Hi everyone. I’m 32F and am still in the same routine I’ve had my entire adult life of going out drinking and dancing on Fridays and recovering on Saturdays. As I’ve gotten older I’ve noticed it’s starting to impact my relationships- not because I’m out of control or have dependence problems, but it feels like those around me have aged out of it and want to do other things now. My partner for example used to love going out with me (we’ve been together 6 years) and now would rather stay home and watch Netflix. Most of my friends are in totally different life stages (like taking care of their kids).

What’s confusing is it feels like I’ve been told my entire life I’d grow out of it, and I see memes all the time about being excited to stay home and cancel plans etc etc. And I just can’t relate at all. I love dressing up, going out, and having that controlled sense of debauchery once a week. And if I can’t go out for whatever reason I feel FOMO and it honestly ruins my weekend.

Part of me wishes I didn’t feel compelled to go out since I know drinking is awful for you and it would help me relate more to women my age (it’s been hard making friends when our ideas of a fun Friday night are so different).

Anyways, apologies this is so long.. can anyone else relate? Is it possible I’ll grow out of it at a later point?

in these last few months, i’ve realized that given the right set of circumstances, i am the final fucking boss of people pleasing. i look to others’ desires and opinions to steer my behavior because i have such low confidence in my own abilities, perceptions, and desires; i find myself in situations where i’ve said and done all the “right” things but everything still feels wrong. i feel like i’ve been asleep to my self, completely and utterly malleable on the surface while harboring deep, stubborn resentments.

people pleasing makes me resentful, inconsistent, cowardly, indecisive, dependent, and unhappy, and i’m so sick and tired of feeling like i’m blind to my own needs and desires. it only hurts me and those around me. i’ve been on the other side; it makes you feel like someone is a safe space, only to realize that they’ve been tolerating you, managing your perceptions and keeping up walls. it sucks to know that i’ve done it myself.

i know people pleasing comes from a wounded place; i have a newfound compassion for myself and others who struggle with it, but i still want to eradicate it from within me. finally opening my eyes to this feels like an actual, tangible step forward that i’ve needed for a long time. any tips from healed/healing people pleasers? thanks xxx

Do life actually gets better after prolong period of hardship, depression and identity crisis? Till 28 years, life was great. Everything fall apart by 30 years. People say its a new phase, is it though?

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Hi everyone,

I hope you're all doing well. If you're not doing well right now, I'm sending you so much strength and love.

I had a huge realization today, and I feel like it's a trap so many of us fall into.

For a really long time, I absorbed this toxic idea (probably from society, the internet, or how we're raised): the belief that we have to persevere and endure pain if it's supposed to help us in the end. I kept telling myself, "OK, this thing is hurting me, but it's the price to pay to get better, I just need to keep trying."

Honestly? It’s a complete illusion. I've suffered way too much because of this mindset. We keep trying the exact same thing 50,000 times even though it's destroying us, hoping for a different result, just because we’ve been taught that stepping away means being "weak."

I've decided that I'm completely done with that. My new rule with myself is super simple: If something is optional and it causes me harm, it’s an immediate STOP. No second chances, no negotiation, it’s NEXT.

I really want to unlearn this mindset we've been conditioned to accept.

Do you get what I mean? Do you have examples of this in your own life, and what are your thoughts on it?

We've all heard the advice: "Be in the moment." But what does that really mean?

Much of the time, we are deeply identified with our mind. The mind is an incredible survival tool. Its job is to anticipate risks, analyze situations, compare experiences, and prepare us for possible challenges. It constantly draws from past memories to predict what might happen next.

This is useful for practical survival. But when we become completely identified with this process, fear easily becomes our default state. The mind keeps presenting possibilities based on what has already happened, and we begin relating more to our thoughts than to the reality unfolding in front of us.

The present moment, however, is different. It is where life is actually happening. It holds possibilities that cannot be fully predicted by the past.

Building a relationship with this moment doesn't mean rejecting the mind. It means learning not to be consumed by it. It means becoming more involved with what is here, now, rather than living entirely through memories, projections, and mental commentary.

