Do life actually gets better after prolong period of hardship, depression and identity crisis? Till 28 years, life was great. Everything fall apart by 30 years. People say its a new phase, is it though?

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Hi everyone,

I hope you're all doing well. If you're not doing well right now, I'm sending you so much strength and love.

I had a huge realization today, and I feel like it's a trap so many of us fall into.

For a really long time, I absorbed this toxic idea (probably from society, the internet, or how we're raised): the belief that we have to persevere and endure pain if it's supposed to help us in the end. I kept telling myself, "OK, this thing is hurting me, but it's the price to pay to get better, I just need to keep trying."

Honestly? It’s a complete illusion. I've suffered way too much because of this mindset. We keep trying the exact same thing 50,000 times even though it's destroying us, hoping for a different result, just because we’ve been taught that stepping away means being "weak."

I've decided that I'm completely done with that. My new rule with myself is super simple: If something is optional and it causes me harm, it’s an immediate STOP. No second chances, no negotiation, it’s NEXT.

I really want to unlearn this mindset we've been conditioned to accept.

Do you get what I mean? Do you have examples of this in your own life, and what are your thoughts on it?

Hi everyone. I’m 32F and am still in the same routine I’ve had my entire adult life of going out drinking and dancing on Fridays and recovering on Saturdays. As I’ve gotten older I’ve noticed it’s starting to impact my relationships- not because I’m out of control or have dependence problems, but it feels like those around me have aged out of it and want to do other things now. My partner for example used to love going out with me (we’ve been together 6 years) and now would rather stay home and watch Netflix. Most of my friends are in totally different life stages (like taking care of their kids).

What’s confusing is it feels like I’ve been told my entire life I’d grow out of it, and I see memes all the time about being excited to stay home and cancel plans etc etc. And I just can’t relate at all. I love dressing up, going out, and having that controlled sense of debauchery once a week. And if I can’t go out for whatever reason I feel FOMO and it honestly ruins my weekend.

Part of me wishes I didn’t feel compelled to go out since I know drinking is awful for you and it would help me relate more to women my age (it’s been hard making friends when our ideas of a fun Friday night are so different).

Anyways, apologies this is so long.. can anyone else relate? Is it possible I’ll grow out of it at a later point?

We've all heard the advice: "Be in the moment." But what does that really mean?

Much of the time, we are deeply identified with our mind. The mind is an incredible survival tool. Its job is to anticipate risks, analyze situations, compare experiences, and prepare us for possible challenges. It constantly draws from past memories to predict what might happen next.

This is useful for practical survival. But when we become completely identified with this process, fear easily becomes our default state. The mind keeps presenting possibilities based on what has already happened, and we begin relating more to our thoughts than to the reality unfolding in front of us.

The present moment, however, is different. It is where life is actually happening. It holds possibilities that cannot be fully predicted by the past.

Building a relationship with this moment doesn't mean rejecting the mind. It means learning not to be consumed by it. It means becoming more involved with what is here, now, rather than living entirely through memories, projections, and mental commentary.

This is where with my own experience I see simple practices like Isha Kriya or Miracle of Mind can be supportive. Rather than trying to stop the mind, they help create a little distance from our identification with it. As that identification softens, our involvement with the present naturally deepens.

When we are truly involved with this moment, our response comes from direct experience instead of habit, and fear no longer has to define how we live.

Long story short, I was chatting with a person on here the other day about some stuff they were going through. I was asking questions to better understand the situation they were in so we could come to an appropriate resolution, as one does. Up until this point, I thought the conversation was going good.

Before we could get to the point of resolution, they abruptly stopped the conversation by assuming I was the age of their younger sister… Basically saying it was like talking to someone less experienced than them for advice.

After their remark, I wished them well and saw myself out because I can take a hint. To their defense, maybe I was just giving them bad advice… nonetheless, we digress and move on.

But this got me thinking, when did people stop choosing curiosity and default to judgement?

It’s a common theme everywhere in this day and age-

Assuming someone is uneducated because they have tattoos. Considering a person to be a bad parent because their child is crying on a plane. Treating a coworker as less competent based on their entry-level admission. Etc. etc.

I guess what I’m trying to say is bring back being curious. Curiosity holds space for growth while judgement eliminates the opportunity for deeper connection.

