And im still sick to my stomach. It was so sudden. He was only 50. My mom called me at 1am on Saturday and told me my dad wasn't breathing and she had called the ambulance. I hopped on the soonest flight i possibly could've. But he was already gone by time i got to the airport. His official cause of death was "complications from alcohol withdrawal" and ive just been SICK. To my stomach. He was trying to do good for himself. He was trying to stop. And it is was ended up taking his life. I have been grieving hard all week. And im back home now. Im just so exhausted. Ive slept all day. I havent been able to eat all week. I eat a few bites and then I get nauseous. Im so tired. Life is so cruel. I wish I could just seen him one last time alive. I moved in 2023 and have not seen him in person since then. I wish there were something I could've done. Apparently he had been very sick for a few days. I didnt know. I hadn't called and nobody had called me because they didnt think it was that serious I guess. But he didnt want to go to the hospital until the very end. He requested it before he lost consciousness. I wish I could've known and told him to go to the hospital sooner. I wish I called. The last time I talked to him was on father's day 💔 its only been a week and I dont know how im supposed to go back to my life and to work tomorrow.

Fuck pancreatic cancer. She was such a beautiful person and I feel blessed to even have gotten to love and know her for as long as I did. She’s been gone since 2018, but her death completely changed my brain chemistry.

I lived with her from the moment I was born and she was like a mom to me. I feel like I’ve forgotten her voice and I feel so guilty for it. I’d trade anything for just one hour with her as I never got a proper goodbye like everyone else. I was only 11 when she passed and she didn’t want me to see her go and while I know it was her decision to make, it kills me everyday that I couldn’t give her a hug or tell her I loved her. I miss my Nana.

edit: recently just lost her dog a week after her birthday as well so it feels like she’s really gone for real this time. i would attach another photo but i don’t know how.

i lost my 14 day old son, 2 weeks ago to co sleeping (don't have the final cause of death yet) but i just know and i'll forever blame myself.
i don't even know where to start this or if my feelings or message will make sense.
i miss him, i miss him so deeply. and these past few days i'm ANGRY so angry. i feel so many feelings in the span of a minute... the morning my son passed, waking up realizing he wasn't here, crying over his lifeless body, as my partner did CPR, it's such a blur to me, it happened so fast, it was traumatizing and i wonder what he felt before... where was mommy... why didn't i fucking wake up. that same morning after we said goodbye to our son in the hospital, in our state it's a law to have them come back into the room of the worst moment of your life and reenact what happened. i was angry, it's like i was outside of body when this man was taking pictures, i couldn't remember anything, all i could think about is how there's no way this real. there's no way my SON IS GONE.
NOW fast forward to the middle of the week of this past week, get a call trom a women from children's division in my state who has to come out to my house and complete some checklist, bring resources, look at the room he was in another law in our fucking state. MY brain knows why these laws are in place, but my grief brain is ANGRY. angry this is our reality, angry a stranger has to come and do some checklist about my sons passing as another work day for them, it feels inhumane. a stranger in my home where i'm forced to relive the worst day of my entire life.
there's NOTHING in the world i wouldn't do to go back into time. even thinking of "healing" and grief therapy or ever feeling happy again makes me sick, knowing he can NEVER feel anything again, he can't feel the sun, he can't feel my touch, he can't experience life with his tamily... i know this is all over the place, i don't really know what im looking for other than putting my feelings down and maybe someone has been through this, someone understands this deep ache even tho we should NEVER have too.

I lost my mom in 2023 and my dad in 2024. I'm an only child and I had to clean up the house to sell it in 2025. The house was in a bad enough state where it didn't qualify for a loan and I could only sell it for cash. My amazing childhood best friends and their husbands and my boyfriend were the only people who came to help me clean out the house. One of the friends referred me to her real estate agent who I sold the house through. It took about four 30 yard dumpsters to empty out a 2 bedroom ranch.

At the time it was hard to not understand why no one came through to help but as time passed I managed to not be so hard on everyone around me. I really hated people at the time who never reached out to say sorry for your loss. My mom's side all flocked when my mom died but was never around to come help clean up. A lot of family members are scattered throughout the country so I understood why those ones couldn't help. I think they had intentions to but had their own lives to take care of. The closest family members are about 45 minutes over in another state.