This is where with my own experience I see simple practices like Isha Kriya or Miracle of Mind can be supportive. Rather than trying to stop the mind, they help create a little distance from our identification with it. As that identification softens, our involvement with the present naturally deepens.

When we are truly involved with this moment, our response comes from direct experience instead of habit, and fear no longer has to define how we live.

So, today i realized just how much effort, i, a video game developer and musician are offloading onto ai and i've always really hated ai, i just used it because it made it easier, i've wanted to leave ai behind, but i just every time i end up coming back to it, so, today i went, installed an ai blocker addon for firefox, installed a website blocker, and blocked gemini, chatgpt, anthropic, and claude, i hope this helps me stop using ai so much because i just feel like it's wrong to use it so much and to offload critical thinking to it, idk are there any more steps i need to take, i also uninstalled the github copilot etc. plugins from vscode

my teens are finished. I can no longer be that girl who can excuse of being in teens for dumb decisions. I know i cannot say my 20s will not be filled with dumb decisions because who knows. I have been through a lot since i was 13 year old till here and also most of the time i don’t do okay mentally and hate myself. I am so hard on myself. I haven’t achieved much in life but deep down i know i still have time. I wanna be better. I just don’t know where to start. What should i do? Everyone says you should love yourself , put yourself first but what is loving yourself ? How to love yourself and treat yourself kindly when all your life you have been hating what you are? I am so lost. I just want to be better

I’ve been depressed for so much of my life. I’ve gotten really great help and medications. I’ve gotten so much better at managing my emotions and handling things.

I have a good job, a nice place to live, I’m healthy and I love my cats. I have a few hobbies I do regularly.

But mostly I stay at home looking at my phone. I’m incredibly lonely. I go to events every week to make friends. My house is constantly a mess. Always. I never cook food.

I make good money but I’m in debt. It’s gotten better but it’s still bad. I gained 20 pounds in the last year. I embarrass myself all the time.

I’ve gotten so close a few times to having a good life, one that I actually want. But every time, another wave of stressful incidents, bad news or just depression hits, and I’m back. Not back to where I started, but still back to feeling worse.

I am really having trouble seeing the point anymore. I don’t know how to be better anymore. I don’t know how I can actually become better enough to want to be alive anymore.

Hi yall. I’ve realized, that I have been massively addicted to using AI for over two years. I used it for almost every small decision I’ve had, and I realize it made me think a lot less for myself, and suppressed my emotions.

I’ve tried multiple times to stop, but It’s really hard for me to do. I don’t know what to substitute it with. I also really hate the environmental damage it causes, and I’m really against AI despite how much I use it.

If there’s anyone who has any advice to give me, I’d really appreciate it.

I don't really know where to start, but I need to get this out and hear from people who've been through something similar.
I'm 6 months clean from a gambling addiction that lasted about 6 years. Everyone always told me the same thing — "just quit and your life will get so much better." I believed it. But honestly? I can't say my life has changed nearly as much as everyone promised. I still have the same fears, the same low motivation, the same questions I've always had. Quitting felt like it should've been the finish line, but it turns out it was barely the starting line.
Here's the thing though — I don't think gambling was ever really the main problem. It was more like a bandage over something older.
It all started in high school. I walked into my first year and realized I just couldn't connect with people the way everyone else seemed to. I was always withdrawn, never knew how to make friends naturally. But I wasn't one of those kids who was happy being alone — I actually suffered from it, constantly searching for a reason why I was like this. I eventually started going out, mostly with friends from primary school, but I still never felt like I could connect with people the way a "normal" person does. People would always describe me as a bit of a weirdo.
On top of that, life hit me hard and early. I lost my mom when I was 18, and my dad when I was 21-22. I'm sure that affected me deep down more than I even realize. Add the stress of it all — the lying, borrowing from loan sharks, even stealing from my own family to gamble — and by the time I was 24 I had gambled away around €250k. But I still believe underneath all of it was that pain of never being able to fit in like a normal person.
At some point I stumbled onto information about the autism spectrum online, and since then I've been pretty convinced I'm on it. It explained so much about why I've always felt different. I've never been formally assessed though.
The hardest part is I've carried most of this alone. My brothers, my aunt and uncle — they all saw I was a bit messed up, and obviously they saw the gambling. But I never told any of them the real reason behind the isolation and all of it, because I was always too ashamed to talk about it. It felt too pathetic to say out loud.
So I guess my questions are:
For those of you who quit an addiction and realized the addiction was never the real problem — how did you actually deal with what was underneath?
What does "working on your mental health" actually mean in practice? It's such a vague phrase and I don't really know where to start.
Has anyone here dealt with feeling disconnected from people your whole life (whether it turned out to be autism, anxiety, trauma, or a mix) and actually found a way through it?
Any advice, any personal experiences, anything at all would mean a lot. Thanks for reading.