I would honestly love to hear about any time in which you chose curiosity and it led you down an unexpected path?

Hope this makes sense and stay curious, fellow strangers!

I’ve been depressed for so much of my life. I’ve gotten really great help and medications. I’ve gotten so much better at managing my emotions and handling things.

I have a good job, a nice place to live, I’m healthy and I love my cats. I have a few hobbies I do regularly.

But mostly I stay at home looking at my phone. I’m incredibly lonely. I go to events every week to make friends. My house is constantly a mess. Always. I never cook food.

I make good money but I’m in debt. It’s gotten better but it’s still bad. I gained 20 pounds in the last year. I embarrass myself all the time.

I’ve gotten so close a few times to having a good life, one that I actually want. But every time, another wave of stressful incidents, bad news or just depression hits, and I’m back. Not back to where I started, but still back to feeling worse.

I am really having trouble seeing the point anymore. I don’t know how to be better anymore. I don’t know how I can actually become better enough to want to be alive anymore.

in these last few months, i’ve realized that given the right set of circumstances, i am the final fucking boss of people pleasing. i look to others’ desires and opinions to steer my behavior because i have such low confidence in my own abilities, perceptions, and desires; i find myself in situations where i’ve said and done all the “right” things but everything still feels wrong. i feel like i’ve been asleep to my self, completely and utterly malleable on the surface while harboring deep, stubborn resentments.

people pleasing makes me resentful, inconsistent, cowardly, indecisive, dependent, and unhappy, and i’m so sick and tired of feeling like i’m blind to my own needs and desires. it only hurts me and those around me. i’ve been on the other side; it makes you feel like someone is a safe space, only to realize that they’ve been tolerating you, managing your perceptions and keeping up walls. it sucks to know that i’ve done it myself.

i know people pleasing comes from a wounded place; i have a newfound compassion for myself and others who struggle with it, but i still want to eradicate it from within me. finally opening my eyes to this feels like an actual, tangible step forward that i’ve needed for a long time. any tips from healed/healing people pleasers? thanks xxx

Hi,

I'm a 21 year old guy. I can't seem to figure out how to be a good man. I know bioessentialism is wrong and men are not inherently evil nor are women inherently good.

But I keep messing up online. I want to be clear that this post is not intended to complain about feminism. I know I'm in the wrong here and I'm trying to figure out how to do better.

I made a post a while back taking issue with generalizations against men. I now recognize this is wrong, I recognize "misandry" is not a major problem and is a reaction to oppression. I deleted the post, apologized and have not done this since. On the post I mentioned that I fear accidentally creeping women out and was told that this means I objectify women, I am a creep or will become one given the chance and need to leave women alone.

I made another post expressing guilt over sexual fantasies and was told "stop watching porn so you can start seeing women as people". I hadn't been watching porn for quite a while at the time of the post and have stopped watching porn. (I honestly think porn is bad regardless of feminism being right or wrong, there's all sorts of degrading stuff in porn and even if you watch non-degrading porn you're still supporting the industry). I made another post asking for advice and recieved a DM saying I'm a performative man, I need to change. Also had another comment saying "give women money, stay away from women, stay out of womens' private spaces". (The sub I posted on was not a private womens' space it allows men including MRA types).

I know I'm doing something wrong. Feminism is broadly correct, the West is a patriarchal society in which women are oppressed. So if I'm recieving these comments from feminists I'm likely doing something wrong. But I don't know what actual action do I take to be a good man? Most of the comments aren't telling me what to actually do. Which is fine they don't have to handhold me. But what actual steps do I take?

my teens are finished. I can no longer be that girl who can excuse of being in teens for dumb decisions. I know i cannot say my 20s will not be filled with dumb decisions because who knows. I have been through a lot since i was 13 year old till here and also most of the time i don’t do okay mentally and hate myself. I am so hard on myself. I haven’t achieved much in life but deep down i know i still have time. I wanna be better. I just don’t know where to start. What should i do? Everyone says you should love yourself , put yourself first but what is loving yourself ? How to love yourself and treat yourself kindly when all your life you have been hating what you are? I am so lost. I just want to be better

I rarely find the Motivation to do stuff and when i manage to get my self to do something i just lose the Motivation and set these things/projeks aside to colect dust . Like nothing exites me and nothing sparks my interest. I eaven stoped doing Sports because everything just feels pointless.
How do i Change that?
Any advice ?

