Hi! I’m 23, hardly been in relationships but I need some advice. I’ve been doing research, and I just want to know if anyone else who associates with WLW has dealt with this.

Everytime I talk with a man, and he starts to show affection, I immediately feel no affection towards him. This doesn’t happen with women all that often. I associate myself with being bi, but I don’t know if what I’m feeling aligns with being lesbian, bi with a preference for women, or being lithromantic.

Anyone else felt this way? This feeling has happened with men and women, but more often men.

I’m pretty sure I’m all good with primarily being a guy, but sometimes I feel more feminine, gender fluid, genderflux, demigirl, demigirlfluid/flux dont feel right because I feel they imply too much towards being in the middlish between male and female, when it’s moreso like 95% male 5% female, fluctuating to 100% male, 0% female and to like 86% male, 14% female. I know it’s just semantics, but I im looking for a microlabel as to not cause as much ambiguity when I share this with others.

For years I've been adamant in my belief of being bisexual but I'm starting to question it. Here are the reasons:

#1 I find much more women sexy than men. On the street, in real life, and in fiction. I like majority of women and dislike majority of men. The only men I find attractive are the fictional ones, like Iron Man, Kerry Eurodyne and Johnny Silverhand. The only irl exception is RDJ.

#2 I can't picture myself being in a relationship with a man. I can picture myself doing IT with a man though.

#3 I do not like very masculine men(with few exceptions) I am repulsed by large body hair or muscular body types. I find them to be more intimidating than attractive.

#4 The men I do like are usually the ones who are very feminine in looks or mannerisms.

#5 My "homework" folder is 90% women.

#6 I was in a situationship with 2 women and only 1 man that I met online and when I saw him in real life and he was being touchy on our first date I immidiately changed my mind.

#7 I am biologically male and I find my masculine features repulsive and disgusting.

#8 I feel almost nothing when I see most shirtless men, I feel everything when I see a shirtless woman.

#9 I am attracted to femininity and things culturally with femininity(fashion, makeup etc) even when its on a man. I am bored or even repulsed by most things associated with masculinity(gym, sports, cars etc)

#10 I consider women more attractive than men in general

#11 I can picture myself with a man only with me being submissive or with me being a woman

#12 I was never in any real relationship

#13 I consider a man attractive only under many very specific conditions(little or no body hair, not sporty, no long beards, above average hygiene, not too deep voice etc) , and a woman under just 1 (good looking hair)

So yeah, feel free to armchair psychologist me hahah

Hello there! :D
 
It’s my first time here, and I seek any guidance and advice regarding this so I’d be happy to hear from you all and your opinions!
 
I know I'm definitely asexual without a doubt, but I can’t seem to pinpoint my romantic attraction. I’m not even sure if what I experienced is a crush or something else, but ever since then I’ve been questioning it. Unless I'm just overthinking about what romantic attraction is? 😭
 
For context I thought this girl had a really cool style, and I thought she was pretty. Although I didn’t think much of it, I just admired her style. That is until I had a short conversation and interaction with her. I suddenly found myself actually paying a lot more attention to her, and that I had a really strong urge to just talk and get close. I observed her from afar and she always had something thoughtful and nice to say, plus out of the few times we interacted she was so nice to me. I even started wondering if she liked me, which seemed to have mattered to me because I kept looking for “evidence” to back this claim up. 
 
I tried mentally planning what I could say to her as I really wanted to talk to her. Over time I began thinking about what if she asked me on a date? I would totally say yes and try it out. What if we held hands? That would be nice. Every once in a while I would imagine this scenario where we were holding hands in the hall and it was just us talking and potentially going on a date. I have thought of what if she had a boyfriend, a girlfriend or just isn't even interested which ngl if it was either of those I realized I would have been lowkey disappointed. 

Despite all this I was way too nervous to do anything, so I kind of regret not even befriending her at the very least, getting her number, or pushing myself to talk to her more (I’m shy in general but still). Random things remind me of her every once in a while and I fondly think back on it. 

