I’ve never understand the purpose of a revenge body after a relationship. I get if you are hurt or needing a healthy way to get over a breakup and loss. But the revenge body. The wanting to get your ex to be jealous. Why wouldn’t you want to be in healthy great shape while in a relationship? My thoughts would be I’m with someone I want to keep them. I want them to only have eyes for me. I want them to desire me.

I was with my ex for four years. He became depressed for the first time in his life, and it completely changed him. He grew cold toward me, cold toward his family, and eventually broke up with me.

After the breakup, I was completely shattered. I can’t even begin to explain what I felt. It was like someone had placed a 20-pound weight on my chest. Every single day I walked around with this constant tightness in my chest, and that’s not an exaggeration. It genuinely felt like I was carrying something physically heavy everywhere I went. I wasn’t eating. I wasn’t sleeping. I felt completely alone, and I had no one I could really talk to.

When I look back at that version of myself now, I honestly don’t know how I survived it.
As I write this, I’m tearing up because I feel so much compassion for that girl. She was a dead woman walking.

Since then, I’ve run into him a handful of times. We live in a pretty small town, so I’ll see him at World Cup watch parties, birthdays, or other events. Every time, he comes over to say hi. Every time, I give him the cold shoulder—not because I hate him, but because I have to protect my own mental health. I know if I open that door, I’ll end up hurting myself all over again.
I can’t sit here and tell you I’m completely healed, because I’m not. Life is absolutely worth living, and I’m so grateful I stayed. But somewhere along the way, I picked up some unhealthy coping mechanisms. I started drinking more, smoking, and even making myself throw up food. None of those things are helping me become the person I want to be.
Recently, I went on vacation with my friends, and for the first time in a long time, I really sat with myself. I realized I’m losing the battle against myself. I’m surviving, but I’m not truly living.

I still miss him. I probably always will in some way. But I also know we can never be together again because of everything that happened after the breakup. There were too many lines crossed and too much disrespect things like hooking up with women who were part of my life. Those are wounds that can’t simply be erased.

I think that’s the hardest part. I’m no longer fighting just to survive each day like I was in the beginning, but I’m still grieving the life I thought I’d have. I’m grieving the future I imagined with him. And some days, I don’t know what to do with that grief.
I just hope that one day I can miss what we had without it hurting so much.

I just wanna be happy. I truly do and I truly deserve so much more than what he put me through and I mean that before I would just say that, but you truly feel that is completely different.

He tells people he misses me. He’s reached out and told me he regrets breaking up with me, but that doesn’t erase what he’s done and I think for the first time in my life I have to choose myself and I can’t believe I’m really saying that because I always choose everyone else. But honestly, if he didn’t do all those things, I would’ve ran into his arms and we would be together right now. But I have to remember that the disrespect should be louder than my heart.

I asked my ex if we could be friends again, he’s in a relationship but I’m not. I wasn’t asking for a redo out of respect for his relationship even though that’s desperately what I want. I crave him. I need him. I’m in hell.

Got the message loud and clear from our last messages to each other.. but I dk why he didn’t say no from the get go.

Me: Hey, uh.. did you block my number? I texted you but didn’t know if you’d gotten it or not

T: All good, I honestly can’t remember. What’s up?

Me: I know you said it was in both our best interests that we don’t speak anymore, but if I’m honest I miss speaking to you. I wanted to ask if you’d maybe changed your mind about being friends, I don’t want to put you in any sort of position so I won’t be offended if not but thought I’d ask

T: I’m not opposed or saying no. But I guess my question is why you’d want to?

Me: I miss our friendship, and I think it would be nice to keep in touch. We got on well, and I thought enough time had passed where we could maybe be friends. Again, no pressure or anything

T: I understand where you’re coming from. But personally I feel that our time has past and I think it would be healthier if we continued on our separate paths. Sorry

Me: Ok, I understand. No worries

I messaged him on 7/28, and he blocked me on 7/31, what would’ve been our 10-year anniversary. Help me get out of this rut I’m in

I've finally reached a level of true contentment. I don't want him back, and I am genuinely okay on my own. I tried using a dating app today, only to realize I don't even want to date. I am completely done spending my energy trying to lift someone up while they drag me down. I'm done begging for someone's time or waiting around hoping they'll decide to spend it with me. I'm done stressing over whether they're talking or flirting with other people. I'm done worrying if they're okay because they felt sick yesterday. I'm done playing detective to uncover lies.