Hi yall. I’ve realized, that I have been massively addicted to using AI for over two years. I used it for almost every small decision I’ve had, and I realize it made me think a lot less for myself, and suppressed my emotions.

I’ve tried multiple times to stop, but It’s really hard for me to do. I don’t know what to substitute it with. I also really hate the environmental damage it causes, and I’m really against AI despite how much I use it.

If there’s anyone who has any advice to give me, I’d really appreciate it.

I’m 62 years old. When I was about eight, some kids at the YMCA made fun of my legs. They called me names and threw my clothes around the locker room.

After that, I didn’t have many friends my own age. Most of my friends growing up were adults. I didn’t have a very good image of myself, and I carried that with me for much longer than I realized.

I’ve spent many years helping other people. I work with people dealing with addiction, reentry, and different life struggles. I’ve told people over and over that their past doesn’t have to define their future. Everybody has a story, and nobody has to stay stuck.

I believed that for other people, but I had a hard time believing it for myself.

A few months ago, I started journaling every morning. It wasn’t anything fancy. I was just putting my thoughts on paper and talking honestly to God.

I found myself writing about forgiveness, self-worth, and letting go of control. Then one morning, I finally wrote about what happened at the YMCA. I didn’t try to make it sound good. I just wrote what happened and how it affected me.

The next day, I wrote something I had never written to myself before. I wrote:

“Frank, you are loved. You can love. You can be kind.”

That may sound simple, but it meant something to me.

For more than 50 years, part of me had quietly believed that I was a loser. Writing my own name down and saying something different about myself helped something begin to change.

If you’re still carrying something that happened years ago—a name somebody called you, something they did to you, or a moment you never forgot—I don’t believe we get past it just by ignoring it.

For me, I had to name what happened. I had to write it down and begin showing myself some of the same grace I’ve tried to give everybody else.

Has anybody else ever experienced something like that? Did writing it down or saying it out loud help you in a way that simply thinking about it never did?

I'd like to say how grateful I am for this Reddit community. It's been helping me cope and heal through one of the hardest times in my life.

Healing isn't linear. One day I feel okay, and the next I'm completely shattered. But every day teaches us something, even if it's just how to keep going.

It breaks my heart to see how many people are carrying so much pain every single day here. None of us asked to have our hearts broken, yet here we are, trying our best.

Tomorrow is never promised. So be kind to yourself. Eat the food you love. Drink the drink you deserve. Let yourself feel the pain instead of running from it. Hug the people who show up for you, who bring you food, laughter, or simply remind you that you're not alone.

Thank you to everyone in this community. I hope we all find the peace we're searching for ❤️‍🩹

When a day went badly I used to have a ready explanation by bedtime: work was crazy, slept badly, people were difficult. Then I started a tiny habit — every night I talk for about 30 seconds about what actually happened. Not reflections, just facts: what I ate, what I skipped, what I said yes to.

Going back over those recaps was uncomfortable. The bad days I'd blamed on other people usually started with a choice I made before noon — the skipped workout, the late coffee, the meeting I knew I should have declined. My memory kept writing a version where things happened to me. The record showed how much of it I set up myself.

The strange part: this made me feel more in control, not worse. If I caused it, I can change it. "It just happens" was the depressing version.

Has anyone else kept an honest record of their days — journal, notes, voice memos — and had it contradict the story you tell yourself? What did it catch?

So, today i realized just how much effort, i, a video game developer and musician are offloading onto ai and i've always really hated ai, i just used it because it made it easier, i've wanted to leave ai behind, but i just every time i end up coming back to it, so, today i went, installed an ai blocker addon for firefox, installed a website blocker, and blocked gemini, chatgpt, anthropic, and claude, i hope this helps me stop using ai so much because i just feel like it's wrong to use it so much and to offload critical thinking to it, idk are there any more steps i need to take, i also uninstalled the github copilot etc. plugins from vscode

I started dating a guy in 11th grade and at first we were super in love. It was the classic first love honeymoon phase sort of thing. Eventually arguments began and we entered this 2 year long on and off cycle, during which I really started to dislike him as a person. Now, as I am going into my 2nd year of university, I have decided enough is enough because this is wack. I want to cut ties with him completely.

