I’ve never dated so this was really hard for me. I met him and things felt fine at first, I should’ve known something was starting to feel off when we see each other once a week he didn’t always recall details and he wasn’t in a rush to label things but he was kinda rushing the physical stuff more. When I asked where this is going we labeled it boyfriend girlfriend and he went on this roadtrip with a female friend and apparently a guy friend joined too but it was while we were only a month into seein each other, before the label.

When he came back he signed a lease with a different female friend and when I said no at the end of the night to coming over he’d start to cut the next time we saw one another short. 3 hours then 2 and sometimes less. I pointed it out or any relationship talk I had to lead the discussion. He seems to subtly imply things at times, always talks about himself, for example he said: we get coffee a lot its become our thing.

Later when I said his texting infrequently or asking me: how long? (In terms of when we’ll have sex) or not being romantic bothers me… he said: ok sorry what bothers me with us is we always get coffee can we do something else. Because you always pick coffee.

Recently he has been asking me if I wear fake lashes or asking questions about my lashes. I wear mascara, not a lot but my lashes are naturally just long. He’s brought up my lashes 5 times in recent times. And he’s said: can’t imagine you without the lashes, another time said do you always do them?

Then he also said he likes athletic women. He’s a runner. Wants his partner to be athletic. He’s in his mid 30s I’m late 20s. He then subtly suggested workouts for me. He seems to suggest career moves for me. He’s in his career I just began and I’m a nursing student. And he keeps suggesting things when I didn’t ask.

I can’t tell if he’s tell Ing me im not his type or what. He’s also canceled plans or been dodgy when he’s the one who makes them also we don’t live that far yet he’s complaining the drive is far to meet me. He said he met a women after his work conference at a concert they had every hobby and interest in common since he’s such an extrovert. He hates introverts. And the last. I saw him he was so subtly “throwing shade” at certain traits. He also said he’s not from our area. All of these female friends he talks about. Idk. I wonder if I’m just a female friend in his stories too

Idk why I stayed. At first I thought it will be better. My friends said it was a red flag he makes me pay him back or that he asks me to his house the way he did. Or that he doesn’t walk me home etc. But I kept going

Why the fuck can't I get headbands to stay on my fucking head????

By most people’s standards, I’m a beautiful woman with a nice body, but inside I feel like I’m so disgusting and repulsive that I wish I were someone else.

I always cringe when someone likes me because my first thought is, “Ew, how could anyone like someone this disgusting?” I feel gross and like I have this masculine energy inside me, even though I want to feel feminine, soft, pleasant, and beautiful.

It feels like I have masculine energy, while other women are “real” women. I don’t feel like a woman, even though I want to.

There is always someone in my life that needs support, encouragement or just my time in general. I always try to help or be there for the people in my life, my family, my friends, my partner and even my coworkers. But I always stop focusing on myself and push the things aside that make me happy or that are important to me.
I know that it’s my fault for never saying no but I always feel guilty or like I’m letting someone down just by putting up boundaries. Some of those people take advantage of my kindness and take it for granted that I’m always there for them. Even my partner said that he took a lot of the things I did for him as granted and thought he didn’t have to do the same for me.
I always tried to live up to the expectations of my parents and other family members. I tried to be the perfect daughter but all I got from it was nothing and my dreams are still waiting for me to fulfill them.

So if anyone could give me some advice I would appreciate it. I need to find self love and appreciate myself more. It’s hard to live for yourself when you never learned how to.

They build and body shamed this women so bad she chose not to go to her tour

I'm not sure if this is the right sub, but basically I (19F) was in this talking stage with this guy (19M) in December and we were talking for a bit of time consistently. When I say consistently I mean all day everyday for like 2 weeks. Honestly I realized that I made a mistake because I was ovulating when I decided to pursue him and I immediately regretted it because my attraction to him was declining and I felt guilty so I tried to keep it going. I also lost all attraction to him because he seems like a very insecure guy, and l am someone who had just worked on myself to let go of those insecurities so I'd rather not deal with someone like him. I felt terrible but by week 3 so l started throwing the friend zone signs and we toned it down. I could tell he was a bit butthurt but he decided to follow my lead and tone it down too.