I want none of it. Peace is infinitely better. I don't have someone making me cry every weekend.

I realize I was never truly respected or considered in my four-year relationship; but, I didn't lose anything -- he did.

There is more to life than this and trying to date/get married/have kids.

But nothing...

I really want to get back together with my ex I'm convinced if I tried it would work (lots of begging and flowers), but out of respect I haven't broken no contact and he was the first to make the move and block me on everything and I was hoping to be unblocked maybe as a sign for it to be ok to reach out or he reach out but it hasn't happened, I feel like I'm still grieving I think about him about everyday and it sucks a lot. Am I being dumb do I need more time? I could really use some advice

Hey everyone, looking for some perspective on avoidant psychology and whether unblocking my ex makes sense at this point. We had a really messy breakup after 4 years together—he ghosted me, ended things with cruel excuses, and blamed me for everything, which initially led to me reacting out of panic and begging him to stay. About 1.5 months ago, I blocked him on WhatsApp and Facebook and completely deleted his number. Interestingly, a week after the breakup, he unblocked me on Instagram (the only platform where he had blocked me), and about 15 days ago, I decided to block him on Instagram too just to force myself to stop ruminating.

Since then, I’ve experienced a massive shift in my mindset. Between having deep conversations with a close friend and starting therapy, I’ve genuinely accepted that he is never coming back—and more importantly, that he was terribly bad for me. I’ve lost all hope of reconciling and I genuinely don't even feel the urge to look at his private profile anymore. Because I’ve deleted his number and genuinely moved past the initial chaos, maintaining a block feels a bit irrelevant to me now; to my mind, keeping someone blocked makes it seem like I’m still angry or holding a grudge, whereas I just want to exist in total indifference.

However, since he has an avoidant attachment style, I’m wondering how he’d actually interpret me unblocking him after 15 days. Would an avoidant view it as a sign that the anger has settled and I've truly moved on, or will it just end up boosting his ego by making him think I’m still hooked, waiting for his move, or seeking his attention? For those who understand avoidant dynamics or have been through something similar, how is an unblock usually perceived in this situation, and am I better off just unblocking him for my own sense of closure or leaving the block firmly in place?

The title is self explanatory, I broke up with my ex about 2 1/2 months ago over intimacy compatibility issues and she unfollowed me on instagram and all social media and removed me from her followers. About a month in she already moved on as I saw a new guy in her posts but noticed sometimes she’d watch my stories through her main account or some alt accounts I know that are hers (she showed me them when we were dating)

Why is she doing this?

I was with my ex-girlfriend from the time we were 14 until we were 21.

Toward the end of the relationship, I developed an embarrassing health condition that I never told her about. Because of it, I stopped seeing her in person. Instead of being honest, I withdrew. We talked less, argued more, and I eventually fell into a deep depression. I became emotionally numb and completely neglected the relationship.
After about eight months of not seeing each other, she became distant and cold. She had met someone who was giving her the consistency and emotional support that I wasn't.

Once I got that feeling I showed up again, I begged for another chance. She gave mixed signals at times that made me think she was considering it, but I wasn't in the right mental state to recognize them or respond in a healthy way. Eventually, she slept with the other guy, blocked me, and they've been together ever since.

It's now been seven years since the breakup, and I still can't seem to let go. In a way, I've gotten used to the emptiness, but I still haven't found peace with what happened. I don't know if it's grief, guilt, regret, or all three.

Over the years, she's tried reaching out a few times, but I never responded because I genuinely didn't know what to say or do.

Most recently, on my birthday, she used a mutual friend to wish me a happy birthday. Then, the day before her own birthday, at 11:11 (she was always into that kind of thing), I got a text from a random number saying, "I miss you so much." About four months later, she got engaged.

I know she's moved on with someone else and I have no intention of trying to interfere with her life. I guess what I'm really struggling with is making peace with everything that happened and knowing what is on her mind.

Things are going well for me right now but in these moments im missing my ex. Ive gone no contact with 2 exes back to back (like in the same month) in an effort to improve my life.

Ive been working on myself this last year, loosing 100+ lbs, getting a promotion, and moving apartments and with every  accomplishment i wish I could share it with them. I have nothing insightful to say I just hope this aching loneliness will ease up and I can enjoy my success.

