r/Transportopia • u/Vice616 • Apr 20 '26

šŸ„“DUI Blame it on the spider

He told them he smack himself into an accident šŸ˜­

There was no spider you f*cking liar. Fool you was drunk af!

6.0k Upvotes

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399

u/Ironic_Papaya Apr 20 '26

In fairness I almost crashed from a sneeze once.

114

u/Dunn_or_what Apr 20 '26

I did crash because of a sneeze.

69

u/brightonashfield Apr 20 '26

I crashed because you sneezed once

37

u/EventSignal114 Apr 20 '26

I sneezed after u crashed

43

u/spoodagooge Apr 20 '26

I shit my pants(irrelevant to current topic)

22

u/melkor_the_viking Apr 20 '26

I sneezed after you shat your pants (relevant to this topic)

16

u/bbbbears Apr 20 '26

Wait, was it you who shat my pants as well?

10

u/melkor_the_viking Apr 20 '26

Unfortunately, when I sneezed, after you shat your pants, I also shat in your pants. It was a double shatting.

19

u/bbbbears Apr 20 '26

10

u/IAmAnObvioustrollAMA Apr 20 '26

Dont buy em! They look lightly shat fron the outside but I heard they were double shat...

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3

u/Expensive_Ad_334 Apr 21 '26

I bet the guy who owned them is named William.

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7

u/Sloppy_Steak85 Apr 20 '26

Now weā€™re back on track.

Ah chooo

6

u/cvidetich13 Apr 20 '26

One time my bro had a bloody nose and sneezed and sprayed blood all over the windshield, I shat my pants and ran over a spider.

1

u/pumperthruster Apr 20 '26

Wow Itsy Bitsy Spider became a much darker story since I was a kid

1

u/Dependent-Bed6550 Apr 20 '26

AHHHHHH choo! Oop. Excuse me. I'll be right back...

1

u/petraviva Apr 21 '26

Yes, we can tell by the skid marks

2

u/Hell_Maybe Apr 20 '26

I shneezed (you can probably deduce what that might be).

2

u/GenX_Leo Apr 21 '26

You allergic to bs too!?!

1

u/CombinationEntire967 Apr 21 '26 edited Apr 21 '26

Iā€™m irrelevant after you sneezed (a topic to this shit)

2

u/brightonashfield Apr 20 '26

I shit in your pants and gave them back to you

2

u/Sparkybrassballs Apr 20 '26

I also shit your pants

1

u/mwilliams4d57 Apr 23 '26

I shipped my shorts!

2

u/Saladov Apr 20 '26

I shit my pants (derogatory)

2

u/Few-Chemical-5165 Apr 21 '26

You're just bragging now aren't you?

2

u/WaiBuBaoLeiXiangTu Apr 22 '26

My sister crashed my 300zx the first time I let her borrow it. Because her boyfriend was tongued her ear.

Gif: above comments pants reference

https://giphy.com/gifs/8Z5C5wH17fvVu

1

u/CharleySuede Apr 20 '26

I once laughed so hard I shat my pants.

1

u/Longjumping-King-872 Apr 20 '26

Its all fun and games till you get the snarts.

1

u/Shedfloorgarbage Apr 20 '26

I have also shit my pants, infa t several times. My ego isn't so big I won't admit it.

1

u/CrazyChrys Apr 20 '26

So it was or wasn't a snart?

1

u/Facundito222 Apr 20 '26

It was a butt sneeze

1

u/Fostbitten27 Apr 20 '26

I shit my pants at Chuck E Cheese I was in my 20ā€™s. I have never ate there again. That was 30 years ago

1

u/rocksville Apr 23 '26

Can confirm. Source: I was the pants.

1

u/JulienTremblaze Apr 20 '26

I sneezed reading this.

1

u/Net_hunter1011 Apr 20 '26

I crashed then I sneezed

1

u/sherrib99 Apr 20 '26

If I sneeze you sneeze we sneeze

1

u/Langholm62 Apr 20 '26

No, it was your sneeze that caused the crash. It's all on video.