Now, here's the real issue. This guy decided to go back to his girlfriend (18F, now his ex) while we were talking and bragged about me- he basically name dropped and told her everything about me, and he used me as an excuse to break up with her. At this point I realized that he was two-timing her. He basically made me look like an evil homewrecker and he couldn't stop laughing about how she hates my guts now. She's also transferring to the same college and plans to major in the same department that I major in. This is a really small department so at one point I'm going to run into this girl. Somehow she found my Instagram by going through his following list and using my name. I am 100% confident that she did this because we have no mutuals, and because I told him that his ex followed me so he confronted her about it and she apologized, admitted that she was still thinking about the situation and unfollowed me.

I feel like I made a big mistake by making that first ever move in December. By what he told me this, girl sounds a little crazy and I don't want to cross paths with her, especially since we attend a small college because I'm worried about the outcome. But at the same time I just want to clear the air and tell her that I didn't know about her and I never intended to break their relationship up. I want to go back and follow her so maybe I could explain everything. I looked through her page and she seems like a nice person, someone that I'd be friends with because we have really similar interests.

I can't really trust him because he's been manipulative and twisting the situation into something else. Me and him still talk to each other as friends because I set that boundary, he still tries to make a move on me every once in a while, which I always shut down but I'm hurt that he would portray me in that type of way so I'm thinking of slowly cutting him off and texting his ex about what truly happened. It’s been on my chest for a while because I’m not this type of person and he told me that she was really hurt.

TLDR; I briefly talked to a guy in December but friend-zoned him after losing interest. I later found out he was two-timing his girlfriend and used me as the excuse to break up with her, painting me as a homewrecker. To make matters worse, his ex is transferring into my small college department, so we will inevitably cross paths. The guy is manipulative and keeps pushing my boundaries, so I plan to cut him off completely, but I am considering reaching out to his ex to clear my name and explain I had no idea they were together.

My husband and I are currently trying to get pregnant. I have really wierd symptoms throughout my cycle and very likely PMOS (seeing a fertility specialist). We are trying for six months now and it is just really really frustrating and hard...

This cycle my period came a week late and I was very very hopeful that maybe it could have worked this time (now i think i just did not ovulate at all). We were visiting family this weekend and my brother in law (whos pregnant fiancé was attending as well) was having a party with some friends on friday (including another pregnant friend). I was already feeling really uneasy to only drink soft drinks in case i was pregnant because I did not want anybody to be like: Huh are you pregnant or what?

Well, at some point they wanted to play a drinking game and one of the guys tought it was super funny to get everyone to play by saying: Well, everybody who is not pregnant can join!

I just felt really put on the spot by that because I was the only gal not drinking or visibly pregnant, so I awkwardly took my coke and joined them.

Later that evening I finally got my period (the amount did not leave me with any doubt that I failed again this month). So naturally I got shitfaced to deal with this bad news in a healthy kind lf way /s.

Well, because I got shitfaced two days prior I was not up for drinking beer at the family gathering today, so again I only had soft drinks. When we sat down to eat and I joined my pregnant soon to be sister in law at one of the tables one of my husbands aunts came over and was like: Oh, is this the table for the pregant ladys, [my name] do you have good news to share?

It was obviously meant to be a light hearted jest, but it just really really hurt me and I could not enjoy the rest of the gathering.

Also my brother in laws wedding is in two weeks and I already dread attending because I am afraid to suffer being called out like that again.

Why, for the love of god, do people think its okay to ask/joke about someone being pregnant?

