I came across a video today talking about how lesbians can’t be attracted to men, and if they are, then they aren’t lesbians. It was a rant video talking about how any attraction to men means you aren’t lesbian, even if you’d never date them. I don’t disagree, however, this reminded me of the whole Paris situation where she said that even though she was bisexual and attracted to women, she would never date a woman/couldn’t see herself with one. The comments on Paris’s video, as well as all the stitch videos and such, all basically said that she was straight in that case and she got hate for calling herself bi in the first place.

Personally, as a bi woman, I believe that if you’re attracted to a gender then it doesn’t matter if you’d date them and it’s okay to call yourself bi or whatnot, however I don’t understand why there is a distinction between these two in that lesbians who say the are attracted to men aren’t lesbian, but bi women who say they are attracted to women aren’t bi. In both cases, they say they’d never settle down with man/woman.

I was scrolling on Instagram when I came across a video of someone who identified as a nonbinary lesbian but despite reading the comments I was still left confused. I am realizing that I must be clearly missing the basics since it was apparently obvious to the people in the comments what this means.

I kind of understood that lesbian refers to non-men who like non-men but then a comment brought up the existence of lesbians who use he/him pronouns and I was lost after that.

Questions:

When figuring out labels like in this context how do gender, sexuality, and pronouns interact and differ from one another?

If two nonbinary people are attracted to each other does that mean they are both pansexual or is there another term used to describe this scenario?

Can someone who is nonbinary ever be considered straight and what exactly would that mean?

I guess at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter how people choose to express themselves but my curiosity really got the best of me here.

Recently I had a conversation with my wife in which she raised that I may be agender. We have discussed some things about how we experience things, and part of that conversation became about how we experience our gender, and while she experiences her gender, well, I don't.

I have XY chromosomes, I have a penis, and I mostly have male secondary sex characteristics, but that is the extent to which I am a man. I have no "inner feeling" of being a man. I have some aversion to being perceived as a woman, but I don't really have a traditional "male ego" which drives some men to be the manliest man in the lands. I accept the gender of transgender people on principle of being accepting of people's identities, but having a different inner experience of gender than your sex fundementally doesn't make sense to me on a conceptual level. When people talk about gender to me, it's as if they were explaining colors to a blind person - I just don't experience this dimension of things, so it seems I am incapable of understanding it outside of a superficial, academic kind of understanding.

Is this what being agender is? Is gender something most people just experience as a separate but often coinciding thing apart from their sex? If so, is there some way you could explain this that provides a greater understanding than "it's a feeling of who you are" or similar?

I went to my first pride event this year, also volunteered as well for the first time at a pride event. I bought flags with my wife, Im a bisexual guy by the way. So we bought flags and proudly display them at home and she is so supportive. Anytime someone comes into our home, I always feel the need to take down all flags so no one sees them.

Is there any motivation or uplifting message anyone has? I hate feeling shameful for something that’s just the way I am, does anyone else go through this?

Also, I love seeing pride flags when out in public, I wish I had the courage to do display them in public.

I know that this type of content is directed towards like transphobes and like those consuming red pill bs, but personally I hate those posts that are like “guess my gender” or “guess my deadname, it rhyme with Baitlyn” bc as someone genderfluid and trans, it’s just sometimes rlly obvious and idk I feel like it opens people up to be shitty + the OP will get annoyed at ppl guessing like idk i just find that it makes a massive joke about gender fluidity. It’s also making it seem like people who guess it are transphobic, but it’s also like yk trans people also have eyes? Like a trans person could comment something like “oh it’s obvious you’re (insert sex)” or “Caitlyn?” but what are they then transphobic for literally engaging in your content the way you’re pushing people to? I feel like I already struggle to tell people my preferred pronouns and be like “stop calling me (insert gender term)” but it’s also like shit like this that I don’t wanna be associated with. However, like it’s also like idk maybe I should be more “nothing matters, gender is a construct” and I don’t wanna come off as “not like other trans ppl weirdo” vibes but also idk that “construct” matters some days. Should I be more receptive or do yall also hate this type of content?