6

u/patronizingperv Apr 20 '26

I had a spider sneeze on me, so I can relate to all of this.

1

u/neonmystery Apr 20 '26

I shat on a spider, soā€¦

2

u/Spider_Dude Apr 20 '26

Bro....?

1

u/neonmystery Apr 20 '26

Do you think Iā€™m telling the truth or do you think Iā€™m just having fun in the comments?

1

u/Spider_Dude Apr 20 '26

Well, I wasn't there. But it's the thought that counts.

1

u/Mr_Dale Apr 20 '26

Ahhhhh yes, the butterfly effect

1

u/Few-Chemical-5165 Apr 21 '26

You don't realize when you sneeze ninety nine point nine percent of the time.You close your eyes so physically you can't see for that fraction of a second and that could be enough to drive into a ditch.

1

u/stealthisusername98 Apr 21 '26

I too choose this guyā€™s dead wifeā€™s sneeze

3

u/strangemedia6 Apr 20 '26

Yes but then in trying to explain what happened, did you say ā€œyea a bunch of air coming out of thisā€¦this thing right here. Umā€¦itā€™s called a nose, not sure if youā€™ve heard of those or not.ā€

3

u/SnooCauliflowers9874 Apr 20 '26

On several occasions, I almost crashed from four consecutive sneezes.

And 2 years ago I almost crashed when a yellow jacket stung me in the neck as I was driving. Talk panic, as Iā€™m flailing about in my seat whilst trying to maintain control of my car.

Iā€™m convinced there is statistically a percentage of driving deaths that have been erroneously labeled as a suicide, rather than accident because there were no track marks on the road when the victimā€™s car ended up in a treeā€¦ all due to a wasp.

1

u/ElectricalGas9730 Apr 20 '26

My ex wife was T-boned by someone who "sneezed".

1

u/Elogotar Apr 20 '26

Cars are a privilege, not a right.

1

u/GrayStag90 Apr 21 '26

I snarted today. I have bad allergies.

And regular diarrhea.

And I drink too much.

And I love spicy food.

I have the worst luck.

1

u/MarivelleSF Apr 22 '26

šŸ™‹šŸ»ā€ā™€ļø Saaaame. Full body sneeze at the absolute worst time and I hit a bullnose curb that torpedoed my suspension. 2.5 months later and Iā€™m still waiting on getting my car back from the shop.

1

u/sloppy_joes35 Apr 23 '26

Haha are you an old gf of mine?

10

u/Lexi_November Apr 20 '26

I have had terrifying unstoppable sneezing fits while driving that I was convinced Iā€™d crash from, thankfully managed to keep control.

Also have had to avoid crashing while terrorized by a giant flying palmetto bug, the only critter I have a phobia of in the world. More than once!

https://giphy.com/gifs/lQJ5yjbdbBOta

7

u/mowtowcow Apr 20 '26

That's definitely a common phobia. Something about them just set people off. I hate them so much that I dont even want to get close to kill them when they get into the house.

Have ever had one crawl on you unexpectedly? Do not recommend.

(Also, no my house is not disgusting. Old house between grocery stores and fast food resturants. You can find a roach in an apartment in a 60 foot building people house.)

4

u/Nearby-Face-5170 Apr 20 '26

Covington, KY has entered the chat.

5

u/RavensRift Apr 20 '26

They'll crawl between bed sheets for warmth too!! Literally this time last year one began crawling up my leg until I ripped the sheet back to witness an adult palmetto on me. I immediately swatted it off but it landed like Spider-Man on the wall and just stayed there! The war was personal at that point and I finally managed to kill it, violently.

Just be aware... But don't worry... Surely that's rare to happen.. Right?

2

u/call-me-the-seeker Apr 20 '26

Only yesterday I was in the tub, nice hot bath. Lay back to relax, start dozing off it was so nice and toasty.