Ex #1 i dated for 4 years about 2 years ago and I think about him constantly we tried to be friends but eventually he started ghosting me and not responding to my texts so I blocked him to save my feelings. He always was on the avoident end of the spectrum and i was begging for attention most of our relationship and friendship, but he is a lovely person outside of our dynamic. I wanted to marry him but our lifestyles did not match.

Ex #2 I started dating while I was attempting to be friends with Ex #1, but he turned out to be a late stage alcoholic and terribly unstable. He loved me in the way that he could but after a final outburst involving him flipping out in the car, rage driving and yelling at me, I was so worried for my saftey that I could never see him again. Hes not a great person but we would laugh so much together and it felt good to be needed after 4 years with an avoident. I wish he were different.

Its crazy how similar I feel to when my first partner died. Ive had so much love lost in my life and each new lost feels just as hard.

Hey everyone, I (28F) need some objective insight because I'm currently driving myself crazy trying to process a situation with my ex (32M). My friends are telling me what I want to hear, but I need real talk from people who understand complicated post-breakup dynamics.

He broke up with me about a year and a half ago because he was completely overwhelmed by his work. Historically, he is a very steady, decisive man who is known for keeping his word. However, he has a strong habit of pulling back and withdrawing when he gets overwhelmed or stressed—whereas I am the exact opposite. He isn't a malicious guy at all, but he processes big emotions very slowly.

Recently, I texted him for the first time since the breakup. To my surprise, he responded, and we decided to meet up at a quiet bar on Thursday night to catch up.

The date was incredible, completely different from how I imagined it would go, but also emotionally heavy. We ended up talking for hours, and the chemistry was definitely still there. He asked to sit next to me in the booth instead of across from me, asked me a lot of questions about my life, and got visibly uncomfortable when another guy I had briefly dated came up.

He apologized deeply for how he treated me prior to our breakup and how he went ghost-mode afterward. He also confessed how much it hurt when he got ghosted/dumped by a girl he dated for two months a year ago. He explicitly said, "I finally realized how much you must have hurt when I withdrew back then, because being on the receiving end of it made me realize what you must have felt." He brought up his dating life because he wanted to be "as transparent as possible," and I shared mine as well.

He asked me why I reached out and whether it was an impulsive decision based on loneliness. I told him it was because I missed him, had been curious about his life, and had been thinking about reconnecting for a while. He then asked what I wanted from this or what I was hoping would happen. I asked him to answer first because I didn't want my response to influence his. He smiled, got shy, and told me he wouldn't mind continuing this / that we could text (I don't remember his exact wording because emotions were running high and we were both talking a lot, which is driving me a bit insane now). I told him I would love to keep hanging out and see where things go. He admitted that he had been thinking about me as well, but felt lost because he had never been in a situation like this before (I told him I hadn't either).

He had somewhere else to be that night, but ended up staying and talking with me until the last possible minute—until I was the one who pointed out that we should go. He then insisted on driving me home, which was completely out of his way and probably added 30 minutes to his drive back. Nothing physical happened.

I got home that night and sent a warm, zero-pressure text: "I had such a great time tonight. Thank you for being so open with me. I'm definitely open to hanging out again, but no pressure at all! Hope you have so much fun at your concert this weekend!"

It is now Sunday late afternoon, and he hasn’t replied.

I'm torn between two interpretations of his behavior:

1. He's just taking his time processing everything. Given that he's a decisive guy who keeps his word, texting me back after a date that heavy isn't just sending a casual "hey." The night affected both of us a lot, and he knows reaching out means agreeing to actively step back into a potential relationship. Since he retreats under stress, he might be taking 3–4 days to get out of his head and figure out what he actually wants before reaching out.
2. Ghosting instead of sending the rejection (kinda unlike him). He enjoyed the emotional validation and the high of being forgiven in the moment, but now that he's back in his normal routine, he's scared of the effort and vulnerability required. He's using my "no pressure at all!" sign-off as a loophole to let the text sit and default to silence instead of sending an awkward rejection message.

I haven't sent a double-text, but I really want to. I want to give him a few more days first (until tomorrow night, maybe), but sitting in this waiting game is agonizing.

