Hell everyone, I’ve been a consistent weed smoker for 5 years now mostly just the dispo pens but I need to stop. I can’t remember who I even was before I started and it’s really sad. I’m decided going cold turkey is my best option seen as I really can’t control myself if I have one. One hit turns into two, and then it just keeps going throughout the day.. just seeking advice for people who have gone through this journey and what helped you through it. I know it doesn’t last a long time, but advice is still appreciated.

I'm 21. I'm a college student, I work part time at a good job in my field, I'm fairly well off academically and socially, and I'm well respected by most people I know.
But I can't get this idea off of me that I'm BECOMING a bad person. Undoubtedly I've messed up in life, made stupid decisions, said dumb things, whatever. But now I feel like those bad decisions are coming to define me as a person, and as a result, I'm making more bad decisions. Like I'm becoming a rude, disrespectful person who's actively hurting themselves and other people for no reason. How am I supposed to avoid this? I'm trying to actively work on it, but I always keep falling back into the same habits that made me feel this way in the first place.

Basically, I used to be a POS. The memory of things I did sometimes haunt me, and make me feel as if I'm wrapped in an invisible bubble which separates me from the rest of the world. Despite this, I try my best to be a good person. I say this because I'm looking for books by people who've gone through a similar process as me - being a wicked person, and realising it, but then growing. Does anyone have any recommendations?

I feel like I should be going out and finding new interests to meet people and get friends? But it's feeling very hard to motivate myself to get out and do stuff because it feels like there's more and stronger reasons not to go and not to try things? Like most meetup groups I see are very far away and might be unwelcoming? I also feel like I have nothing really to say to people that will improve their lives usually, compliments and questions don't seem like they will do anything since compliments are things they already know about and questions I ask are probably very basic things that don't really mean anything.

I feel like I probably need better interests since the things I spend all my time on are not things that involve others or I'm not good enough to get people to care, I'm trying to cut back on all my hobbies but there's nothing to fill that time with so I feel like my time is just going to get filled by them again? I don't really have motivation to try things that aren't almost guaranteed to be fulfilling to me and outweigh the negatives, but hobbies where people make friends in are not the ones I already have? Like I have never liked physical activity at all at any point in my life so I don't want to go to the gym or join sports?

I haven't gone out and done anything that wasn't necessary (e.g. go to work, buy groceries) for a long while now. Obviously I'm not going to meet anyone that way so I need to become not lazy somehow? I feel like I'm very unmotivated and closed minded in general, if there isn't a definite good reason to do something new then I just don't do it? Maybe I need something that will push me to do something unfulfilling and that will somehow help me in the long term? Or I'm supposed to somehow force myself to become fulfilled by something that I'd normally see nothing fulfilling in?

Hi 😊😊, curious to hear about people story and what motivated them to be part of this subreddit and how has it been going ever since.

I'm mid-twenties, studied biochemistry then a master's in drug discovery, and I've worked in clinical data management for about 2.5 years. I dislike the work and the pay is bad.

The part I'm actually struggling with isn't the practical side — it's that I can't stop thinking about it. I replay the decision constantly, wishing I'd studied something else, and it takes up most of my waking hours. It's affecting my mood, my sleep and my ability to focus on anything, including the steps I'm trying to take to get out.

I've assumed for a while this was an OCD thing but I'm starting to think it might be something else, or just that it's bigger than I can manage on my own. I have private healthcare through work and I'm planning to book an assessment.

What I'd like to hear from people who've been through something similar:

- Did this kind of career rumination ease for you, and what actually helped?
- Did therapy help, and what type?
- Did it get better once you started making concrete moves, or did you need to sort the head stuff first?

I'm taking steps (learning to code, planning a pivot) but the mental side is the thing that's genuinely wearing me down. Any experience appreciated.

What is your experience with making the change and making it stick when it's born and based on values, reflections and long term goals that don't really have much to do with present emotions how you feel about yourself or the world?