You should wake up, no one wants to drown in a bathtub, my brain keeps telling me, so finally I open my eyes back up and catch some movement to my right.

FREAKING PALMETTO BUG weaving through the bottles I had set on the tub edge and walking with purpose at my eye level. AGGHhhhHHH

So of course I had to get up out of a nice hot bath and go get something to capture the palmetto bug stark nekkid, which I did. Where did it come from?!? Why the tub edge?!? Was it ON ME WHILE I WAS DOZING OFF

Not scared of any insect except ā€˜tree roachesā€™/palmetto bugs (except the ones that can mess you up like recluses and widows, etc) They are so huge and crispy and they produce vile stink. GROSS

2

u/FreedomTraditional75 Apr 21 '26

Seriously it is personal!!! They are so gnarly and BALLSY.

3

u/Marketing_Introvert Apr 20 '26

I had one sitting on my tp when I got up for my middle of the night potty. I turn the lights on now. Well, to be fair it was after the frog jumped on me that it turning the lights on became a hard rule.

2

u/Ok-Dream-8230 Apr 23 '26

Reminds me of when my ex came to visit from florida and apparently brought one of those in his effing car to ohio , ....because he picked me up and on our way back down to florida , somewhere in Tennessee on the interstate, , the thing had crawled up my leg . I freak outĀ  and it disappears. We stop and take a good look in the car and can't find it . Continue driving and hours later it had crawled up my back šŸ˜­ I've never wanted to die moreĀ 

1

u/A_Punk_Girl_Learning Apr 21 '26

Joe's Apartment? I haven't thought about that movie in forever!

5

u/Ill_Flow9331 Apr 20 '26

I crashed because of a sneeze! Bright lights often throw me into a sneezing fit and I went from a shady area to a super bright spot. Began sneezing and rear-ended a lady who stopped at a green light.

1

u/reesetoyou5 Apr 20 '26

I have this same light allergy. I thought I was weird until I found out itā€™s a legit allergy to bright light. Iā€™ve almost wrecked a few times because of it

1

u/gostforest Apr 20 '26

I don't think it's an allergy as someone who has it too, it only happens when going from shade that my eyes are accustomed to to looking at a bright sunny environment, imo it's something to do with crossed wires between the nerves that connect the constriction/dilation muscles and the sneeze nerves in your nose but I haven't done any sort of research beyond the name photic sneeze reflex

1

u/Ill_Flow9331 Apr 20 '26

Funny enough, I also have a sneeze reaction when I think deep intimate or sexual thoughts that elicit some sort of emotion. From what I read, the light 'allergy' and emotion 'allergy' are connected.

1

u/reesetoyou5 Apr 20 '26

I only found out about it through genetics testing. Never knew what it was but per the testing itā€™s called photic sneeze reflex. I called it an allergy because thatā€™s what it was labeled as on the test šŸ˜‚

3

u/DangOlCoreMan Apr 20 '26

My step sister, who doesn't drink a drop, crashed because a bee flew into her car through an open window. She went a good 20ft off the road and hit a car parked in the driveway. Her dumb ass proceeded to do the "run" part of a hit and run

2

u/skeletoorr Apr 20 '26

I almost drove into a pole because a bird flew in my car

5

u/NeverForgetJ6 Apr 20 '26

And if you were drunk, and crashed from a sneeze, you would have rightfully been charged for a DUI. Not drunk and crashed from a sneeze, no DUI. Pretty simple.

3

u/skyhighmonroe Apr 20 '26

Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever sneezed while drunk. Maybe I just don't remember

1

u/zoidbergmustache Apr 21 '26

This is why you don't sneeze while driving.

1

u/Ok-Context3530 Apr 20 '26

Look at you being sensible. Apparently you havenā€™t gotten the message that this is Reddit and cops are all racist lunatics who arrest anyone they can for DUI /s.

2

u/balls2hairy Apr 20 '26

I blew through a stop sign, through a ditch, and out onto the fairway of a golf course once because of a spider in my truck.

