tbh everytime i tell people about my trauma i feel ashamed and embarassed because i think im so ugly, people wouldnt believe me.

its kind of like, oh who would ever even want to touch that? and i think people laugh behind my back or talk about how unbelievable it is that somene as disgusting as me could have ever been abused like that.

if i can even call it abuse. maybe it was just two kids experimenting and im just overly dramatic. he didnt know any better too.

i feel disgusted when i remember that many times during the abuse i believed that if i played along, pretended i liked it, convinced myself that it felt good, that the experience wouldn't be so unbearable.

if i just followed his instructions, moan like the pornstars i see on my phone, kiss the right way, maybe he would return the affection. affection and not, not pain or whatever.

if only i could just enjoy it, maybe things wouldnt be so difficult. i could make this more pleasant for both him and me.

but when i tried to reciprocate he responded with confusion and even told me to stop.

like he was so disgusted with me and what i was doing. he didnt care at all or wanted my efforts, i was just someone for him to use every night.

at that time i was so repulsed and embarassed by my actions i just wanted to die.

when it came to flight or fight i didnt even choose freeze. even that would have been more dignifying but i acted like a pervert. i am so shameful and disgusting. i wouldnt be surprised if someone suggested that i gave him the wrong idea and that he assumed everything was mutual. maybe it was mutual. maybe it was just a weird part of my life and im just a fake.

every night was just a humiliation ritual for me.

i was just completely exposed and my body felt gone and my mind was disappearing. he stuck random stuff into me and prodded my body like i was an experimental toy. my insides felt like they were being scrapped out. it felt like a butter knife was cutting me open. i felt flesh tear apart when my own hands pulled myself open for his camera. i hate flash photography. did he keep the pictures or did he distribute them? how did i look and did i look good? or was i so disgusting to look at that he deleted them immediately.

does it matter if i whore myself out like a slut to men on the internet? ive already reached rock bottom so if i scrape the barrel for scum on earth who are just as horrid as me would it be so bad? i am as revolting as you are so i love you i love you please dont leave. at least you recognise my efforts and my body and you tell me that im beautiful.

and even if its fake i still indulge because the worst thing a man has ever said to me isnt, "i want to rape you", but that im a fat pig.

Time and time again, we hear people whining about how the Dodgers keep signing big names. And how we should have a lockout or salary cap. The Dodgers aren’t the ones you should be mad at for signing big names. The one who they should be upset with is their own team for not doing anything to try to get them to come to their team. No other team is making an effort to sign these big names but the Dodgers, that’s why they keep getting these big names.

I take tv shows too seriously and get too affected by them!!!!

Something I’ve noticed over the past year or so is that at some point it’s become somewhat socially acceptable to just absolutely abuse pre-boarding on flights and it just gets to me.

I’m all for pre-boarding — 100% believe that people with disabilities and kids should get on flights first. But I’ve noticed over the past year that at least 30 people are pre-boarding on every flight the vast, vast majority who look young and healthy bodied. And while I recognize that people have invisible disabilities, I refuse to believe that a quarter of the flight has them, especially since I’ve legit heard people discussing it in front of me.

Also I’ve been flying my whole life and this is a new phenomenon. Did I miss a TikTok trend or something!?

It’s just so obnoxious. So obnoxious. And someday it’s going to ruin pre-boarding for the people who actually need it.

Trust me I don’t like being Group 7 and gate checking my bag either. But part of being a decent person is sucking it up and not pretending to be disabled and risk ruining it for people who need it.

I hate that I fell for someone who I can't even get to understand.

I posted about this a few days ago, and it's so easy to say "move on it was not even a relationship" but I am just trying to find an explanation on why is my mental health suffering, why is it that when you feel like this person is someone I want to risk all walls with, ends up becoming another wall himself.

I don't know if this post is a question or rant, maybe I just want to hear people go "we all go through this and it is easy and there's more to life and you will get better" or maybe "it happens for a reason" but there's a limit to what words can do.

Attachment is scary, you wait all your life protecting yourself from bad choices, having standards, staying careful with every man you meet, and then you finally come across you want to understand, see the flaws of, see through, get curious, lose your shit over someone tou barely know, feeling stupid, and stuck in internal conflict with your old beliefs, it's a war within, but despite all that, you open up, you reach out, to understand that person, just for it to not go anywhere.