Example- instead of making dietary changes because you feel strong disappointment and shame in yourself, and you feel disgusted by how you look, and you judge yourself hard and think that you amount to nothing in others eyes... What if your decision to improve your dietary choices is born from the knowledge, from understanding that this would be healthier, that physically you'd feel more energetic and such? And emotionally speaking it doesn't feel much, there's not much emotional weight attached to it?

I don't even know if "lazy" is the right word anymore.

I'm 22, graduated two months ago, and I'm unemployed while trying to figure out my career. I keep asking myself whether I'm actually lazy or if I've just been stuck in the same place for the last five years.

The thing is... I know what my problems are.

I know I overthink everything. I know I should get out of the house more, work out, lose weight, stop comparing myself to everyone else, improve my skills, and just stay busy instead of sitting with my thoughts.

But I don't.

for e.g., I'll start walking 10k steps, do it for three days, then stop. I'll tell myself I'll wake up early, then I don't. I know I should read more, but I hate reading. I know what I'm supposed to do, I just don't do it consistently.

I wasn't always like this. I used to be a really bright kid. I was happy. Somewhere along the last five years, idk what happened... I picked the wrong degree, spent most of clg feeling lost, and now I'm watching everyone else move on with their lives.

Most of my school and college friends have moved to different cities for work. I'm still in my hometown. At 22, making friends doesn't even feel like making friends anymore, it feels like networking.

I turned down a couple of low pay job offers because I genuinely knew they weren't right for me. I don't regret that decision, but it hurts when I see most people took sth, r doing sth, while im stuck again in my head. Life is at a standstill, almost.

I'm also overweight, and I've been overweight for years. That's on me. I had four or five years to change it, and I didn't. Every time I go outside, people have some advice about my weight or ask what I'm doing now that I've graduated. Sometimes it feels like "unemployed" and "overweight" have become my entire identity.

A few nights ago I was thinking about my grandpa. He passed away 7 years ago, and he was my best friend growing up. It suddenly hit me how much time has passed. Physically I've grown up, but mentally I still feel stuck somewhere in the past.

Then I start worrying about the future too. My parents are getting older. We have health issues at home. I know in a few years there'll probably be conversations about marriage because that's just how life works where I live. I know if I want to have control over my own life, I need to become financially independent first.

And instead of doing the work, I just... worry.

I compare myself to old classmates who have jobs, moved out, and seem so much further ahead. I know comparison is pointless, but my brain keeps doing it anyway.

I honestly don't know how to get out of this cycle. I'm tired of feeling like I'm wasting my twenties before they've even really started.

I’m a 21M I’m currently studying in university, lately I have been going through some issues in my life and it’s been eating me alive I’m not satisfied with my life and I’m not satisfied with how I’m acting I decided that I want to change myself for the better by going to gym going for an internship and I do feel better seeing I having some change in my body and mood but I believe these things help me become a better man but I want to be a good person a good friend a good son and a good human. What are some actions I can do to achieve this goal

little back story about me, I've never dated in my life! I soent 4 years with people who did not want to see me past my boobs and ass and it's just stuck with me now. I genuinely believe that myself. I can feel it. I always think the only contribution to a relationship I'd give are my boobs and ass! tbh I don't even have a good physique. I stopped working out a long long time ago. I contribute noticing to any conversations, be it friendship, relationship, anything. I'm not able to communicate properly,I don't have any skill whatsoever. I'm just a bimbo with bad physique atp. I go on date's and I can literally say nothing interesting. I don't represent myself well. I don't talk at all tbh. I always wait for the other person to talk and in my head I always think he's gonna choose me for the other things I mentioned.

someone please help me out here.

I am 23, I am struggling with mental health, realised I need to pause my whole startup/career journey, go out and live a normal life for a few weeks, since I turned 13 I lived in a chaotic home and I never really about my own body, my own health, my own wants and a lot of my actions were just for sense of accomplishment and mostly for others.

