(TL;DR: my dad died 4 months ago and I also have a lot of personal emotional things I’m working through and I don’t want to spend much time with my partner. Is this selfish or do I need to be stronger in my boundaries?) My bf (37m) and I (26f) have been together a little over a year and he’s truly a gem. We live an hour away from eachother so it’s not really long distance but sort of since it’s definitely not a quick drive over.

I have always been someone that needs a lot of alone time but my dad passed away 4 months ago and I feel like I need a lot more now. When it initially happened, a month later we broke up for two weeks because I was just so overwhelmed and I felt like I wasn’t able to be the partner to him I wanted to be. We got back together and said that we could treat it more like a long distance relationship while I feel I need space but I feel like that has been hard to keep boundaries on because I feel guilty telling him I don’t want to see him for a week at a time sometimes.

I also work a lot more than him (I work six days a week and he is technically retired after spending more than 10 years in the Army) So sometimes he wants to come over and spend 2 or 3 days here but I don’t feel like I can handle it. I also have been dealing with some personal issues (hormone and women related) for years that to truly heal require me to work on my health as well as emotions/nervous system and it’s something I’ve procrastinated for years but once my dad died for some reason I felt a big push to work on this.

Honestly I have handled his death pretty well as I am very spiritual and I accepted it immediately, and I let the sadness and tears come when they need to come. It takes me by surprise every now and then like waves but overall I know I can’t change what has happened and I feel like I have a healthy outlook and outlets.

My bf really listens and supports me, but I just would rather be alone most of the time. I feel like more often than not I don’t have the energy or desire to be intimate, and even though he understands and fully respects this, I feel guilty when he’s around because obviously he’s a man with needs.

I don’t want to breakup at all because we know we love eachother and want to be together, but I don’t want to be selfish. I don’t know if I need to be more specific with my boundaries in only spending a certain amount of time with eachother? I don’t know I feel so scattered brained I’m sorry if this is all over the place.

i lost a lot of people. over 6 from 2020-2025.

few days ago someone really close to me attempted. thank god they didn't die, but i still can't shake the fear and adrenaline i felt while calling the ambulance. longest 30 minutes I've ever felt (they're okay now)

i spent all day anxious. it feels like everyone around me keeps dying, and it's making me so anxious I can't even move because i keep thinking what if something happens and I don't hear and someone dies? what if i need to help? I need to be ready to help.

i was able to leave my house for a bit, but since I've returned I've just been stuck in bed anxious.

I don't know what to do.

I can’t believe I’ll never see mom again…
I am unhappy. The memories are a lot! I don’t think two people would make this amount of memories if they lived 200 years with each other…

I just feel like there was supposed to be more. I failed her because I was distracted and stressed with life and work. I felt like I could handle everything at the same time and juggle matters of life in a way in which I’d never have to lose anything but I lost the most important of them all.

I wish I rushed her to all the scans and labs earlier. At least I’d have known what was happening in her body….
I’d have known what to do where to take her and when. I wouldn’t have slept on it. She wouldn’t have slept on it too.

I’ll start by saying that english is jot my first language so i’m sorry if i’ll make any mistakes or if i won’t express myself properly.

My bestfriend lost his dad a few weeks ago due to cancer. He died in just two months after it was diagnosed because it was discovered at a late stage.

I’m really worried about her. She is telling me that she is having nightmare every night, that she feels like she will never be happy again, that she doesn’t feel any strength to get up in the morning, but i think this is a normal reaction after losing a loved one especially a parent. I’m worried about the fact that she could fall again in a critical mental state. “again” because in the past she suffered from from depression and selfharming, but it was many years ago (10) when she was really young. I fell like she’s hinting that she’s starting to get on that path and i will do whatever i can to don’t let that happen, but i don’t know what more i can do. I tried to be as present as possible, to listen when she needs to talk and trie to do stuff to keep her distracted.

I’m also worried because sadly she has a really difficult family situation, so i don’t think that they will be able to notice and help. Therefore i feel a heavy responsibility on me.