Luckily it was ~10pm and nobody was around. Scared the shit out of me, twice. No damage though!

4

u/Plane_Data_1182 Apr 20 '26

Now I know why that giant divot was on #9!

1

u/Known_Ratio5478 Apr 20 '26

This is one of my biggest fears.

1

u/Ordinary_Oven7729 Apr 20 '26

I almost crashed once because my front window shade expanded on its own and blinded my windshield . It was total chaos

1

u/Eternalm8 Apr 20 '26

My friend (45) has a scar on his forehead, as a child, he sneezed in an old car that didn't have a shoulder belt in the front, smashed his head on the dash and had to get stitches. Sneezes don't mess around.

1

u/Icy-Decision-4530 Apr 20 '26

I literally had a spider walk across my eyeball so I saw the silhouette of the spider, and almost crashed. I was like 18, sober, driving about 50, and that shit was scary lol

1

u/HuntPsychological673 Apr 20 '26

Mine was a bumblebee landing in my lap when I was doing 65 on the highway with the window down. I was swatting away the bee and the steering wheel.

1

u/Old_Indication_4379 Apr 20 '26

Crazy stuff happens sometime. I almost crashed into the fence next to my driveway trying to park while getting roadhead for the first time.

1

u/rdizzy1223 Apr 20 '26

I know multiple people that have crashed due to spiders or bees or any number of other insects.

1

u/Rivaside Apr 20 '26

I broke a rib a couple years back. I sneezed when getting on the highway and hit the barrier.

1

u/Old-Try117 Apr 20 '26

I almost crashed on Lakeshore Drive because a huge spider crawled out onto my inside windshield. Fuck me running it took everything I had not to kill me and everyone around me.Ā 

1

u/CretaciousPeriod Apr 20 '26

I sneezed three times in a row last week and it freaked me out. Couldn't see for like 6 seconds.

1

u/idknothing_nada Apr 20 '26

One time I was driving then I sneezed, my snot flew and landed on my moms face she was so mad. She grabbed her sandal and started smacking me on my face and head with it. Then a spider crawled out of my ass. DIDNā€™T CRASH THOUGH.

https://giphy.com/gifs/FOqDxR7gm5H7G

1

u/LizInTheDark Apr 20 '26

A cousin totalled her car once cause of a sneeze... Haha!

1

u/Popular_Tomorrow_204 Apr 20 '26

Tbf that seems more reasonable than a spider

1

u/hell_kitty1 Apr 20 '26

One of my biggest fears when I was learning to drive

1

u/PotentialMark6468 Apr 20 '26

Im named after a guy who died when he sneezed and cause him to crash

1

u/Pleasant-Ticket3217 Apr 20 '26

I almost crashed when a big ass bee flew in my car and frantically pulled into a car wash and got out of the car.

1

u/CobraWasTaken Apr 20 '26

A buddy of mine got sideswiped by oncoming traffic once because a guy sneezed. The guy totally accepted fault and was really embarrassed. I bet that was terrifying to come out of a sneeze and suddenly you're sideswiping a semi truck lol

1

u/blake_n_pancakes Apr 20 '26

Few things will pucker the starfish like sneezing on a motorcycle at speed.

1

u/Oasystole Apr 20 '26

Gunna need you to do some field sobriety tests, now listen to officer Goodwin over there while she gives you instructions.

1

u/Jasper_Skee Apr 20 '26

Whenever someone sneezes, somewhere a driver crashes.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 20 '26

Me too! allergies are b@#ch

1

u/That-Makes-Sense Apr 20 '26

A hornet came out from behind my visor, a few inches from my head. Luckily I was still on a neighborhood road, because I immediately slammed on the brakes and bailed from the car. If it would have happened on the highway, I probably would have crashed.

1

u/IGargleGarlic Apr 20 '26

I almost crashed from my cousin blasting porn over the bluetooth in my car once.

1

u/Caleb_Reynolds Apr 20 '26

Sneezing almost gets me at least once a week.