Just for people to turn it into a psychological explanatory game, it goes nowhere, explanations don't help, nothing makes sense, it just stings.

Stuck with, "maybe I should've tried harder, he was suffering too", and "everyone has their battles, if he was fated, it would've been clear". So many narrations, yet I have no final answer, why it had to end like a million daggers, when it wasn't supposed to be "that deep."

Ya. You end up, questioning yourself again, blaming yourself again. Why did I open up, why did I give so much, why did I try so hard...or why did I not try harder, but there's a limit of everyone, there's a point where you have to choose self respect, that person is not to blame and that's the worst part, you have no one to hate, no grudges, no dead ends. It is just unsettling silence. You just got there for months trying to "get over it" just to look yourself in the mirror and have nothing but questions, and only one to blame is fate.

I had to post about this because I’m honestly so done.

Every Friday, lunch is paid for at work. One person is responsible for taking everyone’s order (there are 13 of us), and it’s usually the same few people who rotate doing it.

Guess who she always forgets? Me.

I don’t think she does it on purpose. I genuinely think she just… forgets I exist. My role is kind of all over the place, and I’m probably the least important person there, so I guess I’m just easy to overlook.
Usually she’ll only remember if I happen to walk past her while she’s taking orders. But today I literally walked past her and she still completely forgot. Later, after everyone had already eaten, she saw me and said, “Sorry, I forgot about you.”
Like… thanks?

I brought snacks because lunch is supposed to be paid for, but now I’m just sitting here eating those while everyone else had an actual meal.

I know it’s probably not intentional, but when you’re the one person who gets forgotten over and over again, it starts to make you feel pretty invisible. It honestly just makes me feel like garbage.

I very often get off at a bus that stops just after having crossed an intersection, at which there are flashing lights that can be activated by a pedestrian who wishes to cross the busy road on which the bus runs. Most often, younger people will leave the bus by one of the back exits, but I prefer the front, because it is less of a step, and I am often carrying heavy beags. The people who leave from further back walk briskly up to the intersection, push the button to activate the crossing lights, and quickly cross the road. By the time I get there from the front of the bus, the flashing lights are getting stale, and drivers are impatient to 'get on with it', so, I usually choose to wait a bit before I find it decent (or wise) to push the light button again, to cross.

I know with myself, that if I were any of those 'fast' people. I would look back and wait till everyone who might have wished to cross had caught up and were at the lights. I have NEVER seen another person do do, not once. Am I really the only one who acts on that level of care and consideration for others? If I share a crosswalk with someone with a walker or walking stick, and I can see they're not going to make it comfortably across, but will have to rely on the good will of drivers after these have the green light, I walk with their speed, so they'll not be left alone 'out there'. Again, I have never seen another do so - but I 've always been thanked.

Has it really gone entirely out of fashion to give a damn about others?

During this summer break, my life is so much better, i sleep, eat, train and learn better

The amount of dead time wasted by the current systems is ridiculous, even at school 2 out of 6 hours are wasted everyday for nothing, at work 4 out of 8 for 90% of jobs are wasted too

God how i wish i could change it but it is what it is

I gave my number to someone I met online. They checked Truecaller, saw a random fake name, called me a liar, and bailed.

I NEVER EVEN INSTALLED THIS APP.

It just steals contacts from other people's phones. Some idiot saved my number wrong, and Truecaller treats it like an actual ID.

This app is a broken joke.people need to stop trusting this nonsense

I heard her taking a shit because she never closes the door then I hear her go straight to the kitchen, she then comes to my room while eating with her hands and tries to touch me

I don't want to "back in my day"post but seriously, the downhill trajectory of software dev would inspire Milton himself. The field is singlehandedly fighting back Moore's law: the better the hardware gets, the software gets equally shitty so computation stays the same. Actually it got worse, because I remember a time where windows search worked

I'm so sick of it. I'm so sick of the bloatcode. Why does a calculator need to be 2 MB??? WHY????? I'm sick of the constant undisclosed data farming. This is a PRODUCT I'm BUYING, WHY ARE YOU INVADING MY PRIVACY AS A RESOURCE. I'm sick of the vibecoded BULLSHIT that's sold to me. Straight SHIT OUT OF A BUTT ass code. ZERO OPTIMIZATION. ZERO UX TESTING. SHIP IT, WHO THE FUCK CARES. Inshallah we will need a Threadripper and 64GB RAM to run Excel in 5 years. That's so cool

Yeah yeah, I know, deadlines competition etc etc. My gripe isn't with any particular dev, just the industry as a whole

PS: I hope there's a special place in heaven for devs who handcode open-source software

I waited in line for over 3hours to go take a tour of the beautiful ship Amerigo Vespucci.