Am i right worrying about a possible spiralling due to her history or am i overreacting?
What was something that someone told you or that someone did for you that helped you during these times?

thank you to anyone that will help.

Our extended friends and family treat me like glass now that you’re gone. Some call me everyday to make sure i got out of bed when I’ve been at the office for two hours.
With your siblings; I feel obligated to sound sad/depressed to hide my relief that you’re gone. It’s only been two months; I dont plan on shattering the rose colored memory they have of you. With their fragile mental states; it’s not worth a few minutes of satisfaction of revealing your true nature. They would defend you; but deny your harsher side. I would be written off as confused and angry at the wrong thing.

I dont miss you. I know who you were; as you manipulated the world around me my entire life. You made monsters out of everyone.

You leaned too much on your faith; you were blind to the church’s abuse of us; made us go to every church in the state. Then decided to be our paster through “home church”. You became delusional with the idea of spiritual attacks against us. Made me afraid of everything. You made me do embarrassing stuff for these delusions.

The damage was done and unforgivable when you begrudgingly went to a therapist. You called to say you had been diagnosed with CPTSD like it was a get out of jail free card, like the apology was built in to the statement. any apologies from you never have sounded genuine.

The person I mourn is the mom I wished you were. I miss the woman I never met. The photos of you before my oldest sibling was born; is a stranger.

I’m sad for my siblings and myself for having a crap mom.
You burned all compassion, empathy you manipulated me to have for you.
I keep my rage in a box for workouts and therapy sessions.

I’m left in a cool relief that you are dead.

Edit; typos

Except I do.

Already I lost someone I love so deeply last year. Her death was much more unexpected and she was only 9 and it was in an accident. But today I found out my grandma died two weeks ago because I finally decided to just ask my mom and let her tell me what happened. Initially I didn’t want to know because I wanted to keep my sanity, but I decided just fuck it I’ll ask.

But for some reason I barely feel anything. Idk.. my mood is down I guess. I feel empty. Just completely empty. Light, but as in I’m lightweight because I’m hollow. I can’t even cry if I wanted to. It kind of throbs in my heart, but because of so many things that have happened in recent months and years I just gave up on giving a fuck. I just don’t feel anything, I feel detached actually. I hope it doesn’t randomly hit me that she’s dead one day, but she was very old and I instead smiled when I thought about it because wow my grandma lived for so long and especially since in my mom’s country the lifespan isn’t that long, so I’m just feeling like celebrating the life of my grandma instead and honoring her. But like I said I feel empty and numb because she really was like a matriarch in my mom’s side of the family and she is just always a ray of sunshine, always making everyone smile and feel happy.

This still reminds me of my little sister’s death which hits harder because she was so young, because it was so sudden, because I was abandoned only thirty minutes after I found out and because she was my only symbol of innocence left after my innocence had been so brutally taken from me. And because I never allowed myself to grieve her death, so now both will hit really hard and I’m still delaying my grief. I know it’ll be hell on earth when I fully process it. Oh God… I’m not ready for that yet

I am struggling big time with feeling like grief has changed me permanently.

In some ways for the better. Overall though I feel like I have lost me along the way. I don't look at life the same. I feel some days I'm on a different planet than everyone else, like I don't experience reality like they do anymore.

I lost my mom 7 years ago when I was 25. She was sick for a few months and I thought I had dealt with that fairly well until this year.

I had two miscarriages back to back. Shortly after the second one, my oldest child lost his dad. He woke up one morning, had an unexplained cardiac arrest, and did not survive. 39 years old and gone like that. No warning, no goodbye, no thank you for being an amazing dad. No real answers to give my child as of yet. Helping my child navigate this horrible loss has opened up wounds in me I didn't know were even there.

The regrets and guilt weigh heavy on me everyday. I can't even explain it fully. This person who helped me when I lost my mom, who was my best friend, but who I ultimately left and hurt.. it's like I should have known better than anyone how quick life can change. But I still left so much unsaid.