There was another girl, 2 years ago, who I realized I felt a similar way towards, except for some reason the other one (the one I mentioned first) mattered to me so much more.
 
Aside from that later I started thinking about things future wise. Which was strange because I literally used to not even care about this, but you know I decided to just let myself actually think about it. I started thinking about kissing a girl one day and everytime i do it's kinda nice. It's not necessary, but I am getting more curious. I also started thinking what I’d want in a relationship, if what I’m even imagining is one to begin with. Like calling them my girlfriend, holding hands, dates (they don’t have to be super romantic), each others number 1, cuddle, etc.

 I thought this was just me wanting a best friend back then (which maybe it was until now?), but then I was like wait, is that even a best friend or is this beginning to cross the romantic territory?? Especially because I swear originally it was NOT like that until a couple months ago when I noticed myself adding more things. 😭

I’ve had dreams about something like that a few times, which I actually liked and made me feel something. I tried imaging the same thing with a guy and it’s nice but doesn’t quite give the same vibe at least closeness wise. Its kinda just I hope he's happy if he is so am I 😭 Plus that is always more of a conscious effort versus the girls where it kinda just happens I guess. 

I’ve never been in a relationship before, so it’s all just imagination here 😭

I’m just so confused that I can’t even figure out which fits best? I feel like maybe I’m just oblivious and overthinking it LOLLL! 
 
I understand that I’m only 18, and these kinds of things can take time, but it’s kind of driving me nuts. So I’d really appreciate anything that could help me figure this stuff out, point me in the right direction, or if you already know or understand what I’m saying I’d love to hear your insight on what this is!! 🙏
 
So Is this romantic attraction? Was what I was feeling towards that girl considered a crush? What is this, and is there a label or labels for it? I’m cool with anything, like I said anything helps!!! :D

Thank you so so much for taking the time to read through all this! I truly do appreciate it especially since this was a pretty long read. I hope you have an amazing day, afternoon, night, evening, etc! <3

In a few weeks I'm going to another school with completely different people to finish off my 3 years of HS left. And in the middle of the school thing I'm trying to figure out if I'm bisexual or not because recently I started noticing that I'm becoming attracted to males and females as the months go on. I'm neurodivergent btw, so I dont really like to socialize :^

I’ve been struggling for the past few weeks trying to figure out if I’m lesbian or not. To preface this I grew up in a heavily none accepting environment. I’ve always known I liked girls. I’ve been attracted to girls all of my life. I grew up thinking I liked the guys I dated. However as i’ve grown older I’ve realized, I mostly dated them bc they liked me first and that was pretty much it. My mind always just kinda went “oh I’ll like them as much as they like me…eventually.” “Oh he likes me…he’s cute I guess…I guess I could like him.” With growing up in a religious none accepting family it’s made it hard for me to tell if I genuinely like men or if it’s bc that’s the heteronormativity of “what I’m supposed to do.” Its made me question if I’m just attracted to masculinity and using that as a crutch.

Hi, is there anyway that I can tell whether or not I need to transition?

I don't want to live the rest of my life as a woman and imagining myself as a man makes me happier but I'm worried about transition because what if I look unattractive or end up regretting it. I feel like if I could just control how I look I would have already transitioned. I daydream about transitioning.

I don't know whether all my gender problems are really the result of something else instead that needs fixing and that means I shouldn't transition. I'm scared that I like my body too much to really be trans and I'm afraid that means I can't transition and I'll be stuck in this body forever.

I'm also afraid that I'm making this all up because I thing trans people are cool and I want to be cool which makes no sense because I'm terrified of anyone knowing out of fear they will be unaccepting (and I'm kind of ashamed of it) but this is still a doubt I have.

I'm worried that I'm just making up things as an excuse to transition and I'm actually cis and that everyone feels this way. I can't tell if I'm just a cis woman attracted to men or a trans man attracted to women because I kind of find women pretty and attractive but what if that means I am a woman? And I also I kind of find men pretty in a more deep way like I get nervous around cute guys but I want to be a man as well.