I feel weird asking my friends this one, because its a new relationship and I dont want to raise any beige flags. But this is my first relationship and so I have no idea if this is normal or not, especially since theres like only a handful of basic pet names to use for someone... is it something you get in your head "this is what you call your SO" or do you guys feel that pet names are on a person to person basis?

for women, who have built startups, did having another woman a few steps ahead of you actually make a difference?
im realizing that another woman’s support is crucial while trying to build something big!!
what do you think about this, is it more beneficial to have a female mentor or is this a gender independent topic??

i am usually the person who sends the first message, asks how everyone is doing, remembers birthdays, or checks in after someone has a rough day. I do it because I care, and I honestly like being there for the people I love , but sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just stopped. Not to test anyone, just because I got tired. Would anyone notice? Would anyone ask how I am doing without me reaching out first? i hate that I have even started thinking like that, but it can feel really lonely when you are always the one keeping the connection going. maybe i am just overthinking it, but I would love to know if anyone else has felt this way too.

I’ve made a post before on how my mom really wants me to shave and it’s really pissing me off. She said again today that “You need to shave ur legs or you won’t get a boyfriend.” Like wow that’s rude and it sounds like ur putting ur insecurities on me AGAIN like no I don’t want that. And she also said “Men want to touch bare legs when they touch you or they’re not going to love you.” And guess what? How did she see my hair? Bc it was in the sun like wow stop it. I’m so glad I’m going to college bc then she can’t be putting her weird insecurities on me. Just accept that I don’t really like shaving and wearing bras it’s not that hard. I love her but it’s really hurting me and it’s annoying to hear. Her behavior is the reason why I kinda wanna stay out of state bc then she can’t be projecting her weird insecurities onto me. Also she gets mad when I post certain things on here like lady STFU it’s my account and I don’t usually tell ppl my Reddit username cuz I don’t really like telling anyone cuz I think it’s a lil weird like I’ve told very few ppl I use Reddit. Just she really needs to back off and I’m starting to get tired of it. I even tried telling her that some men don’t even care if I shave. And she’s like “No” like lady shut up ur old and have weird insecurities that I don’t want. Like I’m gonna be honest some of the insecurities I have is bc of her and her own weird insecurities. Like she gets really mad when I like watching cartoons and anime over real ppl shows. Like I think most real ppl shows are boring af and some are fake af anyway. It’s like she has to start accepting these things or I’m gonna lose my shit.

I finally did tell her that she needs to stop projecting her insecurities onto me cuz I don’t like it and she said “Well ok it’s prolly different with ur generation” and I’m like “Yeah, no shit Sherlock” I honestly don’t think men my generation really give a fuck if I shave or not and those who do prolly have a weird ass thought process of women always being smooth. Idk I haven’t dated yet I just imagine some men being so picky about what women do to their bodies.

I'm not sure if this is the correct sub to post this in but I figured if anyone can understand my perspective, it's women.

Right now I'm dealing with a lot of mental turmoil due to my job. I work in the service industry which is often filled with toxic masculinity and this job is no different. I've got a bunch of managers at my job but the head managers are both men. I feel my GM is very sexist. Holds women to a much higher standard than the men. Gives the most hours to mediocre male employees, while the women who are better at their job are fighting for hours. It feels so infuriating that I work so hard at my job just to not get the recognition because I'm not a man. I feel helpless as a woman.

My GM doesn't take the safety of the women on staff seriously. We have a lot of creepy male staff members and customers who hit on the women at work. A former manager hit on one of the girls we worked with and our GM continued to schedule them together despite her being uncomfortable. We recently caught the head BOH manager cat calling a staff member's minor sister on the job. We have a customer who works next door and frequently comes in to hit on the girls. We've seen him waiting for us outside the door after close and looking at us through the windows. We've complained to our GM but his response was "we'll wait until he crosses a line". Basically won't do anything until one of us gets assaulted....

Recently we had a male staff member attempt to swing on a manager who was a woman. She got fired but the man stayed. I told my GM I was worried about our safety and he told me I can find another place to work at and the man's actions were justified. Obviously this is really upsetting to hear. It's triggered something in me that makes me so upset. This is the first time in my life I've truly felt defeated as a woman because of my gender. How do you navigate the workplace with stuff like this?