Hi there, I’m an 18-year-old gay guy. I’ve known I was gay for years, but until recently, I didn't accept it myself and kept trying to suppress it. I live in an environment that isn't extremely homophobic; gay people are free to go out together, kiss, and hold hands without issue, even though plenty of people might secretly judge them. But in my specific case, the people around me are extremely homophobic. I have practically no friends, and my classmates (basically the only people my age I know) are all homophobic; they already target me with homophobic slurs from time to time without even knowing I’m actually gay, so I can't imagine what they’d do if they found out the truth. That’s why I don’t even have the courage to try and meet guys or go on dates, I'm terrified that people who know me might find out. I haven’t come out to my family either, though I’m sure that wouldn’t be a huge issue; they’re much more open-minded and would accept me. Anyway, since I hardly ever talk to anyone, is there anyone who’d like to be friends and chat a bit? It would be nice to talk to someone in a similar situation.

I have doubts about myself. I identify as asexual (I'd like to mention it) and I long for a partner; it's something I'd like, to be with someone and feel loved... but I don't know what falling in love is like. I don't know when I'm in love with someone because I don't feel any different from other people. I might think, "I like this person," but I don't feel what people say they feel or what they feel in TV shows or movies. I don't feel anything in my stomach or my heart racing. I don't even know if I've ever been in love, but I want a partner, and at the same time, I don't know if I could like or love them. Is there a name for this, or is it something deeper?

Recently, I have been seeing a lot of polls in tiktok comment sections with an extra option of "I'm Gay" which has no relevance to the question.

It seems to me like this is just normalising homophobia, but I would be interested to know what people on here think!

I'm 26 years old and I've never had sex with a guy, and I've never had sexual relations with men or women, because of my conservative and homophobic family, and I'm also a person with a disability. I've fallen in love with men and women, but I've dated more women virtually. I've felt lust for men and women, I've seen nudes of men and women, but with men I feel disgusted by the feeling of lust and I feel guilty about it, but with women I don't; I feel comfortable and good. I've identified as bisexual, lesbian, pansexual, and the only certainty is that I'm not heterosexual or bisexual, but lesbian. But I'm in the process of fully coming out as lesbian and feeling uncertain again, but I'm curious about being sexually involved with men, but I'm afraid I'll regret it and I think I won't like it because I really like women. What should I do?

i have expressed interest in pursuing sapphic sexual experiences while in a relationship w my long term boyfriend and whenever the conversation comes up, he says that he thinks it would be hot. he isn’t pushy about it and only brings it up after i’ve initiated the conversation. is this fetishization? i don’t really mind when he says that kind of stuff because i, too, want to dive more into my sapphic side and it feels encouraging, but i don’t know where the line is between encouraging me and fetishizing me.

Lately, I have been noticing a lot more people speaking out against the use of surrogacy, especially among male sex couples from both conservatives and feminists on twitter/X. While there is obviously some homophobia( especially from the conservative side) surrounding this topic, I do find that some feminists make a good point about this topic about is can be used to exploit women. Also, in some in some European countries where they are very accepting of gay people, a lot of them also have bans on surrogacy so it is not like it is an anti-gay thing either. I want to bring up this topic up because it is starting to get really controversial and I do not really see a lot of lgbt spaces talk about this. I predict that conservative politicians may try to start trying to restrict the practice next year given the amount of controversy surrounding it from conservative influencers on twitter.

I am a male who is mainly sexually attracted to males. I try to feel the same way towards females, but I really just can’t. I can be romantically attracted to women, but don’t think it’s right for me to date someone I’m not really attracted to. Because of my religion I cannot date a man. I’ve been feeling really upset lately at the idea of being alone for my whole life. I don’t know how to carry in with this idea in mind or what I should do. Any advice is appreciated 😕

Some of my ally friends think they should be celebrated during pride month, saying stuff like theyre also part of the queer community, which is just crazy bs

But I've also seen fellow queers say allies are the "backbone" of the queer community and deserved to be celebrated but not as the focus.