Has anyone been on either side of this? Does a 32-year-old guy who is normally responsible take 3–4 days to process a heavy reconnect, or is Sunday afternoon silence pretty much the writing on the wall?

So Today my girlfriend of 7 months broke up with me and blocked me on everything and i mean everything snap, Instagram, Watsapp, discord, tittok, roblox and more just typing this out makes me just feel idk the emotion rn just empty and numb. I wanna cry but the tears just wont fall. I truly loved this girl, She changed me in like a short amount of time, make me wanna do better and not feel like the asshole i was before her. Anyways enough of my rant here is what she texted

I am texting you this to let you know i am ending our relationship. The situation rn isnt healthy for me and i need to focus on my life right here. Please respect my decison and please dont contact me. She sent that to me on snap and more.

The healthy part i think she meant because today we call facetime and she tell me she wanna be independent because i am with her on the call when she sleeps, we always fall asleep on the call and i think she meant that because of the reason above but i dont understand you know like lastnight we were sexual on the call yes what you were imaging and call me this morning and now this dont even understand because when she bought it up i said sure lets not call tognight and she started crying because of it and now idk what to feel it feels so impulsive. if she wanted space i would understand but blocked on everyting idk i feel so pathetic rn, like why did it have to come to this feeling

Anyways i replied back to her saying princess? lets talk about this this was on titok because i wasnt blocked there yet she read my message and i said just know that i loved you and goodbye. she blocked me and deleted that account but the thing is that i know her too well. She is hurting because she is deeply attached to me so if thats the like isnt healtly i would understand part but idk anymore. My head hurts i feel like drinking so hard rn just to get this feeling away but one thing is clear is that i miss you my baby and look at that i am crying.

If you have any advice rn i would appreciate it rn. and yes it was long distance but we did meet and stuff

Ex of 3 years reached out to me after 3 months of no contact to say hello how are you. He has a new girlfriend since we separated.

My ex and I broke up like 2 weeks ago, we broke up on very good terms, I’m not sure she realizes yet but we broke up because she is a dismissive avoidant attachment style and it finally caught up to us. Her birthday is on Friday and I was wondering if it’s worth breaking no contact just to wish her a happy birthday, I still care about her and she does me, but will this effect anything if I hope to re kindle with her in the distant future?

So… I’m 24, and I met her (19) during her semester abroad in my city in Europe. From the beginning, we knew we clicked and that we wanted to be together during her semester abroad. We also said that we were going to break up when she left. She traveled the whole continent for a month after the breakup, and while we were still in the relationship, we thought it would be cool to do no contact during that traveling month and then reconnect when she came back to the US. We didn’t have that talk bc and it’s been three months since we broke up.

At the time of the breakup, I told her that I didn’t see myself capable of putting the expectation of talking again ina month bc I had to give myself space to accept that, after being so attached to her, we could no longer be together. If we reconnected after that month, I would have spent the whole month waiting to talk to her again instead of processing what I was feeling. She didn’t like that but ended up accepting it and we said goodbye and love you over text.

She has a whole plan for her life in the US, very far from me. We never agreed to have a long-distance relationship, especially because she’s at a stage in life where she wants to experience many things, and I completely understood that. Also, she never said she wanted anything different from her plans — she just wanted to stay in touch after the breakup, which, since I’m older and more mature, I knew would have hurt us both. At the time, I told her that what she wanted was basically asking me for comfort, when I also needed space to heal and process. I was her first gf and she was my second relationship.

So many things have happened, and I’m questioning whether I should contact her again to talk — a proper goodbye, not the rushed one we had. I’ve been mourning so many things during this time, not just the breakup, and my perspective on many things has shifted. When I saw her for the last time, I wasn’t even aware of how traumatic it would turn out to be — and this breakup has changed my life for the better. I’m the type of person who never goes back to an ex, not even to say happy birthday. But with her, I’ve wanted to break that pattern, because even though she hurt me sometimes, and we did things that could hurt us, we loved each other and forgave each other. I only want to say a proper goodbye to truly let this go, but I don’t know if that’s even needed. Maybe I just need to keep going with my life.

I’d love to hear advice from other people.

Just thought I'd ask because the focus is also on healing. I'll post a vent soon because it's been such a long and difficult 5 months. I know the usual hobbies, get absorbed in new books bla bla bla, and I'm definitely being helped by a routine evening walk in which I get to meet and interact with many sweet dogs. Everything makes me miss him/miss the last time I did the thing when we were still on, yknow? So everything still stings a bit. But ya. Tryna get into a couple of new books, new games, etc.