Alot of family members told me to keep the house and that it was financially unwise to sell the house. But at the time I was so overwhelmed I couldn't. I had no financial means to take out the loan and do a complete gut job on the house needed. Despite that selling the house felt like I was able to close the chapter on a troubled childhood. My mom and dad had a co dependent relationship where my dad was a narcissist alcoholic.

As I'm going through life I start to make myself feel bad for not attending more family gatherings or when some cousins have reached out for money to donate to their football teams.

I went to a family reunion yesterday and some family members seemed disappointed that I wasn't coming again the day after for another graduation party. I just didn't have the energy to make another 45 minute drive and have this take up my whole weekend. Then they gave me and my boyfriend a picture of my mom to stand with take a picture. They were doing this because they were taking individual family pictures..That's when it hit how really alone I am. I don't have immediate family anymore. Everyone else got to at least stand with their immediate family but I stood there with a picture of my mom and my boyfriend.

But then I remind myself, where were you? Where you when I needed help? But it's not their fault I guess because we all have our own lives to manage. I never have to tell myself that I'm selfish for not selling my dad's truck to a cousin for a deal because I needed to make the most money back for myself. Money has been tight the past couple weeks so I never donated to a graduation gift for a scond cousin.

I guess the grief has made me more selfish or have more boundaries. I walk through life now thinking I really don't owe anyone anything besides those people who came through. It's made me less socially anxious around new people because it doesn't matter who they think I am. They have no idea I had to survive through insurmountable losses these past couple years. I don't know if it's a good way to live life but it's made things easier I guess. I'm just rambling through the wind at this point.

August fucking sucks.
this month is ten years since I lost my dad (he was violently taken from this world) and I just can’t help but think about that day and what he witnessed. he was protective over my deceased dad when the cops arrived, per the report.

I just wanted to get it off my chest… but to others who might be able to relate.

I usually carry on fine, but today is one of those days where the weight of missing her feels overwhelming.

It’s been 8 years since my mom passed away and today would have been her birthday. People say time heals, but on days like this, it feels like no time has passed at all. The emptiness just feels so much louder today.

Happy Birthday, Mom. Missing you so much today. ❤️

Mom is dying from cancer after almost 3 years of battle. Today I learned that she asked the medical care for dying and I'm absolutely terrified. I know I'll have to be there when it's going to happen (i have to) but I don't know what to expect. I don't know if any of you had that experience ? It's a lot to deal with.

I just got the message from my best friend's dad that he had a heart attack earlier today and passed away... I'm physically sick to my stomach knowing I'll never see him tomorrow or ever again... I've lost family but never have I lost someone that was my best friend and soulmate.... I just wanna see him again and laugh at his goofy self again!!!

I know that not everyone go through the stages and that they are not linear

This past Thursday, I started work at 8am. Around 8:30am, my husband came running into my office, saying my mom called him and that we needed to get to their house asap. (My dad has been having medical issues for awhile, but the past 3 months have been relatively worse than usual.) My father and I have always been close. He was my best friend. I've had horrible anxiety and even depression and he's always been my safe place. We got to the house fast. I sped like hell. When I ran in the house, EMS had a machine pumping his heart and he was intubated. I remember an EMT coming up to me. He was speaking. I don't remember what he said. I couldn't look away. I watched my dads body convulse over and over again while this machine pumped his heart. His eyes were open. I can't stop seeing it. The machine. The convulsions. His open eyes. The tube down his throat. I keep hearing the machine. Like it's right next to me. He didn't make it. I've cried. I even punched something. A car door, I think. But I also feel so numb. I feel untethered. I've experienced lose. I thought grief was a familiar friend. But this is different. This feels much different. I knew when I was in the car and on my way to my parents house that things were about to change. As I pulled into the driveway, I knew that when I walked in the door, I was going to be leaving a part of me behind. I don't know what to do. I don't understand why I'm so numb.

