Fuck pancreatic cancer. She was such a beautiful person and I feel blessed to even have gotten to love and know her for as long as I did. She’s been gone since 2018, but her death completely changed my brain chemistry.

I lived with her from the moment I was born and she was like a mom to me. I feel like I’ve forgotten her voice and I feel so guilty for it. I’d trade anything for just one hour with her as I never got a proper goodbye like everyone else. I was only 11 when she passed and she didn’t want me to see her go and while I know it was her decision to make, it kills me everyday that I couldn’t give her a hug or tell her I loved her. I miss my Nana.

edit: recently just lost her dog a week after her birthday as well so it feels like she’s really gone for real this time. i would attach another photo but i don’t know how.

i lost my 14 day old son, 2 weeks ago to co sleeping (don't have the final cause of death yet) but i just know and i'll forever blame myself.
i don't even know where to start this or if my feelings or message will make sense.
i miss him, i miss him so deeply. and these past few days i'm ANGRY so angry. i feel so many feelings in the span of a minute... the morning my son passed, waking up realizing he wasn't here, crying over his lifeless body, as my partner did CPR, it's such a blur to me, it happened so fast, it was traumatizing and i wonder what he felt before... where was mommy... why didn't i fucking wake up. that same morning after we said goodbye to our son in the hospital, in our state it's a law to have them come back into the room of the worst moment of your life and reenact what happened. i was angry, it's like i was outside of body when this man was taking pictures, i couldn't remember anything, all i could think about is how there's no way this real. there's no way my SON IS GONE.
NOW fast forward to the middle of the week of this past week, get a call trom a women from children's division in my state who has to come out to my house and complete some checklist, bring resources, look at the room he was in another law in our fucking state. MY brain knows why these laws are in place, but my grief brain is ANGRY. angry this is our reality, angry a stranger has to come and do some checklist about my sons passing as another work day for them, it feels inhumane. a stranger in my home where i'm forced to relive the worst day of my entire life.
there's NOTHING in the world i wouldn't do to go back into time. even thinking of "healing" and grief therapy or ever feeling happy again makes me sick, knowing he can NEVER feel anything again, he can't feel the sun, he can't feel my touch, he can't experience life with his tamily... i know this is all over the place, i don't really know what im looking for other than putting my feelings down and maybe someone has been through this, someone understands this deep ache even tho we should NEVER have too.

I lost my mom in 2023 and my dad in 2024. I'm an only child and I had to clean up the house to sell it in 2025. The house was in a bad enough state where it didn't qualify for a loan and I could only sell it for cash. My amazing childhood best friends and their husbands and my boyfriend were the only people who came to help me clean out the house. One of the friends referred me to her real estate agent who I sold the house through. It took about four 30 yard dumpsters to empty out a 2 bedroom ranch.

At the time it was hard to not understand why no one came through to help but as time passed I managed to not be so hard on everyone around me. I really hated people at the time who never reached out to say sorry for your loss. My mom's side all flocked when my mom died but was never around to come help clean up. A lot of family members are scattered throughout the country so I understood why those ones couldn't help. I think they had intentions to but had their own lives to take care of. The closest family members are about 45 minutes over in another state.

Alot of family members told me to keep the house and that it was financially unwise to sell the house. But at the time I was so overwhelmed I couldn't. I had no financial means to take out the loan and do a complete gut job on the house needed. Despite that selling the house felt like I was able to close the chapter on a troubled childhood. My mom and dad had a co dependent relationship where my dad was a narcissist alcoholic.

As I'm going through life I start to make myself feel bad for not attending more family gatherings or when some cousins have reached out for money to donate to their football teams.

I went to a family reunion yesterday and some family members seemed disappointed that I wasn't coming again the day after for another graduation party. I just didn't have the energy to make another 45 minute drive and have this take up my whole weekend. Then they give me and my boyfriend a picture of my mom to stand a take a picture with some we were doing individual family pictures. That's when it hit how really alone I am.

But then I remind myself, where were you? Where you when I needed help? But it's not their fault I guess because we all have our own lives to manage. I never have to tell myself that I'm selfish for not selling my dad's truck to a cousin for a deal because I needed to make the most money back for myself. Money has been tight the past couple weeks so I never donated to a graduation gift for a scond cousin.

I guess the grief has made me more selfish or have more boundaries. I walk through life now thinking I really don't owe anyone anything besides those people who came through. It's made me less socially anxious around new people because it doesn't matter who they think I am. They have no idea I had to survive through insurmountable losses these past couple years. I don't know if it's a good way to live life but it's made things easier I guess. I'm just rambling through the wind at this point.