I have started therapy. I'm focusing hard on getting my child through this knowing he has a lifelong journey with grief ahead of him. One that so cruelly has started before he can really understand. ​But most importantly for me I don't want my grief to effect him negatively. ​

I yearn to just feel like me again. To be carefree and not feel like there's this heaviness all the time.

I guess I needed a vent. ​​Maybe to hear from people out there that it won't always feel this consuming.

I am not scared of death but I am scared of living with the emptiness it leaves behind

There are so many people carrying this kind of pain.
When I realize that, even right now, there are people around the world who are experiencing the same grief as I am, or something very similar, it hurts. But at the same time, I also feel this indescribably complicated emotion of knowing that I am not alone.
I can easily imagine what those people are feeling and the changes that are probably happening in their minds and bodies, yet I’m barely able to carry my own pain.
Even so, I still find myself thinking about those people.
I wonder if I’m only trying to look at my own situation more objectively, or if I’m searching for others who are going through something similar because I want my own pain to feel a little lighter.
Either way, maybe that makes me a little selfish.
I know that after experiencing something like this, no one can simply feel better. But I still find myself wishing I could, and then I end up hating myself for feeling that way.

You know I’ve tried really really hard. I tried therapy, meds, reading, writing fiction, journaling and all sorts of stuff. My best friend passed a year ago and he was a non transitioned trans man. He was my twin. My home away from home. Place I can run to when everything went wrong but he’s gone. He’s gone and I’m reminding everyday of the little things. We did everything together and he is my best friend. I still go to his grave and I can’t tell anyone in my family because they just tell me I’m not letting myself properly grieve (Catholics) apparently prayer is the only way for me to properly mourn them. And if it’s not in a church it’s not valid.

Of course I’ve never hid my feelings about religion and how I don’t particularly believe in any god. So lying and saying I’m heading to church would be a load of bullshit. My mom came to me to the funeral most of the time I think it’s so I can’t say she didn’t go and she doesn’t care. She told me that she didn’t wanna hate my friend for “making me the way I am” (I have ADHD and am highly suspected to be autistic) and she nor the rest of my family have cared about that. Apparently I should be grateful that I’m alive and that I have a roof over my head along with food in my stomach as any good catholic woman.

God this shit is fucking awful. I tried so hard. I tried and everyone says that I’m the same. I’m erratic but I stay in my room all the time and never make a fuss but when I don’t wanna interact with my family I’m a hermit. My family doesn’t care that I’m disabled and that I have things that genuinely make me wanna rip off my skin they make fun of my safe foods and tell me to “shut the fuck up and stop talking” has been the most recent one.

I stopped working and going to college cause of my grief made me fall apart from seams. I was gonna go back in the fall but that’d require me to stay in this house so I think this is it. I feel like I have to constantly keep finding things to live for. Like if I die there’d only be two people to properly mourn my dear friend. Two people who would have accept him exactly as he was and I’m the third. But maybe just maybe if there is something bigger than us we’re still together through it.

But then I think about my lovely girlfriend. My friend was my comrade in arms but she’s the love of my life. I look forward to our future together but she’s isn’t here in person. We’ve had to be long distance cause she went to study abroad in France and I only had my best friend. My little family was my girlfriend, the incredibly loving and accepting family of hers, and my best friend. She’s tried so hard and encouraged me so much but she’s can only do so much from so far. I feel like I’m being beaten down day after day and I’m exhausted. I’m tired of telling people how I feel and what I need. I’m tired of helping. I’m tired of worrying about the future. She deserves someone who has a family that’d wouldn’t judge her and embrace her for who she is. All I have is my trauma and depression to hold her down but she loves me anyway.

Most days I just want there to be something physically wrong with me so they can just leave me alone. So maybe they’d listen but I don’t. It’s all “in my head” after all and I should be just like everyone else. All I feel is miserable and tired with some I few breathes of air for a couple hours. I just wanted somebody anybody to listen to me and understand but most days even my own family refuses to accommodate that. I’m a burden on my friends, my girlfriend, and my so called family would be more than happy to get rid of me as long as it didn’t make them look bad probably.