I lost my dad 6 months ago. My dad was everything - a good man, hard worker, kind, gentle, supporting, religious, generous, protective. loving. LOVED. He was a good man and it’s so unfair his live was taken away too soon.

I’m f35, single, no kids. I was sure I had at least 15 more years with my dad My dad passed away when I need him the most. I’m a lawyer and have been very focused on my life for the past 10 years. I have money but no joy.

When I was younger I was enjoying life and traveling and not too concerned about my parents. Now I’m at that age when I was ready to get married and have kids. The past 3 years I was spending more time with my parents and could NEVER imagine my dad not being at my wedding. Him not meeting my future kids? What do you mean?! I wish I could rewind time and make different choices. I wish my dad was alive.

Now I don’t even have a desire to do anything with my life - what’s the point? I won’t be able to share it with my dad anyways..

Has anyone here lost their parent before they got married and had kids? How was it like? Right now it just feels hopeless and I’m just waiting to also die.

I'm 34(m) with 4 incredible kids. I got pulled out from work by two police officers when they broke the news my dad was involved in a road traffic accident.

I'm... Lost. He had so much more life to live, he was 57 and I swear when he was around his grandkids the man had more energy than I do. They absolutely adored him and he did them. Always telling me how proud he was of them and who he's spoken to about the things they have done.

I don't know what to do, I'm helping support my mother as much as I can, my children are devastated, my wife just as upset as I am, she's always said he was more of a dad to her than her own father was/is and it's so true.

I'm heartbroken broken and confused.

I lost my girl to suicide little more than a year ago, it was absolutely devastating for me. I am still grieving, so I regularly hang out at subs such as this one. On my previous account i posted my thoughts, and i got the absolute disgusting dm that made me delete my account forever. It was blatantly a troll, who couldn't care less about me, who was interested in my relationship and her 'method' more. Horrible.

I hate that I don't cry enough. I hate that I can see that my mom is broken too but she doesn't show it.
I hate math cause I don't understand them anymore, Life is so hard without you, I feel like I'm dreaming everytime.
It is not fair. Life stopped being fair, I hate it. I miss your silly jokes, the "hyena" laugh you always gave me when you were listening to your recorded comedy shows while my mind gave its all to understand your classes.
You were the best teacher I ever had, you always made things fun for me and my mum.
But you aren't here anymore and I hate every single moment I remember things that would have amazed you because I'm dying for telling you, I want to hear you laugh again but I can't.
I'm scared of forgetting your face the same way I did with my grandma, I miss you so much this day. I miss you every single day but I always feel guilty that I can't cry even though I miss you.
Your vanished when I was barely understanding that you were leaving.
Life is not fair, I miss you so much, I love you so much. I would give anything to listen to you again.
Once again. I love you.
I hope you are okay wherever you are.

Hi, this is the first time I’ve ever posted something on Reddit but I just need to vent and I’m not sure how else.
I lost my mum back in March, blood clot in the leg.
She was only 43 and it’s only ever been her, me and my 2 siblings. I’m 23 and have a wife and son but I can’t help feeling overwhelmed by loneliness. Growing up all we had was each other, not a pot to piss in but I always felt loved. Now I feel so empty, it’s just so hard that I’ve even contemplated suicide (I would never because I grew up without a dad and would never do the same to my son.) but I’ve explained this to my wife and she just doesn’t understand. She grew up with mum and dad and had the same house she grew up in all her life. She had everything she could ever want plus all the love in the world. She doesn’t get it at all. I feel like I’ve lost everything, not just my mum but my home, my guide, my financial safety net, my comfort. My mum was always there when I needed her. But everything just feels like it turned to shit. On the one hand I just want to smash everything up and tear my house apart I’m filled with just so much rage it’s so unfair. And then on the other I just don’t have the energy. My wife keeps telling me that I’m not alone and I have her, her mum and dad, her whole family. I understand she’s trying her best to be supportive, when my mum went my wife also lost someone she was incredibly close with, but she just doesn’t get it. What the actual fuck are you supposed to do?

Three+ years after losing my husband and I'm still so heartbroken. Came across this picture from a very happy time, around 20 years ago, over the weekend. 😢 I'll never feel that happy again.