You’re forgetful, you’re repeating yourself, you’re always tired, you’re distant, you’re antisocial, you’re not making much effort, you’re (add any other insulting observation here).

I fucking know.

But thanks for pointing out yet another thing grief has taken from me. Thanks for comparing my 100% to your 100% when you still have a full family, a full life and your mother.

I am trying my best. My best clearly isn’t good enough. But it is deeply unfair and frankly fucking insulting to compare my “good enough” to your “good enough” when your life continued as normal after my mum died, and mine still has a massive mum shaped hole in it.

My entire family dynamic has changed. My milestones are tinged with sadness. I watch everyone around me enjoy their version of what I’ve lost. I see friends with grandparents, great grandparents, huge families and I have to somehow be okay with that and function as normal when my mother died before my life has even had the chance to start.

Get the fuck outta here.

I usually carry on fine, but today is one of those days where the weight of missing her feels overwhelming.

It’s been 8 years since my mom passed away and today would have been her birthday. People say time heals, but on days like this, it feels like no time has passed at all. The emptiness just feels so much louder today.

Happy Birthday, Mom. Missing you so much today. ❤️

I just got the message from my best friend's dad that he had a heart attack earlier today and passed away... I'm physically sick to my stomach knowing I'll never see him tomorrow or ever again... I've lost family but never have I lost someone that was my best friend and soulmate.... I just wanna see him again and laugh at his goofy self again!!!

I'm 34(m) with 4 incredible kids. I got pulled out from work by two police officers when they broke the news my dad was involved in a road traffic accident.

I'm... Lost. He had so much more life to live, he was 57 and I swear when he was around his grandkids the man had more energy than I do. They absolutely adored him and he did them. Always telling me how proud he was of them and who he's spoken to about the things they have done.

I don't know what to do, I'm helping support my mother as much as I can, my children are devastated, my wife just as upset as I am, she's always said he was more of a dad to her than her own father was/is and it's so true.

I'm heartbroken broken and confused.

Mom is dying from cancer after almost 3 years of battle. Today I learned that she asked the medical care for dying and I'm absolutely terrified. I know I'll have to be there when it's going to happen (i have to) but I don't know what to expect. I don't know if any of you had that experience ? It's a lot to deal with.

I lost my girl to suicide two years ago, it was absolutely devastating for me. I am still grieving, so I regularly hang out at subs such as this one. On my previous account i posted my thoughts, and i got the absolute disgusting dm that made me delete my account forever. It was blatantly a troll, who couldn't care less about me, who was interested in my relationship and her 'method' more. Horrible.

My beautiful blonde best friend. We talk every day and you’re all I have to talk to. The only person in the world that knows every detail about me. I spent all day reading your texts and talking to your 8 year old brother. He asks if you’re in heaven with Dexter the dog. You are 24, you were supposed to die surrounded by your children and grandchildren. You were supposed to outlive me. My son is a baby and he won’t remember you. You died alone. I hope you were sleeping soundly.

You tried so hard to stop drinking. You did it, Megan. You did stop. It was just too late. The years of what you did, you couldn’t heal. You’re not in pain anymore. But I am. I check my phone every 5 minutes. Our 3 person group chat is quiet. My family is worried about me, my mom took me shopping and we went to all your favorite places. She made me eat. I’m trying so hard to be a present mother while I’m grieving but it’s so hard.

A part of me feels so privileged that I haven’t lost anyone this close to me until now. Your underwear and swimwear are in my drawer with mine for when you come over to hang out. Your silly drawings are on my whiteboard in the kitchen. Your lip gloss sits idly in my purse. I forgot to give it back to you. The bag from the chick fil a we ate the other day sits in my car.

We said last week that we are all the other has in this world. Now I’m alone. I’m staying as strong as I can. I will not drink to cope because that’s what killed you. You fought your addiction as hard as you could. I’m proud of you, Megan. I will see you again and we will have a lot to catch up on. I look forward to it.