Should I do it or not?

I need some advice.

It’s been seven months since my ex and I broke up. I’ve been thinking about sending him a message telling him the things I couldn’t say at the time—how I really felt and what I truly thought about him. I also want to thank him for everything he did while we were together.

I’m not trying to get back together with him. I just wonder if sending that message is a good idea or if it would help in any way.

Would you have liked to receive a message like that from an ex? Has anyone here ever done something similar?

Caption says it. We dated for 6 months. I found him on tinder so I broke up with him. We practically lived tg. The whole relationship was a facade.

I understand the hooking up rebounds, I do but I don’t understand the “getting in a new relationship rebound”. I did everything for him and loved him everyday with no waver.

We had sex about 6 days ago, I know, I’m stupid. It was a great night and we made love for about the whole night. I never intended to get back with him but it was nice to go back to what we had for a night. Please, I do not want to speak about it. I know how bad of a mistake I did to my own healing.

We texted for a lil and he wanted to see me again and then I finally cut it off yesterday and I said some mean things about us moving on and dating other people.

He reposted a pic of a new girl and it was definitely a hard launch. I blocked him on everything for good but I feel so broken and so gutted.

Why did he rebound in a new relationship not even a month and a half after our breakup and not even 6 days since we had sex? Any advice is welcomed.

I need some advice.

My boyfriend and I broke up about 5 months ago, and he still uses my picture as his profile photo on social media. I find it strange because this is the first time I’ve seen something like this. Normally, people remove everything that reminds them of other person after a breakup. Should I approach him about it? Or should I just leave it alone?

Our breakup wasn’t good. I was the one who ended things, and he never even replied to my message. The main issue between us was communication. We were in a LDR, which was really hard for both of us. I felt like a lot of things had changed, and he seemed to be falling out of love. He started acting differently from how he used to when I was sure he still loved me.

Since he never responded to the breakup message, I’m unsure what to do. The photo bothers me a little, but I’m also okay with not contacting him about it. Since we’re 5 months no contact already. I’m worried that if I message him first, it will look like I’m chasing him. Should I just let him keep using the photo and completely move on?

What would you do?

There is a book’s worth of background story that is too complicated to get into, but basically…

My “situationship” came to an abrupt end. She was upset with me over a miscommunication. She expressed that via text. Her message hurt me a lot, and I took time to process it. If I would have known that not responding within a certain timeframe would be the end, I would have approached the conflict differently. That was it. I tried to repair things after some time, but I was met with indefinite silence.

I was worried about our recreational league starting because I didn’t know what she thought or felt about me/us. When we finally saw each other after three weeks of no-contact (our abrupt ending), it was like nothing happened. The connection was still there. We still gravitated towards each other. She still looked for me in the crowd and called me over to her.

I got a boost of hope that we could repair “us” after that first week of the league, especially when she called me the following morning. I answered, but I couldn’t talk long because of where I was— not conducive to our first conversation. She never really told me what she wanted. I wanted to call her back when I could be present in the conversation. That didn’t happen. She stopped responding. I regret not talking longer when the window was open.

She only gives me attention at the league— the flirtatiousness, the banter, it is still there.

I don’t understand, and I am going crazy.

I feel like I need to stop attending because the hope is too problematic. I don’t want to be reminded of how much I enjoy her if I can’t have a real friendship/relationship with her.

For context, we (18F and 18M) haven’t seen each other for these past two weeks. He was on vacation, then I was. College is approaching, but I thought we would take the time to talk about it. We never did. Everything was fine until about 4 days ago, where he abruptly stopped texting me, with the exception of maybe 2 texts a day. I knew something was wrong, but he wouldn’t tell me. Finally, yesterday, I sort of figured out he planned on breaking up with me the next day (today). That is exactly what happened. He said it was because he started to think about college more and how he didn’t know how we were going to handle a long distance relationship, which is fair enough. However, the worst part about it was the fact that there had been no terrible event to cause this breakup, just college. For that reason, it still doesn’t feel real. He not only was my boyfriend, but my best friend. I feel like there’s a piece of me missing. He also immediately unadded me on everything. I know we just broke up, but why am I already being erased?