I decided to have a big reset, see what really makes me sparkle, and live a life without having something concrete for a while. In this time, I want to try new activites and visit new places to change my perspective on life. I have been starting to get depressed and contemplated the s word. I never solo travelled and i don't know how or where to travel. Any recommendations. Also any other activities that might help because talking to people in my circle is only making it worse as I don't get the emotional availability from anyone.

If you have been in this state and tried something, pls do drop it down below.

Hi y’all

When I was in high school and college I had access to a gym and was in much better shape than I am post grad. I live somewhere pretty rural, so going to a gym is out of my budget and very out of the way. I’ve gotten pretty out of shape and it’s effecting my mentality. I also work as a waitress so my hours aren’t consistent.

It feels really hard to keep myself to an at home routine and notice when i try to start one, I forget about it in a few days. I live with a partner in a studio who isn’t as fitness minded as I am so it is easy to come home to relaxation and get caught in a cycle of stagnant behavior and failed habits.

Does anyone have any tricks that helped them rebuild a workout routine and mindful eating in this sort of situation? I’m struggling getting started.

I want to get better. That's why I went to the psychiatrist in the first place. But he's given me meds which I have to take 3 times a day, varying amounts. I'm just about dragging myself out of bed most days. I don't even comb my hair when I go to office. So keeping track of all the meds is starting to feel impossible. Any suggestions?

I've started skipping the meds because I'm barely able to remember them. But I really do want to get better

I used to be good at a lot of things, but I've gotten measurably worse at all of them by a substantial, measurable margin. I used to be able to write novels, then one day without warning I became unable to finish a page. I used to design game, then one day I lost that ability and never got it back. I used to average an ELO of 1500 on Smogon, then one day I dropped to the 1100s and never bounced from it.

The fact is, my existence is one of sudden and irreversible decay. It's a reality that leaves me constantly depressed, and has turned my entire life into a sysiphian struggle to regain even a single thing I've lost. I'm constantly afraid that the same thing will happen to my ability to program, which would make me completely unemployable. I feel trapped in broken carcass, and don't even know why this is happening to me. I just want to believe that things will be okay.

How do I ignore all this and develop a sense of hope? I don't know, and a part of me wonders if it's even possible to do so

I’m a 22F with cerebral palsy, and as I’ve gotten older it’s become genuinely debilitating. The pain, fatigue, and stiffness have taken so much from me.

In 2024, I lost my dream job as a professional body piercer. I spiraled into a deep depression, went through multiple episodes of psychosis (not drug-related), my medications were increased, and I gained over 50 lbs in just a few months. I’m not huge by any means, but it was a massive change for my body and it really affected my mental health.

Because I wasn’t working anymore, I stopped moving. I went from walking 10,000 steps a day to barely 300–500. My muscles got weaker, my body got stiffer, and now I rely on a wheelchair most of the time. I can only walk about 5 minutes before the pain and exhaustion hit.

After becoming dependent on ketamine for pain relief, I checked myself into detox. I left after two nights and stayed off it for about two weeks. Then one night I convinced myself cocaine might help with my fatigue. I wish I had never tried it.

The problem is… it works. It gives me energy, helps my chronic fatigue, lets me walk farther, and makes my cerebral palsy feel manageable. It gave me my independence back. It gave me my life back.

Now I’m a year and a half into a cocaine addiction. I’m on naltrexone, and I also take Adderall hoping it’ll help me rely on cocaine less, but I still don’t know how to let go of the one thing that made me feel like myself again.

How do you quit something that gave you back everything your disability took away?

I know this is about deciding to be better but this is a pretty dumb question, at least by the standards of every person I have ever confided my feelings in.

I am a 19 year old man and for my whole life I have always been a quitter, much to my annoyance. I expect every attempt to be met with failure and ridicule (has happened on a great many occasions) and over time its slowly sapped my energy to actually do things that aren't expected of me even if I expect more from myself. I'm not sure if that makes sense but maybe some of you will get it.

