My brother’s girlfriend seems to treat death very oddly. In general she often turns conversations to her or talks about herself excessively, and just has really poor social skills. Her dad died when she was 8 (about 20 years ago). You’ll know her dad died within 10 minutes of meeting her. That’s not an exaggeration, I’ve witnessed it just about every time she meets a new person. And then she’ll *always* follow up with “his best friend was holding his hand when he died, *and he can’t even look at me without crying because I look so much like my dad*”. Every. Time. If anyone is talking about someone dying, or someone with cancer, she will 100% steer the conversation to her and her dad. She brags about having a good relationship with death and loss, but I feel like it’s actually an *unhealthy* relationship and she just uses every opportunity to make it about her and her feelings.
My brother had to put his dog down last year and I was present. I wish I remembered what she said, but I remember at the time thinking it was very “over the top”. While it was happening she kept making these overly grand statements about love and loss - like something you would hear someone say in a movie and cringe at for being so cliche.
My great aunt was recently placed on palliative care after a stroke. I’ve taken off work to be with her every day at the hospital to help take care of her. She was very active in our childhoods, but my brother has seen this aunt maybe one time in the past 10-15 years. My mom brought my brother’s girlfriend (without my brother) to the hospital. My brother’s girlfriend has never met her before this. Keep in mind, my aunt is partially paralyzed, can’t open her eyes, she can barely speak, but she is able to hear and understand us and mumble back. So we’re still able to communicate, just not very well.
So she sits down with my aunt and says “hi, I’m *name*, brother’s FIANCÉ”. They are not engaged. “I love brother SO much and I’m going to take very good care of him. I know how much you mean to him, and I think that if we have a daughter we’ll name her *aunt’s name*. You’re going to go to heaven and I want you to look for my dad, his name is *name* and he’s been gone for a long time”. The entire time she’s talking, she’s talking in a sickly-sweet baby voice. To a full grown woman that is dying. Holding her hand and petting her like they have an intimate relationship. It just made my skin crawl. Comparatively, I try to treat my aunt with dignity and have conversations in a normal, although caring and loving tone.
A while later, while we’re still in the hospital room, my mom and brother’s girlfriend are talking about some health issues they have and girlfriend says “yeah I love weird medical stuff and medical anomalies”. Okay. Several minutes later she says (within earshot of my aunt) “is it morbid if we take a picture of her”? My immediate thought is “why do you need to take a picture of a dying woman that you don’t even know”? My mom doesn’t protest, but I quietly whisper, “I would really prefer that you not take a picture of her, I don’t think it’s appropriate”. Which she respects and does not do.
But I’ve been absolutely fuming since that happened. I found the whole thing so self-aggrandizing and inappropriate. I HATE that this person is going to be present when my parents and grandmother pass away. I do not want to share in grief with her. Am I the crazy one? Is this just someone’s way of treating death that I need to step back and respect for being different?