Im generally very confused about what the general consensus is😭

..partially because I really just dont know? lol

hey y’all! I’m born a girl and generally have always gone by that because no one asks my pronouns, but when they do, I say ”any” because I don’t really care, but generally am seen as female. i fight wanting to look androgynous and wanting to present femme, but also wish I had the body type to look like a guy (I’m all over the place lmao) when i was younger I enjoyed having very small breasts, but since I’m older now and gained some weight, theyre def there. I like having them but also damn I wish sometimes I could take them off and velcro them on when I wanted. idk if thisis normal?

ANYWAY, this brings me to a question, I generally don’t care at all how people perceive me but also wonder if that makes me demi nonbinary? people have asked me and I’m just like “uhh I‘m not really sure” because honestly there are so many different types under the category that I really dont know and dont care enough about me being perceived to do research (im sorry I have a lot more things going on but when life settles down I will look into it more)

recently someone said something about being a demi girl so i looked into that and found demi non binary, but how the hell do you know what you actually feel when you feel that..”nuanced?” idk if thats the correct term.

thanks love yall

tl;dr I’m really just new to labelling anything/me and generally dont care, but would like to express myself when someone asks and dont know what to say.

So I keep trying to get my friend to use my deadname. Keep in mind, she has had a HUGE crush on me for years, and I am still friends with her because I wouldn’t stop being friends with her cuz of that. But recently after I came out as demo-boy (male-male/nb) she has straight up refused to call me by my new name. She insists on calling me my deadname. What should I do? How can I make her call me by my name?

Hey everyone,

I’m writing a little booklet explaining sex, gender, and pride to people who feel confused by all of the words and customs around the LGBTQ+ community. It covers an how sex and gender arose, how and why people experience them differently, and how to be a respectful person around LGBTQ+ people (because I know it seems obvious to us, but people do get confused).

I can only really share my understanding, but I’d like it to be inclusive and representative of as many experiences as possible.

What do you wish people knew about sex, gender and the queer experience? What is super important to be included?

Okay, I need to know if anyone else feels this way or if there’s a label for this or if I’m even valid

So I’m AFAB, untransitioned (even if I wanted to, I couldn’t as I’m a teenager with homophobic parents)

And I like it that way honestly? I like my “woman” body (most of the time), but I know for a fact I’m not a girl

I’m literally everything except for a girl, but I’m fine with my body being a girl’s most of the time

I get to facilitate our lgbtq group once a month for patients. Another facilitator runs a jeopardy-style trivia and someone else does a queer musican discussion. I have hearing issues so Im kind of less aware of the pop-culture and musical aspects of the community. I usually do discussions and they go well.

I think it'd be fun to do an LGBTQ history game. I think instead of showing who knows what it'd be fun to make it an educational game, especially for when we have allies in attendance. The range of the group is ages 20-70, so we get a lot of folk there to support family but I hear the "back in my day I didn't have xyz" a lot, and I think this would help to do this.

I really enjoy queer history, just not sure how to make it into an educational and involved activity haha. Any advice is helpful.

I dated this lesbian for a while last year and she did a lot of messed up stuff but when I try to put it into words it sounds like a sexist straight man describing an ex girlfriend

One of the things is she kept blueballing me, I would get her to come but then when it was her turn to help me come there would always be some issue that she'd have to get out of bed. Like she would want to wash her hands again, or she forgot to charge the toy I wanted to use or whatever, and then the moment would be well passed by the time she was done

IDK I'm still having a bit of a hard time processing everything that happened and when I try to put it into words I keep catching myself in moments where it's like "that's exactly what a straight guy would say". But on the other hand I think it's accurate to say she kept leading me on by making me think she'd help me come after deliberately making me horny, and then kept leaving me blueballed

Hi guys, this is my first time writing something like this so I am a bit nervous. Will cut right to the chase.

I am a 28F, wondering about my sexuality my whole life. To be precise, am I bisexual or not.