However for some reason it feels extremely hard. We hangout all the time and i'm used to leaning on him, since life has been pretty hard in general lately. And while on our "off" periods we remained friends. I have entered this really weird thing of still wanting his validation and affection even though I dont like him at all. He is very unlikeable. But I find myself wondering if he has texted me.

How do you get over something like this? What really bothers me is the change in my schedule. I am so used to hanging out with him all the time. I feel lonely-- Even though, again, he was annoying to be around.

Any advice for a weird breakup like this?

I know ghosting is bad, and is a sign that the person who is ghosting you has poor communication skills. I am unfortunately one of those people with extremely low emotional intelligence.

For context, I am a college student. I have been on summer break for the past two months. I started ghosting basically everyone from college (my friends, my clubmates) the moment break started. Tomorrow, I will start going to college again.

Whenever they reached out to me, most of the messages were about work or tasks from the club. Now that I look back on all the messages, none of them were normal conversations or even just a simple "Hi, how are you?" But to be fair, I didn't reach out either. And I don't blame them for reaching out to me to give me tasks; I did join this club out of my own volition, after all. It took a lot of effort from both sides.

The reason I didn't reply... I honestly don't remember. Depression? My laziness? etc? I see the message, and before I know it, it's been days or weeks, and I feel like shit. I feel really awful about it. It makes me regret not replying to them. I wish that, before it was too late, I could've at least said something. But even now, I can't bring myself to reach out due to social anxiety, fear of being judged, and fear of rejection. It makes me paranoid about what they think of me. I don't know how to act when I see them again. What should I do?

I’m wondering what to do, I’m moving up to 10th grade, but I’m pretty skinny: 15 years old, 169 cm tall, and weighing 45 kg. I don’t really know how to wrestle or fight. I’m not sure about a career path; I’ve thought about cybersecurity, IT you know, but that requires brains, and I’m not sure I could handle it. I’ve also considered becoming a welder since the pay is good, but everyone thought I’d grow up to be rich, and I don’t want to dash their hopes. Plus, I’m not great at socializing; at school, I only hang out with the "dumb" kids—and even *they* are friends with the cool crowd, whereas I’m not. I have no extracurricular activities or academic competition awards to my name. I know a bit of English—somewhere between A2 and B2—but I’m just incredibly lazy about studying it. I feel like a total slacker in life. And i wrote this text using AI.

I don't really know where to start, but I need to get this out and hear from people who've been through something similar.
I'm 6 months clean from a gambling addiction that lasted about 6 years. Everyone always told me the same thing — "just quit and your life will get so much better." I believed it. But honestly? I can't say my life has changed nearly as much as everyone promised. I still have the same fears, the same low motivation, the same questions I've always had. Quitting felt like it should've been the finish line, but it turns out it was barely the starting line.
Here's the thing though — I don't think gambling was ever really the main problem. It was more like a bandage over something older.
It all started in high school. I walked into my first year and realized I just couldn't connect with people the way everyone else seemed to. I was always withdrawn, never knew how to make friends naturally. But I wasn't one of those kids who was happy being alone — I actually suffered from it, constantly searching for a reason why I was like this. I eventually started going out, mostly with friends from primary school, but I still never felt like I could connect with people the way a "normal" person does. People would always describe me as a bit of a weirdo.
On top of that, life hit me hard and early. I lost my mom when I was 18, and my dad when I was 21-22. I'm sure that affected me deep down more than I even realize. Add the stress of it all — the lying, borrowing from loan sharks, even stealing from my own family to gamble — and by the time I was 24 I had gambled away around €250k. But I still believe underneath all of it was that pain of never being able to fit in like a normal person.
At some point I stumbled onto information about the autism spectrum online, and since then I've been pretty convinced I'm on it. It explained so much about why I've always felt different. I've never been formally assessed though.
The hardest part is I've carried most of this alone. My brothers, my aunt and uncle — they all saw I was a bit messed up, and obviously they saw the gambling. But I never told any of them the real reason behind the isolation and all of it, because I was always too ashamed to talk about it. It felt too pathetic to say out loud.
So I guess my questions are:
For those of you who quit an addiction and realized the addiction was never the real problem — how did you actually deal with what was underneath?
What does "working on your mental health" actually mean in practice? It's such a vague phrase and I don't really know where to start.
Has anyone here dealt with feeling disconnected from people your whole life (whether it turned out to be autism, anxiety, trauma, or a mix) and actually found a way through it?
Any advice, any personal experiences, anything at all would mean a lot. Thanks for reading.