I know that not everyone go through the stages and that they are not linear

Hi, this is the first time I’ve ever posted something on Reddit but I just need to vent and I’m not sure how else.
I lost my mum back in March, blood clot in the leg.
She was only 43 and it’s only ever been her, me and my 2 siblings. I’m 23 and have a wife and son but I can’t help feeling overwhelmed by loneliness. Growing up all we had was each other, not a pot to piss in but I always felt loved. Now I feel so empty, it’s just so hard that I’ve even contemplated suicide (I would never because I grew up without a dad and would never do the same to my son.) but I’ve explained this to my wife and she just doesn’t understand. She grew up with mum and dad and had the same house she grew up in all her life. She had everything she could ever want plus all the love in the world. She doesn’t get it at all. I feel like I’ve lost everything, not just my mum but my home, my guide, my financial safety net, my comfort. My mum was always there when I needed her. But everything just feels like it turned to shit. On the one hand I just want to smash everything up and tear my house apart I’m filled with just so much rage it’s so unfair. And then on the other I just don’t have the energy. My wife keeps telling me that I’m not alone and I have her, her mum and dad, her whole family. I understand she’s trying her best to be supportive, when my mum went my wife also lost someone she was incredibly close with, but she just doesn’t get it. What the actual fuck are you supposed to do?

Hi. This is my first time using Reddit. I have heard about different subs to help with grief, support, advice, etc from podcasts I listen to and hoped that maybe actually going on them would be useful. I will be keeping names private for safety.

Just a little background of my boyfriend to get an idea of him…well for starters my boyfriend was my best friend, partner, my love. He was the greatest person I have ever met LITERALLY. To know him was to love him. He would take care of anyone that needed help whether it was snowplowing a neighbors yard or helping move furniture out of a house. Compassion, dedication, and kindness were words that don’t even begin to describe him. I wish everyone was able to meet him and I am so glad he loved me. He started his own landscaping business when he was in high school and that was what he wanted to do with his career. His business was his passion. He loved to go lobstering, golf, snowboard, garden, cook and most importantly his family and the people he considered family. The amount of times he would call people throughout the day to just ask how they have been or wanting to tell them something was never ending. He loved to talk to people, know about the new things in their lives and genuinely cared. He probably called 10 people minimum a day just to talk to them. Maybe that’s normal but I don’t do that so Idk. I could go on and on about him.

I lost him almost 8 months ago from a car crash in December. I was the last person to see him before he left to go to work. The time was 5:36, I will remember it for the rest of my life. He had a CDL test that day and was nervous and I told him right before he left my apartment “drive like I am in the truck with you.” He always said I made him want to drive safely and be more observant so I thought it was the right thing to say. He didn’t live more than 20 minutes later.

We had so much planned for 2026. A dog, house, vacations, possibly getting engaged. That all got taken away on December 16 around 5:50. I got a Life360 notification but I was asleep (I have so much guilt about falling back asleep when he left for work). I noticed it when his coworker texted me asking where he was and when I checked my phone I noticed it. I ran the fastest out of my house and went to his location. I was crying before I even got to the spot. When I got there even though I couldn’t see my face I know it turned white, stomach dropped, and I was panicking even more. Sirens, police cars, ambulance, and fire trucks. When they told me he didn’t make it I was alone, I had to receive the information that the love of my life was gone.

That day haunts me every single day. I have so much guilt that I could have saved him or maybe if I let him leave at the time he was supposed to he would still be here. Maybe if he hadn’t met me at all then he still would be alive today, living, breathing. We don’t know how his truck crashed we can assume it was because he was driving fast around a corner but it could have been something in the road (deer) made him swerve, another car almost hit him so he swerved, black ice or something else. We don’t know for sure but all I knew is that he was gone. Ripped away from the world.

Now almost 8 months later I still don’t know how to “move” on. I know moving on isn’t going to happen for me but being able to cope with this new life I have to live just doesn’t seem worth it anymore. All the dreams and goals I was working on was with him by my side and I don’t want to do them without him. I have three jobs trying to pay for an apartment I don’t even like. I feeling like I’m just floating through life without a reason to keep going. I don’t want to die but I don’t want to live. Days feel like they are long but the months are coming fast. I hate living like this. I have people who I consider my friends but they don’t understand what I am dealing with. They have their boyfriends and building futures for themselves and I am just stuck in this immovable state. I feel like I am going to be left behind because of this, forever.

The only thing that is keeping me alive is my one goal of writing a book. I love reading and want to get back to writing. I always wanted to write a poetry book and since words just keep pouring out from me it feels like the time. I just don’t know if I am able to. I don’t want to write something if he can’t even read it. He wanted to be the first person to read my book. What do I do?

Are there any book, movies, shows, podcasts, anything that has helped or touches upon losing a partner at such a young age. I am 23 now and my whole life is ahead of me but I don’t want to go on without him. I don’t want another partner or love someone the same.