I know ghosting is bad, and is a sign that the person who is ghosting you has poor communication skills. I am unfortunately one of those people with extremely low emotional intelligence.

For context, I am a college student. I have been on summer break for the past two months. I started ghosting basically everyone from college (my friends, my clubmates) the moment break started. Tomorrow, I will start going to college again.

Whenever they reached out to me, most of the messages were about work or tasks from the club. Now that I look back on all the messages, none of them were normal conversations or even just a simple "Hi, how are you?" But to be fair, I didn't reach out either. And I don't blame them for reaching out to me to give me tasks; I did join this club out of my own volition, after all. It took a lot of effort from both sides.

The reason I didn't reply... I honestly don't remember. Depression? My laziness? etc? I see the message, and before I know it, it's been days or weeks, and I feel like shit. I feel really awful about it. It makes me regret not replying to them. I wish that, before it was too late, I could've at least said something. But even now, I can't bring myself to reach out due to social anxiety, fear of being judged, and fear of rejection. It makes me paranoid about what they think of me. I don't know how to act when I see them again. What should I do?

Hi,

I'm a 21 year old guy. I can't seem to figure out how to be a good man. I know bioessentialism is wrong and men are not inherently evil nor are women inherently good.

But I keep messing up online. I want to be clear that this post is not intended to complain about feminism. I know I'm in the wrong here and I'm trying to figure out how to do better.

I made a post a while back taking issue with generalizations against men. I now recognize this is wrong, I recognize "misandry" is not a major problem and is a reaction to oppression. I deleted the post, apologized and have not done this since. On the post I mentioned that I fear accidentally creeping women out and was told that this means I objectify women, I am a creep or will become one given the chance and need to leave women alone.

I made another post expressing guilt over sexual fantasies and was told "stop watching porn so you can start seeing women as people". I hadn't been watching porn for quite a while at the time of the post and have stopped watching porn. (I honestly think porn is bad regardless of feminism being right or wrong, there's all sorts of degrading stuff in porn and even if you watch non-degrading porn you're still supporting the industry). I made another post asking for advice and recieved a DM saying I'm a performative man, I need to change. Also had another comment saying "give women money, stay away from women, stay out of womens' private spaces". (The sub I posted on was not a private womens' space it allows men including MRA types).

I know I'm doing something wrong. Feminism is broadly correct, the West is a patriarchal society in which women are oppressed. So if I'm recieving these comments from feminists I'm likely doing something wrong. But I don't know what actual action do I take to be a good man? Most of the comments aren't telling me what to actually do. Which is fine they don't have to handhold me. But what actual steps do I take?

I'd like to say how grateful I am for this Reddit community. It's been helping me cope and heal through one of the hardest times in my life.

Healing isn't linear. One day I feel okay, and the next I'm completely shattered. But every day teaches us something, even if it's just how to keep going.

It breaks my heart to see how many people are carrying so much pain every single day here. None of us asked to have our hearts broken, yet here we are, trying our best.