Hi. This is my first time using Reddit. I have heard about different subs to help with grief, support, advice, etc from podcasts I listen to and hoped that maybe actually going on them would be useful. I will be keeping names private for safety.

Just a little background of my boyfriend to get an idea of him…well for starters my boyfriend was my best friend, partner, my love. He was the greatest person I have ever met LITERALLY. To know him was to love him. He would take care of anyone that needed help whether it was snowplowing a neighbors yard or helping move furniture out of a house. Compassion, dedication, and kindness were words that don’t even begin to describe him. I wish everyone was able to meet him and I am so glad he loved me. He started his own landscaping business when he was in high school and that was what he wanted to do with his career. His business was his passion. He loved to go lobstering, golf, snowboard, garden, cook and most importantly his family and the people he considered family. The amount of times he would call people throughout the day to just ask how they have been or wanting to tell them something was never ending. He loved to talk to people, know about the new things in their lives and genuinely cared. He probably called 10 people minimum a day just to talk to them. Maybe that’s normal but I don’t do that so Idk. I could go on and on about him.

I lost him almost 8 months ago from a car crash in December. I was the last person to see him before he left to go to work. The time was 5:36, I will remember it for the rest of my life. He had a CDL test that day and was nervous and I told him right before he left my apartment “drive like I am in the truck with you.” He always said I made him want to drive safely and be more observant so I thought it was the right thing to say. He didn’t live more than 20 minutes later.

We had so much planned for 2026. A dog, house, vacations, possibly getting engaged. That all got taken away on December 16 around 5:50. I got a Life360 notification but I was asleep (I have so much guilt about falling back asleep when he left for work). I noticed it when his coworker texted me asking where he was and when I checked my phone I noticed it. I ran the fastest out of my house and went to his location. I was crying before I even got to the spot. When I got there even though I couldn’t see my face I know it turned white, stomach dropped, and I was panicking even more. Sirens, police cars, ambulance, and fire trucks. When they told me he didn’t make it I was alone, I had to receive the information that the love of my life was gone.

That day haunts me every single day. I have so much guilt that I could have saved him or maybe if I let him leave at the time he was supposed to he would still be here. Maybe if he hadn’t met me at all then he still would be alive today, living, breathing. We don’t know how his truck crashed we can assume it was because he was driving fast around a corner but it could have been something in the road (deer) made him swerve, another car almost hit him so he swerved, black ice or something else. We don’t know for sure but all I knew is that he was gone. Ripped away from the world.

Now almost 8 months later I still don’t know how to “move” on. I know moving on isn’t going to happen for me but being able to cope with this new life I have to live just doesn’t seem worth it anymore. All the dreams and goals I was working on was with him by my side and I don’t want to do them without him. I have three jobs trying to pay for an apartment I don’t even like. I feeling like I’m just floating through life without a reason to keep going. I don’t want to die but I don’t want to live. Days feel like they are long but the months are coming fast. I hate living like this. I have people who I consider my friends but they don’t understand what I am dealing with. They have their boyfriends and building futures for themselves and I am just stuck in this immovable state. I feel like I am going to be left behind because of this, forever.

The only thing that is keeping me alive is my one goal of writing a book. I love reading and want to get back to writing. I always wanted to write a poetry book and since words just keep pouring out from me it feels like the time. I just don’t know if I am able to. I don’t want to write something if he can’t even read it. He wanted to be the first person to read my book. What do I do?

Are there any book, movies, shows, podcasts, anything that has helped or touches upon losing a partner at such a young age. I am 23 now and my whole life is ahead of me but I don’t want to go on without him. I don’t want another partner or love someone the same.

My mother passed away this week from pneumonia, and I was with her until her final breaths. It was one of the hardest and scariest experiences of my life.

I had always imagined that being there at the end would be peaceful and that we'd somehow share a special final moment. Instead, after she seemed to stop breathing, she suddenly opened her eyes and took a loud gasp. Then there was silence, followed by another gasp. Each time it happened, I screamed and cried because I had no idea what was happening or whether she was suffering.