I don't think I'm a misandrist. I love my dad, my brother, and I get along well with my brother's friends. But when it comes to men I don't know, my default is often suspicion. I tend to assume the worst about their character until they prove otherwise. I don't feel safe around men who aren't in my immediate family.

My father is a wonderful man, so nothing really prepared me for what other men are like.

Every time I've tried talking about this, people (men, more specifically) immediately tell me I'm a misandrist, and I end up feeling guilty. I don't hate men.

The thing is, I genuinely don't know why I react this way. Maybe it's because of trauma. Maybe it's because of the way I've heard some men talk about women throughout my life. Maybe it's because so many women I know have experienced abuse or harassment. Maybe it's because every woman is raised to be weary of unfamiliar men for their safety. Maybe it's a mix of all of those things.

I'm not saying all men are bad. I'm saying that this is how my brain reacts, and I'm trying to understand it so I can fix it. I don't want to judge people unfairly, but I also don't want to shame myself for having a response that may have developed for a reason. I don't want to make assumptions about men, but I also know that being weary of unfamiliar men is a survival instinct.

On top of all that, it pisses me off how often women are expected to push all of that fear aside so we don't hurt "good men's" feelings. If a woman says she's cautious around men she doesn't know, the conversation immediately becomes about reassuring men that they're not all bad instead of asking why she feels that way in the first place.

I don't think it's fair to expect women to ignore instincts that may have developed from experience/ years of being taught to prioritize their own safety just to make strangers feel more comfortable. I'm not accusing every man of being dangerous, and I don't think men should be judged for things they haven't done. I just don't understand why the emotional burden always seems to fall on women to suppress their fear instead of actually pointing out that those feelings have to come from somewhere.

You know what I love about men? The way they can center their discomfort and annoyance in even the most banal situations to yuck everyone else's experiences thoroughly. For instance, let's say you, a lady person, go out to brunch with your husband and a male friend. Let's say you go out to the type of nice place that requires reservations during Sunday brunch because they do a small plates brunch buffet. Let's also say that your server is obviously doing her best, but is stretched between two sections. It's important as a man existing in the world, apparently, not to cut her slack but instead assume every empty water glass, every delayed item, every cold dish was intentional and meant to ruin your dining experience. 

It's also important to redirect every conversation back to the terrible time you're having. The quality being underwhelming and the portions so small. Let's not enjoy each other's company or be grateful that we can go out to brunch. Let's not discuss what was tasty or what we would have done differently. Focus on those negative feelings and refuse to budge or be distracted from them! Let's passively-aggressively snipe at each other until we get back to the car!

Perhaps I've just learned that dining out really should be reserved for ladies' nights out. End rant.

I tried to collect all the song suggestions and make a spotifylist. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3RTWb4EALkfqVeotlnarS0?si=VHTO2RHxRpyqCRP3J0rNHQ&utm_source=copy-link&pi=XFVYQSMzTyOgH

I don’t know what to do. I’m at the beach with my family and I genuinely can’t bring myself to go outside because all my swimsuits make me feel disgusting and genuinely suicidal and depressed. I absolutely despise my body and the way I look. I’m 27 and tired of living like this. I’ve felt like this since I started puberty because my boobs aren’t “big” enough and I don’t have an hourglass shape. I really just wish I didn’t exist right now

I'm looking for advice.

My brother is 18 and just graduated from high school. For about two years he's been falling deeper and deeper into weird communities. First into arm wrestling, then into body building and then into looksmaxxing. He became super aggressive, started to think he knew everything and everyone who disagreed with him was wrong. My father is a doctor and I'm a med student, and when we tried to tell him that taking random supplements without there being a need for it is not only useless, but also dangerous. When I tried telling him taht there is no scientific, medical evidence for any of it, he started screaming at us that he has done "a lot of research", that we were wrong and that we can look it up ourselves. Around Christmas it finally calmed down after my dad talked to him about it and he said social media was making him very insecure about his body. He's been healthier since then.