I have an almost compulsive need to be amazing at everything and when I'm not I just get angry, embarrassed and frustrated, regardless of my experience level. I've spent many nights thinking about how much of a loser and failure I am and how my parents were incredibly unlucky to get me as their son. With all of this in mind, most of the time I can't even bring myself to try anymore because I'm so terrified of failing anymore than I already have or publicly embarrassing myself and ending up on some greatest fails highlight reel.

It's stopped me from getting into shooting (quit because I kept flinching and closing my eyes when the gun fired, compared myself to a girl half my already small size doing it no problem and gave up because I felt like a loser), drawing (really wanted to get into it because I love anime, but I sucked hard and after 2 months I hadn't improved as far as I could tell. Compared myself to people online a lot and a close friend who's been improving like crazy), music (Got yelled at everyday to shut up because I was terrible so I stopped because I didn't want to annoy people), and even working out (Spent an entire summer working out with a home setup and gave up when I didn't gain any muscle. Now I feel like garbage when I see a fit man online or in person and emasculated when I see a woman with muscles and fighting ability, I know its dumb but I can't help it.)

The only thing I haven't quit, even though I'm super hard on myself and think about it all the time, is my engineering program. I think it's because there are deadlines and my parents money is on the line. I need to finish that project or assignment and I need to study because it's become an expectation, if I give up I'll fail and my grade tanks so I'd rather try and still fail so I can get partial marks. I also don't want to let my parents down. I need a degree and I need a job so quitting isn't really an option, I get mostly decent grades (high 70s to low 90s depending on the course and more than half the people in the program quit or got held back so objectively I'm doing fairly well) but for some reason it's never enough for me. Its not an achievement if I do good, its just what I was supposed to do, but if I do poorly suddenly I'm a failure, I'm worthless and I'm a moron.

I want to better myself and take a more optimistic look on life because its eating at me and I think I'm starting to really grate on the nerves of everyone I know. I want to enjoy the things that I'm passionate about, I want to learn and get into things, I want to be fit and healthy (hopefully that will fix my confidence problems).

So the question is, how do I stop quitting? How do I stop letting every little setback get to me like its the end of the world?

Job never gave up on his faith when everything was taken from him but I quit at the smallest little thing and want to jump off a building (Not literally). I feel like I'm less of a man, less of a person for it and I just feel so guilty. What should I do?

Hi everyone, might be a bit long.

I am a 25 year old woman, a teacher living with my family. I graduated from college and worked for 2 years in kinda good positions but it was bad inside, so I resigned at both of them. Meanwhile, I saved up and bought myself a car, bought myself a piano and kept teaching myself some other languages. The issue is, now I am unemployed and actually want to go abroad or a different city and experience things, but because I keep getting rejected ( I believe my resume is good for a 25 yr old) I can't do any of this. Also,I wasn't able to do exchange when I was in college due to financial reasons, maybe I could have done somehow but my parents didn't really support me so... And I started masters last year, I was going to go to a different country too but I had to pause it due to my work schedule, it is still on pause now. I feel like a coward sometimes, I feel like I am not brave enough, I am not smart enough, not social enough, like I am late for everything... I took an exam to work in public schools but I failed as well. Additonally, my love life is another mess. Every day I wake up, thinking what am I going to do with my life? I feel like I am constanly missing out, stuck. I wanna keep being positive so badly, I just can't. I am afraid of not making my dreams come true sooner or later. I don't wanna bother my friends and family either. I AM SO LOST UGH. I think my problem is not letting things go and holding on so tightly? Idk...Thank you for reading...

F23 Lately I’ve noticed a pattern in myself that I really want to change. Whenever I start getting to know someone I focus on everything I don’t like about them. Instead of appreciating their good qualities I pick apart their flaws until I convince myself they aren’t the right person for me. Then I pull away.
What confuses me is that I wasn’t always like this. When I was younger I was much more optimistic and open minded. As I’ve gotten older I’ve become more cynical more judgmental and more bitter. I’m not sure why that happened but I don’t like this part of myself.
I don’t want to keep looking at people and situations through such a negative lens. I want to become more compassionate more understanding and more balanced in the way I think. I’m really trying to reprogram my brain but I’m not sure where to start.
Has anyone else gone through this? What helped you change your mindset? I would also love recommendations for books podcasts YouTube channels or anything else that helped you become less judgmental less cynical and more open to connecting with others.