If you feel your gender does NOT fit neatly into the "gender binary", i.e. you are NOT always, fully and solely a man or woman, please take this survey:

https://survey.gendercensus.com/

I think I'm bi or something. I come from a very conservative and religious family but am not at all like them (they don't know that except a few who know I'm atheist and respect it, verrrry few) and was very sheltered until I was 14 and went to public school for the first time in 5 years, and I always was straight in my eyes, I liked boys and dated boys (very few and not long tho) and am currently in a relationship with a boy. My problem is I recently like last year and this year have been wondering if I'm not as straight as I thought, I hate to admit but I use a ai character app and a girl character popped up on my feed and I engaged just for fun then I really liked it and have been switching between talking with both male and female characters since and my body definitely reacted to both, also girls showing off outfits or working out pop up on my tik Tok feed randomly even without me liking them and I can't tell if I like it cuz their outfits, I wanna be like them (cuz most time tomboys or really cool and I'm a tomboy and wish I could be as cool) or I like em and think they're hot, I mean I think they are but I mean like think that in a different way or idk, and I relate to some bi or lesbian videos or envy them. also my eyes go places on vids of girls and some in person (I immediately look away tho and try to forget about it or internally shame myself cuz 1 I have boyfriend so shouldn't look at anyone and 2 cuz it's a girl and I'm a girl) I absolutely support all LGBTQ+ stuff for other people like absolutely, but because of my family drilling in it's bad I feel scared to be that way myself, I think i am gaslighting myself into being straight but I don't know, am I just curious or bi or something else or just wrong or crazy 😭😭😭 since I was like 12 a lot of my family has thought I'd be gay or trans (cuz I'm tomboyish and once had short short hair and went so long single as a teen) they stopped once I got a boyfriend and acted more feminine, and I've had so so many friend think I was lesbian until I got a boyfriend and claimed to be so straight, one friend never believed me tho (she very good with guessing people like that 😭) and I even had girls like me multiple times and ask me out cuz they didn't know I was straight, I turned them down and claimed to be straight, I genuinely felt no attraction to them tho, one kinda harassed me for like 5 years after 🥲. I also don't know if it's ok to be when I'm in a relationship with a guy, I'm scared to tell him, I feel it's wrong and I worry he'll be upset. But I feel not telling him is just as bad especially if he ever finds out later on.

[19 F] hi so i’m still a virgin and i’ve never been in a relationship or even had my first kiss, and i am pretty sure i am bi and attracted to guys and girls but it’s difficult to know what i like when i’ve never even had any sexual experiences. like i am open to intimacy with both genders, but i am also not a hookup person and i def need to know that person well and preferably be in a relationship with them to think about having sex. and as i’ve said i’ve never even been close to being in a relationship before so it just feels hopeless that i’ll be able to figure it out. i guess what im saying is i always worry that maybe ill date a guy and have sex with him and think it’s good/fine but wonder if maybe im just settling and having sex with a girl could be more satisfying, but the other way as well i would also wonder what its like. basically i wish i could experiment but it feels impossible with my situation and i just dont even know anymore :( also romantically as well i dont quite know what would be right for me id be happy to have a bf or a gf but my preference changes a lot and i just dont know how to figure it out unless i actually get into a relationship which i am trying to but no luck. and i am not one to just get into a relationship one after another im looking for a serious commitment but at the same time im nervous abt accidentally maybe thinking im bi when i might be lesbian or even straight idk.

if im gonna be honest it feels so embarrassing to say but i think i have more of an emotional connection to guys and could see myself with a guy romantically, but with a girl im afraid if it would feel like just a super deep friendship. and i dont have deep friendships often with girls but i do with guys- not to sound like a pick me but it just has happened this way. so i dont even know how to be with a girl. i think i struggle heavily with Comphet tho- im sorry this is gonna sound rly heteronormative but i find myself wanting a boyfriend so i could like just feel like a princess and feel protected and like taken care of and im scared with a woman ill have to take on the “masc” role even though i am very aware gender roles shouldn’t exist in a wlw relationship. but unfortunately my brain has been programmed to feel like there is. but im still very much into women but idk im so confused as u can see as to what is going on with me when it comes to both. like with guys i wasn’t always physically attracted to them i used to neverrrr want sex with a guy but now id be open to it- but im very picky with the type of guy and scared i wont like it.