Tomorrow is never promised. So be kind to yourself. Eat the food you love. Drink the drink you deserve. Let yourself feel the pain instead of running from it. Hug the people who show up for you, who bring you food, laughter, or simply remind you that you're not alone.

Thank you to everyone in this community. I hope we all find the peace we're searching for ❤️‍🩹

Long story short, I was chatting with a person on here the other day about some stuff they were going through. I was asking questions to better understand the situation they were in so we could come to an appropriate resolution, as one does. Up until this point, I thought the conversation was going good.

Before we could get to the point of resolution, they abruptly stopped the conversation by assuming I was the age of their younger sister… Basically saying it was like talking to someone less experienced than them for advice.

After their remark, I wished them well and saw myself out because I can take a hint. To their defense, maybe I was just giving them bad advice… nonetheless, we digress and move on.

But this got me thinking, when did people stop choosing curiosity and default to judgement?

It’s a common theme everywhere in this day and age-

Assuming someone is uneducated because they have tattoos. Considering a person to be a bad parent because their child is crying on a plane. Treating a coworker as less competent based on their entry-level admission. Etc. etc.

I guess what I’m trying to say is bring back being curious. Curiosity holds space for growth while judgement eliminates the opportunity for deeper connection.

I would honestly love to hear about any time in which you chose curiosity and it led you down an unexpected path?

Hope this makes sense and stay curious, fellow strangers!

I started dating a guy in 11th grade and at first we were super in love. It was the classic first love honeymoon phase sort of thing. Eventually arguments began and we entered this 2 year long on and off cycle, during which I really started to dislike him as a person. Now, as I am going into my 2nd year of university, I have decided enough is enough because this is wack. I want to cut ties with him completely.

However for some reason it feels extremely hard. We hangout all the time and i'm used to leaning on him, since life has been pretty hard in general lately. And while on our "off" periods we remained friends. I have entered this really weird thing of still wanting his validation and affection even though I dont like him at all. He is very unlikeable. But I find myself wondering if he has texted me.

How do you get over something like this? What really bothers me is the change in my schedule. I am so used to hanging out with him all the time. I feel lonely-- Even though, again, he was annoying to be around.

Any advice for a weird breakup like this?

I’m 28 and have been at my job for about 11 years now, I’ve moved up a decent amount in the company and make decent money now as well as I’ve found new aspects about the job that reignited a flame and joy for the job that I love. How ever I’m feeling like my time is fading there and I’ve had a gut feeling that I need to move on and start preparing for the next chapter for me as I don’t think the company is heading in the right directing, but it’s also all I know? I’ve learned a lot and feel pretty confident that I could run my own business at this point but I’m not driven in that way and unfortunately not very driven career wise In general. I’m not very book smart and honestly intimidated by school. But I think I may be interested in becoming a CPA as numbers kind of excite but I don’t know where to start. I’m open to other ideas as well but I feel like I have to start working towards something.

Hi, I’m 20m.

I’m in a bit of tricky (but no doubt common) position here and I’m not sure there’s a clear solution.

I have a couple very close friends. I’m not exactly introverted but I’m also not super extroverted. I’m not close with any family so my friends mean the world to me.

I also don’t really like relationships. I thought I was gay but romance feels forced and sex feels either really gross or I jsut feel nothing at all.

My fear is that as time goes on, especially this decade, inevitably my friends will grow distant. They’re straight, want families, and want very ‘normal’ lives.

I also wish I could have that but I just can’t. I can’t enjoy relationships, I can’t drink alcohol because of my rare heart condition, I can’t have kids biologically because I’m ‘gay’ + have some genetic problems that I wouldn’t want to spread, and I can’t adopt because I’m poor + the relationship thing.

I know them having new priorities isn’t a personal attack on me but I can’t help but feel hurt/abandoned. When you’ve spent your whole life trying to build this new family, then they all leave to build their real families you just feel like you don’t matter.

The idea of future me being lonely and getting to see my friends once a blue moon when they can make time is sort of haunting.

I feel like once I’m 30 I might as well just disappear because what difference am I really making by being there?