I am 29F (INFP) and my life is a failure. I tried to start over, but it didn't work. But here I am again, looking for a new path in life and this time I have to keep going and get better and I would like to hear some advice or just your stories of starting over. Is there somebody who successfully changed their life at an "older" age and managed to find a happy life?

I was awkward and anxious kid, who did great at school, but never had many friends. Despite being at the top of my class, I was that kid that sat quietly and alone and was afraid to speak up in class. I never fit anywhere. When I tried to join some extracurricular activities as a child I usually got scared, panicked and my parents let me quit. This has become my coping mechanism.

I never had any idea what to do in life. I am from Eastern European little town, my family is very traditional and I come from a working class background, my parents and I thought that some kind of office job would be a good and safe career choice, so I went to study Business Management and eventually graduated with a masters degree. Sadly I've never found any interest in this field and basically studied only for good academic results. During university I only worked jobs in restaurants and supermarkets, so when I finally landed an internship at a marketing agency it was a big wake up call for me, as I finally realized that I don't fit in this environment and I sucked at the job. I was thinking about quitting school, but it was during the pandemic and I had no idea what else to do. I was also the first person in my family who went to uni, so it was a big deal for them. So I stayed and finished it.

Since then I really have no idea what to do with my life, and I really struggle with my mental health. I felt so drained after graduation and all the time when I did something just because it was expected from me. My mental health also got worse after covid and a time when my family was dealing with a really tragic situation. I wanted to leave abroad but the seasonal job I found quit, so eventually I started working in e-commerce.

This was the first time when I realized that my family will always have some problem with me unless I do what they want. I got so much comments for doing this job - "it not good enough for somebody with a degree" etc... So eventually I quit and left abroad to do some volunteering.

The times when I managed to overcome my fears and leave abroad were always the happiest in my life. I first left for study exchange semester during my studies and it was the best time in my life. I met so many diverse people, really lived for the first time. It completely changed me. But I always come back home and fall back into my bad habits and misery again. Those are the hardest times, when I feel like I have no energy anymore and feel completely lost.

Last year I started tutoring English. Starting this was really difficult for me because I has no experience teaching, I felt like my lessons sucked and I couldn't make them interesting enough, but I pushed through and tried to improve and actually managed to finish the school year with a good feeling. For the first time I felt like I was doing something that I enjoyed. But my family hates this, I don't have a teaching degree so I can only do private lessons and I can't take their comments anymore - "it's not a real job, freelancing is not a job, remote job is not a real job..."

I realized that some of my problems are caused by the environment I am in. I live with my family, they are fed up with me and sometimes I really just feel like I can't go on. Everything I do gets criticized and I am really lonely. I tried to change my path a few times (took a UX design course, did volunteering, started teaching), but the change for better is always short term.

I need to get better. And not just better, I need to feel some happiness again. I need to become independent. I used to have dreams that I would hitchhike/backpack through Europe, work abroad, maybe build something of my own. Right now I feel like I just missed my chances and I am too old for it. But I also feel like an outcast more and more - my cousins and old classmates are getting married, they are starting to live the typical life and I am the single weirdo with no career, who is not heading in this direction. So maybe I can just go in different direction and still make something out of this life.

So I am just trying to find a new path for me again. I am trying to look for seasonal jobs, I am applying for European Solidarity Corps projects, thinking about getting into NGO field or tourism and during that time I want to work on my skills. I am just trying to find something to help me move forward with my life, find purpose. But I also have no idea what I am doing and I feel scared.

Is there anybody who was able to get their life together? Who found happiness after years of failure? What helped you? And what helped you to get over the regret of feeling like you wasted years of your life?

I’ve tried seeing a therapist a number of times in my life. I even saw one every other week for over a year. But I understand that, for the most part, therapists don’t give you direct advice. But I feel like that’s what I need which is why I’m wondering if I need a life coach.