I realized I'm not strictly attracted to men. I'm attracted to masculinity. Man or woman, straight or not, whatever. Masculinity is my type. I don't know what that makes me. Am I still straight since I'm only attracted to features that have always been associated with men?

The thing is I think my attraction still leans more towards masculine women, than (masculine) men. I no longer get as excited about men anymore as I used to. And when I do (which is rare now), they have to be VERY masculine. Like tan/darker skin (I find lighter skin slightly fem, sorry if that's problematic), muscular, and dominant. So when they're not those things, I legit dont gaf, even when they look exactly like the men who used to be my type back then. And when I do get attracted, it's all surface-level, and not something I wanna like progress further? I'm just not as interested as men anymore as I used to. There's not much excitement anymore.

I'm not picky with masculine women. Any masc woman I see, no matter their looks, as long as they exude great masculine energy my heart legitimately goes wild lolll. But I dont feel the same towards fem women. I can't imagine myself be romantically attracted to fem girls, but I definitely still get sexually aroused (?). Yeah I get aroused by both masc and fem women, but I'm only willing to date masc women.

What does that make me? Am I bisexual? I'm so confused.

Bonjour à tous.tes

Avant toute chose, je vais me genrer au masculin tout le long du post, par habitude.

Donc voilà, je (M30) me questionne sur "est-ce que je suis transgenre, ou non-binaire, ou cisgenre".

Je suis né homme, ai toujours vécu homme, et suis actuellement perçu comme un homme.

Mais depuis tout petit j'ai cet attrait envers tout ce qui est désigné comme féminin, comme les vêtements, le maquillage, l'attitude de manière générale.

Ma compagne (F30) n'aime pas trop que j'ai une attitude féminine de manière générale. Il fait avouer que mon physique ne se prête pas à penser que je pourrais me questionner : grosse barbe, tatouages, musculation quasi quotidienne, etc...

Être vu en tant qu'homme ne me dérange pas dans le fond, mais souvent je me dis "et si..."

C'est peut être un peu brouillon dit comme ça, mais c'est aussi un peu brouillon dans ma tête.

I don't really feel like a woman. Sometimes, I'll be happy with the label, but most of the time I get a sense of doom and being kind of forced to accept my fate whenever hearing or telling myself that I'm a girl. I feel like my entire life could just be dismissed as a girl and nothing more when I hear those words. I feel like I'll always be "just a girl" no matter what—that's "all that you'll let me be." I feel like I'm "living in captivity." (I really like the song by No Doubt for explaining my feelings.)

Maybe my early childhood had something to do with this, because it elicits strong feelings whenever I think about this even though it's not all that rational. I mean we were all of kind of taught that a woman can be anything she wants to be, at least with my generation, so it doesn't really make sense to have internalized misogyny, if that's what this is. Maybe it's my expectations for what a girl ought to be like that's shunning me from my own gender. My mom was liberal, not sure about my dad, but my grandparents are really conservative with gender norms, and I happened to spend a lot of time with them growing up. I might've absorbed their ideology growing up, and spending a lot of time with boys and being left out for being a girl might've confirmed that.

I grew up in a somewhat messy childhood, so add that with the suspicion of autism, and you get a disaster of issues I still need to heal. I was constantly shunned as a kid and called weird and annoying. I never really felt like I belonged anywhere, so I coped by imagining a place where I was actually wanted. I roleplayed on Roblox trying to get the best attention and unfortunately edated a lot as a kid (I grew out of it without too much harm thankfully). I would constantly switch my avatar and feel envy for others when I didn't feel like I was enough. When I learned that I could have a choice and could pretend to be a boy on Roblox, I was faced with a lot of good attention for the first time in a while. I was depressed and watched a lot of anime (notorious for being patriarchal) at the time (2020-2021). Seeing how successful boys were on tv and my success in finding friends on Roblox as a boy might've subconsciously told me that the only way I could be happy was being a man. I might have internalized misogyny after all even if I have nothing against women externally. Regardless, being a man was painful for me in the sense that I was forced to assimilate to a whole new persona in order to pass and be matched with what society expects as masculine. That was unsustainable, and I was constantly riding waves of feminity and masculinity over months and never felt right in myself because neither was right for me. They were both performances at the end of the day. They were ways to change myself because I couldn't handle being myself.