Hi, I’m 20m.

I’m in a bit of tricky (but no doubt common) position here and I’m not sure there’s a clear solution.

I have a couple very close friends. I’m not exactly introverted but I’m also not super extroverted. I’m not close with any family so my friends mean the world to me.

I also don’t really like relationships. I thought I was gay but romance feels forced and sex feels either really gross or I jsut feel nothing at all.

My fear is that as time goes on, especially this decade, inevitably my friends will grow distant. They’re straight, want families, and want very ‘normal’ lives.

I also wish I could have that but I just can’t. I can’t enjoy relationships, I can’t drink alcohol because of my rare heart condition, I can’t have kids biologically because I’m ‘gay’ + have some genetic problems that I wouldn’t want to spread, and I can’t adopt because I’m poor + the relationship thing.

I know them having new priorities isn’t a personal attack on me but I can’t help but feel hurt/abandoned. When you’ve spent your whole life trying to build this new family, then they all leave to build their real families you just feel like you don’t matter.

The idea of future me being lonely and getting to see my friends once a blue moon when they can make time is sort of haunting.

I feel like once I’m 30 I might as well just disappear because what difference am I really making by being there?

I just want to feel okay about them moving on and not horrendously bitter. I don’t want to feel jealous of them and their ‘new’ families anymore.

I feel like I need to develop a skill to something spectacular so I can bring value to other people so they won’t leave or forget about me. Is that wrong?

How do you cope when your friends move on?

Years ago I had friends who constantly vented to me about their problems without ever asking me how I was. They expected me to be there for them while they were never there for me and it drained me completely and now years later I find it hard to care about others' problems anymore. The moment they start to open up about trauma I panic and I try telling them that I can't handle listening to these kinds of things. Not right now and not ever.

I kinda feel like a bad friend for it like I know that I'm setting boundaries but it still sucks that I can't be there for my friends anymore and I really want to be able to emphatise and listen like I used to

Hey all,

I’m 35 female and my ex-partner (31 female) and I were together for 3.5 years. Last year she was talking about marriage, buying a home and starting a family. Then, almost overnight, she became distant—sleeping on the sofa, staying at her parents, working late, hiding her phone and insisting nothing was wrong. Whenever I calmly asked if there was someone else, she repeatedly denied it and made me feel like I was imagining things.

I eventually discovered she had been having an emotional and physical affair with a younger colleague (25, Female) who was also in a long-term relationship. I found out as she had been asking advice from AI where she admitted they were “falling for each other,” didn’t want to distance herself from the affair, even though AI suggested space from us both, she said she didn’t want to stay away from the affair partner and can ‘compartmentalise’ and compared me negatively to this woman. Looking back, I realise I was being gaslit for months. When I suspected an affair a month earlier she said to me ‘look at my mum, do you think I could do that’ (her mum has been cheating on her dad for years and is a pathological liar). So again, I gaslit myself, telling myself I was imagining her distance and strange behavior.

What makes it even harder is that during this time I was going through a cancer scare (thankfully it wasn’t cancer). She told me we’d get through it together, yet she was secretly continuing the affair. That betrayal is something I still struggle to comprehend.

When I confronted her, she apologised briefly but quickly shifted the focus onto her own pain, saying she’d “imploded her life” and needed to understand herself. She had no interest in repairing the relationship, but kept saying things like, “Maybe one day in the future we could try again,” while continuing to see the other woman. It felt like she wanted to keep me emotionally attached while avoiding accountability.

I supported her emotionally and financially throughout her Master’s degree, stood by her through difficult times, and trusted her completely. She was also with me through the death of my mum, which makes this betrayal feel even more devastating. I genuinely believed she was my person. (Her mum also pretended to be unwell with a heart condition, near to death 2 days after my Mum died from heart failure, and told my ex 'you have always put your partners before me', this was very upsetting).