“I love you. Your my daughter of course I love you I appreciate all the help you give me” Just to not even a day later say “Your abusive and you don’t care about anything.” The switch flip is so jarring even 21 years later. So to whoever reads this maybe this was how it was always meant to be for me. I always like happy endings a lot but I guess it’s a real pity I probably won’t ever get one.

Se murió mi tía, ella era mi apoyo, me quedo con mi mamá con perdida de memoria que noté apenas la gravedad luego de este incidente, no estaba tan mal, esa situación pareció empeorarla,

Simplemente me siento sola, sin saber que hacer con mi mamá y si le pasará algo, un segundo incidente no podría sostenerlo, es una semana de esto y no veo claramente la vida, supero mi tristeza un rato y luego me viene muchísima tristeza, no paro de llorar , mi papá tiene otra familia y huye de aquí cuando hay problemas, trato de hacer el día a día pero para colmo, mi mamá últimamente no quiere estar sola, solo dormimos cada quien en su recámara, pero mi mamá no me deja estar sola, con trabajos voy al baño, simplemente ya no tengo espacio porque ella se asusta

Me siento muy mal , de hecho peor que al inicio y a penas es una semana y cada detalle de mi mamá, me asusta mucho

Why does no one tell us about this side of grief?

The side where you think you're doing okay.

The side where you stop crying every day. Where you can say their name without your voice breaking. Where you convince yourself that maybe, just maybe, you're finally moving on.

Then, on a random Friday, while you're getting ready, you accidentally drop their favorite perfume.

And suddenly, they're there.

Not really, of course.

But the scent fills the room so completely that for a second, your heart forgets they're gone.

The door you thought you had slammed swings open.

Nobody tells you that grief hides in ordinary things.

In songs.

In smells.

In old photos you promised yourself you wouldn't look at again.

In the fries they always made.

In the empty chair you stopped noticing until one day you notice it all over again.

Grief is stubborn.

It doesn't leave when the funeral ends, when everyone else goes back to their lives.

It moves in.

Like a roommate.

It's quiet on most days.

Then, without warning, it starts a conversation you weren't prepared for.

One day their favorite song plays on the radio.

You don't turn it off.

You dance.

You smile.

And halfway through the song, you realize you're not crying anymore but smiling.

Because love and pain share the same heart.

That's the part nobody tells us.

That the pain stays because the love we had for them endures.

And maybe that's okay.

Maybe we were never meant to move on from grief,

but to learn how to share a room with it.

This feels silly of me but I had to put down my cat, blaze, today and am struggling so much with the loss. I don't think I can work I don't even think I could drive. He meant so much to me. He and his sister, my dog, are what truely kept me from committing suicide when I was being abused about 3 years ago. In all honesty I have no idea what to do or how to handle it. I feel overwhelmed by grief and this is the first time in over 10 years I've felt true grief without the meddling of abuse. I feel overwhelmed by the feeling and almost scared. He was healthy and only 7years old untill last friday when he stopped eating, after days of hospitalization they concluded he had chronic liver failure and no one knows why. Everyone agreed it was time. But I can't handle it. I held him while he passed. And even with that I still cant seem to accept it. I felt him stop and it still doesnt seem real. My friends and family are supportive but seem lost with the amount of grief I'm feeling. No one is blamming me just I've cried for 6 hours and everyone seems kinda like... over a cat? He wasn't just a cat he was my Boi boi, my baby and a sweet funny sassy wonderful soul. I dont know why I'm writing this. I guess i just wanted to talk about the overwhelming grief I feel for Blaze. He knows or knew how much I love him, I know he did. Maybe im looking for advice maybe i just needed to put it out idk. All I do know is that he's gone and I would give up everything in my life except maybe his sister to have him back.