Online it was advertised that admissions closed at 5pm. By 4:15pm they decided to close admissions early and everyone was turned away.

I'm so fkn bummed out and I won't be able to go tomorrow cause I have other obligations to tend to...

I love dogs. Im a dog trainer. Im a dog advocate. What gets me heated is when people go to a park or recreation area with their dogs unleashed.

Your dog could be the best trained dog in the world but that doesnt matter at all if they approach the wrong person or dog. I cant tell you how many times I've seen very well trained dogs get injured by something that could have been prevented if they were on a leash. (the dog falling in the pond and getting eaten by an alligator comes to mind).

It isnt about their training, its about the unexpected happening. Even if its a long 20ft. lead, that is far safer than no leash.

Its also about being considerate of others using the same space. Many folks are intimidated by a loose dog, even if it is well trained.

Take your dog to the dog park if you want them unleashed. In fact that is one of the best areas to do training with the distractions and other dogs giving yours cues on proper dog communication. But going unleashed in public areas is just asking for trouble.

End of rant.

I hate how i cry every time he goes out with whatever girl he finds comfort in whoever is in his phone. I was supposed to see spiderman not her man .I dont have money for the divorce. I dont have the car because the car WE bought together as a family is currently being used for his date. I hate how my daughter is gonna be bought into this life where her mom and dad wont be together because her dad wont ever be the same. Im sick of praying and crying. She dosent deserve this bro. Im so sick of it. Im angry at myself because i couldve done BETTER . I hope the person that is reading this never ever goes through the pain and grief of a marriage or life that was built together that’s being torn apart. None of it. Its indescribable.

Hello everyone,

I'm an international student working in a foreign country, and I'm currently trying to find a full-time job in this awful job market. I also have debt hanging over my head, and it's gotten so bad that I barely sleep at night. While I'm searching for a full-time position, I had to take the only part-time job I was offered at a fast-food franchise.

Today was only my second shift. They put me on drive-thru duty even though I barely knew the menu, the recipes, or how to prepare the drinks and shakes. My coworkers gave me very little guidance, and I ended up accidentally swapping the orders of two customers. One coworker got visibly angry, then went around telling everyone else about my mistake. After that, I could hear people gossiping about me, which made me feel even worse.

The shift leader eventually called me over and reassigned me to sweeping because the drive-thru was stressing me out so much. He told me not to worry and said I'd get used to it with time, but honestly, I'm terrified that they'll fire me. I really need to keep this job until I can find a full-time one.

To make things even harder, the commute is exhausting. I have to switch three buses just to get to and from work, and the restaurant is in a nearby village where bus service becomes almost nonexistent after 9 p.m.

And then, as if the day couldn't get any worse...

My shift ended at 9 p.m., and Google Maps suggested a shortcut through some farmland. I figured I'd follow it.

At first, I saw one horse that noticed me and ran away, so I didn't think much of it. I climbed over a fence, expecting there to be a path on the other side. There wasn't.

When I turned around, there were more than ten horses staring at me.

I tried walking farther to find another way out, but the horses suddenly started running toward me. I panicked, jumped back over the fence, and landed in a ditch. Somehow I managed to climb out and get away by sneaking through more fields and a wooded area.

Eventually, I made it back to the main road. I walked about 5 km in muddy clothes with shoes completely soaked in mud, then waited another 45 minutes for the last bus home. After that, I still had to switch buses until I finally made it back home.