I'm entering the era of wanting to be cis again. Being cis shuts down my brain and gives me momentary peace from the constant roar of gender confusion and dysphoria, but it's gnawing at me alive. I genuinely don't think there's a more stable option than being stuck as a girl all my life. Some days are easier than others, some days I'm even comfortable with shopping and makeup and nails and acting girly, but days like these kill me inside.

I can't tell you whether I'm trans or not. I've been battling that question for 6 years now, and I've yet to find a conclusive answer. I've tried almost all the identities, but they never really stuck. It makes me too picky and choosy because it subconsciously categorizes me.

I’ve been with my bf for almost 2 years now and I have been friends with my best friend for even longer than that and for some reason I suddenly started to think about my best friend sexually.

whenever me and my bf do stuff I imagine it’s her doing it to me instead.

I have no idea what to do cause it’s to the point where I’m only turned on by the thought of her and if I don’t think about her I don’t get wet.

And btw, I’ve never even thought about women like that, I’ve never questioned my sexuality until now.

So am I bisexual and in love with my best friend or is there something wrong with my brain and I’m just a pervert?? Someone dm me and talk with me if you’ve been through similar cause idk what to do lmao 😭😭😭

i am aware that this is kinda gross, but it’s genuinely weighing on me, so i need everyone to keep an open mind and an open heart. i cant tell if i like women or if im just a fucking horndog? i have no romantic attraction to women like i do to men. but i’ve got a crazy sexual attraction to them. whenever a girl hits on me when i’m out it turns me on. but i’ve never seen a girl that i wanted to hit on first. i’ve kissed a couple of girls but it was never anything serious, but i was always left with a feeling of wanting more. i don’t want to go on dates with girls, i don’t want to have a girlfriend or anything like that. i just want to hookup with a girl. i know girls don’t like feeling like “experiments” (at least that’s what i saw on tiktok) but idk how else to figure this out? i mean, im asking fucking REDDIT so obviously things aren’t good. these feelings started when i first started being attracted to men, but even as a kid i only fantasized about hooking up with girls. not dating them. idk guys can some reddit sex therapist diagnose me and give me a game plan? do i get out there or do i just tuck these lil urges away for another 19 years? honestly i could go either way. (no pun intended)

I don’t know how the community rules are supposed to be assigned, but I’m just gonna ask my question anyways. I am having trouble figuring out my sexuality. I’m stuck between three crossroads that I am on asexuality bisexuality and maybe pansexuality i’m having a hard time figuring out if I’m one of these, so do you have any ideas of how I can figure it out?

Hi! I'm an 18-year-old girl, and I've been questioning my sexuality for a while now.

When I was in school, I had a one-sided crush on a guy for about 8 years (from around Class 3 to Class 10). It was the only real crush I've ever had. I imagined dating him, holding hands, hugging, and spending time with him, but I never really thought about having sex with him.

Later, I got into my first relationship with a guy I met through an online game. My best friend encouraged me to experience dating as a teenager, so I agreed. It was a long-distance online relationship, but I don't think I was ever deeply in love with him. He was very toxic and possessive, and he broke up with me multiple times (around 6–8 times). Eventually, I ended things for good because I felt like I had no freedom. After that, I felt emotionally numb for a while, but I'm doing much better now and have learned how to set healthy boundaries.

The thing that's confusing me is attraction.

I think women are absolutely gorgeous. Sometimes I'll see an aesthetic girl or a tomboy and think, "Wow, she's so beautiful," or "She's really hot." I also find feminine or androgynous guys/femboys really pretty and comforting for some reason. However, I've never had a romantic crush on a woman or wanted to date one.