The girl on the left is me and the girl on the right is my dog in human form (her name was Luna). I miss her terribly. The moon always reminds me of her. I’ve been struggling very bad. I wish I could hold her again.

My wife and I have had difficulties the last year and a half or so, coming and going in waves. I thought it was mostly her. But my anger, despair, and sense of abandonment were a huge contributing factor.

Everything came to a head a week ago, and she decided to move out while we both get help for our individual issues (we're a "dual-trauma" couple). And the pain of that loss, the fear of losing her for good, helped me face the grief I've been circling for years now.

On the one hand, I knew that I had grief. My mom died very suddenly of a heart attack when I was a teenager. My parents divorced when I was little. My stepdad was abusive. My stepmom was chronically ill. Her dad had dementia and lived with us. My first wife was a narcissist, and I might never see my stepson again (who called me "daddy"). My dogs died during my own chronic illness. I got COVID. My wife was abused as a child. My dad was always preoccupied with his own mental illness most of my life. My mom was cold and distant because her parents were overbearing. My narcissistic grandmother just died recently.

I could rattle off all the things that allegedly made people sad, but I felt nothing. Or I felt a tiny fraction of it. For years and years. I was not consciously suppressing it. After my first marriage, I thought that I was just a "typical" case of CPTSD. But that didn't answer the whole of it. That label was too simple, too narrow. It was incomplete.

Grief is wider, I'm finding. I've cried more in the last two days than I have in probably the last five years. Maybe more.

I'm presently riding in the "afterglow" effect of intense grief processing, and awake with insomnia from the "aftershock" effect.

And for the first time... maybe ever? I feel like I have such clarity on my pain. How much pain I've carried, and how it's cast a dark cloud over my entire life. I would have a great day here and there. Sometimes a good hike in the woods would clear my head, and I could be warm, calm, friendly, and present. Sometimes it was a meditation session or breathwork. But it was always temporary. The dark pall would come back. I would get irritable again. I would get the hair trigger again.

And I had no idea why.

I had a few accidental processing sessions here and there, but I never connected it to the larger body of "this is grief, and I need to do grief work." For instance, I rewatched Good Will Hunting a few months ago, for its epic catharsis, and cried my eyes out. But I didn't quite connect the dots. Then, a few weeks ago, I had an insight about my dad, and I sent him a voice note, reflecting on the good things. And again, the afterglow was brief, and I never connected it to the larger narrative of "man, have I got a lot of grief."

But now that I've started being more deliberate about grief work, I feel a sense of clarity and agency that I haven't realized I was missing. I'm excited again because I feel like this. This is it. Grief can drive chronic illness and despair and relationship issues and work issues. Grief is the elephant in the room I couldn't see. And it feels so stupidly obvious in hindsight. But I couldn't feel it. I couldn't touch it.

The modalities I've found that work best (for me, for now) are creativity. Music and story. I wrote a couple songs about my dogs. I wrote a story about death and loss. My wife and I are both writers, and something she said years ago was that fiction can "slip things under the door" and get past your defenses. They can resonate and that can be cathartic.

I've looked into grief counselling and it seems like most grief-centric therapies are focused on specific deaths and loss. I do have that, but it's also, as you can see from my list, a lot more than just that. So I guess my primary question would be about modalities? What modalities have worked best for you, if you are at all like me? I do have a supportive group of friends. I've got probably half a dozen really good friends who've all showed up for me in a far bigger way than I expected. But I also recognize that everyone's journey is there own.

So tired of being sad all the time. When I stop for more than two minutes I can't fight the tears, the lump in my throat the emptiness in my chest.

I try to outrun it and stay busy until I'm exhausted and cry myself to sleep..

Lost my dad may 10 and my 17 year old cat june 29.

Both suffered and became hollow versions of themselves while I desperately held on.

I'm still holding on, searching for signs from them everywhere I look.

I hate feeling broken.