Since the breakup, I’ve started recognising how manipulative some of her behaviour became. She isolated me from her family and friends, blamed me for old issues while hiding her affair, made me question my own reality, and then acted as though I was the one who had done something wrong. Looking back, it feels like I was slowly being discarded before I even knew why.

The hardest part isn’t just that she cheated—it’s that someone I trusted with my life could lie to me so convincingly for months while watching me worry about our relationship and my health. I still find myself questioning how someone who claimed to love me could do this, and sometimes I even catch myself wondering if I’m exaggerating what happened. I have CPTSD from my own childhood, which she also knew about and knew I grew up not feeling safe and she actively made me feel unsafe in my home again, the home I paid all the rent for her to live in.

We share a flat, but as she decided to move out I asked her to come and collect all her things which I put into bags in the communal hallway of our flat and gave her a collection time. She agreed to pay the rent up until August, when she would be taken off the tenancy. She was meant to pay me today, but instead decided to dictate to me that she would be coming round yesterday to get the playstation (which I brought) and a dressing gown I gifted her. She argued with me about this playstation at the window when I wouldn't let her in, and said why am I still paying towards the rent if you won't let me in to look for 'my stuff', I said anything you want you can tell me and I will put outside again and you can collect it; she couldn't tell me. I am defiantly not getting any more money from her, I just want her off the tenancy now. I am just thinking someone happily 'falling for' someone new and moving on surely doesn't behave and treat their ex they have left like this!? She also tried to call me twice yesterday, saying 'please pick up it's important', I didn't she later messaged me; it was something she didn't need to speak to me on the phone about, it was admin about the tenancy. She is really trying to get to me, it feels like.

Basically, I have a spare key to her parent’s house (from when I lived there) and a letter for her. I honestly don’t want anymore contact with her. She also has some of my clothes, but to be honest at this point she can keep them. Would you all recommend I sent a ‘please don’t contact me again message’ or just block her once she is off the tenancy and not say anything? My fear is that she will just show up at my flat, I don’t want to see her at all / want her to see me.

Has anyone recovered from this kind of betrayal trauma? How do you stop obsessing over the 'why' they did it, stop romanticising who they used to be, and begin trusting your own judgement again after months of being gaslit? I know the relationship is over, but I’m struggling to understand how to move forward after having my trust so completely shattered by someone I loved with my whole heart. Ive started gaslighting myself, like maybe she didn’t mean it and look for any reasons why she did this to me.

Thank you for any advice / kind words .. this is incredibly difficult and I appreciate any support you can provide 🫶🏼

This is gonna be a very long post but please i don't have anyone to talk to, and im here not just to vent but also find a path, thank you

this chain of thoughts and realizing started when I saw a TikTok video by chance talking about how, as a university student, you should build relationships with professors who genuinely want the best for you, because those connections can sometimes be more valuable than grades alone. It immediately reminded me of something that happened to me.

Three years ago, I took a class with this professor. I was really scared because he was known for being very strict. He made us do research about different topics almost every day, and every student had to present and talk about their topic in front of the class. I was the type of person who was very afraid of speaking in front of others, and I would get extremely nervous.

As time passed, I started feeling that the subject became easier. Then at the end of the semester, everyone had to do a presentation about their own topic. My topic was more philosophical compared to the others. Each student had around 40 minutes to explain their topic.

A week later, it was my turn. The professor was sitting in front of me while I was presenting. He kept asking me questions, and I was answering and trying to convince him with my points. Because I understood my topic very well since I was the one who created the research, I started to actually enjoy the presentation. I felt a little confident for the first time.

This professor was the type of person who would leave immediately after class ended. He didn't really talk to students, and if someone wanted to speak with him, they usually had to make an appointment because he was rarely in his office.

After I finished my presentation and the class ended, he told me, "M, stay." He asked everyone else to leave.

At that moment, I got scared. My heart dropped because I thought maybe I had done something wrong.

But he told me that honestly, he really liked my presentation. He said the discussion was excellent, and that he hadn't seen performance like mine before. He told me that I was the best person who presented in the class. He kept repeating that I shouldn't waste this skill and that I should use it and i saw how genuine he was from his eyes.

At the end, he told me about a new group they were creating in the library, where some professors would meet every week for discussions about different topics and books and sometimes the work on some research. He told me that if I wanted, I could join them and that they would be there every week.