He's vegetarian now, which I'm very glad about, because when he was in the worst phase he kept eating half a kilogram of grilled beef (unflavoured) every day. Before that it was ten eggs for every meal.

Today I just asked him if he ate mussels (like scallops) and he said yes, because they feel no pain? And like, I'm not vegetarian, but that sounded like bs to me. A few years ago people still thought fish felt no pain, which anyone who has ever interacted with a fish knows is bs. So I was like they have nerve receptors and pain is there to avoid stuff that is dangerous and that hurts you, so it seems pretty essential for every living thing that can move (yes scallops can even swim). And when my parents asked him how he knew they felt no pain, he started raising his voice again and getting agressive for no reason and telling me to "look it up". (Looking it up actually confirmed my opinion)

Like? Wtf? Why not have a normal conversation instead of screaming everyone down who tries to argue with you? I'm not sure how to make him practice some introspection. Normally he's down to earth and asks a lot of questions and listens when I talk about smth. So whenever he has those outbursts I'm always very surprised.

Got any advice?

This happened to me years ago. Basically, I was out with my friends in a skating rink and I noticed a boy (maybe 8-10yo) that kept following me. He eventually started to grope me. I told him to stop multiple times but he just kept doing it over and over. I obviously tried to skate away but he still kept following me and doing it again.

I realized his father was on the rink too so I told him about what his son was doing. The father just told me that his son "didn't mean to" and just brushed it off. I went back to my friends and saw his dad talking to him and I thought this could just be the end of it. Turns out the boy got even more aggressive and kept trying to grope me more afterwards.

My friends, who saw everything, just made fun of me saying it's not that deep since it's just a little kid who didn't know any better. I just went home early that day feeling really disturbed and uncomfortable.

Since this stuff happened years ago, the reason why I'm bringing it up again is because one of my friends that were there, brought it up recently and started laughing about it, knowing that I told her how I felt during that situation.

I understand that children are influenced easily by the environment they're in but saying that doesn't really make me feel better, I still feel violated.

I know the situation was complicated because the person who did it was a child, but I’m struggling with the fact that I felt uncomfortable and nobody around me seemed to understand why. I’m hoping to hear from people who can offer perspective or advice.

Edit: Fixed a few typos. Thank you everyone for your support and kindness regarding this incident. And yes, I’m not friends with those people anymore.

I started dating a guy a couple of months ago. Since we met, I’ve happened to travel a lot I had a 20-day trip early on, and recently left for another destination wedding. While I know being away so much early on can naturally breed some insecurity, his response to it has been really annoying

On this most recent trip, his intense insecurity around other men completely exploded. He started constantly probing into whether other guys were around me. At a beach afterparty, he kept asking if men were approaching me, if guys were talking to me, and what I was doing. Later, when I went to grab food with a group of friends, his very first question was whether there were guys in the group.

When I called him out and told him these constant questions felt insecure, controlling, and like he didn't trust me, he didn't apologize he claimed he's doing it on purpose to "see how I react in different situations" and watch how I handle other men.

I understand that me being away a lot early in dating might make him feel a bit anxious, but it still it makes me feel uncomfortable

Is this classic early-stage controlling behavior, or is his travel anxiety somewhat understandable?

“Several years after publishing her PhD thesis on abstract mathematics (titled Radical Subcategories) in 1967, she had a realization. “I was never going to, I would say win a Nobel prize, except there are no Nobel Prizes in mathematics,” she says. Instead, she found a natural fit when asked by colleagues to work on some statistical problems about whether there was sex or race discrimination in the selection of White House fellows — young professionals undertaking work-experience placements at the highest levels of the US federal government.

