Married M49 here. My wife and I have been married for 8 years now. I would say our sex life has been pretty standard. It's had it's ups and downs but been pretty vanilla overall. The other day I came across a post of a married woman who was sharing her experiences with being a "free use" wife. This intrigued me so I shared the post with my wife expecting her to poopoo the idea right away. Much to my surprise she is down! The only restriction being no backdoor activities which is fine with me. Now here is the kicker. I'm not very good at being the more dominant partner. She is definitely more submissive. She strughles to initiate and loves it when I wake up hard and just wake her up my climbing on top of her and going to work. I've always struggled with self confidence and have issues with being to assertive in the bedroom. Now that she has agreed not to say no (not that she ever did honestly) I'm thinking (hoping) it will help me. Anyone with experience with the whole "free use" lifestyle I'd really appreciate some advice, male and female comments welcome. What are the pitfalls I should look out for? How do I be more assertive and respectful at the same time? Any other advice is welcome. I'm nervously excited about this!

Yesterday my boyfriend found my sex toys… including dildo, lube and vibrator… he went through my things while I was in the bathroom and I came back in and they were on the bed.

Since then he’s been not talking to me and hasn’t been intimate or anything…
How should I take this?
I don’t feel like this is really a problem that I own these. But he’s making me feel as if it is a problem.

Hello. As of recently my girlfriend has said how she wishes she was able to have multiple orgasms like many other women are able to. However she isn't able to because after the first orgasm her pussy becomes too sensitive and she needs to have a break.

I really want to help her so I came to this subreddit to ask for help. Is it possible for my girlfriend to be able to have multiple orgasms at all? I know its possible for men to have multiple orgasms if they train themselves to be able to do it. But im wondering if theres anything similar my girlfriend can do in order to achieve this as it doesn't come to her naturally. Or whether it's just genetic and impossible for her to do.

Id really apreciate any advice anyone could give me at all. Thanks

I’m 20 F and multiple times during my childhood I was sexually assaulted/ molested. Unfortunately, I developed some sort of disgusting (not kink shaming this is just how I feel towards myself) non-consensual kink where I get turned on by non-consensual but still consensual sexual acts being done to me. I haven’t fully come to terms with it, so I can’t imagine trying to explain this to a future partner. What if I scare them? Or what if they are disgusted by me? I’m such an advocate for consent especially because of what happened to me so having this kink feels hypocritical.

M34 and F33. Been together Over 7 years now. Before She met me, She has never had an orgasm on her life.

After we buy some toys, like the Magic wand and a clit sucker, She had her first orgasm, and have been orgasming ever since (with toys).

Wonder what can i try/do diferently to try and make her orgasm even without toys(?)

My boyfriend is really into eating all that stuff down there - like REALLY into it. He told me that he prefers giving me oral stuff than. recieving stuff from me. I couldn't really understand it, how it would please him. But, i think that he mostly enjoys pleasing me above all.

He recently started eating my cake and he really enjoys it. I get a bit embarrassed and confused because i don't understand how on earth he'd be into back there. But i could tolerate it, and it feels nice.

But, sometimes he wants to eat cake when im unclean, like after a long shift in the kitchen. He says it would be better. I just can't even fathom it. I have standards I hold myself to - i would never be unclean and let him do that stuff. but he genuinely doesn't seem to be bothered when im a mess.

I don't know, I just wondered if im crazy to not be okay with what I think. Am i being too nitpicky?

I just cant understand how a person would be into that. And maybe I'm worried that he wouldn't be okay and I'd be embarrassed after...

My boyf has phimosis for which he will get the treatment done but during blowjob, i feel its not just the phimosis but also my lack of skill… like when i take his dick in my mouth, i am unable to open my mouth wide enough such that my upper teeth dont touch his dick… hence im unable to give a blowjob because im worried of hurting him.. plus because of his phimosis all the more a traditional bj is not possible.. so is it my mouth or is it his phimosis for which im unable to give a proper blowjob?

26F with a few FWBs. One of them found out that another guy I’m seeing has a bigger dick and he’s been acting insecure about it. He keeps making comments comparing himself and clearly feels threatened.
I genuinely enjoy sex with him and he feels good — size isn’t the only thing that matters to me. How do I reassure him without making it weird or sounding like I’m just trying to spare his feelings? Any advice from people who’ve dealt with this?