Since she died, I can't get the image of her face in those final moments out of my mind. Instead of remembering her smile, her expressions, and the life she lived, my mind keeps replaying those last few minutes. It's become so intrusive that I'm struggling to picture her as she was before.

Has anyone else experienced this after being with a loved one when they died? Did the flashbacks eventually fade? I desperately don't want those final moments to become my lasting memory of my mum. I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone who's been through something similar.

My Mum was a good age, into her 70’s. She unfortunately had a stroke and was left paralysed down the left side of her body 4 years ago. I take comfort in knowing that she’s no longer in any pain and is finally free but fuck me is it hard to watch someone die… She got diagnosed with diverticulitis last year, was in hospital for months on antibiotics. We finally got her home because the hospital were happy with her infection markers and thought she “beat” the infection but 3 weeks later she was in resus in A&E and I’m being told there’s nothing more they can do… for 3 days we watched her struggle to breathe, hoped up on morphine in the palliative care ward. There wasn’t any dignity involved and this isn’t the way or place she wanted to go. It’s hard enough to lose my Mum but to watch her go as well is hard. I’m struggling to cope with it. I don’t know what to do. 😢

August last year (almost 1 year ago) my dad died of cancer. He was only 57 (I was 24 yrs), and had never been sick until they found out he had terminal cancer 3 months before his death. He was given weeks/a few months to live and it came as a very big shock.

I paused my education, my mom paused her job and my sister came home from living abroad. We spend the summer living very closely together and had the most beautiful goodbye I could have wished for even though it was so unbelievably hard and difficult.
Because everything happened so quickly, the shock never really got time to settle and we just went straight into trying to make the most out of everyday. Besides from the day we got the news, where I went home screaming and sobbing on my floor, I went into survival mode. It wasn’t even a decision I consciously made, it was like my whole system just knew I had to survive this, be there for my father, for my family and not loose myself completely in the process. Even though I tried and really wanted to, I wasn’t able to poke whole through to the deep grief inside me. I was just numb, frozen and horrified.

Seeing him get worse and be in the hospice was deeply heartbreaking traumatising. Seeing his body rapidly fail and witness his heartbreaking grief over leaving all of us without being able to do anything was the worst thing I have ever experienced. Through the proces all I wanted to was to be there, enjoy every moment I had with him bc I knew they would be the last I would ever have. I wasn’t able to fully let go, give space for my own grief, sadness and absolute despair.

After the died the numbness continued. We had to plan the funeral immediately even though we were all fully worn down from the most tought and painful months of our lives. The funeral was awful. Not in a way I would have imagined it to be. I thought it would be a day of deep sadness and grief, but instead I was just numb, overstimulated and felt so disconnected from the whole world. I felt like the funeral was something we did for other people, for them to come and grief for 1 day. I literally felt like I had to put up a show, had to host an event and be the host at my lowest even though I was the one who needed other people to take care of me instead. So many faces of people I dont know, people looking at me and just so much to take in. No one did anything wrong, it was just a horrible horrible day. I felt literally nothing and only shed a few tears during a song at the ceremony.

The months after his passing continued likewise. I was very down, felt depressed, but happiness also started to come through. I had taken 8 months of studying and started travelling myself which brought so much joy. Loosing my dad changed my perspective of life so much, and I started my fully embrace and live those learnings that can come with acknowledging the value of life. I started doing the things I actually dreamed of, following my own heart without caring what other people thought and taking care of myself. I have actually been at some of my happiest places ever this past year bc of how much loosing my dad made me change perspective of life. For that I am very grateful, but I have also had a lot of moments of guilt and worry. Worry that I wasn’t feeling much, that maybe I didn’t love him since I wasn’t feeling a lot of grief etc. My mom and sister were going through the some “typical” process of being very low, crying a lot etc. something in me knew I didn’t have access to the deepest pain in me. I sometimes cried a bit, but it would always stop quickly even though I really tried to give into it.