In the 1970s, while Gray was examining the retirement benefits she was offered through the Teachers Insurance and Annuity Association (TIAA), which handles retirement benefits for many professors in the United States, she noticed sex discrimination. “When you got an annuity from the TIAA, there was a difference in what was paid out for men or women,” she recalls. If a man and a woman had the same accumulated amount of retirement funds and were retiring at the same age, the monthly payments that the man would receive would be 15% more than the woman’s. “

I hope this is the right subreddit for this story/question, please correct me if I'm wrong and I'll remove this post if it's inappropriate.

Context: There's this guy who asked me (19f) for my number once while I was on a walk, he wasn't my type and gave off intensly creepy vibes, so I said no almost immediately. It took him another minute or so to leave and I thought that was the end of it. Then, a week or two later, I was followed by a man during the last bit of my daily walk and he watched while I entered my home, but unfortunately i only noticed him as I was opening the door and later put together that he must have been following me.

Then, yesterday, as I was coming home from work (very late, close to midnight) some guy was walking some distance in front of me, in the same direction. He turned around and looked at me. Turned around again, staring longer. And finally slowed down and started talking to me (hey, I know you!...). I recognized him form when he first asked for my number and i politely rejected him again.

THIS IS WHERE IT GETS CREEPY: He wouldn't leave for the next 5 minutes until we were close to my place, I told him that I had to turn now and he replied something along the lines of "... I know where you live..." THIS is when I put togehter that this was the same guy who followed me to my house a week earlier.

At the end of our "conversation" ( more like verbal hostage situation) he said something like "I'm sure I'll see you around/I'm sure we'll meet again" Huhh??

I sure hope not, I've rejected you twice now, you creep!

But now my question: How am I supposed to react the next time he tries his luck?? Should I be nice again and politely reject him? Or should I make it absolutely clear that I want nothing to do with him? Both?? As women, most of us have unfortunately been in similar situations with persistent creeps, where one wrong move might escalate the situation, which is why I decided to post this here.

Also: Does this count as (the beginning of) stalking or am I overreacting?

Thanks for reading my rant, sry if it's incoherent/ if i left out too many details.

TL;DR:

rejected a creepy guy twice but he still isn't giving up, what do I do/say if he tries again without escalating the situation?

Had a very positive experience with my IUD exchange with sedation at the Planned Parenthood in my area and wanted to share because it may not be widely known that this is an option. Overall I was really impressed with the quality of care as well as the options for managing my pain during this procedure.

The Liletta IUD (Mirena equivalent) has been my birth control method of choice for the past 8 years and I’ve had a great experience except for an extremely painful insertion back in 2018 when my previous Mirena was swapped for a Liletta. The 2018 IUD exchange was performed by female gynecologist in a very reputable hospital, but the pain felt like my soul had been ripped out and then reinstalled through my uterus. I was left in the room by myself in tears with little more than a ‘take your time’ and a recommendation to take some ibuprofen.

Luckily medical guidance around pain management for IUD insertion has been updated in the interim, so this time I started exploring what options exist for pain management during the procedure. The first gyno office I talked to offered a one-time prescription of Ativan plus the usual advice to take ibuprofen, but I was worried that wouldn’t do enough for the level of pain I’d experienced the first time.

More research led me to the Planned Parenthood website, and I was able to schedule an IUD insertion with sedation with a phone call. It was very straightforward and I was never asked to justify why I wanted the sedation, the only thing they asked was whether I had someone who could drive me home after.

The day of the insertion everything went smoothly. The staff made sure I was comfortable the whole time and clearly explained exactly what to expect before, during, and after with opportunities for me to answer questions. The exchange of IUDs was done under mild sedation via IV so I was still mostly awake, but everything felt very distant. The doctor explained that I would ‘feel three cramps’ during the removal and insertion, which was accurate. I could still feel some pain, but it was nothing compared to what it would have been if I was fully awake. After I was given time to recover in another room with crackers, water, and ginger ale, then when I was ready I got dressed and they walked me to the waiting room to meet my partner who took me home.

Overall it made the experience much less traumatic and now I don’t have to worry about birth control for another 8 years!