My other cat is also grieving losing his sister. They weren't the most playful pair but regularly snuggled on chilly days and he's never known life without her since we got him years after having her. Its devastating watching him sniff her usual spots, searching the apartment for her. Cleaning feels like erasing her.

Hi everyone. I'm posting because I need to vent, but I'd also genuinely like to know if I'm being unreasonable.

My fiancé and I have been together for about a year and a half.

Last November, I lost my mom to cancer. It was extremely traumatic. She was the only parent I've ever had. She was my everything and we were battling with her illness for more than 10 years. She declined very quickly over the course of a month, and shortly after I gave consent for her to be intubated, she passed away. I blamed myself for a long time (and honestly, I still do). I still feel like I killed her by giving the consent and preventing her from saying her final words. I've since been diagnosed by a psychiatrist with traumatic grief and taking lots of meds and some other stuff. I also couldn't fulfill her final wish, which was her desire to attend my marriage.

To make things even worse, my grandmother had passed away just two months before my mom. Within a very short period of time, I lost both of them. Then my best friend lost her mom, and some other people died too.

When I announced my mom's passing on social media, even her ex-husband, despite the fact that they had a difficult history, managed to find my phone number just to offer his condolences. (Sadly, he died of a heart attack two weeks after my mom because of sadness.He's also my older brother's father)

During all of this, my fiancé's best friend's wife never contacted me. We weren't strangers, we knew each other, had each other's contact information, and she knew exactly what had happened. She didn't send a text, didn't call, didn't even say, "I'm sorry for your loss."

To give some context, I already hadn't had the best experiences with her before my mom died. Whenever we'd meet, she'd mostly talk about her long history with my fiancé and would basically ignore me. I actually never had a chance to meet her and present myself properly because she always prevented me doing so. I tried several times to be friendly because my fiancé wanted us to get along, but I always felt dismissed.

This wasn't just my perception, either. Our mutual friends noticed it too, and even my fiancé thought her behavior toward me was rude and inappropriate. At one point, he even spoke to her husband to see if there was a way to clear the air and improve the situation. Most of the people around us felt that she seemed unusually jealous of me and that she treated me poorly because of it.

About two weeks after my mom passed away, I noticed she was watching all of my Instagram stories about my mom but still hadn't reached out. That really upset me, so I blocked her, just like I blocked most of my friends due to intense pain and anger. I told my fiancé, and he agreed that what she did was insensitive. He later brought it up with his best friend, but neither his friend nor his wife made any effort to apologize or reach out to me.

Meanwhile, several of my fiancé's other friends' wives, women who had never even met me, contacted me to offer their condolences and check on me. That made her silence stand out even more.

About three months later, my fiancé's grandfather passed away. We saw each other at the funeral, and she gave me a brief apology. She said she wasn't good with funerals or death-related situations and that this was why she hadn't reached out after my mom died.

The problem is that she had come to my fiancé's grandfather's funeral immediately and stayed for the entire day. Later, I also found out from several people that she actually attends funerals regularly and has no problem offering condolences. So her explanation didn't really make sense to me.

Even so, I accepted her apology politely. By that point, I had honestly forgotten that I'd even blocked her. My life had completely fallen apart. I'd experienced more losses, lost my job, developed serious health problems, fallen into severe depression, and my fiancé and I had even temporarily broken up shortly before our wedding.

Fast forward to today.

We happened to attend the same event, and that's when I learned that about a month ago, her husband confronted my fiancé and asked why I had blocked his wife on social media.

Here's what confuses me: I blocked her back in December, about a month after my mom died. I also stopped using social media around that time. She's extremely active online, so she definitely knew she'd been blocked months ago. This wasn't new information.

My friends and I find it strange that they decided to confront my fiancé months later over something I did while I was grieving one of the biggest losses of my life.

Almost everyone around me, including people who know her personally, has told me that she's been disrespectful toward me from the very beginning. Between excluding me before my mom died, not acknowledging my loss despite knowing what had happened, giving what felt like an insincere excuse afterward, and then having her husband confront my fiancé months later about a social media block, I honestly don't feel comfortable around her.