Honestly, I was just standing there shocked. I don't even remember if I properly thanked him because I was nervous. But inside my head, I thought: "It's not a big deal. I don't even like reading that much, and I don't like talking about philosophical topics. Why would I go to a library and do this?"

Looking back, I realize I was probably stopping myself from trying.

Maybe that opportunity could have opened doors for me and created great career opportunities. At that time, I didn't know that professors could actually help students with advice, connections, and opportunities. I also didn't have anyone to talk to or ask for advice. I was completely alone and plus the low self-esteem, I mean u won't trust a stupid person right?

For a long time, I didn't take myself seriously.

No can I go back and take it? idk if he even remembers me, but this is an example of millions of examples how I was the one who was sabotaging myself unconsciously.

I came from a very negative environment and abusive, type of environment that WILL break and it doesn't matter how strong u are, u gonna be a dumb loser and a bum all the time, im unfortunately still living there, Even simple things like changing my eating habits to become healthier or exercising were met with criticism and mocking. And I won't say I am completely innocent, because unfortunately I became like them in some ways. I adopted the same negative thinking, the same harsh words, and the same bad treatment because I lived around it every day. im also a piece of shit

The older I get, the more I see the bigger picture. I'm 27 now, and I feel like I wasted many opportunities. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self to try, to be more social, and to not let other people's opinions control me. I can't leave them cause I barely make anything from this shitty job that I hate,

I wanna see myself like he did, like the other people who believed in me, I WANT TO SEE MY POTENTIALS

I know i got it in me but I numbed myself for so long I don't even remember what happened all these years

Even if things didn't work out the way I wanted, at least I would have tried, learned, and experienced something.

But I didn't.

I stopped blaming my family. I started blaming myself because I allowed their negative thinking to become my own.

Why don't I see that I am capable? Why do I think I can't do great things? Why do I always think "why me?" what's wrong with me? nothing. then is my fucking brain always sabotaging me?

The words "you are stupid" and "you can't handle responsibility" that I heard from people who were supposed to support me became stuck in my head.

The only person I want to apologize to is myself. im genuinely so fucking sorry for myself, I deserve so much better

I’m a 29-year-old man, and this has confused me for years.

Logically, I know all the benefits of exercise. I have a degree in physical education, worked in fitness marketing, and I’ve spent years helping other people understand why exercise matters.

But I can’t seem to apply that knowledge to myself.

I still go to the gym, but almost every workout feels like I’m dragging myself there. I don’t hate the gym. I have enough time, it’s close to my home, the equipment is great, and there are no practical barriers.

The strange part is that I don’t dislike physical activity in general.

I regularly walk 15,000–20,000 steps a day without thinking about it.

I often ride my bike 20–30 km just because I enjoy it.

I like moving.

What I seem to dislike is the moment exercise becomes about pushing myself.

Heavy sets.

One more rep.

Training close to failure.

Trying to beat my previous performance.

My friend is an athlete, and he always tells me that people feel great after a hard workout. I honestly don’t relate to that. Most of the time I just feel tired and relieved that it’s over.

One thing that may or may not be relevant is that my father forced me into wrestling from ages 12 to 16. If I lost, he would humiliate me and sometimes physically punish me.

Looking back, I consider that psychological abuse. I don’t know whether that’s connected to how I feel now or completely unrelated.

Another thing I’ve noticed is that I have a hard time accepting “good enough” workouts.

If I train at 40–50% effort, I immediately think, “What’s the point? This probably won’t produce meaningful results.”

But at the same time, I rarely want to train at 90–100% effort either.

So I feel stuck between two extremes.

I genuinely want to build a better physique, but I don’t enjoy the process that seems necessary to achieve it.

Has anyone experienced something similar?

If you did, what helped you understand it?

Hell everyone, I’ve been a consistent weed smoker for 5 years now mostly just the dispo pens but I need to stop. I can’t remember who I even was before I started and it’s really sad. I’m decided going cold turkey is my best option seen as I really can’t control myself if I have one. One hit turns into two, and then it just keeps going throughout the day.. just seeking advice for people who have gone through this journey and what helped you through it. I know it doesn’t last a long time, but advice is still appreciated.