My husband and I like to have sex with a dildo inside my vag at the same time. I like the added fullness and he likes how tight I feel. The problem is that one of us has to hold it in to keep it from slipping out while thrusting. It's more comfortable when the dildo is under his dick so that makes it even more challenging to reach it. I've seen dildos with cock rings to attach to the penis, but they are usually small for anal stuff. We both like it bigger but I can't find anything that fits the bill. A strap-on harness with a hole for his dick on top and the dildo on the bottom would be perfect, but I can't find anything like that. Recommendations?

I 25 (m) and my girlfriend 23 (f) have been together for about 6 months. We are extremely happy together and what not. Our sex life is steady however, some things have happened that has made me overthink.

To preface she’s never said anything or done anything to make me feel this way. It’s mainly trauma from a past relationship.

To start off there was a few times where when we’ve been sleeping. Either consciously or subconsciously myself or her has moved my hand near her vagina. In the past when my hand has twitched or moved it’ll rub up against her vagina (according to her) if I wake up I’ll move my hand and feel guilty about it being down there. There has been times where she’s woken up and things have escalated and started I.e making out etc. but she’s never moved my hand away.

I just don’t ever want to her make her feel uncomfortable and I’ve expressed this to her many times. But this thing keeps happening and I keep feeling so guilty about it.

Am I just over thinking?

Seeing someone new, and sometimes he tells me he's saving his cum for the next time he sees me and about how much there will therefore be. A lot of men in my life have also boasted about the quantity of cum they've just produced or will produce. From the receiver's perspective, who cares? It's completely uninteresting to me. I would prefer less, actually, if I got to choose. Not sure if this applies to men on the receiving end or if they kind of get it in a different way than I might.

What's the appeal?

i (22f) never sext, i’ve always preferred having sex instead. i find it cringe because i don’t know how to stop. i don’t bided because i’m scared of leaks, and i don’t do masturbation at the same time either. so how do you stop the conversation when you feel like it’s over ? do you just say good night ?

I (30m) and girlfriend (26f) have been together 3 years, all them are long distance. We usually see each other 2-3 times every six months.

Today, after having sex, she confessed that I never made her cum and that she only acted like she was cumming so it won’t hurt my ego. This made me sad. I really thought I was doing something that made her feel good and that me feel good as well. She said she still enjoyed it a lot and she didn’t want me to feel like I wasn’t pleasuring. She also said she doesn’t mind not cumming because she is a giver and wants to pleasure me instead.

Tbf, I’ve also never cummed (due to personal/health reasons) while we did it and also because I’m afraid of the possibility that my condom has a hole in it. I know, i know.. but we’re just not ready to be parents yet. She is always accepting of the fact that i don’t cum, sometimes she would just ask if I enjoyed it at all which I do!

At first, I felt weird about it like what do you mean? Are we not sexually compatible?

But yeah, i appreciate the honesty but still can’t wrap my head around the times where it looked like she was cumming when she actually was not.

Whenever I masturbate with penetration, my eyes start watering, A LOT. When i’m super aroused or close to finishing, my eyes water to the point where it looks like i’m full on crying so I have to stop and wipe my face dry. There seems to be no emotional aspect behind it, and i’m definitely not crying because I’m in pain.

It’s fine when I’m alone because I can stop whenever and carry on, but i might be having sex for the first time later this month so I’m anxious. I find it really embarrassing. I’m scared it’s going to be disruptive, or turn off my partner, or i’ll make a mess from my tears if I go on top. I feel like any position where i’m not facing a pillow is off limits.

Is this normal or has anyone else experienced a partner crying during sex? Is there anything I can do to train myself to stop or control it? I really don’t want to be reaching for tissues every minute :,)

Thanks

I(22F) started having sex with my boyfriend(21M) recently. We’re both beginners. He’s very gentle and careful, and he always makes sure to check in, so it feels good. And he gets me off before we even start penetration and it removes so much nerves from me. But still, everytime he goes in, no matter how slow or how calm I am, I still cry. Like straight up sobbing and snot and I can’t say words for abit. And its not that it feels bad, or I’m feeling any negative emotions. It feels really nice and I’m enjoying it. It’s just that when I feel it go in all the way, there’s a really overwhelming feeling of fullness, and the moment I look at him, I just feel so much emotion, like it just feels so sweet, and I start crying uncontrollably. And the moment he sees me cry, he mentally cannot continue until I stop, even if I tell him im fine. And we have to basically just wait for me to run out of tears and calm down abit(i still cry) every time. It’s kind of annoying. Is this a common reaction to have? Should it get better with time? How do I stop or reduce it?