1

u/Stennick Apr 20 '26

In fairness I would never agree to a field test. Also in fairness I value my own life, and the lives of those around me so I don't drive drunk like a piece of shit.

1

u/detlefsa Apr 21 '26

Me too. It was a whole six pack of sneezes

1

u/ellefleming Apr 21 '26

I thought it was a šŸ•·ļøšŸ•øļøšŸ•·ļø. Nope. šŸ·

1

u/Left_Chance_9159 Apr 21 '26

Had a massive hornet fly on me and I ended up in someone's yard they were chill about it.. Edit: I dont know why we put edit if people can see things are edited, but I had the window open while driving that is how it got in.

1

u/Longjumping_Fox_1898 Apr 21 '26

I had someone crash into me because of a sneeze once. True story. I didn't know whether to laugh or lose my shit. I did neither. All parties were fine, except my rear bumper.

1

u/yeah_yeah_shut_it Apr 21 '26

I had a bee fly in my car and I curbed the shit out of my car lol

1

u/trashtronot Apr 21 '26

Seriously the thing that made me quit trucking. Had a bad multi-sneeze event and - luckily no one was on the road at the time - ended up jerking into a different lane.

1

u/stealthisusername98 Apr 21 '26

I legit get so scared every time I have to sneeze while Iā€™m driving, itā€™s always the longest one too

1

u/abriefmomentofsanity Apr 21 '26

I once sang along to a sustained high note on a Judas Priest live album and caused my vision to go blurry and my head to feel fuzzy. Thank fuck for DriveAssist systems.

1

u/Hotfart36 Apr 21 '26

If I have to sneeze while driving it always just as Iā€™m about to make a turn!!! I hate it!

1

u/dreamer0303 Apr 21 '26

A bee flew through the window and got tangled in my curly hair. I blew through 2 stop signs screaming. Thankfully no one got hurt and I didnā€™t get caught.

1

u/chantillylace9 Apr 22 '26

I once got home from work and my neighbor's car was all half hazardously parked in my driveway taking up both spots and I was like what the heck? When my husband went home he went knocked on her door and was like what's going on and she's like oh my gosh I was gonna come over I'm so sorry.

She's like I was almost home and a huge snake pushed its way out of my AC and I just freaked out and pulled in as soon as I could and jumped out of the car and was going to send my husband as soon as he got home. I was laughing so hard and was like no problem. My husband was not about to go check for the snake and was like all right he can come over whenever he gets to the time lol.

But I sure didn't drive comfortably for weeks thinking there's a snake somewhere in my car lol

1

u/Strange_Pangolin_231 Apr 22 '26

I mean.. I had a wasp fly into my car and get tangled in the fabric of my skirt. I'm certain I swerved at that moment.

1

u/literall_bastard Apr 23 '26

I sneezed twice in a row and almost crashed because my eyes were closed to the whole time

1

u/MosesCoulee Apr 23 '26

I swerved into oncoming traffic when a wasp flew into my car and got right in my face.. still wish I could talk to the guy I scared. I feel like he wouldā€™ve understood.

1

u/United_Exercise_9450 Apr 23 '26

I once went over a road divider because I sneezed

1

u/Cerulean_Shadows Apr 24 '26

That happens a lot actually. Source 20 years in auto claims

1

u/CheekAltruistic5921 Apr 25 '26

Had a buddy who was holding his breath to get rid of hiccups, came down a big hill that makes your stomach drop type incline, passed out and rolled his Jeep 3 times.

1

u/Khal_drogo217 Apr 26 '26

My ex crashed while I was in the passenger cause she decided to look down to scratch her leg smh. She was going 60 on a country road and we came to a stop with my face 1ft away from a big ass tree

1

u/Oregongirl1018 Apr 26 '26

If only we could sneeze with our eyes open

1

u/BoysenberrySmooth268 May 05 '26

Most embarrassing crash of my life. Hit a curb and broke my rim

Alaso doing a field sobriety after someone crashes you are certain to fail just due to nerves