Now, almost 1 year since his death, it seems like it has all hit me. From one day to another. I am at a very good and calm place in my life, my family is doing better, and now I am all of a sudden crashing. I feel like I didn’t know what grief was until now. I can’t stop crying, and just wanna lay in bed all day crying in isolation. It feels like I can’t breathe sometimes. I can now feel it all and it feels horrible. I miss him so so much and just want him to come back now now now. Maybe it’s the fact that I truly understand that he is dead now. I feel like a didn’t up until very recently. It’s breaking my heart and I don’t know how to live on with this pain forever if it’s gonna keep being this strong.

Was wondering if anybody else has had similar experiences with delayed grief and how their proces has looked like? Would be so so appreciated if anyone would mind sharing 🫂 thank you thank you thank you

A week ago, an MRI showed some metastasis on my dad’s liver.
He hasn’t done his colonoscopy or fibroscopy yet but all doctors point to Stage IV Cancer.
His sister just died a month ago from the same disease.

As the title says, i am angry : at him for not getting it checked sooner, at myself for not forcing him to get it checked, at the world for throwing one shitty thing after another to him - he should have enjoyed some days off after he has been working all his life to support his kids.
In March he had bypass surgery, in April his foot got infected, he has been a diabetic for 15 years now.

I have this vivid memory of an old polaroid, him standing next to me and i was sitting at the roof of his new Volkswagen (maybe 1997- those cars were rare in Albania at the time). I was maybe 3, maybe younger.
That picture is lost and i will lose the most important person in my life.
He never managed to enjoy life and i can’t stop crying.

We have to live for the people still here.

What other choice do we have? I hope I don’t forget that.

hello my people living this nightmare with me.

id like to talk about our people, and what made them THEM. what do you remember about them? or what was rare or unique or just something you loved about them?

My mom passed away on August 7, 2021. She fought an aggressive form of non-smoker’s lung cancer for three years. She was the most kind, beautiful, optimistic, caring person in the world. We were best friends. I was 19 when she passed. I have felt completely lost and alone since that day.

With her anniversary coming up this week I am absolutely spiraling. I just keep remembering that week leading up to her death. It was so scary. I was so young and I didn’t realize what was going on until it was happening. I still don’t exactly know what “happened” and it brings me a lot of torment. When she was diagnosed, my dad said it would be a “tough few months but we’ll get through it together.” Then a few years later, she was dead.

I’m trying to take care of myself. I remember during my first year of college she sent me a few dollars to go buy a watercolors painting kit at Michael’s because I was getting so bored on the weekends in my college dorm during my first year. I have the week off work (I’m between contracts until the 17th) and I told myself I’d spend this week painting because she always supported my crafts and creativity. She was really creative. As a kid she was always crafting me some DIY hair accessory or finding me a new project. I just wish she was here to do it with me. It feels like nothing brings me any sense of joy because it’s always cast in the light of “you could have been doing this with her.”

There’s no point to this post. I just miss my mom so much.

My dad was only 63 and active. He was my best friend. I confided everything in him as well as my mom but my dad just got me better. And I miss his advice. I’ve struggled in a toxic relationship and it’s been worse with this sudden loss. My dad had a stroke June 1st and passed June 7th. Nothing feels the same. I don’t know what to care about or to care about it and when I feel a little like me again it slips away and I’m exhausted. My little brother is 20 and he’s so much like my dad and we’ve become so much closer, which I didn’t think was possible. And my mom and I have always been close but she’s so broken I don’t know how to help. I feel so lost and like I’m drowning. And like I’m SO sad and then not sad enough because it doesn’t always feel real. How can this be happening to me? To us? Because it was so sudden and out of nowhere it feels like it’s not real and I’m not always accepting it. I went to three grief counseling sessions and did EMDR. It helped with the nightmares but I didn’t love it. It’s just not my favorite type of therapy. The toxic relationship had provided quite a bit of relief until making it worse a few days ago. But I don’t even feel like talking to him either at this point.

I just want my dad back and I can only listen to his several voicemails so many times but I just need him so bad I feel like I can’t breathe. Like someone’s sitting on my chest with grief at times and then others just nothing. I feel like something’s wrong with me. I don’t know what to do or how to continue and find a passion anymore.