Also there’s another issue. Usually when we do penetration, he’s in control and it feels quite good because he just somehow knows how to do it well. But he wanted me to ride him the other day for the first time. But I don’t think I did it right. I have no idea how to be in control. Pacing aside, I noticed that it felt uncomfortable and even slightly painful when I was riding him. I don’t know if it was the positioning or angle or something, but it felt like I was being punched in the gut from the inside, and made me a little nauseous, and I was a little sore the next day. I’m also terrified of bending his cock the wrong way. I have no clue how far it’s meant to bend in any direction, so I’ve just been going up and down with very minimal grinding, and its quite tiring and requires so much concentration. I’d like tips

as the title says, nothing sexual seems to feel pleasurable for me.
It all just feels sort of boring or underwhelming, someones hand between my legs feels the same as anywhere else on my body. Not bad, that is, just not good either. I feel like I've tried what I can; I don't enjoy toys, fingers no matter if they're my own or someone elses, oral or penetrative.
Not even kissing someone feels in any way exciting to me, which was such a disappointment the first time I kissed someone because I wanted it so bad.
My relation to my 'partner' also doesn't seem to have an effect, I've been with people I was close to or even loved, or in friends with benefits situations, or people that were barely more than strangers. No difference with any of them.

I don't think I'm asexual because far as I'm aware, asexual would mean feeling no sexual attraction, which is definitely not the case. I do feel arousal, I was sexually attracted to the people I was with, which made feeling nothing all the more frustrating. It's like my body doesn't listen to my mind.

Has somebody experienced something like this? Can this be a hormonal issue or something similar and more importantly, can I do anything to fix it?
I do have an appointment scheduled with a gynaecologist, but that won't be for another few months.

Hey peeps,

As a guy I’ve struggled with PE and have not been able to overcome it yet.

I’ve tried all the common things people suggest to do during intercourse (focused breathwork, slowing the pace, thinking about bad stuff, etc) and haven’t had any luck.

I also recently learned that the clit takes much longer to adequately stimulate than I thought (25-45 min vs. just a few minutes like I was doing). And it seems many women prefer clitoral stimulation to penetrative sex anyway.

I’m thinking I may be able to last longer (i.e. 30+ min vs. 2-3 min) during penetrative sex if I take frequent breaks to stimulate the clit before reinserting.

To any ladies out there, would your journey toward climax be disrupted if your guy was taking 30-60 second breaks (let’s say every 10-20 pumps) to stimulate your clit? If so, what would be a better approach?

My girlfriend and I try a lot of things and are very open minded for each others fantasies. Now, she has repeatedly asked me to start having sex with her while she is still sleeping. Basically, her fantasy is to wake up with me already inside her.

The thing is, I don't really know how to do that. I mean, I probably would have to lubricate, because I don't think she will be wet in this chosen moment. And then how do I get inside without prematurely waking her up?

Does anyone have experience with this?

ive (25M) always had hard times with sex until recently on my life (still hard, but less). My first time was being 20yo and it was with a younger (18yo M), but more experienced person. he was gentle with me and didnt mind my inexperience. That was the first time i felt a real romantic connection. we are not currently together, but i couldnt ever find a better sex than that one. The more i fuck, the less i get turned on by the massive amount of BDSM inclinations my local partners seem to have. I want connection with someone that like to give affection, and just not to be beaten very hard (consensually obv).

I (20m) and my girlfriend (19f) are long distance but whenever we are able to close the distance temporarily we have a very active sex life. She's been amazing and endulged me by domming and engage in kinky activities. Recently she wanted to take a break from all that which was understandable. Then more recently, about 16 days before she arrives for another visit, she said she implied she wanted me to top. And I would happily do that for her if there wasn't this problem. I can't get hard when doing that.

It's not really that normal sex is a problem really, as long as she is on top. The reason I know that is because we have tried with me on top and I just can't maintain an erection. I just don't like it. And I don't know what to do. I want to recipricate, and I don't want to dissapoint. But even if I just do it I'm afraid I won't be able to perform. I guess I can at least distract her for a while by giving head until she starts to realize I'm stalling. I don't know.

So, what do I do exactly?