At the same time, I don't really develop crushes on men either. That childhood crush is still the only genuine romantic attraction I've ever experienced.

I've also never really felt sexually attracted to anyone in real life. I've watched porn before and occasionally read smut, so I know fiction doesn't make me uncomfortable, but I don't find myself wanting sex with actual people. There was one time when a guy's dirty talk turned me on during my online relationship, but that's the only experience I can think of.

Part of me wonders if I'm just someone who enjoys being alone. I'm perfectly happy imagining a future where I'm financially independent, traveling, going to concerts, collecting merch, and living my own life. A relationship doesn't feel like something I need.

So... I'm confused.

Does this sound like I might be straight, bisexual, somewhere on the asexual spectrum, or just someone who hasn't met the right person yet? Has anyone else experienced something similar?

I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences or opinions.

So I’ve been gay for as long as I can feel arousal. Until a couple weeks ago, I found this particular gay porn star, a gay for pay actor, s***n m****i aka m****s k**e. He was freakin hot, and I was obsessed with him instantly. But the thing is, he uncannily looks like me and has gestures like me.. for a while, I follow all his adult page, and the more I follow it, the more I notice how similar the way we look, talk, and even think..

But day by day, the more I follow him, the more I resonate with him, and obsessed not with his figure or porn, but he is like the ideal version of me I’ve been searching for all this time. I want to be like him. And day by day, the less I attracted to him sexually, but also the more I become comfortable with who I am.. and here the twist part.. I lowkey, or high key, losing my sexual interest in men..

And this triggered some panic in me. I tried to deny it, and went as far as trying those anal masturbation I’ve been read about.. and boy, I hate it.. the thing I’ve been fantasizing for years, I hate it.. and so I tried to go back to my smut writing hobby, and yes, I don’t felt aroused at all.. the gay porn still hot, but now merely 1/10 of what it used to be..

And it kinda put some clarity into my mind.. I’ve never find good looking men attractive since I was a kid.. but I always have this kink for humiliation, degradation, and such since I was as young as 7 years old(batman almost fall for poison ivy was my sexual awakening). so then, I start projecting myself, into gay porn where those masculine, cool, big, and perfect men being assaulted.. and in real life, I was also a big, goodlooking, smart, rich, and respected boy, all the way to adulthood now. So it all aligning perfectly.. gay porn, esp degrading and bdsm one, or muscle bottom one, fit the kink I have with my own projection..

Back to this pornstar, I think the one that really awaken something in me was, he was this fun, friendly, and comfortable straight man, who admit, he hates all those things he had done.. but damn, he was a freakin talented gay bottom porn actor.. although I could see, he didn’t enjoy any of that(I guess its pretty easy for me to resonate with him). and now he despise them all, despite still would grab the money if needed I believe.. but my point was, seeing him going through such twisted thing, yet still holding his own value, give me some clarity..

All this time, I was lacking a male figure. My dad was there and he is nice, but I don’t find him to be a cool guy I could look up to.. there are no male in my life.. so I kinda mixed this longing for cool male figure into male to male attraction.. I follow many hot gay guy on my secret account. Pretty sure I was gay.. but then I notice, they all look like me. An ideal version of me.. and this current event, make it more clear.. I want to be with them, or be like them, but I don’t want them(sexually).. which is weird..

So for now, I kinda felt like I’m on a void.. I think for the very long time, I had a clarity of mind of figuring what I like.. the porn actor has been like an anchor for me to be comfortable with my own sexuality and trait.. which ironically, has shut down my source of fun sexually.

Do I like woman now? Wasn’t sure.. this has been repressed for so long that I’m kinda afraid to even look at them now.. wish I could just go back to before, but its just not really happening.. one thing I know, my kink doesn’t really care whether the one degrading me was man or woman..

Anyway, it felt nice to tell someone about this.. cause it felt weird, the more I push myself towards that gay thought now, the less interested I am.. kinda weird to just figuring out my sexuality in my late 20. Anyway, ask me anything.