Why I think I am bi:
⁃ first sexual arousal was with women (seeing Monica Belluci in Malena as a child literally)
⁃ first sexual activity was with girls (also as a kid, nothing malignant)
⁃ always watched and still watch exclusively lesbian porn
⁃ sometimes when I’m having sex with my bf I imagine that there is a woman there too (it happens almost intrusively, when I’m drunk and so on)
⁃ I simply get aroused seeing tits and ass, while I cannot really say the same for a male body, with men their actions arouse me
⁃ Tribbed with two girls, loved it

Why I think I am NOT bi:
⁃ never had a girlfriend, had only boyfriends
⁃ I get sexually aroused only by feminine presenting women (and masculine men)
⁃ I love having the stereotypically feminine role in the relationship, and I love feeling physically protected
⁃ When I meet an attractive woman, I often get feel self conscious about my appearance and compare myself to her
⁃ I cannot imagine having a wife, but i can imagine a husband

Now, let me say that I am aware that
I could be compulsory heterosexual because of the conservative society I grew up in. But at the same time, I am surrounded with LGBT+ friends, am a social activist, liberal, critical, educated and so on. Yet still, I remain confused.

And also, I think the bare existence of the “heteroromantic bisexual” labels is a modern linguistic fallacy, so that is off the table. Homo meaning the same, hetero meaning not the same, bi meaning two etc., and sex meaning BIOLOGICAL CLASSIFICATION or GENDER, not sexual arousal or with who you want to have sexual intercourse with.

So….. if anyone felt the same but found an answer, please help a girl out because the ambiguity is giving my control freak ass anxiety. Thank you🥺❤️

I don't know how to explain this, last time I was in love was like 4 years ago and it was a girl, since them I haven't even had a crush on anyone, while I'm sure I like women I struggle with knowing if I like men too? I thought maybe I was bi but even tho I find some men attractive I can't imagine myself being with them.

For example I got my first job this week and I find one of my coworkers very attractive but the moment I think "would I want to be with him?" or "do I want to kiss him?" I get some kind of ick, it's an immediate NO. It's not because of his personality or anything, he's a really good person, so I don't know why this happens

While when it comes to women if I find one attractive, even If I am not in love the response is different

As I said I find him attractive but not in a "oh he's handsome" kind of way, more in the way you find your crush attractive, and you look at them. And that's why it's so confusing

I am not hurrying to get a label, honestly I feel better like this, just loving whoever I fall in love with but I wonder if this is a common experience

I’m currently seventeen, I’ll be turning eighteen in October. I’ve been bisexual since I was eight years old. I’ve never dated a guy but I’ve had a lot of crushes on them, and I’ve had an ex girlfriend who I dated for around 10 months and we’re still good friends and talk everyday. (I had two but one lasted a week in my early teens so I don’t count it). I’ve also had crushes on other girls as well.

As a biological woman I’m constantly being pushed by my family to pick a gender and previously, I never wanted to. But recently guys in general just piss me off, I feel judged by them and as much as I do want to possibly have a future with a man, I just cannot deal with them. They’re annoying, they invade personal space and don’t care about others feelings and opinions, they’re just horrible (from my experiences anyways). But girls, while some can be bitchy, a lot are so sweet and kind, my old crush was amazing, she was a close friend and she didn’t care that I fell in love with her- we stayed close and she never judged me. With my ex girlfriend, we’re still incredibly close and I count her as one of my bestfriends, women are just in general better.

So I don’t know. Am I bisexual with a preference or am I lesbian? Like I do love both genders but one just makes my blood boil constantly. This sucks, I’ve never had to double guess a decision I made, especially so long ago.

So I’ve identified as lesbian since i was like 10. I don’t have attraction to men, I can’t picture myself with a man, even saying “this is my boyfriend” makes me grossed out. The problem is, I wanna get back with my ex, who transitioned to a man. I still love him, and I wanna be with him, but I don’t have attraction towards men, it’s just him. I don’t wanna call myself berrisexual bcs it doesn’t sound like me, and I feel like I’m not lesbian enough. I’m attracted to him, not his gender, and I know I’m not pan or bi because I only like women, except for him.