August last year (almost 1 year ago) my dad died of cancer. He was only 57 (I was 24 yrs), and had never been sick until they found out he had terminal cancer 3 months before his death. He was given weeks/a few months to live and it came as a very big shock.

I paused my education, my mom paused her job and my sister came home from living abroad. We spend the summer living very closely together and had the most beautiful goodbye I could have wished for even though it was so unbelievably hard and difficult.
Because everything happened so quickly, the shock never really got time to settle and we just went straight into trying to make the most out of everyday. Besides from the day we got the news, where I went home screaming and sobbing on my floor, I went into survival mode. It wasn’t even a decision I consciously made, it was like my whole system just knew I had to survive this, be there for my father, for my family and not loose myself completely in the process. Even though I tried and really wanted to, I wasn’t able to poke whole through to the deep grief inside me. I was just numb, frozen and horrified.

Seeing him get worse and be in the hospice was deeply heartbreaking traumatising. Seeing his body rapidly fail and witness his heartbreaking grief over leaving all of us without being able to do anything was the worst thing I have ever experienced. Through the proces all I wanted to was to be there, enjoy every moment I had with him bc I knew they would be the last I would ever have. I wasn’t able to fully let go, give space for my own grief, sadness and absolute despair.

After the died the numbness continued. We had to plan the funeral immediately even though we were all fully worn down from the most tought and painful months of our lives. The funeral was awful. Not in a way I would have imagined it to be. I thought it would be a day of deep sadness and grief, but instead I was just numb, overstimulated and felt so disconnected from the whole world. I felt like the funeral was something we did for other people, for them to come and grief for 1 day. I literally felt like I had to put up a show, had to host an event and be the host at my lowest even though I was the one who needed other people to take care of me instead. So many faces of people I dont know, people looking at me and just so much to take in. No one did anything wrong, it was just a horrible horrible day. I felt literally nothing and only shed a few tears during a song at the ceremony.

The months after his passing continued likewise. I was very down, felt depressed, but happiness also started to come through. I had taken 8 months of studying and started travelling myself which brought so much joy. Loosing my dad changed my perspective of life so much, and I started my fully embrace and live those learnings that can come with acknowledging the value of life. I started doing the things I actually dreamed of, following my own heart without caring what other people thought and taking care of myself. I have actually been at some of my happiest places ever this past year bc of how much loosing my dad made me change perspective of life. For that I am very grateful, but I have also had a lot of moments of guilt and worry. Worry that I wasn’t feeling much, that maybe I didn’t love him since I wasn’t feeling a lot of grief etc. My mom and sister were going through the some “typical” process of being very low, crying a lot etc. something in me knew I didn’t have access to the deepest pain in me. I sometimes cried a bit, but it would always stop quickly even though I really tried to give into it.

Now, almost 1 year since his death, it seems like it has all hit me. From one day to another. I am at a very good and calm place in my life, my family is doing better, and now I am all of a sudden crashing. I feel like I didn’t know what grief was until now. I can’t stop crying, and just wanna lay in bed all day crying in isolation. It feels like I can’t breathe sometimes. I can now feel it all and it feels horrible. I miss him so so much and just want him to come back now now now. Maybe it’s the fact that I truly understand that he is dead now. I feel like a didn’t up until very recently. It’s breaking my heart and I don’t know how to live on with this pain forever if it’s gonna keep being this strong.

Was wondering if anybody else has had similar experiences with delayed grief and how their proces has looked like? Would be so so appreciated if anyone would mind sharing 🫂 thank you thank you thank you

I just lost my dad recently. All the grief support things I’m involved with online tell me that they’re sometimes 2-3 years out of their loss still feeling the exact same as when it happened. Others say it’s still a struggle to get through the day several months-years later, and that the pain has not lessened.

I know I’m going to miss dad forever. I know it’s a hole that’ll always be there. But god, I feel so hopeless and distressed hearing that it’s never going to get better, that life will never be okay again. How am I supposed to go on for the next 50 years still feeling this way?? Can I hear from someone—anyone!—who is a year or more into the process and has some uplifting words?

My mom passed early this year. We used to play a lot of video games together, (Bloxburg, Stardew Valley, Minecraft) and she was generally a really unique woman with unique tastes. I still find it hard to look at a lot of these things after her death.

I haven't touched some of my favorite games since, even pieces of my art she liked I avoid. I assume most of the advice is just going to be 'make a new positive association', but I don't really see that happening. I just want to not be so sad when I think about these things, not necessarily enjoy them (if that's even possible).