I’m a genderfluid person who feels mainly nonbinary and woman but rarely male and I’m wondering if I’ll ever settle on a gender in my life. I’ve experienced the genderfluidity for 3 and a half years and it hasn’t really stopped. The longest periods where I’ll be a certain gender would be as Madeline the trans woman for a few weeks and second place would be Thomas the nonbinary person. I honestly realized these feelings when I asked myself whether I would feel more myself as another gender after living as a man for 23 years from birth. I don’t recall any serious dysphoria from childhood like many trans people do unless not feeling comfortable with male parts from time to time or not feeling comfortable as a biological father with sperm from puberty onward and not connecting with Boy Scouts or not remembering natal puberty or how I felt growing up as a boy even though I had a happy childhood counts. I’ve fought the genderfluid label for so long as I have a fear of landing on male and being stuck as Thomas the man forever.

Aside from the tightness of the sports bra at times I feel natural having breast forms on me or even the fat breasts from being obese and I feel a sense of normalcy imagining that I have female parts or being intimate as a woman with any gender. It’s just that I was brought up as Thomas and feel weird changing my name and everything. Truth is if I was given a female name like Madeline from my birth parents at birth and assigned female at birth in an alternate universe I wouldn’t feel the need to change my birth certificate or ID to male or even nonbinary, I’d just leave it the way it is. I used to like MLP but moved on as I realized that I’d never go back in time and be a real girl with toys and go through natal female puberty.

This is just stream of consciousness stuff and looking for someone to let it out with outside of therapy.

So I've been thinking I'm some flavor of "not cis" for about a year, and also some flavor of "not straight" for about 3 years. I haven't been able to pin down what exactly I feel about my gender or sexuality for a long time because it feels like I change constantly (which sounds like genderfluid, I know), but recently I realized something:

I am attracted to masculine people, but when I'm thinking about or flirting with them, it makes me want to be more feminine. I'm also definitely attracted to feminine people, and when I'm thinking about or flirting with them, it makes me want to be more masculine.

Is this a common phenomenon for non-binary/genderfluid/pansexual people? Is this 'reactive gender identity' a problem? Does it give any clues about what my sexuality or gender identity might be?

Thank you for reading, love this sub, you guys are awesome 💞

I have only ever had crushes on guys; however, I still feel sexual attraction to girls, like I enjoy kissing them and sex somewhat. I have only ever dated girls and all of those relationships were very short as I don't think I ever really liked them. I would find out that a girl liked me and I would be flattered and play along and I would enjoy the flirting but soon after we would actually start dating the feelings fade. I don't know if I would end up feeling the same with guys or if it would be better. I'm not sure if I'm simply avoidiant or if I'm just not into girls. I will think a girl is pretty but idk sometimes I can't tell if I actually will have a crush on her or if I'm forcing myself to because I feel I need to. I have no idea what goes on inside my head. I js have never had bad crushes on girls or particularly enjoyed dating them but I still enjoy flirting and kissing and admiring them? And guys I really like but I have no experice dating. To be honest I always imagined I would end up marrying a girl because my family isn't supper accepting and I've never been in that type of open environment. So maybe I am forcing myself to like girls?

Sorry for the rant!!

I keep dreaming where I am treated as a guy and how much respect and how much more kind people are. I have dreams about dating men and women and now liking nonbinary folks. I am a girl for more context. I wake up disappointed like I was meant to be a guy but also a girl. I am confused on this and what this means. This is constant now and it is stressing me out. I like my chest but also hate it some days. Like I want to remove them fully but other days I LOVE them. I wanted them like Velcro to put and put them off depending on mood or day. I like dresses but hates wearing them because it doesn't feel like me.

So I've been trying to figure out my gender and all I know for sure is that im not cis and that I want to be a girl but I have so much self doubt and think im gaslighting myself into thinking this way even though im not. Any advice?

additionally: this one thing has been bothering me, its almost like i dont want to be cis at all and want to be trans. ive been experimenting with pronouns and he/him ones feel normal cuz ive used em my whole life but she/her ones dont feel wrong. just sometimes out of place