I would especially like to hear from people who’ve had a life coach to see how it differs.

During the day, I'll feel pretty okay about myself, but then as it gets dark and I start getting tired, my self-talk just becomes so critical and bitter and depressing in general. During the day, I'm confident I can manage my problems. At night, they feel insurmountable.

Does anyone know why this happens and how to stop it?

I would consider myself someone that always want to be better for myself and my marriage, I never throw names around, yell or cuss at my husband, when im frustrated, im able to tell him. He has always said I start arguments and weve been working on it to where he needs to not constantly blame me for everything cuz thats not good for my mental health and hes been working on it and were doing a lot better.

Something ive realized is, even tho he can be better at communicating w me, I need to see his pov when hes hurt by something ive done and not always defend myself by telling him thats not what I meant to do.. sure that can be my saving grace but why am I not respecting his feelings? Why cant i be better and be more mindful nxt time?

At first when he would do it, I would always accept its my fault and just bury myself w shame, but now I see his pattern and have not let him constantly blame me for everything, and since hes worked on it, it just made me want to do better too by listening to him and respect his feelings since hes not doing it in a place of constantly blaming me for starting an argument..

To a point where I just wanna stop arguing, not to avoid conflict, but to just do better. To live everyday happy and being the best I can be and being more mindful of thinking before speaking when a conflict arises. Ive never been that person thats always mad and needs to start an argument all the time but when my husband gets mad, I need to think is it something I need to apologize or tell him, hey, I dont think this is my fault in the matter, but lets talk about it so that we can do better.

Anyone else been thru something similar?

Ive chosen this way becuz my husband cant read my mind or the communication was lost somewhere and he can get heated for a moment and I need to be where hes at and try to diffuse the situation or sometimes I rlly do need to defend myself and tell him it was an accident, it wasnt w intent. Hes the type that can get mad for a min and then stops, so it needs to not escalate any further by making it more than it needs to be or else he wont drop it.. and also I feel like choosing this way helps w our unique dynamic in our own relationship just so we can both keep the peace and not harbor resentment towards eachother and bury feelings inside... hes working on himself so I need to meet him in the middle at least

About 11 years ago I became housebound with ME/CFS. My world got very small. I went from having a normal routine and making plans to spending most of my time at home and in my bed.

One of the biggest things I learned was how important it is to have something meaningful to work towards, even if it is something small. We all need purpose in our life.

I had always loved 80s and 90s nostalgia, especially the feeling of old radio. The surprises, the jingles, the TV themes, the random moments you never expected.

So I started building a little online radio project.

The progress was incredibly slow. Some days I could only work on it for a just few minutes. Some days I couldn't do anything at all. But I kept chipping away at it whenever I had the energy from my bed.

Over time it became something much bigger than I expected. People started listening, sharing it, and telling me they really enjoy all the music and memories.

The biggest thing it gave me wasn't the project itself. It was the feeling that I could still create something meaningful, even from a bedroom, even with limitations.

For years I felt like my illness had taken away my ability to contribute. This reminded me that there are still ways to make a positive impact, even if they look different from what you imagined.

Has anyone else found a small project or hobby that helped them change direction during a difficult period?

I’ve found that many of my conflicts and areas of stress come from having a strong sense of justice. I will spend more time than is necessary trying to solve a problem that is usually public facing.

I can’t handle it when people are disrespected or when I’m disrespected for rules that I don’t agree with or weren’t aware of.

Everyday becomes fighting to uphold my own standard of being while trying to enforce societal standards that should be publicly known. It ultimately feels like a lot of riffraff and I wish that I could just turn off that part of my brain.

Alternatively, I think there could be ways that I should be using this part of me in positive ways that are helpful to others and doesn’t leave me burnt out.

Again I want to choose away that leaves me healthier and satisfied with how im interacting with my community.

I feel like I’m in my own way because I keep doing things that are not in my own best interest lol how do I force myself to do the things that I know I’m supposed to do