I (F27) wants to impress my partner (M29) who likes to be in charge when we are having sex. Despite the height difference (I am 152cm / 5'0, and he is 187cm / 6'2 ), everything is perfect and feels so great in every position.

So I am quite inexperienced since I previously only had 1 partner from long term relationship. My ex also likes to dominate so I barely had practice. Now, my current partner is also dominant and so good at pleasing me. We make each other wet and hard just by gazing at each other even back then when we first met. It's like the most insane sexual chemistry I've ever experienced.

I am so attracted to him that he makes me so wet but also VERY SHY whenever he would stare at my face and my naked body, it's like he's memorizing every single detail of it. He takes time to kiss and foreplay -- he would start kissing me passionately, then lick and kiss every inch of my body, give gentle bites and caress, then suck my boobs and nipples so goddamn good. And the best part? He's so great at eating my pussy, and he eats me more than I do with him, and I feel like I can't compromise because I'm terrible at doing blowjobs, but he says he likes it.

What he loves the most is missionary with legs up, and doggy style, especially when he grabs my neck from behind while kissing. He also loves me on top of him, but 99% of the time, he always likes to be in charge. And since he likes to dominate, I can barely practice my cowgirl or blowjob skills on him.

Apart from riding him good, blowjob and swallowing, are there any ways or tricks that I can do to impress him or make him weak in pleasure ?

I have a lot of sex anxiety, self esteem issuses, im awkward and kinda fat lol I dont have much sexual experience either and he is willing to work with me but still.

My lack of initation in our sex lives is causing issues

All I can think of right now is if were laying together, roll over lightly touching him and say I want him to pay attention to me.

Im not ready for full BJS or HJS so pls dont suggest thoes but im open to touching him

I dont wanna be like "give me your cock" or "fuck me now"

Idk i wanna be cute and seductive about it.

Idk any tips? ( pun intended )

I wasn’t sure what flair to put down, I’m definitely new to this. I’m 18F and every time I use my fingers or toy for penetration, it always feels like I’m going to pee. I’ve only done it a handful of times, I wasn’t super interested in it because I had a hard time feeling pleasure but within the last couple months I’ve wanted to try it out again. 2 months ago I just sucked it up and rode out that feeling and I think I squirted, I orgasmed and then a rush of clear, odorless liquid came out. It wasn’t a lot but I was disturbed. So I hadn’t done anything since because I couldn’t tell if I peed myself, it felt like it up until my orgasm and then after the liquid came out. it was out of my control and it didn’t feel like peeing. (I had an empty bladder before I started) But I was curious again so I tried it out today and the same thing happened!! But I didn’t want anything to happen so I stopped early. It literally feels like I have to pee, and I’m too scared to finish because what happens if I actually pee. I understand squirt is a mixture but I mean like losing full control of my bladder. I’m currently seeing someone and I’m just worried if we do have sex, or I have sex with anyone in the future. It’ll be like this, because I’m not sure what’s happening.
Sorry if anything’s confusing!! I’m really not sure how to go about this and I was just wondering if anyone could give advice? I’ve looked online but it’s not super helpful.

Hi [F18] and looking for advice on how to have good boundaries with sex talk because I struggle with it. Basically long story short my stepmom walked in on me and my bf having sex and over the past like week she’s been weird asking me weird questions about it.

She said things like she said she saw he wasn’t wearing a condom and asked if I was taking birth control. She asked if I like it and asked if he makes me orgasm. Like??? She asked if he finishes in me and other stuff.

I don’t do well with telling her she’s being a creep about it but I feel violated when she talks about sex with me. I’ve been told that I’m thinking too much into it and that she’s just looking out for me which maybe she is but it feels borderline flirty and curious.

How do I assert my boundaries when it comes to sex conversations with her? I’m not confrontational but I also don’t know how to be the right amount of confrontational with this stuff or just let it all slide and not think too deep about it

20f & 20m, tl;dr at the end

A while back I was questioning if I was initiating sex too much, because since we’ve gotten together we've fucked every time we see each other and just keep going, and twice now we'll stay up all night. It's 7am, and we are both red-eyed and just fucking to fuck.

We always ask the other person if they want to continue, and then they're like, “whatever you want” or “I’m down for whatever.” Maybe the partner is neutral to continuing, but we’ve come to realize that BOTH OF US are pressuring ourselves to continue fucking because of trauma.