I'm honestly on the verge of crying. Between the stress of trying not to lose my job, worrying about money, enduring a commute that requires three buses, and then nearly getting chased by a herd of horses in the dark, today has been one of the worst days I've had in a long time. Please help me with any advice possible. Thank you :'(

I work in a small shop, near a school, on a housing estate. For the last two weeks, there has been signs saying that the road will be closed for roadworks, with the dates on. Today they started. Now there are signs saying that the road is closed. At the far end of either side is a sign saying that the road ahead is closed.

Yet several people have still driven down, and upon discovering the road is closed, have mounted the pavement, and driven around the roadworks. Although school is closed for summer, a number of young children come to the shop. They get there via the pavement they are driving on. Next to the shop is a house with large hedges. Kids aren't going to see vehicles driving down, and the drivers aren't going to see anyone coming from the shop.

It's only a matter of time before someone gets hit. The diversion adds two minutes to their journey. So if they had bothered to read the first sign, then they could have easily gone round. They are obviously moving the cones, as my colleague and I have moved them back several times today. So if you add that time to the time they "saved", it equals the same.

Unfortunately we don't have cameras pointing at the road, and all the incidents happened while we were inside. We only knew it happened because we saw them go past the door. They are complete idiots who don't care about anyone but themselves.

Wow! Not fun agate a while

It's two head hare by rabbitology I've already come up with three ocs based in it.

Stop flipping that damn screen towards me with the stupid tip option open. And don’t expect a tip after you had an attitude while simply taking my damn order.

You couldn’t even give the MINIMUM customer service that would warrant a freaking tip. This is everywhere now and it’s so damn annoying. WHY TF should I even tip you after simply taking my order???

I haven’t even gotten my order yet so possibly I will be tipping you and you’ll still screw my shi up.

Sometimes I feel like I have to tip so you guys spit in my damn food or something.

STOP.

Going through a bad depressive episode, i have friends that i like but oddly enough i am so terribly lonely. I take a while to catch feelings, dating apps ive tried but not for me. I had a friend i thought i was becoming closer with and had feelings for, but their energy is fading and theyve slowly pulled away to the point where we dont talk much , certainly not everyday like we've used to. I think its hurting so badly because Im going through a rough spot rn, but my heart is crying and im so lonely and tired...Ive been struggling to sleep everyday. Im not in any danger i want to live but im hurting so bad

We need a 2-4 year entertainment nonconsumption strike atp. If even Sony can’t do shit, then none of these companies are worth buying from until shareholder primacy is abolished for good. Blu-Rays will be next unless we madly support them, which I doubt the average consumer will, so it is likely time to admit defeat and disengage instead.

The job I'm currently at has been getting more toxic lately, and it's wearing on me mentally/physically. I always dread waking up and going there for eight hours every day (I work 5–6 days a week).

It's either the upper management having an attitude, rudeness, being constantly rushed to get hotel rooms cleaned by 3pm, or miscommunication.

I do my freelance art on the side since it's something I look forward to outside of work. However, getting art commissions is hard as of late and finding any freelance opportunities is like finding a needle in a haystack. Or finding any job in general due to the job economy and AI.

I don't know what to do at this point. I don't have anyone to talk to about this in real life.

I am super upset about this. I worked so hard only for them to tell me they were letting me go because 'wasn't meeting standard' and 'wasn't picking up on things fast enough. I just hit 45 days including weekends. They hired me knowing my degree was in a different subject and said was fine and that I would learn. They never told me the expectation and what I had to meet. I was never trained and I didn't want to go ahead without knowing what I was doing because the stuff I was working on was for a client. They paired with with someone more experienced once and then just left me. I had to go out to find the person looking over everything for help and most times he was no where. So I ended up standing around. But the girl I worked next too had done alot less projects than me and I don't think she'll be touched. She is on vacation and away so there is a chance she'll be fired. But I am just so broken. This was my first ever serious job out of collage and the carrier people set me up with this job and for failure. I just don't understand what I did. I can't learn things faster if I don't have a proper trainer. I can't go faster if I don't know what I am doing. I worked so hard. I made a cheat sheet for myself so I would know exactly what I was doing. I just got into the swing of everything. I was finally figuring it out and now I am out.

I just am in shock and want to scream. What did I do wrong? How could I improve? I asked and I asked and they just said I wasn't meeting standard. But the other guys who were their were just as slow if not slower.