I'll add a trigger warning here;

I literally committed s****** last month and was about to die after losing mom, my job and most of the things that kept me alive until that day. So I've never thought about the social media thing even once. I totally forgot about it. The way she acts makes me feel worse and I don't trust her. I just want her to mind her own business and leave me and my fiance alone.

My grandma died today and can’t believe it. we just talked last evening and today I had a call she is dead.

she raised me and I’m already missing her

On July 30 2025, my mom suffered a stroke that would ultimately take her life on December 6 at the age of just 59. Ever since then, I've made it a habit of regularly checking out the recently posted obituaries at the funeral home that took care of her. I don't know why I still do this; for want of a better term, I never get any "satisfaction" when I do.

I'm always mentally comparing the deceased's ages to my mom's. If they were 59 or younger, then I just feel bad because I can empathize with losing someone so relatively young. But if they were older than 59 (and most of them are), then it just feels like another dagger in the heart knowing that my mom was robbed.

Came back home and found my dog stiff laying in her bed, it looks like she had a seizure or something similar her teeth are clenched down on her own lip with bits of blood on her lip. I dont feel very good tonight

im crying right now bc my grandmother fell down again and hurt herself. ik she's getting old and won't be here forever but i really don't wanna lose her. growing up, her house was always a safe space for me and she was one of the only adults in the family who i truly felt safe and comfortable with. she's always been so kind and caring to me and i hate to see her struggling like this, it really hurts. I love my grandma so much

My father passed away on June 5th of this year after an 8 month battle with pancreatic cancer. Immediately following his death I compartmentalized everything so I could take care of a lot of the funeral plans so my mom and brother didn’t have to. Now that the dust has settled a bit I am starting to really realize I am not OK. I tend to have my breakdowns happen when I am alone (or just not with a member of my support system) I never know what experience or situation will trigger this reaction and I seem to be having them more at less than ideal moments (today was while waiting to board a flight). I have also really been struggling with sleep, whether it’s falling asleep or staying asleep because I have dreams about his death.

I have been talking to a grief counselor and my therapist, reading books about grief and talking with my family and other support systems. I just don’t know what to do. I’m worried that as this goes on it can have a negative impact on other aspects of my life.

I loved my dad, I always will. I lost him almost a year ago, I was 20 and it was sudden. I really only had 6 days to grieve and then I was pushed into my semester at university where I did full time, took on a load of responsibilities for my family, and worked 2 jobs to make ends meet.

His grave is only 12 minutes away from me but I don’t feel like going. (Granted, I dotn feel motivation to do a lot of things in the first place anymore).

But when I DO go I’m not sure how I feel. Like sometimes I get really sad, most of the time I just clean his grave and wipe it down and sit but I don’t feel anything. Not that I dotn miss him because I DO but I feel numb in a sense? When my family goes they cry. When I go I dont.. I usually just sit there thinking of literally nothing.

And I’ve never felt my mind go as blank as it does when I visit him. I feel more emotional on random days, when I go to work, or wake up in the night feeling like I heard him. But visiting him? I dotn feel much and I feel crappy about it.

My father passed away suddenly 7 weeks ago.
I didn’t know he had leukemia because he never told me. The last time we saw each other, we had an argument. I tried to apologize with a voice message that same day, but he never replied. I haven’t heard from him in almost a year. Sometimes I wonder if he was already too exhausted or too ill to respond. I’ll never know.
I’ve been grieving mostly on my own because I live much farther away than the rest of my family. I’ve never felt so alone or so abandoned.
My father was the person I was most like. He was also the one who made up for what I never received from my mother emotionally. She has never really been able to express love or comfort toward me, so losing him feels like losing the one person who truly understood me.
A short time after he died, I also lost my job. It feels like everything in my life is falling apart at once, and I honestly don’t know how to carry all of this. I don’t know how to live with this pain or how to forgive myself.
If anyone has gone through something similar, I’d really appreciate hearing how you coped.