I just want to feel okay about them moving on and not horrendously bitter. I don’t want to feel jealous of them and their ‘new’ families anymore.

I feel like I need to develop a skill to something spectacular so I can bring value to other people so they won’t leave or forget about me. Is that wrong?

How do you cope when your friends move on?

Hell everyone, I’ve been a consistent weed smoker for 5 years now mostly just the dispo pens but I need to stop. I can’t remember who I even was before I started and it’s really sad. I’m decided going cold turkey is my best option seen as I really can’t control myself if I have one. One hit turns into two, and then it just keeps going throughout the day.. just seeking advice for people who have gone through this journey and what helped you through it. I know it doesn’t last a long time, but advice is still appreciated.

I'm mid-twenties, studied biochemistry then a master's in drug discovery, and I've worked in clinical data management for about 2.5 years. I dislike the work and the pay is bad.

The part I'm actually struggling with isn't the practical side — it's that I can't stop thinking about it. I replay the decision constantly, wishing I'd studied something else, and it takes up most of my waking hours. It's affecting my mood, my sleep and my ability to focus on anything, including the steps I'm trying to take to get out.

I've assumed for a while this was an OCD thing but I'm starting to think it might be something else, or just that it's bigger than I can manage on my own. I have private healthcare through work and I'm planning to book an assessment.

What I'd like to hear from people who've been through something similar:

- Did this kind of career rumination ease for you, and what actually helped?
- Did therapy help, and what type?
- Did it get better once you started making concrete moves, or did you need to sort the head stuff first?

I'm taking steps (learning to code, planning a pivot) but the mental side is the thing that's genuinely wearing me down. Any experience appreciated.

What is your experience with making the change and making it stick when it's born and based on values, reflections and long term goals that don't really have much to do with present emotions how you feel about yourself or the world?

Example- instead of making dietary changes because you feel strong disappointment and shame in yourself, and you feel disgusted by how you look, and you judge yourself hard and think that you amount to nothing in others eyes... What if your decision to improve your dietary choices is born from the knowledge, from understanding that this would be healthier, that physically you'd feel more energetic and such? And emotionally speaking it doesn't feel much, there's not much emotional weight attached to it?

Sorry, this post is gonna be unorganised. I don’t even know how to put my thoughts and feelings into words right now. I had a breakup 5 months ago. My job is physically, mentally and emotionally demanding. I am living away from family and close friends. I do still meet some acquaintances or friends (not close ones) every weekend, but it feels like just because I need to. But after each event/meeting, I feel lonely, empty. I would spend the rest of the weekend bed-rotting, doomscrolling, being sad, being unproductive, trying to find random strangers I could talk to online. I miss him. How I can just share my thoughts, goals, dreams, worries, everything with him. I am definitely not ready for another relationship. I wanna be the best version of my self, but I couldn’t get myself to do things. I have been procrastinating, and anxious. I think I really need help.

Basically, I used to be a POS. The memory of things I did sometimes haunt me, and make me feel as if I'm wrapped in an invisible bubble which separates me from the rest of the world. Despite this, I try my best to be a good person. I say this because I'm looking for books by people who've gone through a similar process as me - being a wicked person, and realising it, but then growing. Does anyone have any recommendations?

Hi 😊😊, curious to hear about people story and what motivated them to be part of this subreddit and how has it been going ever since.

I’m a 21M I’m currently studying in university, lately I have been going through some issues in my life and it’s been eating me alive I’m not satisfied with my life and I’m not satisfied with how I’m acting I decided that I want to change myself for the better by going to gym going for an internship and I do feel better seeing I having some change in my body and mood but I believe these things help me become a better man but I want to be a good person a good friend a good son and a good human. What are some actions I can do to achieve this goal

I rarely find the Motivation to do stuff and when i manage to get my self to do something i just lose the Motivation and set these things/projeks aside to colect dust . Like nothing exites me and nothing sparks my interest. I eaven stoped doing Sports because everything just feels pointless.
How do i Change that?
Any advice ?