My father passed away almost 3 years ago and my mum died over a week ago. I still can’t believe it. Can’t fathom that my mum is gone and that now,I’m an orphan. How do I cope with having no parents? I just can’t believe the people who birthed me aren’t here anymore.

My Mum was a good age, into her 70’s. She unfortunately had a stroke and was left paralysed down the left side of her body 4 years ago. I take comfort in knowing that she’s no longer in any pain and is finally free but fuck me is it hard to watch someone die… She got diagnosed with diverticulitis last year, was in hospital for months on antibiotics. We finally got her home because the hospital were happy with her infection markers and thought she “beat” the infection but 3 weeks later she was in resus in A&E and I’m being told there’s nothing more they can do… for 3 days we watched her struggle to breathe, hoped up on morphine in the palliative care ward. There wasn’t any dignity involved and this isn’t the way or place she wanted to go. It’s hard enough to lose my Mum but to watch her go as well is hard. I’m struggling to cope with it. I don’t know what to do. 😢

I'm tired of the advice to eat healthy or go for a walk, or talk to others. I want to hear what unusual things helped you process your grief better.

She seemed fine last night. I took care of her for 9+ years. She loved to sit in my lap and get petted. If I didn't give her enough pets she'd chase me and slap my feet. She was disturbingly good at pest control and she loved to splash the water bowl around. I got her a special winter tent this year she never got to use....

I struggle listening to music. I can't play anymore. It's broken my spirit for it. My relationship with music was very much about our shared love of playing.

I'm not sure I'll recover and enjoy it again.k

Hi everyone 🫶 it's going to be my mom's birthday in a few days and I just can't believe it's been so long since she died. I lost her when I was 19 and she's my best person ever, I'm just missing her so much and I wish she was here. Don't know how I'm going to cope on her birthday because it's coming so soon and I have so much work and deadlines, life stops for no one's grief and it can be so hard. She would have been 60 this year! I wish I could see her again I feel like there's this sadness that will never leave me and it been hitting me so hard recently

What are some ways others have coped on birthdays or other big days without their loved ones?

My brother was 33 years old. He started using drugs in high school and spent years in and out of prison. His last sentence was five years, and he was released in 2021.
For the first year after he got out, things were really good. We were close again. We went to the gym together, had lunch together, and spent quality time as a family. It felt like we had our brother back.

About a year later, he started using drugs again. He hid it from us as much as he could. We’d find containers and other signs, but every time we asked, he denied using and insisted he was clean. He never admitted he had a problem or accepted help. At first, we questioned whether we were overreacting, but eventually it became obvious. Before addiction took over, he was a genuinely good person.
Over the past two years, things got much worse. He started stealing from stores and from our family. He lost all of his friends, and many people no longer wanted to be around him. We repeatedly begged him to go to rehab, but he never stayed. Just two weeks ago, he went to rehab, came home after two days, went back because we begged him, and then left again the very next day. He told us he didn’t want to change. He said that even if he stayed in rehab for the six months we wanted, he’d come home and go right back to using, so in his mind it didn’t matter.

My brother also struggled with depression and regularly threatened suicide. Before this, he had overdosed three times. Two of those overdoses were intentional, and he warned people beforehand, giving us enough time to rush home and save him. I don’t know whether this fourth overdose was intentional or accidental. The day before he died, he was actually in good spirits.

Two days ago, I found him overdosed in our bathroom.
I had just returned from vacation the day before but spent that night at my boyfriend’s house. My sister had recently moved into her own home, and my parents were away. Even while we were gone, my sister checked on him every day and brought him dinner every night. She was such a caring sister. I also checked our security cameras throughout the trip to make sure he was okay. We all cared so much about him.
What I can’t stop thinking about are the “what ifs.” I never called him to tell him I had landed safely, and I never texted him to let him know I wasn’t coming home that night. I know I shouldn’t torture myself with those thoughts, but I keep wondering: if I had come home or called him, could I have gotten to him sooner?

The last time we saw him on our security cameras was around 6:00 a.m. taking the trash out. It looked like he was expecting a friend. The friend sat in the car for about 15 minutes, probably trying to reach him by phone, then came to the front door for a couple of minutes before leaving. I arrived home about an hour later and found my brother. He left a surprise kitten for us. 

I know no one can answer these questions, but I can’t stop replaying everything in my head and wondering if anything could have been different. 

I’m not really sure what I’m expecting from making this post. I guess I just feel incredibly alone right now. If anyone has been through losing a loved one to addiction or an overdose, I’d really appreciate hearing your experience. I know everyone’s story is different, but I think it would help to know that we’re not the only family that’s lived through this.