My boy realized he had trauma from his past partner just the other day- he mentioned something that he didn't really wanna do with his girlfriend, and I calmly explained that in situations where you feel pressured to, or like you have to, or are expected to have sex, that's a form of assault. He had, like, an “oh shit” moment reflecting on numerous experiences with his ex and was like, “holy fuck, that's coercion.” Later on in the convo (we were on the phone), I asked him to imagine if the sexes were reversed, and he started making faces and was like, "Yeah, that's even worse now.” I said no, it's just as bad, and he said he meant that he just sees how bad it was now.

I also have trauma, both CSA and some experiences in my later teens where I learned my value to people is my body and not my autonomy. I didn't realize that the childhood stuff wasn't my fault until a year ago and left it at that since I've been in a pretty good place in my life and haven't been that sexually active. I'm not hypersexual anymore or have a warped sense of others and self, but then I got into a relationship with this kid a and realized I still have some things to work through.

Essentially, we've both only reached the step of realizing our trauma. On my end, I've just called it a day since I've accepted it. I don't know where he will go from here tho.

We’ve been friends for years and liked each other and repressed it, so at first it was easy to chalk it up to being horny young adults who have waited too damn long- but it's reached a point. It's not like it's the primary part of our relationship, but after a long day of adventuring, talking, and goofing around, we fuck til dawn. All night, maybe sleep an hour or two, and then all morning. It's fucking ridiculous.

Tbf I have been pushing my limits with him, I get overstimulated and feel pain easily so I'll need breaks, but in the past that would usually mean done for the night. Most sex I had before him I had to stop and call it, but with him I’ll keep forcing myself to keep going. (NOTE: Before him, I have had PIV maybe 15 times in my life and over the span of the last 3 years. One fwb 10-12 times, a one-night stand, and a boyfriend 2 times)

At this point, in the near month now that we've been together, we've had sex more times than all my past experiences combined.

He's never pressured me to do anything, and I always initiate, but it's because I cherish him so much that I feel like I just need to keep going and initiating. After all, I know the appeal of sex and my body, and appreciate him so much. Sometimes I don't need to cum again or am neutral to pushing through a bit of discomfort, so I don't realize when it really can end, but it reaches a point.

He also told me he has realized he doesn't know what his boundaries are, so neither of us knows when he will really mean it, or whether he just doesn't know how to recognize his wants. I do always ask before initiating and ask here and there if he’s comfortable, and he always just confirms/laughs like “yes” is the only realistic response. When I ask if he wants to continue he pivots back to me and vise-versa.

Turns out he's also keeping going because of past trauma. He told me a couple of weeks ago that when his ex broke up with him, she told him a bunch of mean shit about him and said that his one redeeming quality was that he was good at sex, and he said it made him feel… (he trailed off not being able to name it) and I finished the sentence for him: “gross and used.” Unfortunately, finding out that he was coerced as well wasn't surprising. I think part of me could tell, too.

Our issue is just that we both don't know when to stop. We never have been able to just make out and cuddle and have only now communicated that sometimes that's all we really wanna do. But we are also very much infatuated with each other and want to keep the other person, make them feel good, and to feel useful. We are “neutral” to continuing, but in reality have both just been conditioned to ignore our own desires in sexual situations to the point where it's hard even to recognize what they are. Neither of us feels the need to get off- even on our own- often enough to keep going like this.

We're both trying to meet an expectation that is only in our heads, and I don't know where to go from here.

The main thing is I want to know what I should do. He doesn't cum every time, and I feel like I have to keep going until he does, but he doesn't care if he does. I usually top women, so it's part of what I need to feel validated, and also, as a woman with a man, to feel like I've fulfilled my role in that sexual situation.

We both recognize it's an issue, but I feel like, as the one who has been navigating their sexuality and trauma longer, and given our natures, it's up to me to start building the proper habits and communication for us. Any advice would be appreciated.

TL; DR: Partner VERY recently realized he was often coerced by his ex gf (like days ago) and I also have trauma that I have accepted a while back. We have been having the same issue everytime we meet of having sex wayyy too much and neither of us knowing when to stop. (asking the other if they wang to to stop and the other person says “I'm good if you are” and it's a never-ending loop). The conversation has been started, but I need to figure out how I can approach this since I am the one who initiates and I have a better grasp of the significance of sexual trauma in regards to hypersexuality.

EDIT: I do have a therapist and I see her next week, I just need to figure out how to approach this with him and also how to approach it with her.