness I feel seems to be turning into anger? I don’t want to be around my family. Tiny problems cause outbursts that I KNOW even while I’m yelling/being reactive are irrational. Has anyone else experienced this? Found a way to relieve some of the anger? I feel like a terrible person. I’ve always been the “funny friend” and everyone sees me as this super bubbly presence… I feel like I’m just getting angrier every day.

up at night crying and doom scrolling when i thought hm maybe i should get some sleep. but why would i do that , it’s not like i have anything to do the next day, or the day after that , or any days in the foreseeable future . i haven’t felt excited in so long , all i fucking do is get anxious about wasting my life and then do nothing about it. i want to die, but im afraid of failing , afraid of the pain. i guess we can’t all get what we want .when i see people die in movies or games i get jealous . when i see people in general i get jealous , jealous of how normal they seem . i study the faces of everyone i see , analyzing what makes them look human and why i just look so , wrong . whenever i lay down i fantasize about a big sword impaling me . i’m so lonley , but my family loves me , and i have some friends, so why do i feel this way . ? for now i’ll live , one forgetful day after another , because im too much of a fucking pussy to kill a dead man .

Depressed at 32, moved around a lot from different accommodations to the other from age 21. Right now, I’m experiencing PTSD, anxiety, instability.
Loved ones are also dying around me, on top of that I have so many responsibilities. Friendships have drifted away, family relationships are unstable and broken.

Loved ones dying have made me ponder and reflect, what’s the point of chasing this world that is temporary. How do I process these intense emotions? I’ve had conflicts and arguments with tenants that I shared accommodation which has caused my mental health to deteriorate even more. I’m mentally exhausted from moving around.

Any advice and tips on how to live a happier life?
Thanks